I'm going to apologize to all up front, but I have to get this out or I will explode at someone undeserving of my anger and guilt.
I've lost the pics of our ever loving, constantly shedding, fur tumbleweed creating, pain in the a$$ beagle hound mix. Never failed to get me up at least once in the middle of the night to go pee, and haven't slept straight thru in over 8 years even tho she always managed to sleep all day lol..... But we loved her no matter what.
So tonight, I had to let her settle into her final nap. While I was at my ever fvging all so important job 2 hours away, my poor faithful companion was laying on the hardwood floors all alone seizing over and over again into a massive stroke that rendered her blind, deaf and unable to get up, forcing her to lay in her own waste for hours until my wife got home.
It's been a helluva week. Father in law passed exactly one week ago right about now. Only thing I can do to assuage my guilt and self loathing is convince myself that he is lonely and wanted his buddy to keep him company. Whenever we would go out of town over night, he would watch Freedom (she was born Sept. 2001). You'd come in the room, him sitting in his recliner, her at his side, scratching her ears. He'd see you come in and say 'go away dog, you're bugging me' lol. We all knew different.
I will miss her as much as I miss each one I've had and had to ease their sufferings as well. Is it fair we do that to them? Is it fair we do that to ourselves? I know in short order I will be at the shelter again, looking for that poor lost soul wanting nothing but love, wanting nothing but to give that unconditional love only our beloved dogs can give, but for right now, I prefer to shamelessly and openly declare to you all, I sit here with a couple fingers of small batch and a primo double maduro robusto, crying like a two year old, and celebrate the memory of our wonderful Freedom.
Again, my apologies for being such a downer, but it feels good to vent with the relative anonymity of this board, and tomorrow I will be able to recover my senses and move on as any reasonable man should.
Thanks for tolerating me....
B n B out
Sent from my BrewPhone using Home Brew, cuz I really didn't want to fire up the computer to post this.