Angry SWMBO has mental disorder?

[binkman]

Seriously. Every time she has an excuse to be upset at me, she twists and turns and manipulates a situation in such a way as to maximize the amount of guilt she can inflict on me. Is it because she's catholic?

We are down to a single car, which sucks, but something had to go and it wasn't going to be my brewing hobby. But seriously, we work at the same place anyway. Sometimes it's inconvenient, like today.

Yesterday I gave her the heads up that I had somewhere to be this morning, and asked if she would mind being early to work. She said that was fine. Suddenly, last night when she asked when we were leaving it was apparently a big surprise that we had to leave the house by 8:30, despite having already told her I had to be somewhere (an hour away) at 9:30. So it's suddenly my fault she didn't know this because "all [she] heard was 9:30!" Well, I'm sorry. You should pay closer attention.

Long story short, I'm in trouble for not making her understand that we were leaving at 8:30 all along. I offered to try to reschedule or cancel (at 11PM), despite the big pain it would have been, because the last thing I want is an angry SWMBO. I'd rather have my Saturday go down the ****-hole and piss off all my friends and act like I'm just fine about it than be in the dog house for god knows how long. SWMBO can be a real bitch.

So last night instead of having a fight when she angrily insisted that I don't cancel out or reschedule (b/c this way she can make me feel guilty and ensure I don't enjoy my day off at all, because I dared to inconvenience the SWMBO), I went to sleep. This morning no words were returned to me, despite incredible diplomatic effort on my part.

What am I doing wrong? Do nice guys finish last? Should I just tell her that she's being a bitch and I nevertheless tried to change my plans to suit her and she needs to get the **** over it (and tell her that the frustration she feels isn't valid? b/c girls love that, let me tell you). Or should I just ignore it? Is this kind of treatment normal every now and then? Anyone else have to put up with this? Or is it just me?

 

[SwampassJ]

She needs help, that is not normal behavior.

 

[jd3]

Since the birth of our son two years ago, my wife has battled post-postpartum depression in many ways. She is stubborn to start, and it is a delicate situation. Approaching these issues are hard. With my wife it created even more problems when I brought it up. Eventually I convinced her that some sort of anti-depressant/Anti-anxiety medication would help. It did, and marvelously.


Often "little" arguments are signs of other problems in your relationship. If this is happening a lot, it might be time to address the problem. If it was just a bad day... well **** happens.

At times I have to just do what I want and face the crab ass at the end, because she will be crabby either way.

 

[Clann]

Man I feel for you. Women are fickle creatures. If it was me and I wanted to continue my life with her I'd chalk this up as a life lesson. Communication is the key to a sucessful relationship.

Hope this helps

 

[rycov]

seems about right. my wife is crazy as ****. so are most the women i've ever met. one exception is my mom. i think it comes from living with someone and being in close proximity to each other all the time. (not to mention you work with her too) have you ever seen the movie office space? i try to live my life like that guy.

 

[Stevo2569]

I tend to think most women unconsciously play this game because their hormones confuse their brain and that most if not all men are still trying to figure out why women act the way they do. I've made some progress with my SWMBO over the last couple of years. I mostly experiment with different action/reaction scenarios. When I did this she did this type stuff. I take mental notes and have learned to manipulate her reactions sometimes. Oh, sit down and talk about it calmly.
God is Great, Beer is Good, and Women are Crazy.

 

[jmendez29]

I guess I'm a bit of a d!ck, but I have the feeling that if she's going to be mad at me either way, then F it, I'm going to do what I want. I suppose that's part of the reason why I haven't had a lot of long relationships.

IMHO, that behavior is not normal. If she's pissed because you do, then she gets pissed because you don't, then what course of action are you supposed to take? If you aren't allowed to "win" a situation, then the only "victor" in any situation is her.

Good luck working your way through this spot. I'm sure it's not going to be easy. And don't let her see this thread, I suspect she'd get mad about this as well.

 

[Pappers_]

Sorry for your trauma and drama - no fun.

Now for some humor:

 

[rycov]

If you aren't allowed to "win" a situation, then the only "victor" in any situation is her.

thats the thing. its not a competition, its a relationship. no one is supposed to win (or you both are? you get it right?). if she won't reason with you then don't bother explaining it to her. you'll just get pissed. when my wife is being crazy i explain once. if she doesn't get it (or doesn't try to get it) then i go do other ****. let her have a bad day if she wants to, i like my life, i'm gonna have a good day.

And don't let her see this thread, I suspect she'd get mad about this as well.

good point

 

[JetSmooth]

Seek counseling.

And not from a beer forum.

 

[cfonnes]

If you don't have kids, my advice is to sleep with her sister.

In a couple of years you will find the right one.

 

[Yooper]

I tend to think most women unconsciously play this game because their hormones confuse their brain and that most if not all men are still trying to figure out why women act the way they do. I've made some progress with my SWMBO over the last couple of years. I mostly experiment with different action/reaction scenarios. When I did this she did this type stuff. I take mental notes and have learned to manipulate her reactions sometimes. Oh, sit down and talk about it calmly.
God is Great, Beer is Good, and Women are Crazy.

Well, part of the problem may be that you think 'Women play this game' and 'Women are crazy'. With that belief, you'll never have an equal partnership in a relationship.

Giving an excuse of hormones confusing a brain is just idiotic. If someone is acting crazy, then the problem is that person, NOT their gender.

Seek counseling.

And not from a beer forum.

This. Crazy behavior is not normal just because someone is a woman.

 

[Stevo2569]

Well, part of the problem may be that you think 'Women play this game' and 'Women are crazy'. With that belief, you'll never have an equal partnership in a relationship.

Giving an excuse of hormones confusing a brain is just idiotic. If someone is acting crazy, then the problem is that person, NOT their gender.

I've been happily married for 5+ years and nothing against women, we all know men have character problems too, but whatever causes it. I love my wife, but when she's acting a certain way I do my best to help her work through her or our problems. Oh, and hormones do many many things to the body and mind.

 

[PseudoChef]

I continue to be baffled by how many people fail to communicate with their SOs and resort to bad-mouthing them online instead.

 

[skyebrewing]

No answer to your dilemma, but I love how you associate being catholic with mental disorder. Classic!

 

[binkman]

I continue to be baffled by how many people fail to communicate with their SOs and resort to bad-mouthing them online instead.

Im not badmouthing her in the sense of hurting her reputation or anything. Its not as if anyone on here knows her or anything. I guess I was just looking for some solidarity. These things happen. Sometimes I feel like it only happens to me but its nice to know other people have days like this too.

 

[theonetrueruss]

that would have been very normal behavior from my ex wife... much luck

 

[GuldTuborg]

Everyone is crazy. One of the big goals in making a relationship work is finding someone that's willing to deal with your particular flavor of crazy, and vice versa.

That said, some people take crazy to an extreme. As you have stated as well, no one here knows your wife, so no one here knows if she's really crazy or just normal crazy. Have you tried asking her why she got upset over having to get ready 1 hour earlier than she expected? If you don't get a coherent answer, I'm willing to guess she's either reacting to a preexisting issue in your relationship (that hasn't been attended to nor resolved), is having a bad day, or can't seem to put to words why she got upset. Do you know how to approach her to get more information without setting off another fight?

 

[PseudoChef]

Im not badmouthing her in the sense of hurting her reputation or anything.

The title of your post infers she has a mental disorder. You asked if you should call her a bitch in your post. Perhaps your definition of badmouthing is different than mine.

 

[northernlad]

Crazy isn't hormonal, its genetic and environmental. It really isn't a game with women and thats what makes it so frightening.
My practice wife was, and remains, bat-shyt crazy. It can't be helped even ten years after our divorce. The biggest problem I had with the crazy one was always worrying about saying something that would set her off. I don't do that anymore. If you can't handle the truth and honest communication, get out.

My real wife and I share our marriage equally, but I don't put up with any drama or bullshyt from anyone in my house so sometimes she gets told. She is welcome to call me out on my shyt too. This is something that has to be agreed upon before the ceremony. For anyone not married yet, please do yourself a favor and set these ground rules up before it is too late.

If I am being a dick, she knows it is not to hurt her and has nothing to do with how much I adore her. I am just a moody SOB.
You don't find a relationship like ours very often and I count myself the luckiest man alive.

Let me give you some advice, dear OP. If a husband ever uses the word bitch in reference to his wife, the marriage is already over. Stand up for yourself. If you want equality in a marriage sometimes you have to take it. If she is behaving like a bitch and being irrational grab your keys, call a friend and go have a beer. It is astonishing how quickly this gets a woman's attention and it won't take many times like that before she straightens up or leaves while you are gone. It is her choice to behave this way. It is your choice whether or not you want to be happy.

Here is the most important part: You have to own YOUR shyt too. If you are out of line, don't make excuses and try to win, just say "Yes Dear, it won't happen again"

 

[Bernie Brewer]

It is definitely not because she is Catholic. Women are all sisters- they call all be freaking crazy no matter their race, creed, or political views.

 

[El Pistolero]

What am I doing wrong? Do nice guys finish last? Should I just tell her that she's being a bitch and I nevertheless tried to change my plans to suit her and she needs to get the **** over it (and tell her that the frustration she feels isn't valid? b/c girls love that, let me tell you). Or should I just ignore it? Is this kind of treatment normal every now and then? Anyone else have to put up with this? Or is it just me?

Just withhold sex from her...she will no doubt come right around. This always works with the catholic girls.

 

[Mermaid]

I agree with the "seek counseling" thing.

I live with a guy who is more or less an alcoholic (or at least a binge drinker) with some serious emotional problems.

Sometimes if our partner has emotional issues, and/or they're not very good at communicating what's really going on in their head, and YOU are not very good at communicating what's in your head, it's a recipe for disaster.

It does take 2 to tango, and sometimes (and for some, "all" the time) relationships are a lot of work.

Talk to your lady. See if you can find out what set her off (without being defensive).

 

[Pumbaa]

Should I just tell her that she's being a bitch and I nevertheless tried to change my plans to suit her and she needs to get the **** over it

yes . . . specifically because of this . . .

Well, part of the problem may be that you think 'Women play this game' and 'Women are crazy'. With that belief, you'll never have an equal partnership in a relationship.

Giving an excuse of hormones confusing a brain is just idiotic. If someone is acting crazy, then the problem is that person, NOT their gender.



This. Crazy behavior is not normal just because someone is a woman.

You wouldnt tolerate it from any of your friends why should you put up with it from her? Just because you married her doesnt give her a license to treat you like ****.

 

[beaksnbeer]

SWMBO was getting like this Doc found her Thyroid is out of wack on meds to help so far so good. She is normally pretty-even keeled even around me and I know what an A$$hole I am she's aSaint for putting up with my crap. Best of luck but Half the problem in every couple stares at you from the mirror.............my .02

 

[wildwest450]

Have her make you a sammich, all will be well.


_

 

[MSweat]

seems about right. my wife is crazy as ****. so are most the women i've ever met. one exception is my mom. i think it comes from living with someone and being in close proximity to each other all the time. (not to mention you work with her too) have you ever seen the movie office space? i try to live my life like that guy.

You, sir, hit the nail on the head!! My sentiments EXACTLY!

 

[El Pistolero]

have you ever seen the movie office space? i try to live my life like that guy.

You try to live your life like this guy?

 

[Xcorpia]

Guys I gotta say I admire all hetero men for putting up with their SWMBO. I'm a woman and I don't understand women. SWMBO is mad at me right now because I said we need to stay home today so I can organize the garage. Go figure!

 

[mcaple1]

Seek counseling.

And not from a beer forum.

I second this. Not to be extremely rude....but get some balls dude. If you really don't like her, leave her. I've been in your shoes before with the ?Wifey SWMBO, but never to the point where I needed to post a short novel about my problems to a bunch of strangers on a brewing forum.

Sorry bud, either get real counseling from a real professional, or else continue to live your life in some sort of muddled denial to ensure that your SWMBO never sees you happy.