Spoonerisms

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I love a cunning stunt. The more cunning the stunt, the more I like it.

Got any more?

 

[Schlenkerla]

I got stopped by a cop the other night walking home. I said "Ossifer, I am serfectly pober. I only had tee martoonis!"

 

[Schlenkerla]

An Old Classic:

"Work is the curse of the drinking class"

 

[Reelale]

That LGI is a real smart feller...yep, a real smart feller.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I got stopped a cop the other night walking home. I said "Ossifer, I am serfectly pober. I only had tee martoonis!"

You are just tasting my wime. this is a thread for pober seople

 

[Reelale]

What a display of mad banners.

 

[RogerMcAllen]

As an Illini fan I always like Muck Fichigan

 

[Baja_Brewer]

That LGI is a real smart feller...yep, a real smart feller.

I was just thinking about what a fart smeller he was!

 

[RogerMcAllen]

Here's to all the drinkers with a homebrewing problem.

 

[lumpher]

i was too busy chipping the flannels, and had just finished chewing my doors. this is spy messialty.

 

[cklages]

Once upon a time there were two kingdoms, one of them rich, and one of them poor. Those who lived in the poor kingdom loved their king, but lacking the ability to obtain wealth, built everything from straw. The houses were straw, the castle was straw, even the throne was straw. One day, the king of the rich kingdom decided that he was going to improve relations with the poor kingdom, and visited with gifts to bestow. One of these gifts was an enormous throne covered in jewels.

After the king from the wealthy kingdom left, the poor king decided that the new throne was far too uncomfortable, and so had his subjects put it in the attic, in favour of his old throne. Of course the ceiling was made of straw, so it didn't take long before the throne broke through and killed the poor king.

Which only goes to show....

Those who live in grass houses, shouldn't stow thrones.

 

[Schlenkerla]

Old she may be, but I bet she gets a mean duck sick!

 

[RogerMcAllen]

Once upon a time there were two kingdoms, one of them rich, and one of them poor. Those who lived in the poor kingdom loved their king, but lacking the ability to obtain wealth, built everything from straw. The houses were straw, the castle was straw, even the throne was straw. One day, the king of the rich kingdom decided that he was going to improve relations with the poor kingdom, and visited with gifts to bestow. One of these gifts was an enormous throne covered in jewels.

After the king from the wealthy kingdom left, the poor king decided that the new throne was far too uncomfortable, and so had his subjects put it in the attic, in favour of his old throne. Of course the ceiling was made of straw, so it didn't take long before the throne broke through and killed the poor king.

Which only goes to show....

Those who live in grass houses, shouldn't stow thrones.

Too lazy to type it up, but in the same vein:

Only Hue can prevent florist friars.

 

[cklages]

'Only Hue can prevent florist friars'

I have spent the last 6 months trying to remember that punch line. My membership in this website would be worth it for that one post alone.

 

[Schlenkerla]

This is the true story of Cinderella and her sugly isters.

Cinders and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Cinders worked
very hard frubbin scloors, weaning clindows, emptying poss pits, and
shivelling shut. Buttons worked with Cinders. He was gifted with knuge
hackers and a shairy hithole. At the end of each day both of them were
knucking fackered.

Her sugly isters were fight cucking runts. They did no wucking fork
and had no wucking forries. They were right bugly astards. They were
called Mairy Hinge and Betty Swollocks. They were always pucking
fissed.

One day the two sugly isters baught tickets to go to the ball. Cinders
was ducking fistgusted when they wouldn't let her go. The sugly isters
left Cinders all on her own while they bent to the wall and pot gissed
all night.

Suddenly there was such a bucking fang and the Gairy Fodmother
appeared. Her real name was Sherry Tighthouse. She was a right rucking
fesbian with a cairy hunt and tairy hits. She turned a pumpkin and six
white mice into a hucking cuge farrage with six dandy ronkeys with
buge hollocks. Cinders was amazed. "Miste all crucking fighty," she
said. The Gairy Fodmother said Cinders must be back by 12 o'clock or
there will be a crucking falamity.

At the ball Cinders was dancing with the pransome hince. The music was
being played by a band called Sid Siff and the Siffling Seven. They
were gucking food but too nucking foisy. It was the drucking fummer -
what a rucking facket! The cabaret was nucking fopeless. When he blew
his trucking fumpet he was bucking frilliant, but he was a big-headed
banky wastard and everyone wished he would stick his trumpet up his
ucking farsehole.

Suddenly the clock struck twelve. Cinders pucking fanicked and ran out
of the ballroom, tripping barse over ollocks and dropping a slass
glipper.

The next day the pransome hince came knocking on Cinders' door. The
sugly isters let him in and Betty Swollocks let off a fig bart. "Who's
fust jarted?" asked the pransome hince. "Blame that forrible hucker
over there," said Buttons. The shell of smit was tucking ferrible.

When the sticking brown cloud had lifted the pransome hince tried the
slass glipper on the sugly isters without success. They had horrible
featy sweet and featy swannies. Suddenly Mairy Hinge, in her tucking
femper, gave the prince a knick in the kackers! But this was not
difficult as he had bucking fuge balls and a hig bard-on.

He tried Cinders and the flipper sitted pucking ferfectly. "Well ****
my Slies!" exclaimed the pransome hince. "Suck your own," said
Buttons.

Soon Cinders and the pransome hince were married. Made his day in
lucking fuxury and she ended hers with a follen swanny. And they lived
happily ever after.

 

[cklages]

Here's another one.

Once upon a time (I know they all start like this)...There was a scientist who decided to clone himself. The unfortunate byproduct of the cloning process left a man who swore constantly, and was impossible to deal with. Eventually the scientist invited his clone up to a mountain peak for a picnic. After they were finished, the scientist pushed his counterpart over the edge, killing him. Of course shortly afterward, the police showed up.

They charged him with making an obscene clone fall.

 

[jmo88]

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

 

[cklages]

I couldn't let the hugh reference go without finishing it off...

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the
friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so,
thereby proving that . . .

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

 

[jmendez29]

I got stopped by a cop the other night walking home. I said "Ossifer, I am serfectly pober. I only had tee martoonis!"

Eriously sossifer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

 

[mc_eric]

Eriously sossifer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

fut the wuck are you talking about?

Anyway, I've always wanted to brew a barleywine (maybe with figs) and call it Figboot.

 

[paulthenurse]

What's the difference between a snake and a goose?

One is an asp in the grass...

PTN

 

[FlyinBrewer]

As an OU alum and Sooner fan:

Tuck Fexas!!