Am I a beer snob?

[Zuljin]

On the other hand, your niece invited you to a once-in-a-lifetime social event centered around the public celebration of her new life with her beloved. The refreshments were just the sideshow.

I know I'm in the minority here, but it's my feeling (which is mine) that going outside of the reception to get drinks would be kind of an affront to the hospitality of the hosts.

I guess that's more of an etiquette answer than a beer snobbery answer, and I can't say that I would not have done exactly what you did, but I would feel kind of bad about doing it. Especially if word got back to the hosts.

That. And yes. He's a beer snob.

 

[Airborneguy]

I’m a beer snob. I honestly think most people would prefer bigger beers if they would only give them a chance.

I've been drinking craft beer almost exclusively since 1998. I turned 20 in 1998, so I've been drinking craft beer since before I was even legal. Guess I haven't given it enough time yet huh?

 

[aubiecat]

I'm a beer snob. I also don't give a **** if others grief me for it. That's your problem, not mine.

OP: Stop caring about what others think.

If you are a complete dick that is your problem.

 

[MisterTipsy]

On the other hand, your niece invited you to a once-in-a-lifetime social event centered around the public celebration of her new life with her beloved. The refreshments were just the sideshow.

I know I'm in the minority here, but it's my feeling (which is mine) that going outside of the reception to get drinks would be kind of an affront to the hospitality of the hosts.

I guess that's more of an etiquette answer than a beer snobbery answer, and I can't say that I would not have done exactly what you did, but I would feel kind of bad about doing it. Especially if word got back to the hosts.

If the hosts get their feelings hurt because one of their guests chose to buy a beer he likes drinking instead of the beer they provided, then they are taking things way too personally.

Would the hosts prefer their guests drink something they don't like? Apparently so, by your logic. Fortunately, not all hosts are that insecure.

 

[Pilgarlic]

Would the hosts prefer their guests drink something they don't like?

No. And courtesy dictates that they never know that you'd rather not have what they're offering, so you suck it up.

 

[MisterTipsy]

No. And courtesy dictates that they never know that you'd rather not have what they're offering, so you suck it up.

Which is the same as having the hosts expect you to drink something you don't like. It's completely ridiculous.

As a host, I want my guests to be happy. If that means buying their own beer or bringing their favorite salad dressing, that's totally fine with me. It doesn't hurt my feelings at all. I don't want them do choke down a beer they don't like. It's part of being a considerate host.

 

[TyTanium]

As Proboscidea said, beer was not the focus. For most people, the only consideration is beer / no beer, and even that is an afterthought. Giving consideration to which kind of beer doesn't even cross most people's minds - especially with all the other choices going into planning a wedding.

Etiquette does not force you to choke down Miller Lite. If you don't like something, you abstain. Surely you can enjoy an evening without your favorite craft beer. Leaving to procure your own option is not proper etiquette, but I don't think most typical hosts would mind. The larger etiquette concern is "abandoning" the celebration...even for a good conversation. The reception isn't about you. It's about the new couple. So good job getting the bartender to let you take stuff upstairs to be there to celebrate with them.

 

[MisterTipsy]

But if you abstain and are known to be a big beer drinker, then the insecure hosts get their feelings hurt. This is why it's a good idea to have a well stocked cash bar in addition to the free beer they chose to provide. That way everyone is happy.

 

[Pilgarlic]

A lot of what goes into civility and courtesy sometimes seems ridiculous. Of course there are those who reject polite conventions. That's a perfectly legit choice with consequences. Some of my favorite people are curmedgeonly rascals who reject convention. But that doesn't change conventional courtesy. Conventional courtesy dictates that a guest graciously accept what he is served and, if he doesn't like it, spare the host that knowledge. One who does otherwise is called an "ingrate", and, often, a "boor". Please note: I recognize that in some circles boorish behavior is fully expected and accepted.

 

[evrose]

As Proboscidea said, beer was not the focus. For most people, the only consideration is beer / no beer, and even that is an afterthought. Giving consideration to which kind of beer doesn't even cross most people's minds - especially with all the other choices going into planning a wedding.

Etiquette does not force you to choke down Miller Lite. If you don't like something, you abstain. Surely you can enjoy an evening without your favorite craft beer. Leaving to procure your own option is not proper etiquette, but I don't think most typical hosts would mind. The larger etiquette concern is "abandoning" the celebration...even for a good conversation. The reception isn't about you. It's about the new couple. So good job getting the bartender to let you take stuff upstairs to be there to celebrate with them.

Perfectly stated. If I go to a wedding reception, and they don't serve anything I care for, I simply DO WITHOUT. I'm there for the event, not the booze. Wandering away from the reception to hunt down beer because you don't like what's being offered is rude. It doesn't matter if the hosts find out or not, doing that is placing the freakin' BEER at a higher level of importance than the people and event.

It's just beer.

 

[MisterTipsy]

A lot of what goes into civility and courtesy sometimes seems ridiculous. Of course there are those who reject polite conventions. That's a perfectly legit choice with consequences. Some of my favorite people are curmedgeonly rascals who reject convention. But that doesn't change conventional courtesy. Conventional courtesy dictates that a guest graciously accept what he is served and, if he doesn't like it, spare the host that knowledge. One who does otherwise is called an "ingrate", and, often, a "boor". Please note: I recognize that in some circles boorish behavior is fully expected and accepted.

So in your world, courtesy only applies to guests and not the hosts. Got it.

 

[Pilgarlic]

So in your world, courtesy only applies to guests and not the hosts. Got it.

Laughing... no, appaarently you haven't got it. Don't get me wrong, etiquette isn't at the top of my priority list, but one really has the choice of following the rules or not and accepting the consequences. It's simply denial to suggest that since the rules don't suit you they don't exist.

 

[TyTanium]

This is why it's a good idea to have a well stocked cash bar in addition to the free beer they chose to provide. That way everyone is happy.

But that's their call, not yours.

So in your world, courtesy only applies to guests and not the hosts. Got it.

Yes, it does, if I am a guest. I am at the graces of my host. When I am the host, the opposite is true.

Most hosts (and guests, for that matter) don't care about beer selection. As a guest, to demand otherwise is ridiculous.

 

[evrose]

But if you abstain and are known to be a big beer drinker, then the insecure hosts get their feelings hurt.

Absolute nonsense. I was married a year ago. My wife and I devoted about 90% of our wedding budget to things that our guests would enjoy, i.e. food and drinks. We spent almost nothing on anything else. Even in that extreme situation, there is simply no way that we could accommodate the whims of every guest at the event. We tried to provide variety, but there's no reasonable way to prepare for every permutation of food and drink preference.

I have a pretty thick skin, but if one of my guests had wandered off to another bar because he didn't think what we were offering was good enough for him to suffer through (and we were serving high end fare), I wouldn't have thought much of it at the time, but it certainly would leave a negative impression of that person in my mind. Fortunately, despite having several friends and family who are self-professed wine and beer snobs, not a single one of them choose to find their favorite beer over spending time at the celebration. Lucky me I suppose.

 

[MisterTipsy]

Laughing... no, appaarently you haven't got it. Don't get me wrong, etiquette isn't at the top of my priority list, but one really has the choice of following the rules or not and accepting the consequences. It's simply denial to suggest that since the rules don't suit you they don't exist.

Where are these so called rules you speak of?

 

[evrose]

There are lots of people (myself included) who consider cash bars at weddings to reflect badly on the hosts.

 

[MisterTipsy]

Absolute nonsense. .

None of your friends abstained, right? If they did, you would have been offended, right?

 

[MisterTipsy]

There are lots of people (myself included) who consider cash bars at weddings to reflect badly on the hosts.

That's why you have both. You have free beer for the mooches who think they deserve free beer and a cash bar for those who are willing to pay for something they enjoy.

 

[Pilgarlic]

Where are these so called rules you speak of?

Emily Post is a good source:

“The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him- or herself, communing with fellow guests, and, most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts.”
— E. Post

 

[TyTanium]

That's why you have both. You have free beer for the mooches who think they deserve free beer and a cash bar for those who are willing to pay for something they enjoy.

You can do that when you're the host.

Emily Post is a good source:

“The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him- or herself, communing with fellow guests, and, most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts.”
— E. Post

+1,000

 

[MisterTipsy]

Emily Post is a good source:

“The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him- or herself, communing with fellow guests, and, most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts.”
— E. Post

I'm going to bet you don't heed the all sage etiquette advice of E. Post while socializing. Why is this one so important to you?

 

[MisterTipsy]

You can do that when you're a considerate host.

Fixed that for you

 

[TyTanium]

You're a tool. I'm out.



Sorry OP, hope there's some good insight here for you.

 

[evrose]

None of your friends abstained, right? If they did, you would have been offended, right?

Abstinence has nothing to do with this. Of course there were people who didn't drink alcohol. We had a wide variety of non-alcoholic drinks for the kids and non-drinkers. I would feel the same about a person who HAD TO HAVE a diet Cherry Dr. Pepper (or whatever) and left the reception to go find one because they just simply couldn't live for three hours on what we were serving.

It's not about the alcohol (I know that's lost on some people here, being a forum dedicated to people who make alcohol for fun), it's about the etiquette.

 

[MisterTipsy]

You're a tool. I'm out.

Sorry OP, hope there's some good insight here for you.

I see you have resorted to name calling. Emily Post does not approve!

I'd report your post, but I'm not a tool.

 

[MisterTipsy]

Abstinence has nothing to do with this. Of course there were people who didn't drink alcohol. We had a wide variety of non-alcoholic drinks for the kids and non-drinkers. I would feel the same about a person who HAD TO HAVE a diet Cherry Dr. Pepper (or whatever) and left the reception to go find one because they just simply couldn't live for three hours on what we were serving.

It's not about the alcohol (I know that's lost on some people here, being a forum dedicated to people who make alcohol for fun), it's about the etiquette.

The amount of time the OP was MIA was likely the same as going to the bathroom. If he got in his car and went to the liquor store for an hour, then that is a bit overboard. I've attended dozens of weddings and I've never had to head downstairs to buy a drink, but I'm not opposed to it.

As a host, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if someone chose to drink what they enjoy instead of what I provided and I wouldn't think they think they are better than me because of it.

 

[Grinnan5150]

The bride and groom (or whoever is flipping he bill) has to pay for the open bar regardless of what you drink. Most weddings I have been too wind up extending the bar hour because so many people want to still drink. So if the booze isn't going to go to waste; if you leave for 10 minutes to get something else I don't see a problem.

I think complaining about what is served is rude though. I know at my reception we only had our choice between Miller or Coors. It's not like I wanted to serve that but that were the options we were stuck with. I think hat is he case with most reception packages.

 

[downtown3641]

It seems like people are, simultaneously, over thinking and overgeneralizing. I suspect most hosts want their friends and family to have a good time and would not be opposed to someone stepping away for a few minutes to get a beverage they enjoy. Some hosts may be uptight and throw a fit. It's all about having some situational awareness. Don't do it if it's going to tick off the bride. If the OP felt that he wasn't being rude and the hosts felt the same, who are any of you to criticize the behavior?

 

[chiteface]

I don't know about anyone else, but i wouldn't have even noticed. Now if someone were to approach me and tell me that my spread sucked, then yes thar would be uncalled for. But once again as someone who has tended bar at a lot if weddings, alot of times we would select what beers we were bringing up the day of the event, so if a guest asked for something else, we got it. I know of very few people who specifically pick all their beers, so since it isn't their choice why would the hosts be offended.

I can also say that a wedding is not just about the host, if that was the case really, it would be the parents of the couple in most cases. I know this seems semantic, but it is accurate.

Also on a side note I feel like this particular situation deserves consideration because if you are only in state for a short time, i don't believe Shorts really distributes out if state, get it while you can.

 

[evrose]

The amount of time the OP was MIA was likely the same as going to the bathroom.

1. That's an assumption. And you know what they say about those.

2. Even if true, it totally misses the point.

3. This is like trying to explain color to a blind person. Geesh.

 

[MisterTipsy]

1. That's an assumption. And you know what they say about those.

2. Even if true, it totally misses the point.

3. This is like trying to explain color to a blind person. Geesh.

I understand you point of view. I just don't agree with it.

 

[Pilgarlic]

I'm going to bet you don't heed the all sage etiquette advice of E. Post while socializing. Why is this one so important to you?

As i said earlier, etiquette isn't high on my list. But if I choose to ignore it, that doesn't redefine etiquette and allow me to claim my behavior is polite.

 

[MisterTipsy]

You didn't answer the question and I didn't claim such behavior was polite or rude. It's neither. It should be a non-issue for both parties.

Now, if you take your fancy beer and waive it in the face of the bride and groom while saying that you had to go buy a good beer because what they served is crap, well that is a different story.

Explain to me why you would be offended if someone chose to pay for a beer they like to drink instead of the free stuff they don't like to drink.

 

[Pilgarlic]

Tipsy, you're jousting with windmills. I'm not the arbiter or courtesy, etiquette or good taste, and don't claim to be. If you want to redefine polite society and its rules, go for it, but you'll have to make your case against someone else. You believe it "should be a non issue". Well, the fact is, it is an issue. I'm not saying you ought to 1) understand manners, 2) agree with them, or 3) practice them. I hear you. You think etiquette and manners are bull****. I won't venture an opinion one way or another on that score. I'm simply saying that you can't choose to ignore convention and then get yourself off the hook by suggesting that either the conventions don't exist or that they shouldn't. If you choose to ignore manners and conventions, you're ill-mannered and unconventional. Embrace it!

 

[MisterTipsy]

You believe it "should be a non issue". Well, the fact is, it is an issue.

And once again you have avoided the question. It isn't an issue for everyone. Now tell me why it's an issue for some people.

You think etiquette and manners are bull****.

Absolutely untrue.

 

[chiteface]

I think what tipsy is saying, and I would have to agree is, what convention? I think we disagree that there actually is one in this case.

 

[Pilgarlic]

Honestly, Tipsy. I mean, in all sincerity, I believe you don't understand the concept of manners. If the fact that "it isn't an issue for everyone" makes it acceptable, you've just ratcheted "manners" down to the least common denominator, and passing gas at the table is mannerly, because it "isn't an issue for everyone."

Since you asked me to justify this simple polite convention I will. A wedding reception is, for many brides, grooms and their families, a once in a lifetime affair. They plan carefully and provide as generously as they can. They see it as a point of pride to provide for their guests and, to the extent that they can, to make it a "perfect" affair. That's the stage onto which the OP walks. He finds that there is no beer to his liking. If he is polite, he chooses to either drink the beer offered or to do without and drink something else. He does this because he respects his host and hostess, and he is willing to forego his desire for a "good enough" beer so that the host and hostess have no reason to believe that they've not provided well enough for their guests. He does this because he knows that to do otherwise is to say in unmistakable terms "Yes, you tried your best, but you failed. You failed to provide for me. I want better than you have offered." He does this because he knows that to do otherwise is to be an ingrate, and a boor. Manners and courtesy VERY OFTEN mean that not everybody gets exactly what he wants when he wants it, seeing the importance of putting someone else's feelings before his own.

I don't own this simple and, in many circles, well-known and respected convention of what it means to be a good guest. I won't defend it further. Please let it be sufficient to say that I acknowledge its existence while you, for whatever reason, deny it, and let the conclusions be drawn as they may be.

 

[shoreman]

I think you should have been there to enjoy your nieces wedding not judging beers.

I would have have just drank bud and enjoyed the company - most times when at a wedding I'm there to celebrate - not get all nerd dork with the beer selection.

Are you a snob? No.

 

[Mongrel]

All this discussion of proper etiquette at a wedding reminds me of my friend's wedding. His parents didn't want alcohol served at all. He and the bride (or any of their friends) weren't thrilled about it, but no alcohol was served. Some of the bride's friends hit a nearby liquor store and got smashed on Jager in the parking lot. The parents were far from happy, but the reception got a lot more fun after that.

 

[MisterTipsy]

Honestly, Tipsy. I mean, in all sincerity, I believe you don't understand the concept of manners. If the fact that "it isn't an issue for everyone" makes it acceptable, you've just ratcheted "manners" down to the least common denominator, and passing gas at the table is mannerly, because it "isn't an issue for everyone."

Yes, because passing gas at the table and buying your own beer at a wedding are exactly the same thing....not.

And because I don't see a problem with someone buying their own beer at a wedding (which Ihave never done, btw) you think I have no manners whatsoever. OK.

You are really quick to jump to several false conclusions about someone you've never met.