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If Jesus Was One Of Us...

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HenryHill

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Would he be a wheat guy, or an IPA hophead, or maybe a belgian lover? I KNOW that he would not be an electric brewer.

And would he buy the first round?

I'd be happy if he just turned barley into beer, ya know? :)
 

McKBrew

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Hmmm, that depends. If you accept the modern view of Jesus as a caucasiun male, I think he'd probably be a cool guy to hang around with. If you look at the area of the world that Jesus lived and the time period, I think the long haired Caucasiun would have stuck out like a sore thumb. I tend to believe Jesus is of more middle eastern descent and based on our relations with that area now, I'm not sure how Jesus and any outsider would get a long. More than likely there would be a mutual distrust of eachother, but a few beers would probably fix that.

To more specifically address the topic, I'm betting that Jesus would have drank/brewed the equivelant of a farmhouse ale or California common. Something low in alcohol that he could sip all day long, something that would ferment well in warmer temps.
 

Parker36

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I tend to believe Jesus is of more middle eastern descent and based on our relations with that area now, I'm not sure how Jesus and I would get a long.
Hooray racism!

As far as what beer he would rink, I would think a mild
 

dataz722

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Hmmm, that depends. If you accept the modern view of Jesus as a caucasiun male, I think he'd probably be a cool guy to hang around with. If you look at the area of the world that Jesus lived and the time period, I think the long haired Caucasiun would have stuck out like a sore thumb. I tend to believe Jesus is of more middle eastern descent and based on our relations with that area now, I'm not sure how Jesus and I would get a long.
Wow... just WOW!
 
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I agree with McKbrew on the aprt about Jesus would not be a white person and would be middle eastern
I DO NOT agree with him in the aspect of that fact completely erasing jesus from my friend list!
Jesus would probably be over in the wine forums, or at least into the Abbey's and Trappists.
 

BioBeing

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Hmmm, that depends. If you accept the modern view of Jesus as a caucasiun male,
You are being sarcastic, right? Do people really think that? I'm really glad I'm an atheist sometimes!

I think he'd probably be a cool guy to hang around with. If you look at the area of the world that Jesus lived and the time period, I think the long haired Caucasiun would have stuck out like a sore thumb. I tend to believe Jesus is of more middle eastern descent and based on our relations with that area now, I'm not sure how Jesus and I would get a long.
I'm really not sure Jesus ever actually existed. But everything I was taught about him makes me think that yeah, he might not get along with you. Plus, I hear he drank Bud.
 

GearBeer

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I'm not so sure that people consciously believe that Jesus was a caucasian male, but all the western art (i.e. icons and stained glass) depict him that way. So it's a subconscious thing, IMO.

Plus, I hear he drank Bud.
I think that was holy water, they're so close in color I can understand how people could make that mistake.
 

DeathBrewer

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This is just silly. Jesus didn't make beer, he was one of them wine pussies with all the other hipsters. Zombies only consume drinks made out of brains and necromancers only deal with "spirits", so wrong on all counts. Jesus has never and would never drink a beer.
 

Sir Humpsalot

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IB4TL

I have an opinion. It is deep and complex, factual, and not based on religion. However, due to the complexity, it is not conducive to forum interaction, so I will keep it to myself.
 

rsmith179

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I have to agree. I think that if Jesus did drink beer, he'd probably be partial to his monk friends and would be getting wasted off Chimay!
 

BrewinJack

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I dont know, i mean Jesus was an interesting guy... turned the water to wine when the party got low... i mean its quite obvious that jesus isnt a white guy, infact even the idea of the arab would be a bit off, he was a male in a jewish socieoty during the Roman occupation of what is now Isreal... its likely he was white, but not like like us northern part of the world. Throw all those bloodlines togather. youd have quite a mix. A jewish bloodline, mixed with the darker skinned (natrally tanned) southern Itialian Romans, add a little egyptian blood in there from long back (stemed from jewish captivity in egypt sevral hundred years before would have mixed the traits in very well)... not to mention a host of other factors... jesus would be about as ethnic as modern day newyork city, espically if you through the angelic blood in there for kicks...

but actully that doesnt matter at all because the councial in Rome which set down all the "guide lines" of christianity (or the Roman Catholic part at least) voted on the portrait of Jesus, along with everything else they voted on. The pictures you see in every church today, even the protestant faiths are all based off an orginal document painted supposedly by Peter on his ship's voyage to Rome after the Asention of Christ... the problem was that Peter's representation was merely a sketch and gave Jesus no skin color, and the council was kinda stuck because peter was long dead when the Romans fianlly adopted Christianity... So they do what all polticians do when they need to decide somthing, they voted. Just as they did when they decided on many other chruch doctorine and rules. It was decided that the reprsentation would be painted by a well known artist in any manner the artist desired, but he could not paint the face itself. So jesus would for ever have a skin color of that of the simple parchment dervied paper the orginal sketch was done on.... to this date 16 differnt faiths have proposed differnt pictoral views of Jesus, most noteable; a faith which believed he held facets of all skin colors so that jesus looked like a reject model for the new army BDU's, also where jesus was was primary arab decent, and where jesus was depicted as a multi racial hermafridite, the picture crossed both gender and racial bounds.... each depiction died out rather quickly leaveing the one portrait... Some say its the will of god...

Its a decent story made up by sevral christain consiprisy theoriest groups... but i think is very likely since one of the creeds by god unto his people was "Though shall not ingest Alcohol".... I dont think he was much of a drinker... Party pooper God

Cheers
 

Parker36

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I'll fully disclose that I am in the pocket of the Sociey of Boston Cream Pie Enthusiasts Militia.
Very delicious, especially in donut form, although it should be classified as cake.
 

Parker36

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Perhaps the cake team and pie team can make a straight up trade: cheesecake for Boston Cream Pie.
On behalf of the pie team, I accept. Although Boston Creme had a great run as a pie, and we will always appreciate the contributions Boston Creme has made, it is time we both moved in separate directions which will benefit all parties involved. We look forward to cheesecake coming home to where it belongs, on the side of pie. For too long we have adversaries, but with this acquisition, we fully expect pie dominance in the foreseeable future.
 

DeathBrewer

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The Flying Spaghetti Monster does not approve this thread.
srsly, what would he drink? Or muhammad, for that matter? oh right...he's one of those straight-edge mofos. hmm...budha? He had to drink SOMETHING, he was a big dude. You don't get that big without imbibing some heavy beverages.
 
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Back OT. If someone posted a thread about what Daffy Duck would drink, we wouldn't get a chorus of, "You know he's a cartoon character". Is it relevant whether you believe there is/was a Jesus to answer the question?

There certainly isn't a lack of literature on the guy.
 

slimer

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We all know that the Flying Spaghetti Monster goes best with Chianti.

As far as a beer, I would have to think that the FSM would have either a Porter or a Schwarzbier.
 

DeathBrewer

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Did someone say something about existence? I think I'm missing something. I've already made my decision on what jesus would drink: wine. Red wine, i'd think...ya know the blood and all.

Buddha: Tibetan (or maybe Nepalese?) Drink? I'm not away of any of these drinks. (i don't get out much)

Muhammad: I'll have water, thanks.

Daffy Duck...hmm...do they make fermented fish??
 

Madman

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Listen, it doesn't take a genius or a theologian to tell that the J-man was a homebrewer.

He turned water into wine as his first miracle!

Cool guy, nice story, but probably not god.
 

Madman

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If there was a god, beer would bring us closer to her.

But, since there isn't, beer just brings us closer to ogling tits.
 

david_42

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Wine-O. The kind of guy the Oregon gov' wants us beer drinkers to help rehab.
 

By-Tor

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Are jewish people white?
There have been fermentables a plenty in that part of the world for about 10,000 years, wine, and ale style beverages.
 
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