Funny Things Billy-Klubb Should Say About Beer in Public

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Billy-Klubb

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Guinness is the strongest naturally fermented beer. You can tell by how thick and rich it is. All other beers stronger than Guinness have vodka or whiskey added.

Old Rasputin is named that because it's made with real horse d!ck. Because he had a horse when he was a kid and he named it Dick.

All Lagers are made by adding barley to ice water. The stuff on top becomes premium American Light Lagers and the stuff on bottom becomes Bock Lager.

If you age a Bud Light long enough, it becomes as strong as Everclear. That's why beer has a "best by" date, so you don't die drinking too much of the old stuff.

The bigger the bottle, the stronger the beer! They do that so you only have to drink one to get drunk.

Bud Heavy was the first beer ever brewed. Then people started adding weird stuff like dog food to it to make different styles.

Hops were an accident. They were a cross between a pine tree and grape vines. They were trying to make trees that produced grapes in the winter.



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If I didn't know better, I'd think some of the dark commercial beers out there were made from oriental toilet water. Must be fracking it somehow???
 
I was actually referring to fracking that time. No racist stuff intended...:drunk:

Okay, you're off the hook.

But there's no denying that Rasputin's member was a sea cucumber or that the Princess Anesthesia, a prior vagitarian, developed a taste for sea food under his influence.

I'm still confused whether Ras Putin may have been a more proper translation and what links this implies to shirtless reggae herbalists on horseback...unless it's tied to the horse dick thing again and I've come full circle.

I love ADHD & coffee!
 
The alcohol content in home brews... because home brewers dont have professional equiptment... tends to be stronger than the stuff you buy in the store. A 6% Bud product will not get you drunk as quickly as a 6% someone made at home.

Also, the children.
 
You know, I noticed that about home brews myself. I keep wondering if it's because we usually use no corn or rice adjuncts?
 
These home brewers are all bad drunks. They brew 5 gallons at a time and have to drink it all by the next day so it doesn't go bad and poison them.

Eepahs and India Pale Ales are fruit juice and beer fermented in pine tree barrels.

India Pale Ales are made in India. But people there don't drink beer since it's outlawed so they sell it to Uhmerica.
 
Beer sucks.

Hey its me Billy-Klubb spouting off with my face crack straight to your ear holes.

Sup?
 
Homebrewers boil up the beer for a long time but it doesn't become beer until they add the Everclear. Then the alcohol is determined by how dark it is.
 
No thank you. I will NOT be reading that.

agreed.


All beer is best served at 30F. That's when all the flavors and aromas are concentrated.

The Scottish ferment their beer the same way they make haggis: in a sheep's stomach.

By law, Oktoberfest beers can only be sold during October and the first part of November. If you drink one in the summer, it will dehydrate you so fast you'll have 10 minutes to get an IV put in before you die.

(on cell phone)You dumb bastard! It's not pronounced "Eeepah", it's pronounced "EYE-pah"! Grandma, you need to smarten the flocc up about beer!
 
According to my German heritage, the only things you can put into pure beer have little or nothing to do with horses named Richard. And all that silliness about Märzens being created knowing to store them through the summer in cool caves under oaks on the banks of the Rhine is hooey--someone was trying to hide beer for themselves from Billy Klubb
 
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