The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

Williams 728
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Dear Eejit Self,
Just because Dad always did stuff himself, does not make it law. You are not as young as you used to be. Ibuprofen Tolerance seems to be a real thing. Sure they will charge $200-$300 to dig up the septic lid. But it’s like. Gillion degrees and OMG humidity. Furthermore they call your style of lid “coffin lid style” for VERY GOOD REASON! Not just because you’ve got to dig 2-1/2 x 4-1/2 x 3-1/2 foot excavation, but because you’ll likely end up dead at the bottom. Eejit. I mean it. This is the last time. Really.
Sincerely
Your Back
PS You studied Physics you mook; bury the large “easy to locate” rocks NEAR THE TOP OF THE DANGED GRAND CANYON, not the bottom. Sheesh.
 
bruce_the_loon said:
Dear Your Back

Do consider constructing an access chamber to said septic lid before the refilling of the excavation begins. If there is one thing this carbon unit has learned from Ollie the Drain Addict it is to bring it to surface.

Sincerely,
Your Future Back
Click to expand...
They want $6,000 to install it. That wa 3 yr ago, before Covid raised all prices.
 
PT934 said:
Dear Balrog,

24-x-44-septic-tank-riser-kit

Sincerely,
Hates to shovel
Click to expand...
Dear WellMeaningVt-er,
Thanks, really, but unfortunately I hazz rectangular lid.
Sincerely
ItAlwaysHappens
1689007081888.png
 
Dear WellMeaningVt-er,
Thanks, really, but unfortunately I hazz rectangular lid.
Sincerely
ItAlwaysHappens
Click to expand...
Dear Personwithsoreback&uncomfortablylargesepticacessthatcouldfitabody,

I know I am putting way more effort into this than I should, but I have been in the precast concrete industry a while and feel some weird obligation to help you find a solution. You could get a Connecticut style Catch basin to Manhole adapter slab for a couple hundred bucks that you could seal over that crazy large access with a roll of mastic and that would leave you with a 24" round hole that you could then install the above mentioned plastic access riser on. Maybe you or a neighbor (or fellow local homebrewer) has a tractor that could handle and set the slab.

Sincerely,
Dontbackfillasepticriserwithrocks
 
Hey it always happens,
A couple decades ago some honey wagon guy simply used a sledgehammer to put a hole in my lid put a foot of 6 or 8 inch pvc pipe over it and a piece of slate big enough to cover it. I don’t recall what the charge was but I guess it was effective even though shoddy work.

Sincerely,
Be nice to your back because those walnuts will be dropping soon.
 
Dear Wonderful Husband,

Had a lovely date night last night; Dick's burgers, great comedy show at one of Seattle's oldest theaters, then to top it off a visit to a brewery in the U-district we've never been to. So answer me this; why did you have to use MY right earbud to watch tv (thus not waking your exhausted wife), and leave it on the end table for young inquisitive dog to find and demolish??? Then deny it???? Unless we have borrowers or gremlins in the house that opened the case, tossed the right earbud to the dog, then closed said case (found on the high kitchen table well out of said dog's reach with no teeth marks), I think I deserve some splanations.

Sincerely,

Very annoyed wife that just wants you to come clean. I only use the left one at work anyway but still.
 
Dear rice hullls,

Thank you for making my second consecutive brew day free of stuck sparges. I was fortunate to finally find you at an online store in my country if residence. You've reminded me of how fun brewing can be without the added 1-2 hours of extra lautering time and frustration. I'll be sure to include you in all my upcoming brews regardless of grain bill.

Sincerely,
Long Lazy Luscious Lautering Lark
 
Dear Members of HBT who may even now be writing scathing reviews of my wonderful husband,

Don't. After I had some time to think about it, and lay down for a nap, my tiny brain remembered that I dropped the earbud case on the floor yesterday when I was cleaning out my purse, and neglected to check if both earbuds were in said case. Apparently the right one fell out, making it fair game for the curious dog, who did what dogs do and chewed up the unfamiliar object that smelled like my ear. Wonderful husband (without being asked) found a $15 off coupon on allmymoneyzgone and ordered me another pair that will be here this afternoon. He's getting steaks and baked potatoes (not a 'grilled cheese' as I think the euphemism is with you young whippersnappers) for dinner, and a very grateful happy wife.

Sincerely,

I do not deserve this man who spoils me and enables my homebrew obsession
 
Dear US-05,

You know you're the workhorse in my brewery. And I give you all the love when others be throwing shade at you. But to have a nearly 48 hour lag time? Why do you got to do that to me?

I hear you bubbling away now, so we're all good, but I don't need a scare like that again.

Sincerely,
Just a lowly wort maker
 
Dear Homebrew Knowledge Part of my Brain,

You know how you've read many times that you need to adjust recipes for your specific system? Well, maybe you should have absorbed that a bit better.

Sincerely,

My system hates mashes at less than 154°, just got five points higher because I mashed at 155 instead of 148
 
Dear darling daughter,

Why did you decide to leap out of your crib for the first time when I was almost done processing tomatoes for pizza sauce? Another 15 minutes to wrap up would've been nice.

Sincerely,
Pizza sauce maker with a dirty/cluttered stove
 
Dear employer, don't try to F over an employee on extremely loose grounds, and then continue to use those loose grounds in inevitable negotiations with me and union reps, all while showing signs of being willing to expand on your initial offers before we have even started to use the dirt we have on you.
I will get what I want and my union rep might end your careers.
Hope it was worth it to feel high and mighty for a while.
Sincerely, one who will not be fuc--d with.
 
I won't say too much but this is likely my last straw to leave construction.
I am sick of the **** these a-holes get away with and being treated like filth both by employers and society in general. I like doing carpenter stuff and I know I am one of those faceless guys who keep the machine of society running but it's just not worth it anymore.
 
Dear mealtime friend/guest/colleague,

Would you please stop that "Mmmm..." thing with EVERY bite you take? It's super annoying and I got that you think it's good after the first one or two times.

Sincerely,

One of the other people at the table.
 
Dear easily irritated,

I'm sorry, what's the problem, mmm?

By the way, there was a rather absurd internet "prank" of people filming themselves having conversations where they'd end every sentence with "mmm". Was this coworker under 25 and holding their phone strangely?

Sincerely,
Puzzled by youth culture
 
Dear small petri dishes,
I understand that you will all bring home all sorts of crud home from your scholastic environments. And since you were raised to be considerate and caring individuals, I am not mad that the 4 of you wish to strengthen each others immune systems and character by spreading these bugs amongst yourselves. This IMO is healthy and a part of your growth and maturation.

That being said I have 3 request going forward:

1-Starting the weekend off Friday afternoon by spewing from the top step of the bus and all over your 2 brothers on the other 2 steps below you was bit of a strong announcement. Effective as it was, if you could possibly wait until you are out of the bus, the stairs are clear, or aim for the empty first seat next time, that would be great! Better yet just say "daddy, I feel I am going be sick" and then do your thing in the toilet or grass if needed.

2. Please make sure that we are sharing more quickly and not spreading it out over the full weekend and having to stay home Monday as well. Let's focus on a short but intense 24-36 hrs of crying, cleaning, and laundry so that we are getting to school on Monday.

3. If request number 2 can't be met, please focus on being done with active expulsion of 'materials' before midnight rather than opening that 4-6 hr window at that time. Doing so will make it much more likely that we your parental units are able to provide you with much better care both during and after your time of digestive discomfort.

If we can somehow work on these issues going forward it will likely improve the overall experience for all.

Sincerely,
How many more years of this do I have left? :(
 
Last edited:
Dear Brewdude,

Today I feel your pain. Yesterday kiddo the eldest commented that a classmate came to school with pinkeye. This morning he had crusty eyelashes and his eyes weren't as clear as normal. Not definitive enough to keep him out of school, but I have a bad feeling about this.

And I hate eye drops and messing with my eyes.

Sincerely,
 
Dear @Kent88 ,
Pink eye is worse than the digestive issues ten fold. The whole process of holding the kid down, prying open the eye to get the drop in, keeping them in place until they get a blink or 2 in so that the meds are in, and then on to the next kid (never just 1 of mine).

My skin is crawling now, and i have a terrible compulsion to rub my eyes...

Sincerely,
Going to wash my hands now... (and again in 10 minutes)
 
Dear Mini-me,

I applaud your resistance to the pink eye virus you appear to have fought off. I wish you had not shared with anyone else. Your little sister appears to not be so resistant to this infection.

Sincerely,
Dad

----

Dear Mini-she,

This is going to be a pretty rough week for us, isn't it? I really wish you understood that you shouldn't touch your eyes and you need to wash your hands a bunch, but big brother didn't even understand that.

Yikes.

Sincerely,
Dad
 
Dear Dad,
My eyes are now itchy as heck, and I just emptied my desk supply of hand sanitizer.

Thanks again.

Sincerely,
My hands are still raw from constant washing after last week's update.
 
Dear Homebrew supply “store”:
Here’s an update. Two days after USPS reported the package delivered, three packets of yeast arrived. Some communication about when the other 7 will ship would be nice and professional of you.
Sincerely,
Unhappy customer wanting a brew day.
 
Hoppy2bmerry said:
Dear Homebrew supply “store”:
Here’s an update. Two days after USPS reported the package delivered, three packets of yeast arrived. Some communication about when the other 7 will ship would be nice and professional of you.
Sincerely,
Unhappy customer wanting a brew day.
Click to expand...

Dear Unhappy Customer,

You ordered something?

1702335319945.png


Sincerely,
We don't care. We don't have to. We're the United States Postal Service.
 
Dear Lalvin.
You woulld think that the 2 packets of D47 I had found in the far corner in my fridge that were more than 2 years past their experation date would have had some life. Wishful thinking on my part I know.

You would also think I would have been smart enough to start them to see if they were in fact viable prior to pitching.

You would have thought I would have had additional yeast on hand.

SIncerely, Nervous Nelly on my way to the LHBS.
 

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