Road Rage One Liners

[mdransfi]

The bus driver on my daily commute home from lower Manhattan NYC back to NJ is particularly agressive - lots of horn and flashing high-beams. Most of us don't mind because he gets us home quickly. Thursday afternoon, someone was blocking the box on our way to the Holland tunnel. I suggested that he just push him out of the way. He said "we all dream of doing that on our last day, and believe me, the day we do that _will_ be our last day.".

 

[SharonaZamboni]

Very early one dark winter morning, I was doing almost 80 mph in the left lane of the empty turnpike. I see a car fly up behind me and move to pass in the right lane. What kind of crazy dipstick has to pull a move like that?! He gets ahead of me, then I realize it's a state trooper. Definitely not a dipstick, because he didn't pull me over.

 

[iaefebs]

The other day, I was driving on the interstate when some college age girl was driving like a complete sh*t. I could see her coming up behind me weaving in and out of traffic. I had my CC set and moved to the left lane to pass a truck, when she came flying up my right side and at the last minute, realized she didn't have enough room to get in front of me to pass. I could see her slamming her fists into her steering wheel and screaming something, couldn't hear her because the windows were up. She made a few gestures out of her window, presumeably at me. I kept on with the cruise control, and passed her. I had my sunglasses on so she couldn't see my eyes, but as I was passing by, I turned my head as though I was staring her down, and had my left arm draped across the steering wheel. In reality, I was alternating between looking at the road, and staring her down, but she couldn't tell with my sunglasses on. And I'm sure with my shaved head, I was pretty intimidating looking to some 19 year old girl.

She got REAL calm right after that and I didn't see her driving like a retard afterward, though it helped that traffic was pretty clear for a while. My girlfriend, in the passenger seat, thought it was hilarious. I think she was laughing about it for about 3 miles. It was the best response I have ever gotten from anything I have ever said or done regarding road rage. And I didn't even have to say a word.

Anybody that drives with the CC set should not have a license. Press your foot on the skinny peddle and get around whoever your passing and get out of the way.

 

[jonmohno]

Hilarious thread! Although i dont bother with one liners- i just go straight for the ol "hazards" when i see stupidity. Wish i had a big lit up lasor arrow Pointing a "I drive dumb" sign along with it..

 

[Dan]

My favorite is to say "Gas pedal is on the right!"

As a father of drivers who have only been at it a few years; I try to have a little more compassion. Doesn't always work.

 

[KingBrianI]

Very early one dark winter morning, I was doing almost 80 mph in the left lane of the empty turnpike. I see a car fly up behind me and move to pass in the right lane. What kind of crazy dipstick has to pull a move like that?! He gets ahead of me, then I realize it's a state trooper. Definitely not a dipstick, because he didn't pull me over.

Hold up, hold up... You were squatting in the left lane on an empty road... and you were mad that someone would BE REQUIRED to pass you on the right?!

 

[iaefebs]

Drive in the right lane pass in the left lane. Accelerate to pass. How hard can it be? You should be in the right hand lane unless you are passing someone. I don't even have any idea what to call a driver that drives in the left lane when there is no traffic. I just pass on the right and assume they are clueless.

 

[bluemoose]

. I don't even have any idea what to call a driver that drives in the left lane when there is no traffic.

we call them Massholes!

 

[the_bird]

See, I don't get what the problem is, staying in the left lane when there's nobody the **** around. Who cares about that?

Also, the left lane should NOT just be *just* for passing. If I'm driving 75MPH on the Thruway and everyone else is going 70, it'd safer for me to just stay out in the left lane than to keep moving back and forth. With the big caveat, if there's someone behind me going 80, I get out of their way.

 

[jmendez29]

Anybody that drives with the CC set should not have a license. Press your foot on the skinny peddle and get around whoever your passing and get out of the way.

Haha! That's funny, I almost thought you were serious for a second there.

 

[Wolfhound180]

See, I don't get what the problem is, staying in the left lane when there's nobody the **** around. Who cares about that?

Also, the left lane should NOT just be *just* for passing. If I'm driving 75MPH on the Thruway and everyone else is going 70, it'd safer for me to just stay out in the left lane than to keep moving back and forth. With the big caveat, if there's someone behind me going 80, I get out of their way.

It's the law in Texas. Left lane is for passing only. You will get a ticket because it's people like that that cause gigantic traffic jams.

 

[cheezydemon3]

Ayuh, I completely disagree. People that cruise in the left lane tend to just obliviously sit there until someone passes them on the right.

 

[SharonaZamboni]

Mass hole here! Our turnpike is nothing like a real big state highway. I've been on those! It really is safer to be high speed in the left of two lanes when trucks are entering from the right, especially at 6 AM. Just boogey along staying out of the way. When there are three other cars within 20 miles of highway.

It was only within the past few years that there has been any awareness that left lane is passing- only. I'm sure it was law, but here it's not enforced.

My point was that I was wondering why 80 mph wasn't fast enough. I was calling that guy all kinds of names!

 

[SharonaZamboni]

And if I'm doing 80, and someone's flying up up on my ass, I'm staying put. They are obviously going somewhere in a hurry. They don't need some ****** moving right, they don't expect it.

 

[passedpawn]

My point was that I was wondering why 80 mph wasn't fast enough.

When I was young 55 was "fast enough". Now it's 70. In your case, because you speed, it's 80. When I get on the highway down here, it's higher than 80.

Everyone likes to drive at different speeds. Stay to the right unless you are passing and we can all live in harmony.

Here's to living in harmony!

 

[SharonaZamboni]

What happened to "slow traffic, keep right"? LOL

 

[the_bird]

Mass hole here! Our turnpike is nothing like a real big state highway. I've been on those! It really is safer to be high speed in the left of two lanes when trucks are entering from the right, especially at 6 AM. Just boogey along staying out of the way. When there are three other cars within 20 miles of highway.

It was only within the past few years that there has been any awareness that left lane is passing- only. I'm sure it was law, but here it's not enforced.

My point was that I was wondering why 80 mph wasn't fast enough. I was calling that guy all kinds of names!

Exactly. If I'm in the left lane (again, assuming there's no traffic building up behind me), I'm not in the way of traffic coming on and leaving the highway.

IMO, it's 10x more dangerous to be shifting lanes needlessly.

 

[Zuljin]

Two lanes, I'll be in the left, going faster than the right and move over as need be.

Three lanes or more, I'll be in the left if going faster or the middle or one of the lanes that is not the right if I'm going slower.

The only reason I hold in the right lane is when I'm staging for my exit. Driving in the right lane and dealing with these jack wagons who don't know how to merge is a hazard.

 

[jonmohno]

I would agree with the Bird on the left lane ideals.If im going a good window over the speed limit and someone is approaching breaking the law going 80+ im not moving in to the right lane for speeders.Im not talking a speed of traffic situation-if there were a dozen speedeers i would safely stay in the right.

 

[ytsejam]

"Get a seeing eye dog!"

 

[bluemoose]

I would agree with the Bird on the left lane ideals.If im going a good window over the speed limit and someone is approaching breaking the law going 80+ im not moving in to the right lane for speeders.Im not talking a speed of traffic situation-if there were a dozen speedeers i would safely stay in the right.

Really? So you decide what is too fast and enforce it by staying in the left lane? You're the guy I can't stand. If you're going "a good window of speed" , but not breaking the law, you're driving 65. GTFO.

 

[WesleyS]

I would agree with the Bird on the left lane ideals.If im going a good window over the speed limit and someone is approaching breaking the law going 80+ im not moving in to the right lane for speeders.Im not talking a speed of traffic situation-if there were a dozen speedeers i would safely stay in the right.

If your going over the speed limit then you're no better than the person flying up behind you. Breaking the law is breaking the law. I don't speed but I can't stand people that think they have to make a point by staying in the left lane no matter what the situation is. I prefer to get out of the way of speeders. The further from me they get the better.
Now back to the original topic, my one liner to extremely slow people or people that take forever to turn or just look confused as to what planet they're on and don't know where to go, thus blocking traffic is Drive It Or Park It!

 

[John1337]

"Either sh*t or get off the pot"

 

[pjj2ba]

I would agree with the Bird on the left lane ideals.If im going a good window over the speed limit and someone is approaching breaking the law going 80+ im not moving in to the right lane for speeders.Im not talking a speed of traffic situation-if there were a dozen speedeers i would safely stay in the right.

It's a judgement call. When I'm driving in a lot of traffic I try to keep an extra eye on what is going on behind me. I try to judge whether it would be better to move to my right or not. Sometimes it is better just to stay where I am.

 

[Tex]

When I was in college I kept a dry erase board in my car so we could write messages to people on the road. I drove a wrangler so mostly we had outr shirts off an the top down and would write "we're naked" to get a laugh out of a chick. I had a friend who would draw animals pooping to weird people out, that was funny. Now in my road rage moments I usually just shout that I'm going to shove their car up their d*ckhole or shove their cell phone down their throat. Can't stand people texting while driving.

 

[static]

This...

 

[jonmohno]

Really? So you decide what is too fast and enforce it by staying in the left lane? You're the guy I can't stand. If you're going "a good window of speed" , but not breaking the law, you're driving 65. GTFO.

5 over really? Going 10-15 over=rediculous.Keep speeding buddy. Its like saying ill have one or two beers then drive compared to having 3-4.
Like i said if there are a pack of speeders i stay on the right. I dont deal or drive with heavy city traffic.Just 2 lane divided highway im talking.
Why should i encouage people going that fast,i hope it annoys you,because you annoy me.And why does that rule apply when someone going that fast thinks someone else should move over when he is doing something wrong himself.It doesnt apply. but if there is a pack of them i wont stay there doing 67 miles per hour -i move but im not moving for a few,why do them a favor.Cops pass me over 70 when im in the right lane-so figure that one.
People flying up behind you is worse those are the jackasses that cause the accidents with the people sticking to the guidelines for driving.Plus "you" people like to ride peoples asses before you pass. All that road and you have to drive so close together, i stay away from you people.
I dont feel like i need to give "you"courtesy and move over when im going max speed and you are not and its sproadic traffic.Im not usually a left lane driver either.I see people doing 80 +every morning and these fools end up in the ditch in the winter also,the agressive type. I stay the **** away and alway keep my distance from these people. I guess it makes their ego feel better.

 

[KingBrianI]

5 over really? Going 10-15 over=rediculous.Keep speeding buddy.
Like i said if there are a pack of speeders i stay on the right. I dont deal or drive with heavy city traffic.

10 - 15 mph over may be ridiculous to you, but it's not for others. The point is, you don't get to decide how fast other people should go. Maybe 5 over is ridiculous to someone and he will sit in the left lane going the speed limit to block you from going 5 over.

Anyone who has spent any time in Germany knows how efficient a highway system can be when people understand that the left lanes are for passing. It's too bad we have so many clueless people here in America clogging up the roads.

 

[jonmohno]

Well i wouldt get pissed at them for doing the speed limit when someone passing you is not.So i feel why is it someones responsibilty to get over for someone breaking the law if they are doing max speed.I dont see why you think speeding is something that should be encouraged.If someone is in the left going max and someone is bitching about passing in the right,i dont feel sorry for that lawbreaker then.
I dont care if someone is doing max speed limitin the left,i would have no right to get pissed if i was speeding and passing him in the right-thats my point.You have no right to bitch when you are doing something wrong-if you want to speed speed in the ditch and pass the person on the left then to prove you need to be in the left lane then.
Again im not a left lane driver but i dont think speeders need be given courtesy of moving over.

 

[Wolfhound180]

Well i wouldt get pissed at them for doing the speed limit when someone passing you is not.So i feel why is it someones responsibilty to get over for someone breaking the law if they are doing max speed.I dont see why you think speeding is something that should be encouraged.If someone is in the left going max and someone is bitching about passing in the right,i dont feel sorry for that lawbreaker then.
I dont care if someone is doing max speed limitin the left,i would have no right to get pissed if i was speeding and passing him in the right-thats my point.You have no right to bitch when you are doing something wrong-if you want to speed speed in the ditch and pass the person on the left then to prove you need to be in the left lane then.
Again im not a left lane driver but i dont think speeders need be given courtesy of moving over.

Golly gee those whipper snappers!