Post your favorite funny or snarky sayings here

[MaxStout]

I'll get this started...

 

[harleybug88]

I'll second this.

 

[dmtaylor]

The cat has dragged in a sight for four eyes, that is for sure.

 

[JonM]

Credit to Lucille Ball:

"Well, if that's the kind of [fill in the blank] you want, you sure got a good one."

 

[Brewenstein]

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary, right between sh!t and syphilis!

 

[JonM]

I used to work with an old southerner who had lots of wonderful old folksy-type sayings. My favorite was "uglier than homemade sin."

 

[Bellybuster]

Talk with your mouth closed!!

 

[JonM]

The jerk store called! They're running out of you!

 

[monkeyman1000]

When you have to do a task you are dreading "If you have to swallow a frog it's best not to stare at it too long".

Worrying about things "Don't open your umbrella until it rains."

Anger "If you aren't controlling your anger, someone else is"

When I was in my early 20's I used to work for my dad. The guy would work 12 hour days then close the bar down at night. I remember my first attempt at keeping up with him. He came into my room at 5 o'clock the next morning ready to go back to the job site. I was so hung over I could barely move. He kicked my bed and yelled "get up damn it, you play you pay!!"

 

[FloppyKnockers]

Beer only borrows happiness from tomorrow.

 

[day_trippr]

"I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce"

 

[Billy-Klubb]

when I was pipe welding, "That's hotter than a two pecker billy goat." and "Off your a$$ and to your feet! Out of the shade and into the heat! Lets go! Lets go! Lets go!"

 

[JonM]

Someone forgets to bring something important: "You'd forget your balls if they weren't attached."

 

[jafo28]

This thread is like a sore dick, you just can't beat it.

 

[MaxStout]

"Off your a$$ and to your feet!"

Our drill instructor at 3:30 AM: "Drop your cocks and grab your socks!"

Memorable times, those were.

 

[SharonaZamboni]

Sh*! or get off the pot.
Useless as t!ts on a bull.
Colder than a witch's t!t.
Slicker 'n snot on a doorknob.
Tougher when there's none.
P!ss in a hat, sh!t in a boot.

 

[Brewenstein]

Wish in one hand and sh!t in the other and see which one fills up first.

 

[KayaBrew]

"This kid was born on third base thinking he hit a triple"
"You've got a stink that could knock a buzzard off a sh*t wagon"
"When you sow sh*t seeds, you grow sh*t weeds"

 

[beergolf]

You are as useless as a one legged man at an ass kicking contest...

 

[Brewenstein]

You are as useless as a one legged man at an ass kicking contest...

Or .... Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

 

[Hamaki]

When somebody holds a door open for me and says, "age before beauty", I walk on in and say, "no, it's pearls before swine".

 

[slym2none]

"You can't see Forrest Gump for the trees."

 

[aces-n-eights]

When the Lord said "Come forth for brains" he came fifth.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

a bit of advice my dad gave me when I was a kid, "If you go around sounding like a c**ks***er, don't be surprised when you get a d**k in the mouth."

 

[tjmac5071]

When something is easy: It's cupcake city

 

[Hamaki]

If you can't say anything nice, shut your f*ckin' pie hole!

 

[btbnl]

Famously said about my (academic) profession: Often in error, never in doubt.

 

[bigdaddybrew]

You'd complain if I hung you with a new rope!

 

[JonM]

I'm either indecisive or apathetic. I'm not sure which one, but I really don't care.

 

[Kharnynb]

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.

Terry Pratchett