Help with nickname, for a mash paddle!

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Jolly Alcoholic - In Remembrance 2023
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So i got this thing from someone else on the forum, who sadly stopped brewing... :(

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but anyway, i need a name for this mash paddle! that's a 10gal cooler it's sitting next too, and a 15 gal pot on the stove...i can't just call it mash paddle....? can i?
 
"Sedric the mash paddle, meet Bomqueesha the mash tun. I want you guys to get to know each other as Sedric will be stirring things around you from time to time. Also, this isn't an open relationship, but sometime Sedric will have to stir around the boil in Ms. Alstrom the Boil Kettle to prevent boil overs. What? No, I don't care if that makes you uncomfortable, we all have to work together. Now open up so I can clean you out. No, Glorifindel, dammit, Sedric and you are not going to be getting aquainted as there is no need for a mash paddle in a hot liquor tun!"
 
i think i like spankey, being i find myself, holding it with both hands thinking about smacking something with it a lot!
 
This is sort of a bad joke. But the LHBS I sometimes work for.. the guys running the shop ordered a batch of lots of random stuff from china. One of those items was a HUGE version of the OP's paddle. They didn't check the size of it before ordering, like a short handle but with a massive paddle. It was ridiculous. We just ended up calling it the wife-beater. "This one guy ordered a wife-beater, could you go find it while I fix the malt?"
 
As soon as I saw the title I was thinking Spanks A Lot. It looks like it's already going down that road....
 
I'm kind of partial to "Mash Master 3000".

I like that! Master Masher 3000, was using it yesterday stirring my boil kettle to raise the temp from 125f to 155f. still think about this too, both hands on the handle, about 2 feet sticking out the top of the pot.. and it's a 15 gal polar ware!
 
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