Angry SWMBO has mental disorder?

[seabass07]

If it's out of nowhere craziness, then it could be hormonal. My wife is a very sane level person 99% of the time. But when she was pregnant....holy hell she was insane! I forgot to do a load of laundry and she called me crying and yelling at me that because I couldn't remember a simple thing that our marriage would fall apart. That was hormonal. This behavior went on from the 3rd month of pregnancy until the day our first son was born. The following day, back to normal like the switch was flipped off.

My ex-gf was bat sh*t crazy 90% of the time. That wasn't hormones...that was a crazy bitch.

 

[mcaple1]

 

[rjwhite41]

I think you guys need to back off here a little bit. The guy isn't on here seeking counseling, he's on here venting just like we all do with our friends over a beer. Get it off your chest and move on. No big deal. If you don't like the way she treats you change it or leave. My wife is a little crazy, always has been. I've been with her for 14 mostly happy years and wouldn't leave her for anything. She tends to get mad at the world more than mad at me but she takes it out on me on a regular basis. I tell her to knock it off and she gets so mad she won't talk to me for a little while. An hour or so later she will apologize. By the way, I have referred to my wife as a bitch and I have called her a bitch to her face (not saying it went well) and our marriage is far from over. You have to decide what you will tolerate, but if you are truly unhappy, fix it or leave. At the end of the day, both people have to enjoy a relationship or else it's just emotional abuse.

 

[mcaple1]

That's what I'm getting at....no one's marriage is perfect. My wife and have almost gone toe to toe on a few occasions...but we always make it through it unscathed. On the other hand, I think that it is very..umm...unprofessional to vent to "complete starngers". Friends is one things over a couple of cold brewskies, but 100,000 strangers. I have no problem with people airing out their dirty laundry and venting their frustrations in a controlled and private forum, but the whole "she's a bitch" thing is kinda overboard when your audience is no one and everyone all at once. You in a sense aren't respecting her by doing what you're doing, but then again, perhaps you are justified to be upset. Either way, talk to her about it, that's the only way to fix this problem. You'll be equally well off venting your frustrations to a bunch of beer happy guys on this forum as you would venting on a home shopping network. Either way, the advice is diluted and not specific to your situation. Each couple is unique....you guys need to figure it out on your own.

 

[wildwest450]

Guys I gotta say I admire all hetero men for putting up with their SWMBO. I'm a woman and I don't understand women. SWMBO is mad at me right now because I said we need to stay home today so I can organize the garage. Go figure!

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Guys I gotta say I admire all hetero men for putting up with their SWMBO. I'm a woman and I don't understand women. SWMBO is mad at me right now because I said we need to stay home today so I can organize the garage. Go figure!

If she really wants to go somewhere, you can come organize my garage

I think OP is just venting, and instead of doing it to the buddies he may or may not have hung out with today (who would likely tell him he's whipped) he's doing it on the internet.

OP, go ahead and have it out with her, and make a video, I wanna see how it goes for ya :rockin:

 

[OhioBri]

I was married to someone like that once. At the time those things drove me crazy. I dug in my heels and chalked it up to the fact that she was a spoiled brat who had to always have it her way. She found someone else to listen to her.I ended up divorced with two kids. Looking back those things were unimportant little things that could have been painlessly worked through. Talk to her and work it out. Divorce sucks and can creep up on you quickly.

 

[ILBMF]

I see you are on here to get some moral support and spout a bit. Some guys apparently just don't see that. From what I see in your description of the experience you had with your wife...she's just being a woman. Your best bet is to let some things slide and seriously pick and choose your battles wisely, meaning...make certain you really feel strongly and find benefit from making a stand against your woman's actions.

My wife has been great for 25-plus years of marriage. Last year she started the dreaded menopause change just after kicking cigarettes. She was on welbutrin for the cigarette thing and went of of it a couple of months ago without notice. I've been living through pure hell and even have been through several sustained physical attacks from this crazed maniac. This, all from a woman that has been easy going for many, many years. I had to tell her something I've never said to her before...''Get out, you have to leave, I don't trust your actions!'' That came as a shock to her and she revealed that she went off the welbutrin and agreed to go back on it and visit the doctor. She's been great again for about 2 weeks, what a relief!!

Point is, this is a small problem you are having, don't try to grow balls she's never seen before because that is the same as my wife changing after years of being one way, then suddenly expecting me to go along with this new bitch attitude. Not happening, no way! Your best bet is to try to find a good time to bring up the issue and discuss it as an adult and only if she continues to piss you off, if not...let it go. If you make a serious, calm effort to discuss this without pointing fingers too much, it might help, but don't let her get angry again over the discussion, walk away and let it be if she starts to get cranked up. Woman and men and just plain different and it can take many years to figure each other out.

 

[Yooper]

I see you are on here to get some moral support and spout a bit. Some guys apparently just don't see that.

That's a voice of reason. I agree.

I was trying to figure out why this rubbed me the wrong way, and I figured it out. "Swmbo has a mental disorder" and another poster saying something like "hormones make women crazy" are what bothered me.

Here's why! I'm a bit older than many of the people on this forum. My mother's generation worked very hard for so much! My generation also, but not nearly as much. I have a friend who is a nurse (now in her early 60s) and she got pregnant 40 years ago and got kicked out of nursing school. Because she was pregnant. Not for any other reason. Even elementary teachers (a typical "female" profession) weren't supposed to be pregnant and be able to work. The whole women's lib movement changed that, and now women ARE not only working even though married(!) but also in management positions. When I was a child, NO women had management positions. Women were liable to get married or pregnant, or both, and so were second class citizens.

That's why calling women "crazy" and hormonal struck me so much. It was only when most of you were children that women even started to be respected in the work force. Saying things like women are crazy just triggered those feelings in me. That's the kind of things my mom's boss would say to discharge women for no reason. Most of you younger guys can't relate at all to this, but my generation and the one before worked very hard so your wives would have choices in this world. Your wives can work, not work, have a family, go to college, etc. They are not crazy. They are not "hormonal". They are human beings with feelings. Sure, during some periods (like pregnancy), hormonal shifts can bring about some mood disorders. But it's not "crazy".

I know just as many dysfunctional men as dysfunctional women.

Anyway, I recognize the difference between venting and actually meaning what is said. I just wanted to explain my strong reaction to gender (women) bashing. Just like you wouldn't like it if I said something like "men don't listen, men don't have feelings", etc. Gender bashing is always stereotypical, and almost always wrong.

 

[superjunior]

get you a blowup doll and call Dr. Phill..

 

[Homercidal]

FYI - Some women are crazy and/or hormonal. I know a couple. But honestly, the rest are either a) "normal people" and the problem is the relationship, not them, or b) they are great people with arguments once in a while.

If this kind of thing is common between the two of you, then you should find out why. Maybe I'm living in a dream world, but honestly, my wife and I get along very well. I don't care for arguments, and neither does she.

As far as I can see, it's a simple thing. We've loaned out our car to friends before, or had one "down for repairs" and had to improvise our driving schedule. This usually means she takes me to work an hour earlier than she needs to leave for her work. Or I have to be around later in the afternoon to pick her up. Big whoop.

I think the way I see it, we both would rather make it easier for the other and sacrifice some of our own convenience to do it. So maybe she could have driven to your thing a little earlier. Maybe you could have postponed, I don't know. The fact is, it would be better and easier to compromise, than to start an argument and fight about it.

If fighting and arguing is the default course of action, I feel sorry for you.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Answer this 1 question:
"Is the sex worth the $hit you have to put up with & the $ you have to spend to get it?"
Go from there.
Regards, GF.


EDIT: On 2nd thought, maybe a silent swmbo is worth it?

 

[bh10]

Fork. Neck. Curb.

 

[passedpawn]

Fork. Neck. Curb.

yowza.

 

[El Pistolero]

Answer this 1 question:
"Is the sex worth the $hit you have to put up with & the $ you have to spend to get it?"

Hold it...there's supposed to be sex?

 

[brewmcq]

I can't touch this one. I can empathize with the OP though.

 

[Melana]

that's a voice of reason. I agree.

I was trying to figure out why this rubbed me the wrong way, and i figured it out. "swmbo has a mental disorder" and another poster saying something like "hormones make women crazy" are what bothered me.

Here's why! I'm a bit older than many of the people on this forum. My mother's generation worked very hard for so much! My generation also, but not nearly as much. I have a friend who is a nurse (now in her early 60s) and she got pregnant 40 years ago and got kicked out of nursing school. Because she was pregnant. Not for any other reason. Even elementary teachers (a typical "female" profession) weren't supposed to be pregnant and be able to work. The whole women's lib movement changed that, and now women are not only working even though married(!) but also in management positions. When i was a child, no women had management positions. Women were liable to get married or pregnant, or both, and so were second class citizens.

That's why calling women "crazy" and hormonal struck me so much. It was only when most of you were children that women even started to be respected in the work force. Saying things like women are crazy just triggered those feelings in me. That's the kind of things my mom's boss would say to discharge women for no reason. Most of you younger guys can't relate at all to this, but my generation and the one before worked very hard so your wives would have choices in this world. Your wives can work, not work, have a family, go to college, etc. They are not crazy. They are not "hormonal". They are human beings with feelings. Sure, during some periods (like pregnancy), hormonal shifts can bring about some mood disorders. But it's not "crazy".

I know just as many dysfunctional men as dysfunctional women.

Anyway, i recognize the difference between venting and actually meaning what is said. I just wanted to explain my strong reaction to gender (women) bashing. Just like you wouldn't like it if i said something like "men don't listen, men don't have feelings", etc. Gender bashing is always stereotypical, and almost always wrong.

thank you.

 

[binkman]

hold it...there's supposed to be sex?

+1

 

[Pumbaa]

That's a voice of reason. I agree.

I was trying to figure out why this rubbed me the wrong way, and I figured it out. "Swmbo has a mental disorder" and another poster saying something like "hormones make women crazy" are what bothered me.

Here's why! I'm a bit older than many of the people on this forum. My mother's generation worked very hard for so much! My generation also, but not nearly as much. I have a friend who is a nurse (now in her early 60s) and she got pregnant 40 years ago and got kicked out of nursing school. Because she was pregnant. Not for any other reason. Even elementary teachers (a typical "female" profession) weren't supposed to be pregnant and be able to work. The whole women's lib movement changed that, and now women ARE not only working even though married(!) but also in management positions. When I was a child, NO women had management positions. Women were liable to get married or pregnant, or both, and so were second class citizens.

That's why calling women "crazy" and hormonal struck me so much. It was only when most of you were children that women even started to be respected in the work force. Saying things like women are crazy just triggered those feelings in me. That's the kind of things my mom's boss would say to discharge women for no reason. Most of you younger guys can't relate at all to this, but my generation and the one before worked very hard so your wives would have choices in this world. Your wives can work, not work, have a family, go to college, etc. They are not crazy. They are not "hormonal". They are human beings with feelings. Sure, during some periods (like pregnancy), hormonal shifts can bring about some mood disorders. But it's not "crazy".

I know just as many dysfunctional men as dysfunctional women.

Anyway, I recognize the difference between venting and actually meaning what is said. I just wanted to explain my strong reaction to gender (women) bashing. Just like you wouldn't like it if I said something like "men don't listen, men don't have feelings", etc. Gender bashing is always stereotypical, and almost always wrong.

Dont listen to Yooper, she's just PMS'ing










<runs away and hides>
:fro:

 

[malkore]

as a guy who went bat**** crazy over unimportant stuff this weekend...no its not normal.

I myself am tired of the crap that my mind decides to obsess and get pissed off over...and I'm gonna go see a doctor about some xanax.

Pills aren't always the answer...but I've decided I am off-kilter enough that a month trial period is worth trying for the sake of SWMBO's sanity and my own.

 

[brrman]

look at malkore, takin' one for the team!

My wife went off her meds (Celexa) when we had started dating. She was embarassed about taking meds and just decided to stop when she met me. Holy mother... over the span of 2 weeks she turned into a paranoid, emotionally unbalanced person. She would cry for no reason, get mad for the littlest of things, generally became very unaccommodating and uncompromising... Finally I sat her down and we had a serious talk and she admitted going off the meds... I told her to get back on them because they were obviously helping her, and now we are all good, 6 years later.

Talking... talking accomplishes a whole lot. It may take more than one attempt. But it works and is something a marriage cannot be successful without. Storming out of the apartment was doing me no good and would have eventually led to us separating.

 

[rycov]

You try to live your life like this guy?

actually i meant the other guy. but now i'm thinking about changing it to this guy.

 

[rycov]

That's a voice of reason. I agree.

I was trying to figure out why this rubbed me the wrong way, and I figured it out. "Swmbo has a mental disorder" and another poster saying something like "hormones make women crazy" are what bothered me.

Here's why! I'm a bit older than many of the people on this forum. My mother's generation worked very hard for so much! My generation also, but not nearly as much. I have a friend who is a nurse (now in her early 60s) and she got pregnant 40 years ago and got kicked out of nursing school. Because she was pregnant. Not for any other reason. Even elementary teachers (a typical "female" profession) weren't supposed to be pregnant and be able to work. The whole women's lib movement changed that, and now women ARE not only working even though married(!) but also in management positions. When I was a child, NO women had management positions. Women were liable to get married or pregnant, or both, and so were second class citizens.

That's why calling women "crazy" and hormonal struck me so much. It was only when most of you were children that women even started to be respected in the work force. Saying things like women are crazy just triggered those feelings in me. That's the kind of things my mom's boss would say to discharge women for no reason. Most of you younger guys can't relate at all to this, but my generation and the one before worked very hard so your wives would have choices in this world. Your wives can work, not work, have a family, go to college, etc. They are not crazy. They are not "hormonal". They are human beings with feelings. Sure, during some periods (like pregnancy), hormonal shifts can bring about some mood disorders. But it's not "crazy".

I know just as many dysfunctional men as dysfunctional women.

Anyway, I recognize the difference between venting and actually meaning what is said. I just wanted to explain my strong reaction to gender (women) bashing. Just like you wouldn't like it if I said something like "men don't listen, men don't have feelings", etc. Gender bashing is always stereotypical, and almost always wrong.

sorry if anyting i said offended you. as you point out in this post, it was ranting not bashing.

i don't think that women are lesser, or crazy. its just that you gals think different than us guys and it can be hard to communicate certain things across those lines. i'm sure my wife thinks i'm crazy as **** too (actually she's told me that). and she's probably more right than wrong. sorry again, i meant no disrespect.

 

[vicratlhead51]

Crazy isn't hormonal, its genetic and environmental. It really isn't a game with women and thats what makes it so frightening.
My practice wife was, and remains, bat-shyt crazy. It can't be helped even ten years after our divorce. The biggest problem I had with the crazy one was always worrying about saying something that would set her off. I don't do that anymore. If you can't handle the truth and honest communication, get out.

My real wife and I share our marriage equally, but I don't put up with any drama or bullshyt from anyone in my house so sometimes she gets told. She is welcome to call me out on my shyt too. This is something that has to be agreed upon before the ceremony. For anyone not married yet, please do yourself a favor and set these ground rules up before it is too late.

If I am being a dick, she knows it is not to hurt her and has nothing to do with how much I adore her. I am just a moody SOB.
You don't find a relationship like ours very often and I count myself the luckiest man alive.

Let me give you some advice, dear OP. If a husband ever uses the word bitch in reference to his wife, the marriage is already over. Stand up for yourself. If you want equality in a marriage sometimes you have to take it. If she is behaving like a bitch and being irrational grab your keys, call a friend and go have a beer. It is astonishing how quickly this gets a woman's attention and it won't take many times like that before she straightens up or leaves while you are gone. It is her choice to behave this way. It is your choice whether or not you want to be happy.

Here is the most important part: You have to own YOUR shyt too. If you are out of line, don't make excuses and try to win, just say "Yes Dear, it won't happen again"

Holy smokes that's exactly how I feel about my first and current marriages
. My "practice wife" was such a paranoid nutjob her own mother made her personal ringtone Ozzy's "Crazy Train". I swear sometimes she just liked to fight and would pick one on purpose. Now my current wife is awesome. We get along great. In fact I'm so traumatized from my first marriage I find myself bracing for an attack, waiting for SWMBO to get pissed at me and then she doesn't. Sad thing is its been 4 years and I still feel weird when she takes things in stride. I hear people say divorce is sad but mine let me move on to some one who feels like my partner and not my oppressor. Heck just the fact that she tolerates this hobby as much as she does is a gold starm. The money I've sunk into it. The corner of the basement where I ferment bottle and store my beer. The corner of the garage where I mash and boil. The biggest sacrifice was probably when I gutted our spare fridge for my kegs. I'm pretty sure my ex would have flipped a lid on that one. Anyway, forums are as much for venting as they are for info so vent on. If SWMBO doesn't feel like a partner anymore then she isn't SWMBO in my opinion. Don't waste 6 years trying to figure that out like I did.

 

[drathbone]

I dunno, I haven't met one that isn't batsh*t nuts. Maybe it's just me. I'm not one of those people who likes the drama either. I also like redheads, some people say that's a factor.

 

[MaltnHops]

I still remember what my friend's dad told me in high school about being married. He said, "Remember, you only get one good week a month, so use it wisely. The week before, the week during and the week after their period, they are ****ing crazy. Enjoy that one week!"

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received.

 

[Vance71975]

Seriously. Every time she has an excuse to be upset at me, she twists and turns and manipulates a situation in such a way as to maximize the amount of guilt she can inflict on me. Is it because she's catholic?

We are down to a single car, which sucks, but something had to go and it wasn't going to be my brewing hobby. But seriously, we work at the same place anyway. Sometimes it's inconvenient, like today.

Yesterday I gave her the heads up that I had somewhere to be this morning, and asked if she would mind being early to work. She said that was fine. Suddenly, last night when she asked when we were leaving it was apparently a big surprise that we had to leave the house by 8:30, despite having already told her I had to be somewhere (an hour away) at 9:30. So it's suddenly my fault she didn't know this because "all [she] heard was 9:30!" Well, I'm sorry. You should pay closer attention.

Long story short, I'm in trouble for not making her understand that we were leaving at 8:30 all along. I offered to try to reschedule or cancel (at 11PM), despite the big pain it would have been, because the last thing I want is an angry SWMBO. I'd rather have my Saturday go down the ****-hole and piss off all my friends and act like I'm just fine about it than be in the dog house for god knows how long. SWMBO can be a real bitch.

So last night instead of having a fight when she angrily insisted that I don't cancel out or reschedule (b/c this way she can make me feel guilty and ensure I don't enjoy my day off at all, because I dared to inconvenience the SWMBO), I went to sleep. This morning no words were returned to me, despite incredible diplomatic effort on my part.

What am I doing wrong? Do nice guys finish last? Should I just tell her that she's being a bitch and I nevertheless tried to change my plans to suit her and she needs to get the **** over it (and tell her that the frustration she feels isn't valid? b/c girls love that, let me tell you). Or should I just ignore it? Is this kind of treatment normal every now and then? Anyone else have to put up with this? Or is it just me?

My Honest Advice, Look at her and say the following phrase exactly " The next time you want to be a totally F*****G B***H like you were about the whole 830 thing, spare us both the headache and just get out of my house."

If its one thing i have learned in 35 years its that the more you act like you care,love them,want to make them happy,etc the worse the woman will treat you, of course none will admit it, even the ones that say they want a nice guy, dont because if your too nice, they think your a P***Y. Women actually want a man that will be a jerk sometimes, when they cross a line. I am all for Equal rights for women, More so than most women, because what most women want is not EQUAL, its dominance. Trust and believe i played the super nice guy for a LONG time before i wised up and realized that every single woman i was super nice to always S**T on me. I am not saying be a cruel heartless B*****D but dont be a Nancy Boy either. I firmly believe that there are 3 major personality types in people, Dominate,Submissive,and Adaptable. If you have 2 Dominant's types together, YOU WILL FIGHT, If you have 2 submissive's together YOU WILL FIGHT, the only way it works is one dominate and one submissive or Either with an adaptable or 2 adaptable's together. I firmly believe this to be true.

For years before women's lib it was fine and dandy for a woman to NOT work, raise the kids, and EXPECT the man to pay for everything,and they were respected for being a housewife and mother. Now women seem to want a man that Works, Pays for everything, cooks,cleans, and they get to spend their money from their jobs on whatever they want. That is not equal, Equal would be giving a Broke man with no job a chance, Paying for the dates, Let HIM be a STAY AT HOME house husband. But MOST women would NEVER go for that. To the women out there that do not judge who you date by his income or the car he drives, you have my utmost respect!

I have said all this because from what you posted it seems like this is about dominance on her part, she seems to want to control the relationship, You have two choices you can grab your B***S and say LOOK i am a man, i can handle equal no problem, but you WILL NOT dominate me OR you can be a Nancy boy and do whatever she says. Choice is yours man, but the phrase i said to use exactly above has worked WONDERS for me.

 

[cootball]

Dude, RDWHAHB. Or kill her.

 

[GodsStepBrother]

If you don't have kids, my advice is to sleep with her sister.

In a couple of years you will find the right one.

LMAO!!!!!


Seriously though, I hope this is just a once in a while type of thing. I personally try to never leave the house mad, I’ll apologize even if I am still fuming and realize we will not get anywhere arguing while we are mad. Cool down then tackle the problem with a clean mind, you shouldn’t stand up for that. Even if there was a lack of communication, it is such a trivial matter and not worth a headache like that.