Funny things you've overheard about beer

[Tomcat0304]

One of the coworkers I work closely with regularly, whose roommate has a better brewing system than I, said the other day, "We brewed a light lager over the weekend." Trying to figure out what it was, I threw out Pilsner, Helles, possibly even Kolsch as options. He had to text his buddy to ask. The answer came back: "Saison". I don't know who was less informed...

 

[NickTheGreat]

friend: "So, I hear you started brewing your own beer?"
me: "Yeah, been reading up on it for a long time and started really getting into it now that I have some equipment. I've done 2 batches so far."
friend: "Cool. So...what kinda beers did you put into your beers?"
me: "uhhhh...I made a pale ale and a hefeweizen, that's a wheat beer."
friend: "yeah, yeah, but I mean what kinds did you put into them?"
me: "uhhhh...the hops I used were centennial and cascade for the....wait....what?"
friend: "Yeah I now this guy that makes his own beer too, he usually mixes Bud and Molson Ex so it has more taste. So what kinds did you put in it?''
me: ''Uhhhhhh.......uhhhhhhhh......made them straight from grain, with hops and yeast and stuff.''
friend: '' Hahahah...look at this guy, straight from the grain...lol. look at this Bud I'm holding, you see any grain in there? ...straight from the grain...dude you are too funny''

My wife's great uncle is known for making awesome BBQ sauce. He gave my FIL the recipe a year or two ago.

You start with Kraft BBQ Sauce, and add

Wait . . . your BBQ sauce recipe uses BBQ sauce as an ingredient?

Yes. So you add the chipotle and

 

[unionrdr]

That's when you pimp-slap them for wasting your time...

 

[Wolfdust]

Mom's chicken enchiladas was chicken tortilla and cream of the chicken or cream of mushroom soup can spread over. I never could eat it but every one in my family thought it was great. On a more related topics my coworkers heard that my latest beer is ready. Next thing I hear is I will bring your bottle tomorrow. Because they know if they want to try it they have to have returned the previous bottle or they won't get another. With the exception of my boss, he gave me a raise for no other reason than my family's hard times.

 

[Craigmn]

The girl who was training me for my new position was saying she liked coors because she is from Colorado. I commented that figured she would be a craft drinker being from Colorado and she didn't even know what that was

 

[troy2000]

My wife's great uncle is known for making awesome BBQ sauce. He gave my FIL the recipe a year or two ago.

You start with Kraft BBQ Sauce, and add

Wait . . . your BBQ sauce recipe uses BBQ sauce as an ingredient?

Yes. So you add the chipotle and

One of my brothers had a father-in-law who was justly renowned for his marinade/BBQ sauce. He used to send his sister in the Midwest a gallon of it every year, but he never gave her the recipe.

I was having coffee with him one morning as he went thru his mail, and he passed me a letter from the sister. She was pretty blunt: he was old and sick and wasn't going to live much longer, and she wanted that recipe before he died. He laughed and said, "if I give her the recipe, I'll die a lot sooner. Because she's a hardcore religious teetotaller, and my marinade is beer-based."

Add: I see nothing wrong with using a commercial sauce as the base for one's own version. If the makers have combined and cooked a good set of base ingredients, why reinvent the wheel? Let them do the grunt work, then add the tweaks that make the recipe yours.

 

[BrewinBromanite]

I guess even most of my favorite homemade BBQ sauce recipes include things like ketchup, yellow mustard, soy sauce, worcestershire, etc. All of those are essentially pre-made base ingredients, although it feels more original than starting with another straight up BBQ sauce.

Lol. I had a bunch of family over a couple years ago, and had some partial bottles of Stubbs, sweet baby rays, and bulls eye. Just mixed them all together. Everyone loved it on a bunch of grilled chicken, but couldn't figure out what it was.


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew

 

[ericbw]

LlNickTheGreat;6822479]My wife's great uncle is known for making awesome BBQ sauce. He gave my FIL the recipe a year or two ago.

You start with Kraft BBQ Sauce, and add

Wait . . . your BBQ sauce recipe uses BBQ sauce as an ingredient?

Yes. So you add the chipotle and

One of my brothers had a father-in-law who was justly renowned for his marinade/BBQ sauce. He used to send his sister in the Midwest a gallon of it every year, but he never gave her the recipe.

I was having coffee with him one morning as he went thru his mail, and he passed me a letter from the sister. She was pretty blunt: he was old and sick and wasn't going to live much longer, and she wanted that recipe before he died. He laughed and said, "if I give her the recipe, I'll die a lot sooner. Because she's a hardcore religious teetotaller, and my marinade is beer-based."

Add: I see nothing wrong with using a commercial sauce as the base for one's own version. If the makers have combined and cooked a good set of base ingredients, why reinvent the wheel? Let them do the grunt work, then add the tweaks that make the recipe yours.[/QUOTE]


Some people even object to ketchup as a base, but why add that to the process?

It's like with extract vs all grain beer.

 

[xandersaml]

One of my brothers had a father-in-law who was justly renowned for his marinade/BBQ sauce. He used to send his sister in the Midwest a gallon of it every year, but he never gave her the recipe.

I was having coffee with him one morning as he went thru his mail, and he passed me a letter from the sister. She was pretty blunt: he was old and sick and wasn't going to live much longer, and she wanted that recipe before he died. He laughed and said, "if I give her the recipe, I'll die a lot sooner. Because she's a hardcore religious teetotaller, and my marinade is beer-based."

Add: I see nothing wrong with using a commercial sauce as the base for one's own version. If the makers have combined and cooked a good set of base ingredients, why reinvent the wheel? Let them do the grunt work, then add the tweaks that make the recipe yours.

Some people even object to ketchup as a base, but why add that to the process?

It's like with extract vs all grain beer.[/QUOTE]

Maybe, but then you're tweaking and not creating
Ketchup as an ingredient that becomes bbq sauce is different than bbq sauce which becomes bbq sauce.
If you pour a BMC and add hops did you brew a beer? Just sayin'...

And a funny thing about beer - I know a guy who actually adds Frank's Wing Sauce to his BMCand thinks he created a beer.

 

[fimpster]

If you pour a BMC and add hops did you brew a beer? Just sayin'...

Haha, reminded me of THIS.

 

[unionrdr]

Uh...correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what we're already doing? I can see where non-brewers might like that one. But then, they could just by a craft beer with those flavors already in it. And I almost always use 'chup as a base for bbq sauces. Except for my Italian-style one.

 

[hunter_le five]

I've a brother that "doesn't like ales", but frequently drinks stouts, porters, Belgian beers, hefes... I think he just doesn't like APAs and IPAs, but doesn't fully understand what "ale" means.

 

[1977Brewer]

I've a brother that "doesn't like ales", but frequently drinks stouts, porters, Belgian beers, hefes... I think he just doesn't like APAs and IPAs, but doesn't fully understand what "ale" means.

My dad is the same way without the "anything that isn't made by Coors or Miller". The man drinks Keystone. I love him, but he drinks Keystone.

 

[Kirkwooder]

My dad is the same way without the "anything that isn't made by Coors or Miller". The man drinks Keystone. I love him, but he drinks Keystone.

There is nothing wrong with drinking bottled water.

 

[amfukuda]

There is nothing wrong with drinking bottled water.

I don't think keystone comes in bottles

 

[drainbamage]

I don't think keystone comes in bottles

That happened with a friend of mine too. He drank Miller Lite exclusively for years. A bunch of us were over at his house, and he had an 12-pack of Beast Light in bottles that his cousin had brought over. I didn't even realize they wasted glass on those kind of beers.

 

[Pyg]

I've a brother that "doesn't like ales", but frequently drinks stouts, porters, Belgian beers, hefes... I think he just doesn't like APAs and IPAs, but doesn't fully understand what "ale" means.

I have a family member who declared he did not like "ale" only lagers as he was sipping on a Brown's Cream Ale I had given him!

 

[MarshmallowBlue]

I have a family member who declared he did not like "ale" only lagers as he was sipping on a Brown's Cream Ale I had given him!

Give him one of the wicked hoppy jack's abby lagers and ask him what he thinks of lagers nowadays.

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Give him one of the wicked hoppy jack's abby lagers and ask him what he thinks of lagers nowadays.

Kiwi Rising is their best IMO

 

[gometz]

The comments on this article are pretty funny:
http://www.bonappetit.com/drinks/beer/article/helles-lager

 

[Bosh]

OK, so was visiting my mother in-law's new house on an island near Incheon, South Korea and I see some advertisements for local wine around. Knowing that Korea isn't exactly famous for wine production I'm skeptical but willing to give it a shot.

So we stop by a vineyard selling grapes (Korean table grapes are a LOT more like wine/juice grapes than American ones) and a bunch of other stuff and ask them about wine and they pull out a sample. Strong alcohol smell and taste and really sweet. Tastes exactly like grape juice mixed with soju (for soju imagine ****ty vokda mixed 50/50 with sugar water, nasty stuff 40-50 proof or so) because that's exactly what it was. I tell SWMBO that. She tells the dude that, he strongly denies it and pulls out another bottle for a sample. Tastes like slightly aged wine/soju mix. Better but still incredibly obvious that it never saw a speck of yeast.

SWMBO ended up buying a two liter bottle and then not drinking barely any of it. Sigh... At least it was cheap ($13 IIRC).

That's why you get a lot of comments about "adding the alcohol" when homebrewing here in Korea, because that's exactly how a lot of people make their "wine." Strangely enough, a lot of those "wines" taste OK if aged two years, the sweetness fades a bit and the alcohol smell and taste recedes. Still not good, but the blackberry "wines" are decent for a desert wine.

 

[Bosh]

OK, let's take another look at Home Brewing Without Failures (old and very outdated homebrewing guide from 1965) and post more stuff that sounds strange to me. I'm looking forward to some interesting well actuallys from people who know more than I do:
-He recommends scooping off the krausen during fermentation "if large amounts of yeast are made in a short time." And also scooping off any krausen that is left after final gravity is reached.
-He recommends getting a big polythene bag, putting in a barrel or any other big container and then dumping the wort in that and using it for a primary and then tying the bag loosely so CO2 can escape. Seems clever. But if the bag rips...
-He says to only use an airlock on your secondary not on your primary. I don't know why. I guess it's hard to put an airlock on a plastic bag.
-He thinks that draught beer is flat by definition.
-He says a good way of carbonating your beer is to catch your fermentation juuuuuuust short of final gravity and then bottling it so that it can finish fermenting in the bottle and carbonate that way. He says bottling at 1.005 gravity is safe, bottling at 1.008 gravity is pushing it a bit. This seems to assume that all beers will reach the same final gravity.
-He gives a nifty chart of how much OG you need to hit a certain ABV. 1.030 gives 2.9% ABV, 1.050 gives 6% ABV and 1.070 gives 9.2% ABV. This seems to be assuming that a LARGE percentage of the fermentables will be table sugar.
-"Hard water may be softened by boiling before starting the brewing."

 

[1977Brewer]

OK, let's take another look at Home Brewing Without Failures (old and very outdated homebrewing guide from 1965) and post more stuff that sounds strange to me. I'm looking forward to some interesting well actuallys from people who know more than I do:
-He recommends scooping off the krausen during fermentation "if large amounts of yeast are made in a short time." And also scooping off any krausen that is left after final gravity is reached.
-He recommends getting a big polythene bag, putting in a barrel or any other big container and then dumping the wort in that and using it for a primary and then tying the bag loosely so CO2 can escape. Seems clever. But if the bag rips...
-He says to only use an airlock on your secondary not on your primary. I don't know why. I guess it's hard to put an airlock on a plastic bag.
-He thinks that draught beer is flat by definition.
-He says a good way of carbonating your beer is to catch your fermentation juuuuuuust short of final gravity and then bottling it so that it can finish fermenting in the bottle and carbonate that way. He says bottling at 1.005 gravity is safe, bottling at 1.008 gravity is pushing it a bit. This seems to assume that all beers will reach the same final gravity.
-He gives a nifty chart of how much OG you need to hit a certain ABV. 1.030 gives 2.9% ABV, 1.050 gives 6% ABV and 1.070 gives 9.2% ABV. This seems to be assuming that a LARGE percentage of the fermentables will be table sugar.
-"Hard water may be softened by boiling before starting the brewing."

The last one is absolutely true, the rest is just flat out awesome.

 

[lowtones84]

While those outdated things are funny, people were doing without the equipment and ingredients that we have now, and what they understood at the time I think. I also often primary without an airlock, at least for the first 3-4 days. I also brew fairly low gravity ales that are ready to bottle within 7-10 days though.

It's still funny to look back on, I agree Sorry to "Well aaaaaaaaactuallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" you. Thanks for sharing!

 

[ericbw]

OK, let's take another look at Home Brewing Without Failures (old and very outdated homebrewing guide from 1965) and post more stuff that sounds strange to me. I'm looking forward to some interesting well actuallys from people who know more than I do:
-He recommends scooping off the krausen during fermentation "if large amounts of yeast are made in a short time." And also scooping off any krausen that is left after final gravity is reached.
-He recommends getting a big polythene bag, putting in a barrel or any other big container and then dumping the wort in that and using it for a primary and then tying the bag loosely so CO2 can escape. Seems clever. But if the bag rips...
-He says to only use an airlock on your secondary not on your primary. I don't know why. I guess it's hard to put an airlock on a plastic bag.
-He thinks that draught beer is flat by definition.
-He says a good way of carbonating your beer is to catch your fermentation juuuuuuust short of final gravity and then bottling it so that it can finish fermenting in the bottle and carbonate that way. He says bottling at 1.005 gravity is safe, bottling at 1.008 gravity is pushing it a bit. This seems to assume that all beers will reach the same final gravity.
-He gives a nifty chart of how much OG you need to hit a certain ABV. 1.030 gives 2.9% ABV, 1.050 gives 6% ABV and 1.070 gives 9.2% ABV. This seems to be assuming that a LARGE percentage of the fermentables will be table sugar.
-"Hard water may be softened by boiling before starting the brewing."

The carbonation idea is what George Washington's beer recipe says. Except dealing the barrel instead of bottles.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

my granny & grandpa used open fermentation with cheese cloth over the bucket. they bottled "right before it was ready" for a while. they found out that can be kinda dangerous. and my grandpa used to add a shot of vodka, everclear, or NE "lightning" to each bottle for extra kick.

 

[DrunkleJon]

my granny & grandpa used open fermentation with cheese cloth over the bucket. they bottled "right before it was ready" for a while. they found out that can be kinda dangerous. and my grandpa used to add a shot of vodka, everclear, or NE "lightning" to each bottle for extra kick.

That's how my grandfather made wine. Fruit plus yeast (I think) then he would get impatient and add vodka. Done!

 

[unionrdr]

When I was still making wine into my 20's, married with a couple kids, I used to make sparkling wines by bottling it when it was about 85% or so done fermenting. It was clear by then as well. Then age them in a dark hallway/closet thing between walls of the old house we lived in for a year. They'd be carbonated like champagne at that point.
No need to scoop off the krausen, but I read about the Burton blow-off method on Beersmith's site & they talked about why they did that. I just let it settle back down, as most do. And don't touch the remnants of the krausen! That ring around the collar is bitter & nasty.
The first wine kit I did about 1971 was a cardboard barrel sort of thing with a heavy plastic bag bladder sort of thing inside with an airlock to ferment wine in. It was 1 gallon, & worked just fine. I got like 4-5 wine bottles worth from a batch. Never leaked, but it was heavy & made for it's intended use.
And that's the way it was...

 

[GrogNerd]

picture from Brewing Beers Like Those You Buy, Dave Line. originally published 1978, my copy is from 1992

in the back center is what he calls a "polypin cube" which looks like hard plastic, similar to the one pictured here

which looks like a fairly decent FV. cheaper than buckets or glass and the ability to see your beer

 

[lowtones84]

Some of us (myself included) use those polypin cubes now, but not as a fermenting vessel. Beer can be packaged in them at low volumes of carbonation (like 1.2-1.5) and served with a spigot for results similar to a cask ale.

Alright, not funny. Somebody smack me