Messing with SWMBO

[CreamyGoodness]

Wife is maid-of-honor

Not if you did your job right...

 

[paulster2626]

Wife is maid-of-honor in a wedding tomorrow. We don't have a printer at home, so she just forwarded me her speech to print off a couple copies for her here at work.

Replaced some words in there with 'penis'. Should be funny tomorrow, we'll see.

Some classics: "Another night of great penis thanks to Lisa!", and "She had fallen on her penis and broken it."

Didn't work. She saw it coming. "I'd expect no less from you, Paul."

I need to mix it up a bit. Lay low for a year, then spring my trap!

 

[jhoneycutt]

Didn't work. She saw it coming. "I'd expect no less from you, Paul."

I need to mix it up a bit. Lay low for a year, then spring my trap!

Or turn up the heat...

 

[GrogNerd]

friend sent this to me

 

[nukebrewer]

Bringing this thread back from the dead since I just thought of another way to mess with my wife. The new phone I just got today is capable of controlling TVs, cable boxes, pretty much anything capable of receiving an IR signal. She doesn't know this. When she gets home Sunday night, all hell will break loose. Volume/channel up/down, video source change, TV on/off, all without anyone touching the remote. Muahahaha!

 

[b-boy]

Bringing this thread back from the dead since I just thought of another way to mess with my wife. The new phone I just got today is capable of controlling TVs, cable boxes, pretty much anything capable of receiving an IR signal. She doesn't know this. When she gets home Sunday night, all hell will break loose. Volume/channel up/down, video source change, TV on/off, all without anyone touching the remote. Muahahaha!

I have a bluetooth mouse for my laptop. I can access my PC with the BT mouse from about 10 ft away. My wife hates the mouse, and always uses the touchpad.

Well - you can see where this is going....

 

[jhoneycutt]

Reviving again because my wife asked I hadn't mentioned this one yet. She has been crocheting for a couple years now and occasionally I like to sit beside or just walk up and grab the ball of yarn and toss it thereby unraveling 20 feet or more of it lol. Sometimes I just grab the yarn and start pulling it from the ball and handing it to her while she crocheting too.

 

[hunter_le five]

SWMBO recently told me her iPhone passkey. I think I might teach her a lesson in trusting me with such information.

If you go to Settings --> General --> Keyboard --> Add New Shortcut, you can set the iPhone to automatically translate certain designated letter combinations to specified words or phrases. Ex "brb" becomes "be right back", "otw" becomes "on the way", etc.

I am thinking of making the following changes:
"and" --> "squirrel penis"
"the" --> "I just wet myself"
"you" --> "I sometimes have erotic fantasies about former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan"
etc etc

Any more suggestions?

 

[DrunkleJon]

SWMBO recently told me her iPhone passkey. I think I might teach her a lesson in trusting me with such information.

If you go to Settings --> General --> Keyboard --> Add New Shortcut, you can set the iPhone to automatically translate certain designated letter combinations to specified words or phrases. Ex "brb" becomes "be right back", "otw" becomes "on the way", etc.

I am thinking of making the following changes:
"and" --> "squirrel penis"
"the" --> "I just wet myself"
"you" --> "I sometimes have erotic fantasies about former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan"
etc etc

Any more suggestions?

Change system language to mandarin?
Change the app icon pictures and titles to those of other apps
Rename contacts with cute nicknames
Embarassing contact photos. There is nothing like receiving a call and having the contact picture be butt cleavage.
Tell Siri to start calling her Tits McGhee or Chesty La Roux or something similar.
Set random alarms with alert sounds that make it sound like her phone has tourettes.

Your options are endless.

 

[jhoneycutt]

Change system language to mandarin?
Change the app icon pictures and titles to those of other apps
Rename contacts with cute nicknames
Embarassing contact photos. There is nothing like receiving a call and having the contact picture be butt cleavage.
Tell Siri to start calling her Tits McGhee or Chesty La Roux or something similar.
Set random alarms with alert sounds that make it sound like her phone has tourettes.

Your options are endless.

Now that you've said it, if you don't do it your not a man lol.

 

[DrunkleJon]

And people wonder why I currently am SWMBO-less.

 

[Setesh]

This thread just made my night

Creamy, you are one lucky dude!

 

[Zuljin]

Change system language to mandarin?
Change the app icon pictures and titles to those of other apps
Rename contacts with cute nicknames
Embarassing contact photos. There is nothing like receiving a call and having the contact picture be butt cleavage.
Tell Siri to start calling her Tits McGhee or Chesty La Roux or something similar.
Set random alarms with alert sounds that make it sound like her phone has tourettes.

Your options are endless.

We have OITs on various equipment. I change languages all the time.

 

[unionrdr]

Geez,am I the only one that rips a dead cow fart in bed & throws the covers over her head???

 

[smagic14]

One that works with lots of things is asking a question that there really isn't an answer for

For example: what is a defibrillator?
Then she will answer something like "the thing that shocks you to save your life"

Response from me: I know what it does but what is it exactly?

Can go on for a while until she realizes that I'm messing with her

Sent from my SCH-I605 using Home Brew mobile app

 

[jhoneycutt]

Geez,am I the only one that rips a dead cow fart in bed & throws the covers over her head???

Nope, do it every chance I get. That or waft it up into her face if I don't feel like wrestling at that moment.

 

[masonsjax]

I tried that once and was told next time I'd be served with divorce papers. I believe her.

 

[hunter_le five]

Geez,am I the only one that rips a dead cow fart in bed & throws the covers over her head???

We have a strict agreement to not fart in each others' immediate presence.

I, however, have found a loophole. Every time I rip one near her, I just say "Oh, sorry, I forgot you were there." I'll even do this mid-conversation.... while I'm looking right at her.

And of course, all bets are off in bed. I can't help what I do while I'm "asleep" (read: pretending to be asleep). :rockin:

Every time she lets one loose, I kindly remind her that ladies don't fart....

 

[unionrdr]

I call BS on ladies don't fart. My wife is def all girl in the strictest sense of the word. But one time (lmao!) we were facing away from eachother at one point,kinda half'asleep. Our Lab Max was sleeping between us,shnoot in the wrong position. He got it in stereo!! Suddenly raises his head & "GRRRRRRRR"...jumps off the bed & heads down the stairs. ROFLMAO! I could tell y'all some funny stories about Max & male farting prowess...

 

[jhoneycutt]

I call BS on ladies don't fart. My wife is def all girl in the strictest sense of the word. But one time (lmao!) we were facing away from eachother at one point,kinda half'asleep. Our Lab Max was sleeping between us,shnoot in the wrong position. He got it in stereo!! Suddenly raises his head & "GRRRRRRRR"...jumps off the bed & heads down the stairs. ROFLMAO! I could tell y'all some funny stories about Max & male farting prowess...

If the dog can't stand it it must be terrible, congrats on that one lol.

 

[fartinmartin]

Where ever you may be , let your wind go free.

 

[unionrdr]

Yup. wherever I may roam!

 

[punkin]

I thought she wouldn't spot it till she was at the shops, but she must have seen it earlier.
I can tell because her response to my standard question of "is there anything you want me to do today?" Was "Yes, you could do the shopping please."

 

[hedge_87]

I always like to get in her car turn the radio to the Mexican channel and at full volume and turn the windshield wipers on full blast.

I also like to pretend I am helping put groceries away but I am actually grabbing the thing she just put away and then handing it to her.

I also like to goose her in public places when she doesn't think I'm around. She has turned around with a got to hell you pervert look more times than I can count. A bonus is if you can pull this off without her knowing it was you. One poor guy almost got peppered sprayed because of this lol

 

[masonsjax]

SWMBO likes to sit up in bed while browsing Pinterest or whatever it is. Lately I've been getting a good laugh by casually reaching over and flipping her phone out of her hands with one finger. Totally throws her into a brief moment of panic until she realizes what happened. Hilarious!

 

[MindenMan]

You guys are terrible. Clever as hell though. My favorite is saying something that only sounds questionable in church, and having one of our friends start laughing and look back to wink...
She hates that.

 

[BreezyBrew]

I got a vacuum sealer recently from Amazon to vacuum pack hops. I had to test it out, so I figured the best thing to test was my wife's hair straightener.

 

[rockbasementbeer]

I got a vacuum sealer recently from Amazon to vacuum pack hops. I had to test it out, so I figured the best thing to test was my wife's hair straightener.

I'd vacuum seal all her stuff

 

[gratus fermentatio]

A bonus is if you can pull this off without her knowing it was you. One poor guy almost got peppered sprayed because of this lol

I once did this in 8th grade. I goosed a girl in a crowded hall inbetween classes; she turned around & slapped the guy next to me. I still giggle over it & that was over 35 years ago!
Regards, GF.

 

[magpiebrew]

Well I'm a female and I do like a prank and a laugh, but nothing makes me laugh more than the smack in the balls I give my husband after he tries to mess with me...