One Liner Jokes

[joejaz]

What's red and green and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

 

[FireNightFly]

Why is air a lot like sex?
It's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

 

[FireNightFly]

How do you piss off a female archeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.

 

[FireNightFly]

One more ...
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk!

 

[jamesnsw]

A baby seal walks into a club.

 

[dontman]

One more ...
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk!

And woman with two balls on chin cannot speak.

 

[Reno_eNVy]

Father tells his son, "Son, if you don't stop touching yourself you'll go blind." Son said, "Dad, I'm over here!"

Did you hear about the fire at the indian reservation? The heat was intense (in-tents.... sorry, it's hilarious but usually just vocal)

 

[EvilTOJ]

Seen on the ceiling in the men's room above the urinal;

If you can read this, you're peeing on your shoes.

 

[Wade E]

A man goes to the doctor and is given 6 months to live, The man says I cant pay the bill in 6 months so the doctor gives him another 6 months.

 

[GregR]

an Irish guy walks out of a bar. . . what is this? a joke?

 

[joejaz]

Heard this one on law & order last nite:

The doctor said I had to stop masturbating. I said Why, he said because I'm not finished with your exam yet.

 

[joejaz]

I locked my keys in the car last nite, it took me an hour to get my family out.

 

[joejaz]

Hey Doc, I have a bowel movement everyday at 8 AM. So that's not unusual. Yeah, but I don't get out of bed till 9.

 

[joejaz]

He doc, I keep having these silent gas emmissions. He said first we have to check your hearing

 

[FireNightFly]

Lots of great ones fellas. Keep em coming, I love them all so far!

fyi, "An Irish man leaves the bar" is not a joke .... but a warning, lol.

 

[joejaz]

Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny.

 

[joejaz]

You know your getting old when your wife says let's go upstairs and make love and you answer I can't do both.

 

[joejaz]

Old is when "getting lucky" means you can find your car in the parking lot.

 

[joejaz]

Hey, next time you wave to me use all your fingers.

 

[joejaz]

My first job was in an orange juice factory but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.

 

[joejaz]

Why is a man that invests all your money called a broker?

 

[dontman]

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

 

[dontman]

A fool and his money are soon parted; a homebrewer and his money are soon partying!

 

[bernerbrau]

Children in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause children.

 

[Mike M]

Did you hear about the butcher that accidentally backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

 

[bernerbrau]

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

 

[Homercidal]

Why do they call them apartments, when they are all stuck together!

 

[bernerbrau]

He's our next window neighbor, because neither of us has a door on that side of the house.

 

[joejaz]

What do you call an Afghan virgin Never bin laid on

 

[joejaz]

Why do squirrels swim on their backs? To keep their nuts dry