Stupid Joke Thread!

[bailey mountain brewer]

I told my one employee his nickname is C-section

Afraid of labor.

 

[BongoYodeler]

Hooked all my wrist watches together and made a belt.

Turned out to be a waist of time.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

I think it’s awesome that no matter how badly you pronounce Benadryl Cucumber’s name, everyone knows exactly who you’re talking about.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

I think it’s awesome that no matter how badly you pronounce Benadryl Cucumber’s name, everyone knows exactly who you’re talking about.

The really sad thing is...

...I know exactly who you're talking about.

 

[balrog]

I’ll have a pint of Less

What’s that?

I dunno, but my doctor wants me to start drinking it.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

Cleric: You just pulled a broadsword out of your butt!
Rogue: My back pocket is a +3 Bag of Holding. I carry lots of weapons.
Cleric: Ah. That means you have
Rogue: Don't say it
Cleric: Quite the arse enal.

 

[balrog]

I love the internet.

 

[agentbud]

What if beer is addicted to me and I am just the victim...

 

[BongoYodeler]

What if beer is addicted to me and I am just the victim...

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

 

[balrog]

Is it ok if I start drinking as soon as the kids have gotten to school?
Or does that make me a bad teacher?

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Is it ok if I start drinking as soon as the kids have gotten to school?
Or does that make me a bad teacher?

Here in the USA, probably. Europe, maybe not so much. But this comment may belong in the Debate Forum.

 

[ehall]

can't have any pudding til you drink your scotch!

 

[Broothru]

can't have any pudding til you drink your scotch!

“More, Sir?”

I’ll pass on the pudding, thank you kindly.

 

[lumpher]

Sad news today... there was a devastating fire at a local cemetery. 327 bodies were recovered.

 

[balrog]

 

[day_trippr]

Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Sister Theresa, known for both her high intelligence and thoughtfulness, often was referred to as Nun the Wiser.

 

[balrog]

Man Shot With Upholstery Gun.

Surgeons say he is now fully recovered.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

View attachment 882821

If it was hot then it’d be justgas, and anyone with a dog knows that justgas is usually soon followed by a

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[balrog]

View attachment 883026

Nice one.
I heard that one on the grapevine.

 

[Broothru]

Nice one.
I heard that one on the grapevine.

“Better than all the rest…”

 

[agentbud]

People who say "go big or go home" completely underestimate my willingness to just go home.

 

[balrog]

 

[Steveruch]

Peeyoo.

 

[balrog]

Krispy Kreme reported that it's online ordering was briefly hacked recently.

Apparently their cyber security had a few holes.

 

[Rish]

My wife told me she and her sisters are having a weight loss competition to get ready for the holidays.
"I hope you win" was apparently the wrong response.

 

[agentbud]

I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right and exercise.

But that was 4 hours ago... when I was younger and full of hope.

 

[balrog]

I am almost embarrassed at how much I laughed at this.

 

[balrog]

Running into stationary objects can be painful,
according to a recent pole.

 

[BongoYodeler]

View attachment 883562

I am almost embarrassed at how much I laughed at this.

Bufaloes on the Wing. pt1

 

[agentbud]

Dentist: You're brushing your teeth wrong.

Nutritionist: You're eating wrong.

Parent: You're living wrong.

Liquor Store Guy: Excellent choice!

 

[agentbud]

Remember when you used to tell your parents you were sleeping over at a friend's house but actually you were dying from alcohol poisoning in a field. Those were good times...

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

My wife and I have started role-playing in the bedroom.

Her favorite is "sexy librarian."

That's the one where I sit quietly while she reads a book.

 

[DaveDiamond]

I've told you before Luv, you've either gotta start wearing a bra, or stop wearing short skirts!!!