Call it 'Bad Baby Lager' and get a label made up of one of those pissing Calvins going in your ale pail. 

My 1 year old just put his hand in my lager. WTF! I was putting an air stone in it before I pitch my yeast and he snuck up and stuck his dirty hand in it. He just got home from preschool so you know it was as good as it prolly gets for germs.
To think I boil my tap water, fret about scratches in my fermentor, sanitize, sanitize, and sanitize.
I know I need to relax, I guess I'm just venting. Who knows what will happen...