Beer and Bonding

[RedGuitar]

I just got back from a 3 day canoe/camping trip with a buddy of mine. We've been very good friends for years, kind of an instant friendship sort of thing. He doesn't drink any alcohol at all, simply because he doesn't like the taste (he's actually really into soda, and goes on quests for the "craft" sodas like we go on quests for craft beers). And I got to thinking about this after our trip; I've been good friends with this guy for a long time, but I feel closer to guys who I've known for not as long but will sit down and have a beer with. What is it about drinking a beer together that improves bonding?

I don't think this is just me, either. I have an uncle who enjoys drinking beer, whereas my dad and my grandparents don't drink at all. Growing up I was never close to my uncle, but now he and I have become good friends because we have shared some afternoons just sitting and drinking. He has said that he never felt close to my dad, and always regretted not being able to just sit down and have a beer with his dad or his brother.

I went through a few years between partying in high school and trying to make good decisions in college where I didn't drink at all. Once I started drinking beer, I've spent many an hour having a beer with my brother, and he and I are as close as two brothers can be.

What is so special about beer and bonding? Anybody else feel like this?

 

[wulfsburg]

This (in my humble opinion) is what makes beer so special. There are plenty of things to do that are fun, and there are a lot of ways you can make friends, but I think with the minor onset of alcohol, some inhibitions are altered resulting in more honest talk, while also I believe it is causing you to "enjoy" ones company more.

Think of it this way... when you are buzzed or drunk and you are at a concert of your favorite band, you connect with the band on a level that causes you to explode a multitude of emotions for that moment.

Replace the band with someone you spend time with and like and I feel that is the formula for successful male bonding.

 

[Airborneguy]

I'd definitely attribute it to the buzz, but hey, it's still makes your beer and bonding observation true!

 

[bengerman]

I mostly agree with the buzz aspect pointed out above, but i'll one thought. when you hang out sober, normally theres some other attraction drawing your attention from the other person (tv, baseball game, chess, whatever project you're working on, etc) so the conversation will more likely be lighter and centered on whatever that other attraction is. when you sit on the porch and sip some brews together, the only event drawing your attention is the person or people you're sitting with. on both sides of this point, obviously there are exceptions, but i think it's largely true.

 

[thataintchicken]

What is it about drinking a beer together that improves bonding?

truth.

My father and I never really got along. Simply put, I was a disappointment.
He was good with his hands, I was good with food and later in life -- brewing.

A few years ago, I was home ( in Portland ) on a contract gig.
We went to the local brewpub ( 4 blocks away ) and had a pint.. After walking home, I opened a bottle of Homebrewed Porter that I brought with me. He said it was the best he'd ever tasted. I poured some of my signature Tripel... He loved it. My dad is a wine guy, not a beer guy.

We talked about all of the things that separated us. Politics, lifestyles etc.
Turned out that all he really wanted was that I knew happiness.
He was afraid that I'd never find it.

I told him my only goal in life was to make people smile.
If my writing did that then great. If my documentary work made them feel something, then I had done my job. If I could make a meal, or brew a drink that helped someone break down a barrier... I had become what my Father always wanted.

a catalyst.
I made a difference.

Does that answer your question?

 

[RedGuitar]

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. The loosening of inhibitions, the catalyst to break through barriers and find a deeper truth. Beer can make you have a wild time, but it can also make you very thought-filled and open. I'd love to have a beer with my dad, and am sorry that my grandfather passed without that ever being an opportunity.

 

[JetSmooth]

truth.

My father and I never really got along. Simply put, I was a disappointment.
He was good with his hands, I was good with food and later in life -- brewing.

A few years ago, I was home ( in Portland ) on a contract gig.
We went to the local brewpub ( 4 blocks away ) and had a pint.. After walking home, I opened a bottle of Homebrewed Porter that I brought with me. He said it was the best he'd ever tasted. I poured some of my signature Tripel... He loved it. My dad is a wine guy, not a beer guy.

We talked about all of the things that separated us. Politics, lifestyles etc.
Turned out that all he really wanted was that I knew happiness.
He was afraid that I'd never find it.

I told him my only goal in life was to make people smile.
If my writing did that then great. If my documentary work made them feel something, then I had done my job. If I could make a meal, or brew a drink that helped someone break down a barrier... I had become what my Father always wanted.

a catalyst.
I made a difference.

Does that answer your question?

Stop it. You're making me tear up. ;p

My dad and I were the same. He's a Military Doctor. I was a screw-up theater nerd. Until I got a career (NOT theater), a house, and fmaily, and we could sit down and have a few drinks, it was a good but not close relationship.

But he doesn't really drink my homebrew. Takes him an hour to drink a bottle of something like a pale ale. He's on the MGD64.

I'll never understand him.

 

[Homercidal]

I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Life is too short for simple regrets.

I understand what you are saying. I have friend, and for a long time never really cared to hang out with his younger brother. After years of knowing them, his brother is looser, and drinks good beer, while my friend discourages sitting around the table being goofy after a few beers and sits by himself when the friends get together. I now find his brother more fun to be around. Plus it helps that we can talk about brewing and beer.

I think the same thing can be said about any related hobby. My friend is into Offroading with his Jeep. I love my Jeep, but it's my everyday wheels and I can't afford to break it doing any serious offroading. My friend spent a bunch of money on a new Wrangler and beat it up all the time. I just don't get the appeal of going offroading on a "prepared" course".

You get two outcomes. 1) you break your Jeep and have to spend $$ to fix it, or 2) you push through the obstacle. Either way you still have to wash that thing!

Now if it were a rough road in the way to getting to a special fishing or hunting spot, I can see it! Plus, I've been on an offroad course with him, and several times he radioed back asking if I was doing ok. I didn't have the heart to tell him that still hadn't taken my STOCK Cherokee out of 2WD yet! There were maybe 2 places on the (admittedly pretty dry) road that I would have hesitated to try.

Truth be told, if I were into offroading, or if he were into beer, I'd probably be much closer to him.