granted. the coffe at work is now excellent. you now are employed at a coffee shop
i wish my knee didnt hurt.
i wish my knee didnt hurt.
Granted, your knee doesn't hurt, because you have no legs.
I wish it was time to go home.
I wish I was brewing instead of working.
Granted. You're at home brewing. You will be struck by lightning in 3..2..1..
I wish all of my bills would pay themselves.
Granted. Hunting season never ends, but they've allowed the legal hunting of humans along with their animal friends. You better start running...
I wish Stewart Scott would stop creeping me out with that wandering eye.
Granted. Instead he creeps you out by standing outside your bedroom windows in a speedo waving a 2 foot dildo in the air.
I wish the toilet paper at work was a little softer.
Granted, now its so soft evrytime you wipe your ass your fingers slip right through it.... oh and they soap dispenser is empty.
I wish the women in my life were as loyal and loving as the dogs!
granted. the police have just shown up to place you under arrest for murder. How exciting!
I wish I had a half pound of cara-pils in the freezer.
Granted. You have a half pound of cara-pils in a bag in the freezer. Also in the bag are 17 mangled fingers, 3 eyes and a tongue.
(i think i've been watching too many horror flicks in the run up to halloween)
I wish I had a super hot lunch date.
Granted. He has a 10 inch member and wont take "No" for an answer.
I wish my house smelled of Cascade hops 24/7.
granted. The aroma of cascades from the harvest 5 years ago fills your house with a scent a lot like sour cheese.... 24/7.
I wish I had bought that AOL stock back in 1990.
Congrats you bought AOL stock back 1990, but didn't read the fine print demanding you actually use AOL for internet exclusively for the rest of your life.
I wish I had another one of these giant pixie sticks.
Granted, you now have a giant pixie stick stuck in your ass.
I wish I was taking a nap.
Granted, but the only dream you can have involves a boiler room, some burned dude in a flannel shirt and knife glove, and kids singing some creepy lullaby. Sweet dreams!
I wish I could stop time.
Granted, but your beer will never finish.
I wish I had a magic femtentation chamber that new the exact temperature my beer needed to be at any given time.
I wish I could go through life and always feel great mentally and physically.
Granted, the fish you didn't kill was a piranha, and while swimming across the river, he called all his buddies over for dinner. You were the main course, they ate really slow!
I wish I were independently wealthy.
Granted! You lawnmower has become self-aware, mowed the lawn by choice and proceeded to run away with your wife.
I wish I had my own free supply of MO and 2 Row.
I wish that I were an octopus
Granted. Financial Aid workers are very giving and fund your whole college career...you devote this career to becoming a clown and wearing a big red nose forever.
I wish this spreadsheet would finish itself.
Granted. here's a pic of your wife wearing the tee shirt I gave her.
Granted, you're drinking pissI wish I were drinking.
If My wife looked like that I wouldn't mind who hit that...as long as I got it occasionally. That was not a wish...although I wouldn't mind her looking like that
Granted, you're drinking piss
I wish I was drunk
Granted! You are now married to that hot tatted woman, along with her Hep C.
I wish my beer went from grain to glass in 2 days.
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