I need a sanity check....Long Story About the Wife

[smcinco]

Man, I'm really sorry that you're going through that. Horrible. One's gut is almost invariably correct. Schedule a polygraph. If you don't get a confession today you will in the parking lot before she takes it.

 

[Beer-lord]

I feel for ya and hope things work out but since it doesn't look good to me based on just what you posted, I'd say it might get nasty so if you can, keep or get all the evidence you can that she cheated on you. I'm not speaking from personal experience but from what I've seen from friends.......proving she fracked the marriage up makes things easier on 'your' side of the legal table.
Good luck!

 

[JohnSand]

I'm really sorry for your trouble. One way or another, I hope you find peace. I think you're right to want to check your conclusions. This situation sounds bad to me too, but I can't confirm your suspicions. If you can't resolve it to your satisfaction, I suggest you find a way to absolutely confirm or disprove her faithfulness. Hire some-one, get a friend she doesn't know to watch her, load spyware on the computer, put a tracker on the car, whatever it takes. At least then you'll know for sure, and you never have to look back. Use your intellect to make decisions, not your emotions, positive or negative.
Good luck.

 

[fuzzy2133]

I agree with the others don't ask unless you are mentally ready for the final goal of divorce if that is what it comes to. This definitely does not sound like flirting for free drinks.

 

[bob1852]

These types of things can be a blurry line in any relationship; but safe to say, it sounds like the line has been crossed. Repeatedly.

 

[Stillraining]

I have counted myself lucky to get such a great girl and always told people that I had married up. It just makes it that much more troubling to me.

You need to get over this part right away...experience talking here.
I thought my world was coming to an end when my Ex left me for another guy, because I thought she was my sole mate for life....I sulked around tor 3 years....then I found out something "There is not just one soul mate out there for you or perfect Match for you " there are tons of potential ones out there....and Oh So much fun finding them

I could find 50 easy in this picture below that would suit me just fine, and I her. Its more of a timing thing..you and her were in the right place together at the right time looking for love for it to work in the first place....That can and will happen again if you go look for it.

My current wife ( second ) is way different then my first ..better?.. yes and no. My point is there are LOTS of relationships to be had out there if you want another one.
First time shame on her...second time shame on you.....This milk is spilt and cant be put back in the bottle... and she is not the all around "great girl" you thought she was, sorry dude.... move on......Tough love but there it is brother. I do feel for you!!

Shed your tears, then dust off your bruised heart and replace her as fast as possible.


OK so the gal in the second picture isn't that hot.....but it gets my point across. And that is, your gal was just one in the crowd in the first place...... as are we all!!.

 

[NickTheGreat]

So sorry to hear this, dude. Hopefully there aren't any kids involved?

 

[Doctor_M]

Time to start moving monies to a secure place that she doesn't know about. I suggest a deep hole in the woods until the divorce is over.

 

[Psylocide]

Time to start moving monies to a secure place that she doesn't know about. I suggest a deep hole in the woods until the divorce is over.

Hopefully he sent those messages to a personal account... that's probably more than enough to prove emotional infidelity at the very least.

 

[sudbuddy]

This sounds like a horrible situation and I don't have much advice to give. I think Doctor_M is right, you should probably start moving your assets out of her reach, and I agree with everyone else that you need to gather evidence. As soon as you confront her she will start getting her wheels in motion, you need to beat her to it.

 

[So-Calbeerbrah]

I feel for you dude. I may not be a brewing expert, but I've been with my wife for 22 years, and can tell you that lasting relationships are built on trust.

Let us all know how "the talk" goes.

 

[UndeadFred]

Okay.. well everyone is going to hate me for saying this, but I'd end this thread on a beer home brewing group in case things get ugly. She will use it against you. Even if she doesn't want to once a vulture of a lawyer gets a hold of it... well....

But yeah.. if you are young and don't have kids, you need to make your mind up fast. Luckily I have no such issues with my wife, but I had a girlfriend like that and even though I was 100% in the right I am the one who suffered legally, fiscally and morally. Unfortunately even now, "from a guys point of view" things are stacked against you when dealing with authority.

Right off the bat if you have stuff in your profile here that can identify you, please remove them.

But if you do not have kids odds are that you will be better off ending this and finding a new relationship than trying to fix it... sorry.... it tends to only get worse with very little exception and life is short. If you have kids.. well.. that is more complicated. It usually ends up the same but being more stubborn is advised in that case. Good luck.

 

[Bosh]

In the past some of my wife`s friends were cheating so I got a front row seat to some of the song and dance. Things like:
-Sudden schedule changes on the weekend.
-Going waaaay out of their way to "prove" that they were hanging out with friends of the same gender when the person they were cheating with was also there (often double dates with me, my wife, cheater and pereon they were cheating with and then the cheater did a video call to show my wife`s face to "prove" it was only the two of them, kept my damn mouth shut bit damn that was painfult to watch).
-Lying about small details.

 

[Mismost]

Been married 31 years now and am happy. But, Buddy it took me three tries to get it right. I do regret those first two marriages...what happened to me...and what happened to them too. What ever you do, stay sane, stay in control...things can get real nasty, but you do not have to get nasty. Easier said than done. My heart and prayers go out to you.

 

[alane1]

That's a terrible situation to be in. My wife and I have been together for awhile and haven't had any problems like that but I had an ex back in the day that was cheating. She made me feel like I was crazy. I never had any proof, only suspicions. I'm not a jealous person by nature so the feeling of being suspicious drove me mental.
I eventually broke it off with her and started dating my future wife, what a world of difference. We're totally happy to this day. I later found out the truth of my ex's cheating from a "buddy" of mine that later confessed that she was cheating the whole time.
My point is that even if you don't have any hard-core evidence, a cheating spouse is just something you know. A wise old man once told me that if you suspect your girl is cheating...she probably is! Unless you are the jealous type, your suspicions are probably rooted in at least some truth. Just be sure to keep a cool head and don't do anything that can be used against you in court.
All the best, Cheers

 

[CGVT]

You know what's going on. Hell, you knew before you found the texts, you were just ignoring the facts.

That's the way it works.

There were/are probably more than this guy.

If there are no kids involved, run. Run fast and don't look back. If there are kids involved, run a little slower, but still run.

Life is too short to be miserable. If you stay, you will be miserable.

(BTW, I speak from experience and have seen it many times in other people)

 

[gspot]

My wife's sister started screwing another guy so she could get out of her unhappy marriage. For some reason, she felt that was the only sure-fire way out. I don't know you guys personally, but sometimes women (and men) do stupid **** like that instead of just openly saying they are unhappy and want out. You might want to address that potentiality in your discussion. I'm sure you're a great guy and all, but maybe this is her way of communicating that she's not emotionally mature enough to be in a committed relationship or just doesn't want to be in one. Take this with a grain of salt. ..

 

[theonetrueruss]

should have just collected evidence and hit her with it in court

 

[beerfactory]

should have just collected evidence and hit her with it in court

hate to admit, but this is what I what do were it my hat in the ring

 

[madscientist451]

Am I crazy to think something is going on here? There was a lot of just friendly banter in the text message outside of the specific examples that I brought up. I just feel, in my gut, like something happened while she was there and would likely happen again if they're back together for some reason. How does somebody approach this sort of subject in a marriage?

TLDR: I think my wife is messing around on me while out of town for business.

First of all, my qualifications to make comments about this: Married 22 years, knew her 7-8 years before marriage, now happily divorced, found a great lady who I'm going to stick with as long as she'll have me....
My ex was going on many trips without me, became somewhat more and more distant, finally hooked up with the guy she's now with......

So you really need to ask yourself: What is the state of your marriage?
Do you and the Mrs have it "going on" in and outside the bedroom? Are you and her friends? Do you do things together that are fun? Are you tired of her/ is she tired of you? Don't beat around the bush, ask her is she wants a divorce. If she says "yes", then get rid of her and move on, you can't change the way she feels. If she says "No" then find out what it is she wants from the marriage, maybe she needs some action on the side, is that a deal breaker for you? Be honest with yourself. Do you see your marriage being saved? I can't recommend divorce for anyone, it sucks. But you can come of out of it in way better shape than you are right now. Are you a happy person? Has the marriage been good or so-so for a while? Marriage counselors are of questionable value, some ok, some not so good.
Sorry its happening to you, but it seems like its the way things go these days. The good news is if you do split up, there has never been a better time to look for a new woman, there's plenty of them out there.....

 

[alha]

A little late to this party, but I will 3rd - or whatever - the thought of asset protection. Once the proverbial stuff hits the fan, as it most likely will, things could go in any direction, and I've seen some pretty despicable behavior. Since it's already evening, the discussion is probably already happening, and I hope you had a chance to take care of business before the it took place. Best of luck, hope you come out the on the other end in a better place than you have been for the last year. I believe you will, but it will probably be painful till you get there. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Hello]

She has no respect for you or her marriage. The minute she cheated, and letting a guy go down her pants IS cheating, that would be the end. While it is possible she'll never cheat again, I would not chance it. Now, some time later she's gearing up again.

I couldn't recover from cheating. I'd never believe a word the guy says to me if he cheated on me. If he was willing to disrespect me and the marriage once, he'd do it again.

Sorry man, I think she is a selfish woman who clearly needs to move on out. No doubt it's not that easy to you, but you know what has to be done. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself mad every time she's not by your side.

 

[CGVT]

She has no respect for you or her marriage. The minute she cheated, and letting a guy go down her pants IS cheating, that would be the end. While it is possible she'll never cheat again, I would not chance it. Now, some time later she's gearing up again.

I couldn't recover from cheating. I'd never believe a word the guy says to me if he cheated on me. If he was willing to disrespect me and the marriage once, he'd do it again.

Sorry man, I think she is a selfish woman who clearly needs to move on out. No doubt it's not that easy to you, but you know what has to be done. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself mad every time she's not by your side.

And if she tries to tell you how much she loves you and convince you to stay with her with really good sex, don't fall for it.

You will find good sex again

 

[Aristotelian]

If you didn't find the texts, would you say everything else in the marriage is OK? If so, then I could see how you might be able to work through this. If the cheating is just a symptom of deeper issues, it is time to talk to a lawyer and protect yourself. No kids involved?

 

[JeepGuy]

A lot of these responses are based on what I've presented as being cut and dry. What I presented is absolutely one sided, written out of pain and anger, and as such I'm sure it's painting her in as bad of a light as possible. We've had our discussion for tonight and didn't really get anywhere with it. She seems to think I'm crazy and I think she's either very stupid, very naive, or doesn't want to admit to what is happening. I actually think it's some of all 3 of those. She and I will be discussing it tomorrow again and from a slightly different approach.

 

[JeepGuy]

If you didn't find the texts, would you say everything else in the marriage is OK? If so, then I could see how you might be able to work through this. If the cheating is just a symptom of deeper issues, it is time to talk to a lawyer and protect yourself. No kids involved?

If I hadn't looked at the texts, I'd have not thought twice about the whole trip.

 

[treacheroustexan]

I dated a girl for a few years, and a year or so into it, we were "going at it" and her phone started going off, and I just happened to look over and see "hey baby/sexy/hun blah blah blah" blowing up her phone. Idiot me stayed in the relationship, and stuff like that kept happening. She said she would change each time, and it just didn't happen. Fortunately, I ended up getting out of it and it was the greatest thing ever. Don't end up like that. Yeah, you can work through it but it's not worth all of the worrying (maybe it is to you, just my opinion). My current girlfriend and I have been together 3 years and I haven't looked through her phone one time, and I don't feel like I have a reason to.

 

[Jravpro1]

Yeah, you gotta' have a talk with her. Be honest about how this aspect of her personality makes you feel. (Chicks get off on that touchy-feeley stuff.) It's great for her to act fun and flirty with YOU, but tell her you don't understand WHY she acts this way with other guys. See if you can get her to speculate on why she acts this way. Maybe she's masking some deep negative thoughts about herself? Everyone is insecure in their own way.

Ask her how she would feel if the situation was reversed: with you flirting and sending texts to women she doesn't know at 4AM, etc.

If she refuses to talk about it, or to listen to your feelings, or cop to her part of the situation; then you have a problem. Look for a marriage counselor who can help each of you discuss and understand your personal commitment to the marriage.

(My 2 cents...)

 

[GaBrewZoo]

Trust. That is the key. Been married 35 years. I've never thought twice about not trusting her. And I don't think she has about me. I work nights and sometimes she says she's going out with friends, some of which are guys and I tell her to have a good time and I'm not the least bit jealous. I trust her. If I found out something did happen, and I would, then that trust would be gone, and not earned back for a long time, if ever. Don't stay in a relationship without trust. You'll always be looking over everything they do and make both of you miserable.

 

[FatCat11cz]

It's time to take the red pill bro. I see a future MGTOW. (Man going their own way). Sorry to hear it man. Hopefully it will not cost you too much of all you have gained and work hard for to drop her.