Dealing with Angry Wife when Upgrading Brewing Equipment: A How-To Thread

[Brewmegoodbeer]

Fellow Brewers,

My wife gets very angry every time I make a brewery upgrade. The first time, it was the 5 gallon Spike conical (~450) and she was very angry as she thought it should be a mutual buying decision aka I should have asked her before I spent my money. This time it was the Spike hot liquor tank (~650). She is livid. On both purchases, I used Klarna which allows one to make 6 months in payment plans 0 percent interest.

I love the hobby of brewing and I am slowly upgrading my brewery to the exact way I want it. It would model the Spike Brewing system when I am finished. She doesn’t understand why I keep buying expensive things to brew with and just wants me to use what I have. In a way, she’s right. I can brew with what I have but I want to brew with what I WANT. I went to college for 10 years and sacrificed almost all of my twenties to earn a doctorate degree. Not to boast, but Ill just be breaking the six figure mark in salary this year. I want to enjoy my hobbies. We have a considerable amount of debt that is being slowly but surely paid off. She wants most of my pay and hers to go to paying off debt but where is the enjoyment on sacrificing after you have already sacrificed 10 years of your life to get where you are? Anyways...
Do any of you guys/gals deal with the same thing from your significant others and if so, how do you manage?

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Okay, you are not likely to get understanding and support going the “it’s my money” route. Clearly she thinks the purchase is large enough to get in the way of your get out of debt goal. If she spent $600 on a coach bag or shoes, here and there would you mind? Does she have a negative opinion of your brewing, or think it takes away from your relationship somehow?

Perhaps have the conversation before the next purchase to explain the benefits of going stainless etc. Also even though you are likely correct about “asking permission” work at reframing that to something like you and she have a goal to get out of debt, and that is why you are discussing the purchase.

You should be able to enjoy the fruits of your hard work, and enjoy a hobby.

 

[kevin58]

Fortunately no. My wife and I have never argued over money which I understand is rare. It sounds as if you both need to sit down and make a household budget for all of your expenditures ...including allowing a percentage for entertainment.

 

[Iseneye]

It sounds like you see the money you earn as yours while she sees the money both of you earn as joint money. If she was grumpy with your first purchase then you made a mistake with the second purchase without discussing with her. You need to sit down and do a budget with her and allocate discretionary spending amounts.

My wife and I have separate bank accounts plus a joint account we pay into. Solves any arguments.

 

[WBB]

If I’m not mistaken, money is one of the top reasons for divorce. You want to be able to do what you want and she wants to be able to do what she wants.

Instead of klarna, just talk to her about setting up separate personal accounts. And you each can put 50 or 100 a month in or something. And you can do whatever you want with yours and she can do whatever she wants with hers. If you save up 10k at some point and you want to buy a 10k system, then it’s understood you can without any backlash. If she saves up 15k and she wants to buy diamond earrings, cool. If she wants to use it to pay down debt, we’ll thats nice.

The key is making sure all you’re financial commitments are being met.

If you save up 10k and drop it on a new brew system and you’re 2 months late with the mortgage or the car payment, we’ll then all bets are off.

 

[schmurf]

As they say, it's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

When that doesn't work, then the suggestion of saving some money every month in separate personal accounts for personal purchases sounds like a good idea.

 

[Iseneye]

As they say, it's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

When that doesn't work, then the suggestion of saving some money every month in separate personal accounts for personal purchases sounds like a good idea.

I know it is just a saying but it is a stupid one. It is way easier to ask for permission than forgiveness.

 

[Soulshine2]

Fellow Brewers,

My wife gets very angry every time I make a brewery upgrade. The first time, it was the 5 gallon Spike conical (~450) and she was very angry as she thought it should be a mutual buying decision aka I should have asked her before I spent my money. This time it was the Spike hot liquor tank (~650). She is livid. On both purchases, I used Klarna which allows one to make 6 months in payment plans 0 percent interest.

I love the hobby of brewing and I am slowly upgrading my brewery to the exact way I want it. It would model the Spike Brewing system when I am finished. She doesn’t understand why I keep buying expensive things to brew with and just wants me to use what I have. In a way, she’s right. I can brew with what I have but I want to brew with what I WANT. I went to college for 10 years and sacrificed almost all of my twenties to earn a doctorate degree. Not to boast, but Ill just be breaking the six figure mark in salary this year. I want to enjoy my hobbies. We have a considerable amount of debt that is being slowly but surely paid off. She wants most of my pay and hers to go to paying off debt but where is the enjoyment on sacrificing after you have already sacrificed 10 years of your life to get where you are? Anyways...
Do any of you guys/gals deal with the same thing from your significant others and if so, how do you manage?

I just read this to my wife. Her words- " If you were making 6 figures ,Id be telling you to buy whatever the F*** you want. I love beer."
IMHO- yes, its joint money but you also need to enjoy life in the meantime of paying off debt. Do you involve her in your hobby ? Does she want to help ? Do you brew anything especially just for her? What does she do ? If I understand your post, those ~ are $ ...dude, you dropped $1100 on 2 pieces of equipment ...I barely have $400 in my entire rig and supplies.
I keep a Hefeweizen around just for mine. I throw ideas at her when I'm wanting to brew something . I ask her opinion often,because thats how our marriage works. She's asked me a few times if theres any brewing things Id want ,for birthday or Christmas ideas,etc. I'm happy with the equipment I have as it works just fine.

 

[Bobby_M]

You need a mad money fund. Its for buying things only you want and you dont rationalize or ask permission for. Wife gets one too. It is funded by a portion of your joint salary, something you both decide on.

Never try using the "I earn more money so I deserve....." Statement in any arguement.

It is my opinion that paying down debt quickly is a noble goal. Cant blame your wife for that.

I'm sure its not just school loans either. Both have car loans or leases right. Mortgage? Pay now or pay more later.

Hey, this is coming from someone who makes more money by upselling people on more gear. I just choose not to unless customers demand it.

 

[mongoose33]

I'm always amazed that people enter a marriage but then decide, in the spirit of non-commitment, to not commingle their funds, and that major decisions regarding those funds don't require a negotiation and agreement.

I'm in a marriage, not in a "friends with benefits" arrangement where she makes the house payment, I buy the groceries kind of thing. She's my partner, with all that implies. Partner. Maybe the unwillingness to share decisions of magnitude is a sign of something amiss in the marriage?

Do you have a partner?

If you have a lot of debt, the smart move generally is to get rid of it. Oh, a house loan is one thing, but if you have any debt that sucks interest out of you that is more than the home mortgage, it's a financial mistake to carry it. Like credit card debt.

Now, I don't know all the details of your situation, such as were you married when you were in graduate school, do you have or plan to have children, and so on, but I was married when I was in grad school and I do have two children.

I also have a doctorate--and I invested 10.5 years in college. Sound familiar? Guess who also sacrificed while going through the last 5.5 years of that? Yeah. My wife. When I was going to school, she worked. She made more money than the relatively meager stipend I received. But all that money went into the single checkbook we had.

Once we had kids, I was about 38 years old when we got to the end of a month before we'd gotten to the end of the money. Normally the last few days of the month were mac and cheese, hamburger helper types of meals, cleaning out the pantry, like that. Oh, I was/am a professor but we had two young kids and my wife was a stay-at-home mom, so we scrimped. Better to have her as our "day care" than to pay for it, we believed. And it was the right choice for us. When the kids went to school, she went back to teaching.

I personally think you owe your wife a big apology, and you should figure out a way to negotiate these things. It sounds to me as if you don't have much of a long-term view of your lives together, and if that's the case, IMO you have some soul-searching to do. It sounds like you've done this repeatedly and despite her opposition, you forge ahead anyway.

And I think you need to decide if you're in a marriage, or some other social arrangement in which the rules are not as clear.

Sorry about the rather harsh take on this. As always, it's my 2 cents.

 

[Bobby_M]

I just read this to my wife. Her words- " If you were making 6 figures ,Id be telling you to buy whatever the F*** you want. I love beer."

Its a trap. There's always a salary threshold that people think if I could just get to there, life would be so easy and we could do whatever we want. As you get closer or pass it, you realize it was a mirage after all. Habits scale incredibly well.

 

[kingmatt]

I am kind of in the opposite situation, my wife ENCOURAGES me to buy brewing stuff and I usually talk myself out of it because of the cost. She is a natural born shopper and I am not (cheapo) so whenever I do buy something, I think she feels a little less guilty about her spending. Not that I get on her for her shopping....she does make WAY more $ than I do, after all.

 

[Jag75]

Just do what I do . What I've learned in my 24 yrs of marriage is that it's better to ask forgiveness then permission lol.

 

[Jtvann]

Fellow Brewers,

My wife gets very angry every time I make a brewery upgrade. The first time, it was the 5 gallon Spike conical (~450) and she was very angry as she thought it should be a mutual buying decision aka I should have asked her before I spent my money. This time it was the Spike hot liquor tank (~650). She is livid. On both purchases, I used Klarna which allows one to make 6 months in payment plans 0 percent interest.

I love the hobby of brewing and I am slowly upgrading my brewery to the exact way I want it. It would model the Spike Brewing system when I am finished. She doesn’t understand why I keep buying expensive things to brew with and just wants me to use what I have. In a way, she’s right. I can brew with what I have but I want to brew with what I WANT. I went to college for 10 years and sacrificed almost all of my twenties to earn a doctorate degree. Not to boast, but Ill just be breaking the six figure mark in salary this year. I want to enjoy my hobbies. We have a considerable amount of debt that is being slowly but surely paid off. She wants most of my pay and hers to go to paying off debt but where is the enjoyment on sacrificing after you have already sacrificed 10 years of your life to get where you are? Anyways...
Do any of you guys/gals deal with the same thing from your significant others and if so, how do you manage?

I noticed the first time you said "we" was when you mentioned debt. You recognize the debt as shared and the income as my and hers. Someone has already said it above, money disputes is the number one reason for divorce.

Not trying to put my life choices and decisions down your throat, but to gain some insight into her perspective, and also possibly learn something yourself, listen to "Dave Ramsey". Possibly read "The Total Money Makeover". That book and way of life goes to the extreme and may not be acceptable to everybody, but it points out some hard facts to swallow about money decisions. It will for a fact explain to you your wife's perspective.

If you dont even want to consider doing anything in the paragraph above, just simply make a budget. Sit down once a month at a minimum and talk about every cent that's coming in vs going out. You'll immediately feel like youve gotten a pay raise.

 

[lump42]

Most issues and failures in a relationship (romantic, work, or friendship) seem all to stem from a lack of or poor communication.

I agree with what many others have said start a separate fund for personal purchases. If it's a large enough purchase that you are getting a line of credit, even if the interest is zero for the first few month, it's a large enough purchase that it should at least be mentioned between all parties involved. Even if you don't make a formal budget at least talk with your wife and setup an emergency fund and play fund.

And as Bobby said, the salary threshold is a trick. There's studies indicating that the amount of disposable income is pretty flat in respect to rising income.

 

[itsnotrequired]

wife trusts my judgement and knows i do a lot of research so is a bit more comfortable with large brewing purchases. i did run the larger purchases by her so it wasn't a huge deal. the 'buy once, cry once' philosophy works pretty well here. assuming you are not going to scale up in volume, that fancy hlt should last you the rest of your life. same for the fermenter. you could argue it is more cost-effective in the long run since you aren't buying 'cheap' equipment that will need to be replaced. this can be a trap though. after all, a hlt is more or less a water tank, does it need to be fancy stainless?

at the end of the day, you want to brew on what you want, not what works. it is a hobby, it isn't necessarily meant to be economical. sure, it may take some extra months to pay off a mortgage or a loan or whatever but hey, you need to live your life as well. do you want to squander your 'prime years' to be in a slightly better position when you are older?

 

[Still Brewn]

Mongoose said it best. It is not better to say sorry, it is better to have a discussion about what you want and what she wants. Another thing "asking permission" implies you are a child and she is your mother, in a healthy marriage you dont ask permission for things or to do things you have a talk about what you want and come to some sort of compromise. If you are in a lot of debt I can see her point of view. 0% interest is great but how much more are you paying out because you spent the money on one thing instead of paying extra something with a high interest rate. Even making a payment early every month can have a huge impact on the amount of interest you are paying. Take a home loan for example. Paying your mortgage at the beginning of the cycle knocks off the interest that you would have to pay on the principle due each month because interest is compounded every day not once a month. For our purchase of a house it has saved us around 10k so far and since we are about to have no debts my wife has no problems buying the things I want or the things she wants.
Marriage is hard work it may be the hardest job you ever have and if you have the attitude that this is mine and that is hers you will fail. This is ours should be the only thing comes out of your mouth. And I don't apologize for being harsh this is reality.

 

[SEndorf]

Can't get the entire picture from a couple of paragraphs, but your situation is not uncommon.
You schooled your ass off and are now receiving the benefits.
You would like to reward yourself with a hobby.
She wants to slam dunk the debt.
Finding middle ground through communication should not be that difficult. It doesn't appear that your brewery expenditures are outlandish, and she can't realistically expect ALL your disposable income to the debt load.
Find that middle ground sweet spot of fun money so there's not WWIII every time you upgrade.
Counseling could help you get there too.

 

[Immocles]

Mongoose said it best. It is not better to say sorry, it is better to have a discussion about what you want and what she wants. Another thing "asking permission" implies you are a child and she is your mother, in a healthy marriage you dont ask permission for things or to do things you have a talk about what you want and come to some sort of compromise.

Agreed, I hate seeing/hearing the word permission used in relationships. There’s a difference between asking permission and making a plan before a purchase. It’s not necessarily about the value, it’s about respecting that she has an opinion on it.

Now if she’s still a hard no, and you’re 100% yes, woof. Best of luck on that decision.

 

[Jayjay1976]

Happily married for 18 years here, it sounds like she just needs some visibility to your plans. I would suggest drawing up a list of all the major upgrades you intend to make over time (<~$150), and then calculate the total expenditure so that she can see it's not a never-ending endeavor, then come to some agreement on how to space out these purchases.

This has worked well for me until time came for spur-of-the-moment, impulse-type purchases that fell outside the plan.
For that I suggest starting a brewery-specific savings account, piggy bank, etc.

What I've been using personally for a couple of years now is an investment app called Acorns that you connect to your bank account, and when daily purchases are made, Acorns rounds them up to the next dollar and deposits the virtual "pocket change" to a money market account. You can also schedule weekly or monthly additional transfers, say $20 per week in addition to the daily round-ups. In addition, you can set it to tack on additional whole dollars to the round-ups; say you spend $45.30 on gas this morning, Acorns will round that up to $46 and add $1, then it deposits $1.70 for that purchase into the savings/money market account where it earns even more money for you. Sounds like nonsense but it adds up fast and you won't even feel it in your monthly budget.

When you need to make a purchase, you can make a withdrawal through the app at which time Acorns sells off fractions of shares you own, then the money is deposited right back in your bank account. In my experience, this can take 2-3 days, which is also a nice cooling off period before you pull the trigger on that newfangled piece of brewery bling.

 

[davidabcd]

No. Joint decisions on anything over an agreed upon amount. Since the solution is so obvious, there's something else going on here.

It sounds like you want others (here) to help you justify what you clearly think you shouldn't have done. If you want a doormat, marry a doormat.

Anything further that I have to say would come across as too harsh.

 

[grampamark]

Hobbies aren’t a matter of life or death. Nobody dies if you don’t get a new fermenter/whatever. Hobbies shouldn’t be the cause of friction in a relationship. Best case scenario is both partners have hobbies. If only one is passionate about a hobby, and it’s related accoutrements, and the other frowns on having fun, and on spending money on anything fun-related, well, you got trouble in River City.

I started brewing about 8 years ago, which was also the year my wife retired after 30 years as a teacher. She had wanted to take up quilting, since both her mother and sister had been avid quilters for years. But, only having the summer months for hobby time, she wanted to wait until retirement to take up a time-consuming hobby.

In the past 8 years, I’ve finished a 14x20 room in the basement for my wife’s “quilting studio”. She’s bought two sewing machines, dozens of special tools, and enough fabric to stock a small fabric shop. Probably a little north of $10K, all in. I’ve spent a little over a grand on my ghetto quality brewing rig, kegerator, and related hardware. I spend about $500 bucks/year on ingredients. I passed the point of paying for my equipment a couple of years ago. Now, I spend half as much on ingredients as I would otherwise spend on beer. My hobby actually saves a little money; hers costs money. BFD. It’s only disposable income and there aren’t trailer hitches on hearses.

Perhaps the key to avoiding marital discord over hobby expenses is to wait until the kids are grown, educated and married to take up a hobby that involves any significant expense.

 

[davidabcd]

I've seen the "ask for forgiveness, not for permission" theme a few times.
Please, anyone thinking of using that cutesy move, don't. Besides showing an utter lack of respect for a partner, it backfires in the long run.

 

[Kharnynb]

with debt, pay off everything that isn't houseloan or study debt, until then, you can deal with "subpar" brewing gear fine.

Once you are at least safe enough that you can even lose your job and not be immediately homeless, then there is room to go a bit more nuts..

 

[homebrewcrew]

Pay off every dollar of debt you have before you buy any “toys” or do anything beyond what’s imperative to stay alive. After that you can buy whatever you want. Having debt, especially debt you’re paying interest on makes zero sense. Not paying extra to get rid of debt and instead buying “toys” is only hurting you in the long run. That’s my opinion and how I’ve always lived my life.

 

[Oyarsa]

I'm essentially in the exact spot you are. I love this hobby. I want new gear. I make approximately 135k a year, but due to various choices in life (getting a music degree first, significant school loan debt due to having a kid during school and marrying someone I shouldn't have, paying for things for exes I shouldn't have, etc.) I also have significant debt.

We (my second wife and I) are trying to get out of debt. We've made slow progress, but I've found that life has a way of creating several large, unexpected, and necessary expenses every year without fail. And at any moment, something could happen that costs even more, no matter how great things are going or healthy you are.

Getting out of debt doesn't have to be your only priority, but it should be your highest priority.$650 can go a long ways toward paying off your debt, even if you're in a situation like us where it seems like a small fraction of what you owe or what you make.

Also...ten years is an insignificant amount of time in a life. Yes, you and I sacrificed 10 years to our degrees, 22 if you include all years of school. We can spend the next 10 years having fun and getting into debt and spending the next 40 or 50 years getting out of it, or you can sacrifice another 10 years to getting solid financially and spend those 40 to 50 years living comfortably.

My advice if possible: return the tank and pay it to one of your debts instead. It will show your wife you are willing to sacrifice for the family, show you can admit to making bad choices, and will give you more money in the long run. Frankly, having a happy wife is worth more than any tank any day. A wife can make you much happier than having the tank could or make you much more miserable than not having the tank could. Your choice...

 

[balrog]

Its a trap. There's always a salary threshold that people think if I could just get to there, life would be so easy and we could do whatever we want. As you get closer or pass it, you realize it was a mirage after all. Habits scale incredibly well.

Amen

I've been married 30 years.
It's a marriage.
It's not two people doing two different things at the same place. That's cohabitation.
If you both don't feel the same way about <fill in the blank> it doesn't get better by itself or go away on its own.

My $0.02.

 

[bobeer]

My Wife and I run a financial business. It's her business but since we're married, and consider ourselves a team, I say WE run the business. I don't know anything about accounting or what goes into her clients but we make business decisions together. We have a joint account and she does all the family accounting. We always ask each other if we can afford it before we make any purchases. Not so much to ask permission but maybe there's something better we could put money into this month, or there might be an event we forgot about that we wanted to go to, or maybe we need a vacation sooner than we need what it is we want to buy. Bottom line is, if she already told you it made her mad the first time, then you did it again, what did you expect? Women can be more emotional then men thus making them irrational at times. (Men can be guilty of this too) You could be a billionaire 10 times over and she'd still care because she doesn't feel like a team. Just because you make enough money doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want with it. You're married and you're in a partnership.
If I were you I'd make a list of everything you want to buy until you get your brewing setup to where you want it. Price it all out and present it to her. Tell her you want to still enjoy your hobby while paying off the debt you racked up while being in school. Put it on an emotional level because brewing the way you want to, not the way she wants you to, makes you happy. You spent all that time in school so you could earn enough to pay the debt while also enjoying life. Come up with a yearly plan of all the big purchases and how/when you're going to pay them. Once that's done come up with a schedule for when you can buy your toys. If you want a happy marriage that is really the only way to go about it. Communication is key to a happy marriage. Good luck!

 

[bracconiere]

how do you manage?

i stay single....

 

[lump42]

i stay single....

Your choice or theirs?

 

[bracconiere]

Your choice or theirs?

it's mutual!

 

[itsnotrequired]

Pay off every dollar of debt you have before you buy any “toys” or do anything beyond what’s imperative to stay alive. After that you can buy whatever you want. Having debt, especially debt you’re paying interest on makes zero sense. Not paying extra to get rid of debt and instead buying “toys” is only hurting you in the long run. That’s my opinion and how I’ve always lived my life.

but that cuts both ways. i'm not going to not take vacations, drive a crappy car, not go to the movies, not go out to dinner, etc. because i have a mortgage or some other debt and want to pay it off asap. that is the whole purpose of debt, it allows you to do something you otherwise wouldn't be able to do. sure, you 'pay more' in the long wrong but seems like that is a small price to pay to not live like a hermit. you only get one ride, might as well enjoy some of it.

 

[bleme]

As much as I love brewing, I'm leaning toward the wife on this one. We don't buy anything over $100 without talking about it and debts come first.

 

[Schlenkerla]

I don't know that I can add to this other than agree that your wife has right to be pissed. Sounds like you didn't address the issue the first time. Hence its no surprise now that she's pissed.

1- Setting budgets are a must.
2- Pay off all your debt first. (Non-mortgage)
3- Avoid big unnecessary expenses (See item #2)
4- Work off cash as a personal monthly allowance to monitor disposable spending.
5- Set aside your brewing funds until you are able pay for upgrades within the next credit card billing cycle. (Do so within item #4)
6- Brew within your means.

 

[Soulshine2]

Its a trap. There's always a salary threshold that people think if I could just get to there, life would be so easy and we could do whatever we want. As you get closer or pass it, you realize it was a mirage after all. Habits scale incredibly well.

what ??? I don't know their bills or needs but if somebody makes 6 figures and cant budget in entertainment or hobbies is severely mismanaging their money. (sorry OP) . Im sorry, my wife and I together luckily make mid- 5 figures and we manage to have fun . we go out to eat once in a while , we buys things, new clothing . GOOD FOOD and alcohol .She wont buy anything unless she absolutely "loves it" . I can live pretty simply. We discuss buying large purchases for rationality and practicality. She buys my brewing things if I put them in the Amazon cart . Life is too darn short to live like you cant have things. You go bust your butt 8-12 hrs a day 5-7 days a week , have something to show for it. LIVE. Whatever you're doing with 6 figures that the man cant have some brewing equipment ... cut down on some stuff you really "don't need" ,there is always something to cut out of the budget. Like ,just as an example, how many pairs of shoes does she have and how many of those that she actually wears .
I apologize. I once made high 5 figures for years by myself. My ex-wife mismanaged our money for years before I found out and in the mean time I couldnt have things, but she snuck buying a lot of frivolous things without my knowing plus credit debt.
Its time for a sit-down for a serious marital financial discussion... I guarantee it'll open your eyes.

 

[ehk089]

Is this a troll....or what?

 

[seatazzz]

I personally don't think it's a troll, but it seems to be an ongoing theme that I've read many times in my three years here. A happy marriage, to me, is two people (I don't care what gender) who have a common goal; to live their lives together in as much harmony as they can muster. Yes there are going to be hiccups along the way; if you know someone in a storybook "perfect" marriage, look for the prescription bottles in the medicine cabinet next time you visit. Yes, biased a bit, but I've seen too many of these "perfect" marriages spiral into disaster.

My husband and I have been married 14 years, together for 18; lots of issues that we have worked through over the years. He has a shoe fetish (okay maybe not a fetish, but there's a reason I call him the Imelda Marcos of Washington), I've been known to have a gambling problem. We've worked through it. When he feels the urge to buy the latest sneaker, he has to buy me a pair before he buys one for himself; if I feel the pull of the steering wheel when I pass a casino, I just have to think of what brewing equipment/ingredients I could buy with that money instead. So...that being said, I have some great shoes, and he has delicious beer to drink at home. Forgive me, but if you're in a committed relationship, it comes down to being less selfish, and thinking about the other person (or persons, if kids are involved) before you go out and spend +$1k on a brewing system that may mean you and the missus are eating Kraft dinner 5 days out of 7 (NTTAWWT) instead of something different, or putting off an electric bill instead of watching GOT. I learned a long time ago that asking permission for what I want is counterproductive, and almost always starts a fight; instead, I start a conversation about what beers we like, and what he might want me to brew; then we talk about $$, and if it's not feasible, oh well. There's always next paycheck when maybe more funds will be available.

Long post I know, but it all comes down to....if you don't communicate, and agree, sh*t goes down hill really quick.

 

[NGD]

what ??? I don't know their bills or needs but if somebody makes 6 figures and cant budget in entertainment or hobbies is severely mismanaging their money. (sorry OP) . Im sorry, my wife and I together luckily make mid- 5 figures and we manage to have fun .

Income is completely relative to your surroundings. For example its very difficult to live in San Fransisco on a high 5 figure salary. A 242sq ft apt will cost you a paultry $1600/mo, and thats the cheapest I could find.

Have to agree with others. Debt sucks. Work with your partner.

 

[Dland]

Hey hey, this has gone on a serious tone for quite too long without any sign of original poster. Time of the night for drunken ramblings:

To OP I'd say; do you love her? Does she love you? If so, figure it out between you, if not, figure it out between you.

My first thought was: wife,.. beer? wife,... beer? but then I realized the question was not; wife,... beer? but; wife,... beer making bling?

If she is nice at all, I'd go with the wife in that case, and by that I mean harmony with wife over splurge purchases.

If you are willing deal with humble appearances, you can make great beer with DYI & cobbled together gear, low cost, buy some pretty stuff when you're paid off, if you still want too.

 

[Schlenkerla]

Hey hey, this has gone on a serious tone for quite too long without any sign of original poster. Time of the night for drunken ramblings:

To OP I'd say; do you love her? Does she love you? If so, figure it out between you, if not, figure it out between you.

My first thought was: wife,.. beer? wife,... beer? but then I realized the question was not; wife,... beer? but; wife,... beer making bling?

If she is nice at all, I'd go with the wife in that case, and by that I mean harmony with wife over splurge purchases.

If you are willing deal with humble appearances, you can make great beer with DYI & cobbled together gear, low cost, buy some pretty stuff when you're paid off, if you still want too.

The temptation is there. However, we shouldn't talk about the OP. The mods will delete it if it's the wrong tone.