Stupid Joke Thread!

[BeerAndTele]

Crime these days is running rampant; it’s awful. Just last night, someone broke into our house and stole all of our lamps. We called the police to report it … they thought we’d be upset but to tell the truth, we were delighted.

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[balrog]

Swallowed a bunch of synonyms the other day.

Gave me thesaurused throat I ever had.

 

[BeerAndTele]

Well, it happpened again: someone broke into our house last night. This time, they stole all our fruit. We can hardly believe it … we’re peachless.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

And now a seasonal one.

Don’t you hate it when you’ve killed 2 zombies, 3 vampires with a wooden stake, and burnt 3 witches,

And you start to wonder why they had bags of candy?

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

Served on a tectonic plate
Bakpumice is a much lighter snack
Though the bakfumerole gave me gas
A layered joke that rocks

 

[balrog]

 

[BeerAndTele]

Someone broke into my house again last night.
This time they stole 20% of my couch.
Ouch.

 

[stamandster]

What happens when all four tires go flat at once? You have a wheel big problem
Why was the marble statue so upset? Everyone was taking it for granite
Why do squirrels swim on their backs? To protect their nuts

 

[bruce_the_loon]

Someone broke into my house again last night.
This time they stole 20% of my couch.
Ouch.

Cyril, is that you?

 

[Agent]

I went to a zoo this weekend that only had one dog.

It was definitely a Shih Tzu.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I’m writing a new book. It’s about my basement. I really hope it hits the Best Cellar list.

 

[balrog]

 

[agentbud]

I was drinking a beer at the local bar when the bartender yelled out, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled back, "I know the whole alphabet." We all had a good laugh... well, except for this one guy.

 

[balrog]

The past tense of William Shakespeare would be Wouldiwas Shookspeared.

 

[balrog]

 

[lumpher]

 

[Rish]

My schnoz was in the Guinness Book of World Records but the librarian told me to take it out.

 

[balrog]

"Coordinated attacks"

Too funny.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?

Mmmm, HDMI.

 

[balrog]

I started carrying around a stone, so I can throw it at anyone who tries to play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.


It’s my jingle bell rock.

 

[agentbud]

A farmer buys a new rooster when his old one can't perform anymore.
As soon as he gets it home, the new rooster has his way with all the hens.
The farmer is pretty impressed.
After lunch the rooster has his way with all the hens again.
The next day, the new rooster has his way with all the ducks and geese.
Later that day, the farmer finds the rooster lying on the ground with vultures circling overhead.
The farmer shakes his head and says, "You deserve it after what you've done."
The rooster opens one eye and says, "Shhhh, they're about to land."

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Fishing licenses are dumb. Who drives a fish?

 

[ehall]

 

[jschein]

View attachment 861671

Sam Calagione?

 

[balrog]

I hear they are going to market a fragrance for introverts.

It's called Leavemethefuh
Cologne.