Punchlines....

[david_42]

"Of course not. She's left-handed!"

And two for the same joke:

It only gets dark once a night. OR It stays dark all night.

 

[sudsmonkey]

Poof! The Genie turned him into a tampon.

I fall on my a$$, stupid!

Here's my buckin' ears! Where's your buckin' eyes?

" A good goat will do that!"

" They call me the Baby." the blonde replied. The salesman said " Well I'm the damn fool that slept in the barn!"

" I know what you think I said. What I meant was, I wanted to see the horse jog" (Midget to a horse farmer)

" Tastes great! Less filling!"

" and if this was four inches shorter, it'd be a super penis!"

 

[Bernie Brewer]

And the moral is: Hare today, Goon tomorrow.

 

[cha ngo]

Judging from the smell on his fingers, I'd say our son-in-law.

 

[sudsmonkey]

Judging from the smell on his fingers, I'd say our son-in-law.

That's just sooo wrong!

 

[Hopfan]

But you don't understand...I only get a hard on once or twice a year! I fall down 3 or 4 times a day!

 

[homebrewer_99]

But you don't understand...I only get a hard on once or twice a year! I fall down 3 or 4 times a day!

I heard that as: ...I only get hard once a month, but I drop my cigar 8-10 times a day!

...you know, we really do taste like chicken...

...a Hummel is a knick-knack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan...

...you don't understand...Chunk's is my dog...

...none, it should be open when she brings it to you...

...everyone wants to be Irish on St Patty's Day...

 

[Walker]

... But with the grace of god and a forked stick, I got them back in.

... No, you idiot. I said "Posse".

... That's the milking machine and it doesn't stop until it gets a half gallon.

... For get the spit... did you see the lips on the guy that did it?

... Thank god! I thought I was crippled!

 

[Hopfan]

OMG, reading all of these keeps reminding me of others. LMAO

No thanks, if the first 9 shots didn't get rid of the taste, I don't think one more will help.

 

[Hopfan]

...
... That's the milking machine and it doesn't stop until it gets a half gallon.

BRILLIANT!!!!

 

[Spyk'd]

*poof!!!* His legs were gone.

 

[Hardball]

Rectum?...damn near killed em!

 

[Torchiest]

"Oops, I forgot; your brother has the car."

 

[Rotgutt]

Spanish Armada!

 

[Wolf]

"I don't know," said the Invisible Man as he rolled off, "but my ass is killing me."

 

[Rhoobarb]

Rectum?...damn near killed em!

I was waiting for somebody to chime in with that one!

Shine a flashlight in her ear.

If the Cubs ever win the World Series, we'll find out!

"Arrghh! And it's drivin' me nuts."

"Good. Do you have any duck food?"

 

[TCHDNSD]

Want some chocolate?

No deer. Ass too high, run to fast.

Where's that eskimo you wanted me to wrestle?

Hey Peter, I can see your house from up here!

Gettin' the blood outta the clown suit.

 

[teu1003]

Pardon me, boy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?

Would you hold my cock and pullet while i scratch my ass?

I wonder who Kissinger's now?

 

[TCHDNSD]

Tuesday is your turn in the barrel.

Does this taste funny?

 

[homebrewer_99]

...is that nun in here again...

...dress her up like an altar boy...


(Sorry, but I just had to tell the whole joke)...these are for Cheese...

Why was Michael Jackson at K-Mart...because he heard boys pants were half off...

How do homosexuals fake orgasm? They spit on your back.

#1 pick-up line at a gay bar? May I push your stool in?

 

[Hopfan]

Ya' know, Superman, you can be a real jerk when you're drunk.

 

[EvilTOJ]

It was the worlds first Macon lead hearse and tornado sand ridge.

The moral of the story is, Choosers can't be beggars.

He who has a Tate's is lost.

 

[Hardball]

If these were already done, sorry:

Urinate, but if you had bigger ****s you'd be a 10.

When Jenny was done, I asked her, "How my dictate?".

 

[sudsmonkey]

Bitch, if this frog learns to cook, your ass is outa here!
Have you played this game before?
I once screwed a peacock when I was younger and I thought you might be my son.

 

[Torchiest]

"Don't worry, the frog's a ventriloquist."

 

[sudsmonkey]

Aunt Sue's sweater has ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.
Where's that squaw you wanted me to kill?
I hope I never get as senile as you two ( knocks on wood). As soon as I see who's at the door, I'll be up to help you both!
He spent the night in a warehouse!
That's how I got a twelve inch pianist.

 

[TCHDNSD]

That sheep's a damn liar.

Put it back in the mud.

You want me to stop or do you want me to slow down.

 

[cha ngo]

"Pardon me m'am, but I don't think I can take 67 more of those."

 

[Ivan Lendl]

"...I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."

"...that was the ham giving me problems."

"...thier beliefs are in God and carpeting."

 

[Cap'n Jewbeard]

"The second time, I proved it."

"If I guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheepdog back?"

"Which is funny because you'd think the other two would have ducked."

"What is this, some kind of joke?"

(And thanks a lot for stealing the Superman joke, dude!)