Stupid Joke Thread!

[JonM]

What did you get to eat? I'd have gotten a Polish Sausage covered with kraut and later some prune or potato pierogies.

For you Non-Polskies - Pierogies are the Mexican version of empanadas or small version of the Italian calzones.

Unfortunately, didn't go this year. SWMBO is German and I am all Scandinavian. We love German Fest, but the closest Syttende Mai Fest is too damn far. However, I do know the best kielbasa maker in town - a genuine bona fide Pole who makes the finest Polish and Hungarian sausage ever ....

http://www.eurosausage.com/Pages/default.aspx

 

[Schlenkerla]

Unfortunately, didn't go this year. SWMBO is German and I am all Scandinavian. We love German Fest, but the closest Syttende Mai Fest is too damn far. However, I do know the best kielbasa maker in town - a genuine bona fide Pole who makes the finest Polish and Hungarian sausage ever ....

http://www.eurosausage.com/Pages/default.aspx

That's awesome, I love in-your-face garlic of traditional Polish Sausage!

Germans and Poles love their beer, sausage, kraut, beer, smoked pork, smoked beer, and ........kuchen.... after they are done drinking.

My mother used to bake Polish Sausage at 325F about for 30 - 45 minutes until you could smell it, then cover it with foil and bake it for the balance of ~60 minutes.

Just to get an idea of how serious we were about Polish Sausage, we used to have "it" for Thanksgiving, Xmas, and Easter.

Polish sausage in place of Turkey on thanksgiving. (Dad hated Turkey)

Polish Sausage and Roast Beast for Xmas. (My Irish wife says the Beast was too done for her...hence the beast (beef) comment.)

Polish Sausage and Ham for Easter.

So, Polish Sausage was for special occasions like Thanksgiving, Xmas and Easter. That wasn't special enough throw in;. Advent, Palm Sunday, New Year's, and Sunday!

My Birthday for one.... LOL

It's like that Greek Family Wedding thing....

At least I do like Polish Sausage, Keilbasa, Kabanos, and Knockwurst!

Why not just throw in Poppyseed Bundt Cake too. That was my birthday cake for 45 years...

 

[Schlenkerla]

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

 

[Schlenkerla]

Know what a 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

 

[soccerdad]

What's the square root of 69?

8 something

 

[GrogNerd]

Why is 77 better?

You get 8 more

 

[Brewenstein]

Why was 6 afraid of 7?










Because....







7 8 9

 

[GrogNerd]

what do you do to an elephant with 3 balls?






walk him & pitch to the rhino

 

[GrogNerd]

it's the old west and the stranger rides into town, up to the saloon, gets off his horse, hitches the horse, walks into the saloon, up to the bar and orders a drink

whole time he notices there's no women in the town, so he asks the saloonkeeper

saloonkeeper says, "well, they herd sheep around here, so they treat sheep like women."

stranger thinks it's weird, but he's... ya know... anxious. he's been out riding for weeks. so he goes out to the pastures, finds a herd, grabs one of the sheep, takes it into town to the store, buys it a dress, puts the dress on the sheep, takes it to the saloon, props it up on a stool and orders drinks for the both of them

EVERYONE in the town looks at him like he's crazy. which confuses the stranger, so he asks the saloonkeeper, "hey! why is everyone in town looking at me like I'm crazy? you said they treat sheep like women, that's what I'm doing"

saloonkeeper replies, "I know what I said, but that's the sheriff's girl!"

 

[beerinthebloodco]

What is fuzzy, green and kills people when it falls out of trees?


A pool table. ....

 

[soccerdad]

On brew day, 2 Georgia rednecks look over to the neighbors yard while they are awaiting the mash. The neighbor's dog is busy licking his balls. Billy Bob says, "Man, I wish I could do that." Bubba says, " Be careful. I tried. He bites."

 

[Schlenkerla]

Old Timers Sex

An elderly couple is enjoying a nice meal together at a local diner.

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.


So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks...

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence...

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in...

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.

This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed.

He thinks he has learned something about life, love and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.

The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply...

'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence'.

 

[ProblemChild]

what is invisible and smells like carrots?


Bunny farts

 

[bleme]

A blight kills all the potato plants, so an Irish farmer decides he is going to raise chickens instead. He heads on down to the farm supply and buys 100 chicks. Two weeks later he buys 100 more. And two week later he buys 100 more.

As he is checking out, the salesman comments that his farm must be doing pretty well, to which the Irishman replies that it is actually failing miserably. All the chicks keep dying.

"Wow, that's terrible! What do you think is wrong?"

"I haven't figured that out yet, but my guess is that I'm either planting them too deep or too close together..."

 

[Toejam792]

Mikey and mini were getting a divorce. The judge says to Mickey "I can't grant this divorce on the grounds of insanity". Mickey says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fu*king goofy."

 

[jcav]

What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?


"I'm going to cashew"


Sorry everyone couldn't resist......

John

 

[MaxStout]

OK, let's get this thread going again...

 

[MaxStout]

 

[ancientmariner52]

I don't know any stupid jokes. All of my jokes are well reasoned and insightful.

There. Stupid enough for ya?

 

[MaxStout]

 

[jimmayhugh]

Why don't ducks fly upside down?

Then they'd quack up...

 

[Schlenkerla]

People wonder why I call my toilet “the Jim” instead of “the John.”

I do it so I can say “I go to the Jim first thing every morning.”

 

[MaxStout]

 

[stella_tigre]

Ohhhkay, from a sweet Scottish gent I once knew, an oldie but a goodie.

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?




Because sheep run away at the sound of a zipper.

 

[Toejam792]

Why do cows wear bells?

Their horns don’t work.

 

[smurfjuice]

Did you hear about the peanut that called the police? he was a salted ...

 

[Inkleg]

Have you ever smelled mothballs?


I've found it's easier if you hold them by the wings.

 

[ancientmariner52]

Q: What does an agnostic, dislexic, insomniac do?

A: Stays up all night, wondering if Dog really exists.

 

[csurowiec]

I have a 13 year old at home that loves to tell me jokes like these. He calls them groaners. His two favorites.

What did the fish say when it ran into a concrete wall? Dam!

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa!

 

[jimmayhugh]

A zookeeper had developed a potion made from baby seagulls that appeared to indefinitely prolong the life of dolphins.

One day he was in the marine aviary collecting new babies for more tests.

As he was leaving the aviary, he discovered that the lion pride has escaped, and were sleeping at the exit of the aviary.

He very quietly stepped over them.

And was arrested for transporting young gulls over staid lions for immortal porpoises...