Things I say to my Beer (or brewery, or random objects related to brewing, or sometimes my doggos)

[seatazzz]

Since my husband went to swing shift a couple months ago, I spend most of my evenings by myself. Even before that, we tended to spend our evenings kinda separate; him watching tv or playing xbox, and me out in the garage surfing HBT, reading, knitting, drinking beer, or doing random brewery chores. Occasionally we have a fierce game of cribbage, or a nice dinner. Nothing wrong with any of that, we have a happy marriage. So I spend a lot of time by myself. As many of us do, I talk to myself, my dogs, my cats, and sometimes inanimate objects. Tonight I caught myself firmly admonishing a keg that I need empty, WHY YOU DON'T KICK DAMMIT. Magic kegs are for another post. So here are a few things I have caught coming out of my mouth:

1. DAMN you are a purdy beer!
2. Where the EFF is the thermometer???
3. Stop licking the floor!! (to the dogs)
4. I made this. It's delicious. I am amazing. (Positive reinforcement via such phrases is good for you, I've heard)
5. Who wants to be brewdog today? (also to the dogs; usually have both out here with me)
6. No beer is complete without a couple of black dog hairs in the boil.
7. What yeast slurry is this? (sometimes I forget to mark the jar)
8. I know that damned (random brewery part) is here SOMEWHERE....
9. DAMMIT!! (let boil go too long because HBT)
10. Get out from behind the brewstand you idiot cat!! (he's not been burned yet, but he likes to push the envelope)
11. Today I AM going to get 5.5g in the fermenter (always undershoot it no matter what)


Anyone else?

 

[bellhp]

I say " mmm" a lot when I smell wort.
As far as talking to my dogs it's usually "git" .
I love 'em but don't want them underfoot when I'm brewing.

 

[GilSwillBasementBrews]

Why didn’t I clean that sooner seems to be a repeated mantra in my brewery. I’ll get that tomorrow turns to next week turns to OMG what is that?? And why did I wait so long to clean something quick and easy which is now a project. Lol.

 

[FloppyKnockers]

This should cover all of them...

 

[CKuhns]

Things i have said to myself.
1. How many times do i have to tell you? You are not 20 any more and no you cant lift a 10 gallon fermenter full of mead without hurting yourself.
2. Now where did i put that...? After just having it in my hand a few minutes ago.
3. WTF, I could have sworn i had enough of that...
4. Fn Gremlins hiding my S$%t.

Things i have heard others say to themselves.
1. Fed Ex lady. (She hates me)
- Who the F#$@ orders two 5 gallon pails of honey?
2. My wife.
- When will he learn hes not 20 any more?

 

[fluketamer]

This is a great post

i Can totally relate
1 I made this
2 I can’t believe I made this
3 I make amazing beer ( I’m very full of myself)
4 I could sell this
5 I should sell this
6 I would buy this
7 i know people who would buy this
8 honey- come try this. I get swimbo to try everything because she’s my taster. If she likes it it’s good because I think everything I make is amazing even when deep down I know it’s not . even the drain pours I’ve made I sometimes thought aint that bad???? She has a much more discerning palette than me. I have a 3 tiered rating system, it’s either good amazing or taste like crap that’s it .
9 my cat always gets involved in brew day from inspecting ingredients and equipment to checking the spent grains for efficiency after i dump them in the garbage . as such I’m constantly saying / humming “ the hair of the cat” to the tune of the al Stewart song with similar title.
10. I’m constantly saying mashtun and lautertun in a heavy german accent. I don’t even know what they mean and not even sure if they are real words but I think I read them here or heard them on some all grain video.when I say it , I usually am thinking about that large wooden stirring paddle with big holes in it that the monks used that supposedly had yeast cultures so imbedded in it that that’s what they used possibly without knowing it to inoculate their beers. But I know that’s not what that spoon is called. Anyone know what that big wooden paddle with holes is called ?
11. I almost always say rdwhahb while I drink a homebrew when brewing. even though I always thought that was a stupid/silly saying.
im sure I say a lot of other bazaar things that aren’t coming to mind right now.

great post. Thanks

 

[Rish]

"Why the hell did I do that?"
"How the hell did I forget to do that?"
(I make mistakes too often!)

 

[Dland]

I call myself an 'effin idiot when I screw up. Call any objects involved in screw up pieces of isth.

Yet I do not consider myself a profane man, and try not to cuss at other people.

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Basically any hiccup or unplanned disaster will prompt me to spew language spoken by truckers and sailors alike. Then the thinking out loud to handle it kicks in.

 

[balrog]

1. "OK. So. Well, THAT just happened."
2. "One of these f*@%ing days I'll learn to keep ______ with _______ where I can find it!"
<that's a multiple choice>
3. "Have I had 2 beers or 3? Trouble is, in all this excitement, I've lost count. I mean, of course I'm having another one, but..."

 

[seatazzz]

1. "OK. So. Well, THAT just happened."
2. "One of these f*@%ing days I'll learn to keep ______ with _______ where I can find it!"
<that's a multiple choice>
3. "Have I had 2 beers or 3? Trouble is, in all this excitement, I've lost count. I mean, of course I'm having another one, but..."

I only have two beers a day. Really. The first one, and the last one....

 

[slomo]

Today I had an intense conversation with a 2005 GMC Envoy who absolutely refused to help me replace its upper control arms. I was like, " Dude you can help just a little bit, I am doing this for your benefit." I also have very intense conversations with engineers that are not there.

 

[WesBrew]

Most of my interactions with the brewery are brief and not fit for HBT but WTF? comes up a lot

 

[Ayzala]

For me it's just "Oh $h1t". Which applies to a great many things on a brew day!

 

[skunkape]

I totally understand the keg that won't die situation. I've moved to 2.5 and 3 gal kegs and bottle the rest because 5 gals takes way too long in my single kegerator. So I'm like, "Ok... this is it... come on baby... gimme that foam... KICK DAMMIT!". And then I'm wolf whistling "You beautiful biatch" at the lace in the glass after a long chug.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Really???

My standard response just about everything. Typically it will be followed by "you cheap SOB, just go ahead and order a new (fill in blank) to fix this..."

 

[fluketamer]

double double toil and trouble
fire burn and cauldron bubble.

 

[MaxStout]

Seriously, boil kettle? I turn my back for one minute, ONE MINUTE, and you boil over? The Fermcap didn't get you to hold it down? You had to puke all over my stove top?

Cripes.

 

[Zanatrik]

In my head ‘dont forget to reconnect the hose to the whirlpool return before turning the pump back on’

5 minutes later (out loud this time) ‘Fu@k, can someone get me some towels!?’

 

[Brew_Dude41]

"Are my valves closed?"

Usually followed by "where is that water coming from"