Funny things you've overheard about beer

[ubnserved]

Oof, poor guy. But then again he should have done a lot more research before buying anything.

I wonder if the people rating his floaty wine are qualified to rate any wine first off, second I wonder if he has entered any contests that would give him a more honest opinion of his creations. Nice thing about owning a Vineyard is that even if you do suck at making wine you can still grow the grapes and sell them to someone who knows what to do with them. This does not mean that he will have enough sense to do so but the opportunity is there.

 

[Hamaki]

I wonder if the people rating his floaty wine are qualified to rate any wine first off, second I wonder if he has entered any contests that would give him a more honest opinion of his creations. Nice thing about owning a Vineyard is that even if you do suck at making wine you can still grow the grapes and sell them to someone who knows what to do with them. This does not mean that he will have enough sense to do so but the opportunity is there.

Last I looked established vineyards are extremely pricey real estate. Depending on variety, quality & yield, wine grapes can gross many thousands of $ per acre but there are a lot of overhead costs, particularly if you need to hire someone who knows the business to advise or manage things for you.

 

[ubnserved]

Last I looked established vineyards are extremely pricey real estate. Depending on variety, quality & yield, wine grapes can gross many thousands of $ per acre but there are a lot of overhead costs, particularly if you need to hire someone who knows the business to advise or manage things for you.

Should be getting cheaper now with the drought. If you can't make a profit just from your crop you are doing something wrong. (Or did)

 

[gometz]

I wonder if the people rating his floaty wine are qualified to rate any wine first off, second I wonder if he has entered any contests that would give him a more honest opinion of his creations. Nice thing about owning a Vineyard is that even if you do suck at making wine you can still grow the grapes and sell them to someone who knows what to do with them. This does not mean that he will have enough sense to do so but the opportunity is there.

But that is still highly dependent on if his grapes are good enough. My dad has started his own little vineyard on his lot and it is a lot of details.

 

[Trippel-A]

It's amusing how many people are convinced that drinking Heineken or Stella makes them informed, discerning drinkers.

I went on a brewery tour with some people I play a game with, so a couple there were not nearly as into the beer as some of us, which is fine. The wife of the couple asks me what a porter is, and I shared a couple characteristics of a porter and compare to a stout, which I think may be more familiar. Her husband jumps in: "I love stouts! My favorite beers are Heineken, Stella, etc, etc... Guinness." I had know idea where he was going with that until he said Guinness.

 

[Shred]

Two trash bags walked into my favorite local liquor store. They were loud, probably already drunk and obnoxious trying to decide on which yellow, fizzy 40s they should grab.

At one point they stopped a clerk and asked if they'd ever heard of a Japanese beer called "Yuengling". We didn't have Yuengling in the state at the time but it still induced a shaking head and rolling eyes.

 

[worlddivides]

I was at a party last night with a pretty nice mixture of beer tastes (some BMC folks, some craft+BMC folks, some craft only folks, some craft+homebrew+BMC folks, and some "whatever exists is good" folks).

A guy there said "You can buy 24 cans of what I brought for the same price as the 6 bottles you brought." My response was simply "Uh, maybe. It's definitely a possibility," kind of purposefully not picking up on his basic assumption of "why would you buy that?"

I think he brought some cheap Mexican beer (Tecate or something cheaper) and I brought 6 bottles of one of Stone's IPAs (which were gone within 30 minutes after I got there).

To be honest, I doubt what he said was true since I think 6 bottles of Stone IPA would still be cheaper than 24 cans of Tecate.

 

[ubnserved]

I went on a brewery tour with some people I play a game with, so a couple there were not nearly as into the beer as some of us, which is fine. The wife of the couple asks me what a porter is, and I shared a couple characteristics of a porter and compare to a stout, which I think may be more familiar. Her husband jumps in: "I love stouts! My favorite beers are Heineken, Stella, etc, etc... Guinness." I had know idea where he was going with that until he said Guinness.

And once again because I'm a d!ck..... porter? Oh ..... oh yeah that was the guy carrying the luggage at the hotel next door.

 

[ubnserved]

I have tooooooo much time on my hands! And not enough energy.

 

[troy2000]

all of us that don't like BMC and/or their Lights are nothing more than self absorbed a-holes and snobs.


now that we got that out of the way: about 7 years ago I was brewing a batch while my in-laws were visiting. I was explaining everything I was doing while I was doing it. came time to sanitize my carboy, so I made a solution with iodaphor.
my MIL asks, "Is that the beer?"
me: "No. This is the sanitizing solution."
MIL: "Is it ready to drink?"
me: "No. This is the sanitizing solution."
MIL: "That looks dark. I don't like dark beers."
my in-laws idea of dark beer is "Bud Heavy"

A coworker asked me how I make beer, so I started describing the process. It seemed like about every third sentence he interrupted with, 'and then you boil the bottles?'

I don't think I ever got through to him that I NEVER boil the effing bottles!!!

 

[flugelizor]

My 5-year old niece after I explained my process for making beer:
"If that's all beer is, why does everyone say it's so bad for you? "

 

[ubnserved]

But that is still highly dependent on if his grapes are good enough. My dad has started his own little vineyard on his lot and it is a lot of details.

My son and a friend of his (also a Marine but reserve) were visiting today and they were taking me to all my Dr appointments. He is currently in college studying ag science etc said the are currently studying hops and grapes. His family farm is currently producing corn and beans and they are starting to do research on changing the crop to something else because the farm no longer produces the income to support the growing family. I just thought that it was odd that this conversation came up at the same time as this thread and I haven't seen the kid in almost a year and he brought it up because he knows that I brew and was wondering how well hops would grow in the Midwest (Nebraska ). I told him that he was jumping the gun and that he would have to do a lot more research and finish school before he was ready to start a hop farm in the middle of corn country.

 

[BeerGrylls]

Wait... You mean you don't pasteurize?! The horror!

 

[troy2000]

On a flight from Palm Beach last week, I'm sitting next to this chick, and she's putting away the vodka-sodas pretty good. Finally, toward the end of the flight, notwithstanding my best "I'm really reading here" pose with my kindle, I get lured into a conversation with her. Musta been the comment she made about my beer selection, a Brooklyn Lager (the best of a small selection, and not bad at all).

So she says "That's a really good beer", and I agree and we have a brief discussion about beer where she does all the talking and all I can squeeze in is a few nods. Then she comes out with "I'm a beer connoisseur". And I say, "Really? What kind of beers do you like?". And she says "Oh, Shocktop, Blue Moon, uh, and others". I nodded and smiled. Just could not think of a single {nice} thing to say after that.

I'm such a beer snob now. Oh, well, I guess there are worse fates.

I was on my way to work one afternoon a few years ago (2 1/2 hour drive I made at the beginning and end of each set of shifts), and stopped for a six pack of beer so I'd have it cold after work. I brought it up to the counter at a truck stop, and the gorgeous, long-legged Shoshone beauty working the cash register wrinkled her nose and said, "I don't know why guys always drink beer; I don't like it."

I asked her what she did like, and she said, "Jack Daniels."

I said idly, "I'll have to bring you a bottle of Jack some day then," and she said, "I get off at eight." Talk about calling my bluff...

When I say gorgeous, I mean gorgeous. I've never fooled around on my wife, but I do believe the only thing that kept me true that evening was the knowledge that both of the guys who could cover for me were out of town, and the guy I was relieving would wind up working back-to-back 12 hour shifts.

A couple of days ago, I walked up to a cashier with no other customers in a hardware store, and she said, "it's like I've been waiting just for you." I gave a dismissive little wave of my hand and said in a bored voice, "yeah... a lot of women do that." She cracked up and said, "that was good. Do you practice?"

When she asked what I wanted the tubing for and I told her homebrewing, she got downright enthusiastic. She asked me what I liked to make, and turned out to be genuinely knowledgable about beer. So I promised her some of the batch I was getting ready to bottle.

She made a point of mentioning her husband more than once though, so I don't think she's after anything but my beer.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

My 5-year old niece after I explained my process for making beer:
"If that's all beer is, why does everyone say it's so bad for you? "

that's not funny. that's simplistically beautiful. we need a 5 y/o president.

 

[GHBWNY]

...I don't think she's after anything but my beer.

Seriously, when you're good homebrewer, is there anything else???

 

[JohnSand]

that's not funny. that's simplistically beautiful. we need a 5 y/o president.

Haven't we had enough of that?

But I do love the straightforward logic of children.

 

[JohnSand]

My son and a friend of his (also a Marine but reserve) were visiting today and they were taking me to all my Dr appointments. He is currently in college studying ag science etc said the are currently studying hops and grapes. His family farm is currently producing corn and beans and they are starting to do research on changing the crop to something else because the farm no longer produces the income to support the growing family. I just thought that it was odd that this conversation came up at the same time as this thread and I haven't seen the kid in almost a year and he brought it up because he knows that I brew and was wondering how well hops would grow in the Midwest (Nebraska ). I told him that he was jumping the gun and that he would have to do a lot more research and finish school before he was ready to start a hop farm in the middle of corn country.

Good advice. But he may be onto something. When I was a child, Long Island agriculture was almost exclusively potatoes and ducks, followed by nurseries, sod and truck farms. In the '70s, someone thought he could make a go of wine grapes. People laughed. Now there are no ducks, few potatoes, but dozens of wineries and vineyards. Just a few have recently planted an acre or two of hops...
Sorry, I know that's not funny. "Rectum? damn well killed him!"

 

[masonsjax]

If you find humor in the straightforward logic of children, check out a BBC show called Outnumbered. It's hilarious!

 

[Melana]

Seriously, when you're good homebrewer, is there anything else???

Yes.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Yes.

And with one word, Melana made several dozen grown ass men giggle and blush...

 

[Melana]

And with one word, Melana made several dozen grown ass men giggle and blush...

What can I say... I'm talented!

 

[fredthecat]

"open fermented, producing a dark rich complex, creamy ale with port-like notes, and smooth chocolate undertones."

i've seen the phrase "open fermented" used in conjunction with stupid claims like this that suggest an "open fermentation" does X. correct me if im wrong but there would be many things more likely to result in darkness, richness, complexity and "port-like notes" than fermenting it in an open topped container.

 

[unionrdr]

Not the least of which would be wild yeasts & anything else wafting in in the old days.

 

[fredthecat]

lol no, try dark malts, dark sugars and time. not to mention that in lots of examples of open fermentation (ie. yorkshire squares) the larger building is secure from "wild yeasts". also CO2 is pushing away from the wort/beer.

 

[unionrdr]

If wild things can be kept at bay, then open fermentation is OK for the first 3-4 days. Then closed vessels are used.

 

[fredthecat]

so? didnt you suggest that open fermentation results in port like flavours?

 

[unionrdr]

Not me. I'm not going to trust 30-50 dollars worth of ingredients on ambient air.

 

[BeerGrylls]

The pro brewers (shipyard, Geary's, magic hat, dozens more) that use Alan Pugley's ringwood system will tell you that the beer tastes best when the FVs are open. But port-like notes? Really??

 

[fredthecat]

yeah, i dont mind if someone suggests using it (it's totally valid), but it does not affect the colour or "richness" of it