Thanksgiving Fighting Words

[Clint Yeastwood]

1. Pumpkin pie is obligation pie; we eat it because we think we have to. People only ask for it because their moms used to make it. Sweet potato pie is the same thing, with a much-better-tasting vegetable. Only losers eat pumpkin pie. No offense. Losers.

2. A fried turkey is the mark of a gullible cook. All turkeys should be boned and stuffed. Turkeys should be roasted at temperatures no higher than 250. All who disagree must be put against the wall.

3. Champagne goes better with turkey than beer. Yeah, I said it.

Post your misguided responses below so they can be ridiculed.

Happy Thanksgiving.

 

[day_trippr]

 

[DBhomebrew]

Post your misguided responses below

In the spirit of the invitation...

For someone with such a history of ignoring their own threads when the honest, well-meaning challenges come, you sure do like to throw sh*t.

 

[Clint Yeastwood]

Well, this subforum is not nearly as much fun as I had hoped.

 

[IslandLizard]

Well, this subforum is not nearly as much fun as I had hoped.

Maybe because you're not leaving much choice?

 

[Clint Yeastwood]

I've always thought it was funny how people, including myself, were so opinionated about Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I thought I'd invite people to throw down and have some fun at their own expense during the interminable wait for the turkey to come out.

Apparently, turkey doctrine is a far more sensitive topic than I realized, even in a forum labeled "Drunken Ramblings & Mindless Mumbling." Big surprise to me.

No offense intended. I'm having a great Thanksgiving, and I hope everyone else is, too.

 

[FloppyKnockers]

1. Pumpkin pie is obligation pie; we eat it because we think we have to. People only ask for it because their moms used to make it. Sweet potato pie is the same thing, with a much-better-tasting vegetable. Only losers eat pumpkin pie. No offense. Losers.

2. A fried turkey is the mark of a gullible cook. All turkeys should be boned and stuffed. Turkeys should be roasted at temperatures no higher than 250. All who disagree must be put against the wall.

3. Champagne goes better with turkey than beer. Yeah, I said it.

Post your misguided responses below so they can be ridiculed.

Happy Thanksgiving.

1. I know you are, but what am I? Pumpkin pie FTW.
2. I see your roasted turkey and raise you a smoked rotisserie bird. Go ahead and cry your jealous tears. It will only add sweetness to the brine.
3. Did your wife tell you to say that? Sounds like something your wife told you to say.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too!

 

[huckdavidson]

If your water has high iron content but only after a power outage don't brine your turkey with it unless you test it first using reliable multi compound test strips.

 

[gunhaus]

Pumpkin pie IS a food group. Turkey and cranberry should be removed from the food chain. Turkey is a terrible tasting holiday obligation protein. There is a reason it is not consumed year round by most people. If it tasted good they would eat it like chicken

 

[IslandLizard]

I've always thought it was funny how people, including myself, were so opinionated about Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I thought I'd invite people to throw down and have some fun at their own expense during the interminable wait for the turkey to come out.

It's still early, not everyone has had enough chance to drink champagne beer yet. They may still be deliberating whether to slow roast, fast roast, smoke, or fry the darn bird!

Earlier we enjoyed a thick slice of pumpkin roll with our coffee, yummy!
There's no equivalent of that with sweet potatoes.

And of course, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

 

[Deric]

1. Pumpkin pie is obligation pie; we eat it because we think we have to. People only ask for it because their moms used to make it. Sweet potato pie is the same thing, with a much-better-tasting vegetable. Only losers eat pumpkin pie. No offense. Losers.

2. A fried turkey is the mark of a gullible cook. All turkeys should be boned and stuffed. Turkeys should be roasted at temperatures no higher than 250. All who disagree must be put against the wall.

3. Champagne goes better with turkey than beer. Yeah, I said it.

Post your misguided responses below so they can be ridiculed.

Happy Thanksgiving.

1. No offense taken. Pumpkin pie is the only pie I actually like. Pumpkin beers and pumpkin spice lattes are a different story. Nobody should like those...

2. We're smoking a turkey breast only. Probably blasphemy to the smoking crowd but doing it on the Weber instead of a proper smoker. Also... I'm barely man enough to admit my wife is the BBQ/Smoker of the house.

3. Uhhhh...... Champagne is never better than beer. Hell, I'd take the Champagne of Beers over Champagne given the choice.

H. F. T. !!!!! Gobble gobble and all that.

 

[BrewZer]

1. Pumpkin pie is obligation pie; we eat it because we think we have to. People only ask for it because their moms used to make it. Sweet potato pie is the same thing, with a much-better-tasting vegetable. Only losers eat pumpkin pie. No offense. Losers.

2. A fried turkey is the mark of a gullible cook. All turkeys should be boned and stuffed. Turkeys should be roasted at temperatures no higher than 250. All who disagree must be put against the wall.

3. Champagne goes better with turkey than beer. Yeah, I said it.

Post your misguided responses below so they can be ridiculed.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Well, I haven't had my celebratory beer yet, but my response is, quite simply, "Stuff it!"

And to everybody else: Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we will diet.

 

[DBhomebrew]

Your wife/mom clearly can't make a decent pumpkin pie.

Deboned turkey? Please. Spatchcock and grill. 300-325°. Anything less, you get get rubbery skin. Or do you remove that too? Might as well get boneless skinless chicken thighs.

I'm with you with the white wine with dinner, but not champagne. Something dry with a little acid to cut through the fats on the plate.

Whole turkey on the Weber. All the parts from butterflying got slow-braised into a stock last night for the gravy.

 

[BrewZer]

Your wife/mom clearly can't make a decent pumpkin pie.

Deboned turkey? Please. Spatchcock and grill. 300-325°. Anything less, you get get rubbery skin. Or do you remove that too? Might as well get boneless skinless chicken thighs.

I'm with you with the white wine with dinner, but not champagne. Something dry with a little acid to cut through the fats on the plate.

Whole turkey on the Weber. All the parts from butterflying got slow-braised into a stock last night for the gravy.

View attachment 834610

Yup... indirect heat, drip pan -- very nice!

 

[DBhomebrew]

indirect heat

Smokenator!

 

[Deric]

Your wife/mom clearly can't make a decent pumpkin pie.

This...

 

[DBhomebrew]

Seems like OP might've unfollowed this thread.

 

[day_trippr]

Someone say "spatchcock"?

House smells amazing. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Cheers!

 

[Broken Crow]

1. I love me a good from-scratch pumpkin pie.
2. I prefer ham to turkey.
3. My equivalent-to-stepfather always has a marvellous locally made Scotch Ale ( Rob Roy Scotch Ale - Walkerville Brewery - Untappd ) that goes with everything in my opinion.
4. I'm in Canada, and our families are just slowly getting back on speaking terms for X-mas because we already had Thanksgiving.

 

[Clint Yeastwood]

Seems like OP might've unfollowed this thread.

No, I just thought it had gone over poorly, in the sense that I might be the subject of a fatwa.

 

[Clint Yeastwood]

Your wife/mom clearly can't make a decent pumpkin pie.

Deboned turkey? Please. Spatchcock and grill. 300-325°. Anything less, you get get rubbery skin. Or do you remove that too? Might as well get boneless skinless chicken thighs.

I'm with you with the white wine with dinner, but not champagne. Something dry with a little acid to cut through the fats on the plate.

Whole turkey on the Weber. All the parts from butterflying got slow-braised into a stock last night for the gravy.

My wife says she will meet you at the dojo of your choice.

Regarding your turkey, all I can say is that I unclog my nose in your direction, son of a window-dresser.

 

[Clint Yeastwood]

Well, I haven't had my celebratory beer yet, but my response is, quite simply, "Stuff it!"

And to everybody else: Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we will diet.

Right back at you.

 

[DBhomebrew]

My wife says she will meet you at the dojo of your choice.

Your wife knows I'm not the one who announced to the world that eating her pie is an obligation!

 

[Clint Yeastwood]

I made the pie. She just loves MMA.

 

[redrocker652002]

Hate Pumpkin Pie, so no thanks.

In my Italian grandparents house, the fare of the day went sort of like this: Manhattan's (many at times) for a pre dinner drink, followed by Antipasto (usually Salami, cheese and pepperoncini). Then for the first course, homemade Ravioli stuffed by my grandmother, fresh baked sour dough bread and copious amounts of red wine (typically Gallo with the litte finger hole in it, LOL). That was followed by breaded steak and fried with tomato sauce and garlic (when have you knows the Guido's not to use garlic in damn near everything, LOL), battered and fried zucchini and salad. If, at that point you could push yourself to eat anything else, we used to have some sort of desert, usually biscotti to go with the coffee. After that was the obligatory Lawrence Welk show and Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom (My grandfather was a cowboy and love that nature crap). If the kids were good, we got to watch Wonderful World of Disney. LOL. Oh the good old days.

 

[day_trippr]

So much awesome! The Spousal Unit totally killed it this year!

Cheers!

 

[Airborneguy]

5. (Is it 5?) If you are headed to a relative’s house with the intention of completing the challenge of an article titled “How to talk to your FILL IN THE BLANK uncle at Thanksgiving…”, turn around and drive home because you’re the *******.

 

[InspectorJon]

I'll just say...Pumpkin Cheesecake.

 

[Dland]

1. Pumpkin pie is obligation pie; we eat it because we think we have to. People only ask for it because their moms used to make it. Sweet potato pie is the same thing, with a much-better-tasting vegetable. Only losers eat pumpkin pie. No offense. Losers.

2. A fried turkey is the mark of a gullible cook. All turkeys should be boned and stuffed. Turkeys should be roasted at temperatures no higher than 250. All who disagree must be put against the wall.

3. Champagne goes better with turkey than beer. Yeah, I said it.

Post your misguided responses below so they can be ridiculed.

Happy Thanksgiving.

1. Don't eat much sweets as I'd rather have beer. In any case, most pies are improved with whipped cream, the real kind, & not too sweet.
I like yams too, possibly better than squash. I made both for today, probably eat the buttery yams and make the all the leftover squash into a pie, a light custard, maybe use palm sugar to make it special.

2. I roasted a 6+# home grown roaster(chicken) today. Turkey is good too, but did not raise any lately,(or ever). Cooked so much stuff over the years in many ways, usually came out good to excellent. Show me where the wall is, I'll visit when I got to pee.

3. To each his own, as they say. If you ever come to visit, have a prosecco w my wife, maybe she'll like you better than me.. [;

Enjoy a semi articulate response.

Happy thanksgiving!

 

[Closet Fermenter]

I love me some sweet potato pie; just picked up a 40# box of sweet potatoes on sale! I eat pumpkin pie, too, but pumpkin just doesn’t have the flavor that sweet potatoes do, so your spices have to make up the difference.
Give this a try sometime; add pumpkin to any of your tomato based recipes. I add pumpkin to spaghetti sauce and to my chili. Anyone who isn’t told will never know it’s there, but it balances the acidity/tangness of the tomatoes and adds just a touch of sweetness. Note; I’m not a fan of “sweet” (unless we’re talking about women). No sugar in coffee, tea, cornbread and no sodas, so I am talking just a trace here.

 

[Rish]

1. Pumpkin pie is obligation pie; we eat it because we think we have to. People only ask for it because their moms used to make it. Sweet potato pie is the same thing, with a much-better-tasting vegetable. Only losers eat pumpkin pie. No offense. Losers.

2. A fried turkey is the mark of a gullible cook. All turkeys should be boned and stuffed. Turkeys should be roasted at temperatures no higher than 250. All who disagree must be put against the wall.

3. Champagne goes better with turkey than beer. Yeah, I said it.

Post your misguided responses below so they can be ridiculed.

Happy Thanksgiving.

1. Pecan pie (puh-cahn, not pee-can (that's what was under the bed at Granddaddy's so we didn't have to go to the outhouse in the middle of the night)) beats the heck out of pumpkin or sweet potato. No cinnamon, nutmeg, clove or other "holiday" spices.
2. Spatchcock that bird and roast it at 425°F until 155°F. Crispy skin and moist, tender meat!
3. Never tried Champagne with turkey but since you're wrong on everything else, I'll stick with beer.

Happy Thanksgiving all!

 

[FloppyKnockers]

19#er done on the rotisserie. It went well especially with the beer and pumpkin pie for dessert. I cut the wings off before cooking. They get fried and tossed for the 49ers game.

I call them BuffalOHMYGOD wings.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

1. Pecan pie (puh-cahn, not pee-can (that's what was under the bed

I never could get into saying puh-cahn, nor pee-can either. (I remember the can under grandpa’s bed!) Where I am from from, we married the two and said pee-cahn, (equal emphasis on both syllables).

 

[Clint Yeastwood]

I made one sweet potato pie and one pecan. If it weren't for tradition, I would have stuck with pecan.

Has anyone here tried adding cornstarch to pecan pie? I would like to make mine a little firmer.

 

[Clint Yeastwood]

5. (Is it 5?) If you are headed to a relative’s house with the intention of completing the challenge of an article titled “How to talk to your FILL IN THE BLANK uncle at Thanksgiving…”, turn around and drive home because you’re the *******.

My oldest friend's son married a vegan with various other quirks. He walks on eggs around them all the time. Leaves the room to take calls from normal people. He's a walking trigger for all their crazy neuroses. Everything he says or does is wrong. They're always happy to take his money, though, even though they earn more than he does.

He's spending Thanksgiving with the other son. Great guy. Respectful. Not narcissistic or fragile.

I don't even know what vegans ate today.

My family is highly dysfunctional, but it never occurred to any of us to fight on holidays.

My dad's freeloader brother-in-law once came to spend Christmas, knowing he had norovirus. I would have preferred arguments.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

My mother-in-law’s family liked to argue for sport after a holiday meal. Everything was fine and cordial while eating, but afterwards, you knew what was coming. It was never anything really serious or consequential, but one of them, (usually the peculiar uncle) would make a statement to push someone’s button. Then it was a back and forth, over and over; never loud or heated, no one gaining nor conceding ground. The whole point was just to be the one who got the last word. In other words, everyone just kept saying the same things over and over until everyone else got tired and would no longer respond. It was the most bizarre thing I ever saw. All but one of the uncles have passed on now, so we don’t have that to endure anymore. Now THAT’S something to be thankful for!

 

[Clint Yeastwood]

My sister and her sweater-wearing unhousetrained Maltese made Christmas hell for a bunch of us one year, but it doesn't count, because she makes life hell for other people nearly every day.

 

[FloppyKnockers]

Turkey, stuffing, and potatoes pairs extremely well with beer, sarcasm, and dissociation. I fuggin' love the holidays.

 

[Rish]

He walks on eggs around them all the time.

I hear that's a good way to piss off vegans!

 

[FloppyKnockers]

I hear that's a good way to piss off vegans!

I'm doing my part... I only eat vegetarian animals.