The pigcowturduckenguica!

just mentioned this on the Obnoxious Football talk thread....

After a day of clogging arteries at the Pats game yesterday with piles and piles of fried food (including a deep fried prime rib... which was awesome) we are trying to figure out what to do, you know... to step up our game... for the Patriots' first playoff game.

Here's what I'm thinking... the cowpigturduckenguica.

I am proposing to do it like this:

What I'll need:

1 large hunk a beef (not sure of the cut yet)
1 suckling pig of about maybe 65 lbs
1 large turkey (15 lbs or so)
2 roaster chickens
2 ducks
two lbs of linguica

I have some various sized coolers that will fit all of the stuff in them (the pig will fit in one large cooler I have).

I am planning on brining everything but the beef.... although I'll probably marinade it in something.

After brining, I'll debone and strip all of the meat off of the ducks, chickens and turkey.

Make a ball (probably more football shaped) of the linguica, wrap that in duck meat, wrap that in chicken meat, wrap that in turkey meat.

I'll then take... hmmm... maybe a beef tenderloin will work. I'll slice it and just keep unrolling it until I have a flat sheet of tenderloin. I'll then wrap the big ball of meat in the tenderloin and then stuff all of that into the pig.

I'll tie up the pig so it all stays together...

Once all completely stuffed, I'll cook the whole thing in my pit for something like 8 hours.

I think I would be stupid not to at least TRY it.

AH-HA!!!! And as a side dish.... ribs!



EDIT: I figured I would drop the final vid here so it could be found

You vegetarians disgust me.

and umm...go pats..?...what time are we eating?

Seems like the beef would be done way before any of the poultry and the pork would be done after the beef but also before the poultry. But I've never done anything like this so I'm just guessing/thinking-out-loud. Maybe put the beef in the middle so it'll be less cooked?

Or maybe use something other than tenderloin, something better suited to slow-n-low cooking, maybe a brisket?

Please post pics, you should be chased around with a stick for not posting pics of deep-fried rib roast.

I have video of the deep fried prime rib... I'll post it to youtube and then post the link.

Yeah, I was just talked to F-dub about the beef being done first.... it's an issue we'll have to think about. I think between all of the fat that will render from the pig, the beef will be over cooked but still really tender and moist.

I hear ya on putting it in the center but no matter what I can't see how you're gonna get the poultry cooked properly without overcooking the beef.

Brisket isn't a bad idea. Only issue is brisket is usually an even-longer roast than I'm thinking about doing I think.

Oh, absolutely, I'll definitely take pics of this monstrosity.

Awesome Guts and Ideas......

But the problem with it, (as has been hinted at) is that the outside meats must be horribly overcooked in order for the inside to be at least safe.

If you like everything "falling off the bone" that can be achieved.

It's the reason stuffing in Turkey doesn't work, and why , really, turducken doesn't work. (unless you like pulled duck).

EDIT* If you cook a beef tenderloin to the point of "falling off the bone" (falling apart) I will hunt you down and make you apologize to the cow.

what if I pre-cooked the poultry?


.... and I DO like "falling off the bone". yeah yeah yeah... "boo hooo hoo... that's ruined BBQ!" blah blah blah. That's how I like it and if some BBQ "purist" thinks that is sacreligious, awesome, they don't have to eat it.

for my big pig roast every year the meat falls off the bone and it is tremendous eatin'. There isn't a bone in that pig that you can't pull out with two fingers and every time you pull one out, it comes out perfectly clean. The meat is insanely tender and super moist. If that is ruining it, then... I like it ruined.

and yeah, i'm backing off the tenderloin idea very quickly. I am thinking a different cut but not sure exactly which.

Following with a drip of drool on the corner of my mouth...

The wife did a Turduckant (turkey stuffed with duck stuffed with pheasant) 3 solstices ago and a Turbit (turkey stuffed with rabbit) this last solstice. The pain in the arse part is deboning those little critters. The key to its deliciousness is the stuffing. Each layer should be separated by a different, complementary, meat-specific stuffing. +1000 beer geek points if you can use a different beer in each stuffing...

and yeah, i'm backing off the tenderloin idea very quickly. I am thinking a different cut but not sure exactly which.

Click to expand...

Tritip might work.

to keep the beef moist, how about wrapping it in bacon?

Hugh_Jass said:

to keep the beef moist, how about wrapping it in bacon?

Click to expand...

Or wrap every layer individually in bacon. :rockin:

I think wrapping the meat in the pig itself will keep it plenty moist. I don't see any real way of getting around the beef being overcooked but as long as I can keep it moist, I'm not going to be TOO upset about well-done instead of rare.

Hmmm.... I hear you on the stuffing.

how about.... using... jambalaya as a stuffing??

Cape Brewing said:

how about.... using... jambalaya as a stuffing??

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That sounds awesome. You should work bacon and sausage in some how, maybe as glue to hold each layer together.

I also think the idea of pre-cooking the poultry in the center might be a good idea.

I would make homemade andouille to go into the jambalaya so that would take care of sausage. I dunno about adding bacon. I think there is already enough pork fat in the equation. I might have to come up with another stuffing for around the poultry.

I dont think pre-cooking the poultry is a bad idea but I'm not sure I'll need it. The pit will slow roast everything at 250-300 degrees and I am planning on leaving the pig in there for about eight hours so, I dont think the center will struggle to get to 160 degrees.

I've basically resigned myself to the beef being cooked at a higher than normal temp. Given the fat content and long roasting I am thinking maybe brisket.

Cape Brewing said:

I think there is already enough pork fat in the equation.

Click to expand...

You can never have too much pork fat.

How about instead of a fancy tenderloin cut you use brisket?

Not a bad idea... I was kinda thinking about maybe going with a brisket though.

Yeah, falling apart turkey or chicken is good, but I prefer both of those just barely cooked(165f or so). Pork tenderloin for that matter is best when just done (slightly pink)But falling apart is fine. I have BBQ'd up pork loin before, it is just better cooked to perfection.

Beef tenderloin falling apart was the only thing "ruined".

I was going to mention brisket for the beef, but weirdboy beat me to it...

I have a membership at Restaurant Depot, where you can get great meat CHEAP... If you want, we can scout it out for the meats (not sure about the whole pig, but we might be able to get one ordered)... They very often have twin packs of port butt and shoulder (not together)...

So, bone out the chicken, duck, turkey, and port shoulder/butt... Get two of the port butts, and either one or two whole briskets. Do your 'normal' turduken but then wrap it in brisket (as thick as possible), and then wrap that in two port butts or shoulders (de-boned)... Wrap the entire thing in thick cut (applewood smoked) bacon and maybe some pancetta and then cover in foil for the several hours of the cook time, unwrapping for the last x hours to crisp everything up... Talking about needing a good amount of butchers twine for this one, but I think it would be well worth it... It will probably take at least two people to carry it to where it will be cooked (probably be a good idea to have it on a grate, or full sheet pans (don't think one will support the weight) to make removing from the cooking chamber easier/safer...

The long cook time will do well for the pork butt and beef brisket...

Or you could skip the poultry and just go for a heart-stopper special and layer pork butt and brisket into a serious roll and then slow cook the entire thing.

Or line the pig's cavity with brisket and then put the sausage inside that... I would tie the cavity stuffer up though, so that you can remove it in one piece (hopefully) to slice up...

Good thing I had my drool bucket on hand before reading this thread, or typing this entry... Damn, I'm hungry now...

Thanks... my father actually has a membership at the Restaurant Depot in Pawtucket which is 15 minutes from me. I probably wouldn't get anything there anyway. I'll just get the turkey and chickens at a regular grocery store. The ducks.... I'll walk down into Chinatown from my office and buy a few dirt cheap (I love that... frozen duck at a grocery store is like thirty freakin' bucks but you can go to Chinatown and buy one that was killed about an hour before for about $4). for the pig... I gotta guy. Brisket? I dunno. Not too worried about it. I'll find one.

I like the poultry in there and think i'm gonna keep it.

We'll see... should be interesting.

RD would be a good source for the brisket if nothing else... You'll need to trim it up yourself. So you can leave a decent amount of fat on it so that it stays nice and moist... :rockin:

Not sure where you shop for ducks, but when I get them (either the grocery store or RD) I don't pay that kind of money. Typically the same, or less, than a chicken would cost me... I do like the idea of an ultra-fresh duck though... The only way to get a truly great duck, though, it so go hunting and shoot one yourself (or know someone that is going out to get some)...

Debating if I wanna bother deboning all if the birds or just buying all breasts (he he... I said 'breasts').

Ya figure a regular turducken has no bones in the chicken or duck. It is just stripped meat. I have to go one step further and take allof the meat off the turkey as well.

Why bother with the work? I could get a package of chicken breasts, five or six duck breasts, and then a large turkey breast.

Or is that cheating? It feels like cheating.

Whoooooooa. Wheels are turnin now... I've been trying to think how I could marinade the beef. I am now thinking a basic dry rub (magic dust) and then a thin layer or roasted garlic... Basically make a paste... And cover one side of the beef.

You could ask your butcher to bone out the birds for you... That saves you from doing it, as well as possible bleeding all over them (thus having to toss them out and start over again)... For the duck, since it's all dark meat anyway, who's going to complain?

Have you considered injecting the meats (no, not with 'roids)?? I find that a mix of rum and seasonings (usually a small amount of my [home made] dry rub, or just granulated garlic and fresh ground pepper does good things (happy pig)... You could also use some apple juice, if you don't want to use that much rum (about 2 ounces per pound). For the brisket, consider cramming garlic cloves into it. You could also inject the brisket with some bourbon to make it happy. You already mentioned making brines for the birds.

If you do go the injection route for the meat, do it several hours before cooking them. Letting them sit overnight is better (8-12 hours) to let the injection do it's magic...

Hope you realize that even if what's inside the piggie is intact, the minute you try to move the big, you're going to be shredding it.

One warning, be cautious of the jambalia if it has any seafood in it. I read a story about someone using shellfish in their turdukin stuffing and apparently it turned the whole thing "fishy" and not in a good way. I guess the whole thing was inedible.

As far as your plan, it sounds a lot like something that "epic meal time" showed on their youtube channel.

That's a good call on the seafood.... I'll probably leave any and all seafood out of it then.

I have a couple lbs of ground up Boston Butt in the fridge so I'll probably make the andouille today and at least start the ball rolling on this ridiculous idea.

The brisket is going to be a problem at only 8 hours. TO BBQ a whole brisket to the point where it changes from the consistency of shoe leather to yummy goodness takes around 12 hours, sometimes longer. I've had it take as long as 17. The thing with brisket is that it's all connective tissue and collagen. To get that stuff to loosen up and dissolve takes a long, long time at low, low heat. Your pig would be done long before the brisket would be close to being edible. I'd go back to the de-boned prime rib or tenderloin option.

This is just the sort of monument to excess that I can get 100% behind. I might come hang out in the parking lot with you, even without a ticket for the game.

PTN

Instead of brisket, you could go with a whole (boneless) ribeye and just carve it as you wish (before cooking)... Another option could be to use a whole sirloin, also carved/sectioned as you wish. You can get primal cuts at RD for short money. Whole boneless ribeye's are typically in the 15-19 pound range, which is a lot of steaks (I usually get more than a dozen steaks out of one). Usually under $6/pound if you buy just one. Lower costs if you buy a case.

I wouldn't use tenderloin in this, at all... It will turn into an amorphous mass if cooked that long, at those temps...

A thin cut brisket will reach yummyness in far less time than 13 hours, but it would also turn back into shoe leather in short order.

The problem is that you are asking the planets to alaign in some way. It would be miraculous to have every meat just the way you want it all at the same time.

Some will be overcooking while others are just coming into their prime.

You gotta try it, don't get me wrong, but precooking some ingredients might be a thought. As might starting some ingredients frozen.

This will be cooked over an open flame?

Maybe cook everything, then wrap it in a cow.

No, it won't be over an open flame. It'll be in my "pig pit".



And yeah, I hear ya on all of the meats not being cooked exactly right at the same time. I am simply hoping that the amount of fat in the entire thing, along with the fact that the pig itself will keep all of the steaming fat, pretty much, inside, will keep everything moist.

Will it be TOO moist and turn into mush? Entirely possible.

But... I mean... I GOTTA try it right?

I thought about wrapping it in a cow. The problem is then the beef is the first layer to be cooked with no real protection. I think it'll REALLY turn into leather at that point.

I'm making the andouille for the "seafood-less jambalaya" now. Getting ready to stuff the casings shortly and will then toss 'em out in my smoker. (Yes, I have the video camera out and am documenting this stupidity for posterity's sake)

Andouille is IN da smokah

I hope you don't post that picture you sent me. Alice is out with friends tonight and I'm having a hamburger for supper. I might cry if I see that pic blown up.

PTN

Idea stolen thank you. It will be a chorizo football in the center though.

Jesus... that's practically a dare..

I hate you.

PTN

Ok, now I need to find a napkin after seeing that.

You are a Bad Ass. Hope it goes well.

Oh, for the love of God.

Do you MIND? We have to live with his swollen ego up here.

Bad Ass?

Good Grief.


PTN

Pig Pit has been defrosted. Just tossed my monster xmas tree and a pile of cardboard boxes, etc into that sucker. She was hummin' out there... You warm her up and she'll cook.

So what did you decide to use for the bovine contribution to the party?

PTN

I think I'm going small prime rib.

I gotta toss a tarp over the pit tonight since it looks like we've got some more snow comin'. I just got the thing brought back to life and don't need it buried under six inches of snow again.

I'll picking up the pig on Weds. As soon as I get it home, I'll drop it in my really large cooler with a brine and then just leave the cooler out in the garage. I have zero worries that it won't be "refridgerated" enough. I'll brine the turkey probably Friday night and then the chickens and ducks Saturday around noon.

I'm gonna put it all together Saturday night and then it needs to go into the ground sometime in the middle of the night Saturday night. I am thinking about 2:00 AM. I am thinking it should be in the ground about 8 hours. That means it is "theoretically" ready by 10:00 AM.

We'll probably be leaving for Gillette a little before noon so that'll give me an extra two hours in case I need to nuke it in the pit for not being done (I'll be shocked if it isn't).

I'll take my andouille out of the freezer tonight and probably make the jambalaya either tonight or tomorrow night just to have it set aside.