Old Timer Sayings

[how1]

I'm so drunk I can't find my ass with both hands!

I have more time in the **** house than you have in the Air Force!

 

[MyNameIsPaul]

"He's so poor, he's jacking off the dog to feed the cat!"

It was a few years until I figured out what that meant....

 

[Tinhorn]

So cold the dog is shivering under the stove

 

[huhwha]

My Dad's favorite, "fits like socks on a rooster". I sure do miss him.


Other goodies

Dumb as a box of rocks/ bag of hammers

Sharp as a marble

 

[gingerdawg]

Well son, if it's got wheels or tits, sooner or later it's gonna give you trouble.

 

[jmacker]

Hard tellin, not knowin.

 

[hoppybrewster]

Running around like a ferret on a double expresso.

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Runnin' around here like a raped ape

I really wish I knew the origins of that one

 

[gratus fermentatio]

"Don't make me stop this car..." This was both a prelude to a threat and a threat. If dad (or mom) stopped the car, there was going to be a beating.

 

[processhead]

"He was so poor when he was growing up, that if he didn't wake up with a hard-on, he had nothing to play with the rest of the day".

Someone who was that poor.

 

[CidCitrus]

While working with my boss' 78 year old plumber dad, whenever we fix a leak at a farm help house or any place where we don't have to be absolutely perfect: well, ain't nothin pourin out. He also says good enough for the girls I go with, which seems to be a more popular saying than I thought.

 

[BUCKNUTS]

My Dad once told me "boy do what f**k I tell you to do and don't think about it because when you think you're a menace to society"
That's probably not a saying but it still makes me laugh 30+ years later.

 

[wisconsinitebrewer]

"Do you walk to school or pack your lunch"

"Which is taller...a tree?"

Still say both of them and confuse the heck out of everybody...

 

[EineProsit]

my grandpa would say normally about my little brother
"he couldn't find his ass with both hands "

 

[collycreekbrewer]

Fine as frog hair

 

[Tinhorn]

Friend of mines father used to say who is ****ing this dog anyhow ?

Meaning who is in charge

 

[The_Professor]

That's better than a sharp stick in the eye.

 

[jprice]

I sold cars right out of high school many years ago, the old timers there would tell customers "she runs like a raped date".

 

[Tinhorn]

Although that's pretty offensive it reminded me of another

Took off like a scalded cat

 

[Reggie22]

If it flies, floats or fooks, rent it.

 

[CidCitrus]

That's better than a sharp stick in the eye.

The variation I hear of that one is better than a rusty nail in the foot

 

[Reggie22]

Does James Brown boogie?

 

[Tinhorn]

She sounds like a cat caught in a screen door

 

[Reggie22]

Off like a prom dress.

Make like a baby and head out.

 

[Tinhorn]

Does the pope **** in the woods?

 

[cheesehed007]

Sh*ts and giggles

 

[Tinhorn]

Dropped faster than Bill Clinton's pants

 

[Reggie22]

That'll go over like a fart in church.

Got a snowball's chance in hell.

 

[Tinhorn]

As welcome as a turd in a punch bowl

 

[benco]

A buddy of mine is truck driver, he would always I've backed it further than you pulled it

Not really a common saying, but I like it. If he didn't know what to say or if he wanted to mess with you and he is a big man with a loud voice!! He would say are ****ing kiddin me!!!

 

[Tinhorn]

He slipped a turd in your pocket
Someone thru you under the bus

 

[grasshopperfirestarter]

Im fixin to

 

[Tinhorn]

Im fixin to

Also I am fitting to

 

[Reggie22]

Do like my dog. If you can't eat it or fook it, piss on it and walk away.

 

[adiochiro3]

"That went over like a fart in an elevator."

 

[RedOktoberfest]

If a lot is good and more is better, then too much is just enough. Ha! Love that one.

If you don't have enough time to do it right, you surely won't have enough time to do it over.

 

[bobeck]

if you're lookin for sympathy it's in the dictionary between **** and syphilis...used to hear it all the time when we bruised ourselves up playing outside as kids from my grandma

 

[RedOktoberfest]

Not exactly a saying but fits in this thread:

Unobtainium/ impossibillium: a metal with limitless strength and heat resistance. Typically used in sifi and designs created by English majors.

 

[huhwha]

Close enough for government work.

 

[overG]

You can wish in one hand and sh** in the other and see what shows up first.