texts from last night

[Parker36]

(610): he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.

Marry that girl! Rational and witty

 

[Dwain]

Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England

Man, I love this thread!- Dwain

 

[DeathBrewer]

(907): I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.

lol, I hate that smell.

 

[bernerbrau]

(610): Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love

(937): wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
(1-937): u like it?
(937): NOT THE POINT.

..........

 

[Sanveann]

I haven't seen this site before ... hilarious! I love this one:

(310): Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably ****
(312): Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?

Another good one:

(901): All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.

 

[ZBrewMan]

(269): Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina

and.....??

 

[IrregularPulse]

My wife called me today while browsing the used games at gamestop on lunch break. She said , I finally check out TFLN since you've been bugging me about it. THIS IS HILARIOUS!! No Crap says I!

 

[Ceedubya]

(609): If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says


ouch

 

[user 22118]

(310): Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?

intriguing, intriguing

 

[user 22118]

(508): Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
(781): So you're taking me there this weekend?
(508): oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.

sounds about right in my eyes

 

[ZBrewMan]

(586): we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.

Now that's a party!

 

[ChshreCat]

Now that's a party!

No mention of the cup?

 

[ZBrewMan]

No mention of the cup?

Thankfully, I've never seen that little gem of a video!

 

[bernerbrau]

Thankfully, I've never seen that little gem of a video!

What's with everyone talking about it again? Certain repressed memories need to stay repressed!!

 

[ChshreCat]

What's with everyone talking about it again? Certain repressed memories need to stay repressed!!

Oh, I'm sorry. Please, look right here.

 

[ZBrewMan]

What was this thread about again??

 

[OMJ]

(253): is there any particular reason you took a **** in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?

Obviously to keep it fresh

 

[johnnyc]

(972): I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I phucked her. I dare you to beat that.

1234567890

 

[ZBrewMan]

(714): He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.

Damn fine way to spend an afternoon if you ask me!

 

[MBasile]

Was this anyone on here?

(865): Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.

 

[EvilTOJ]

I can say without a doubt that I have never been to Tennessee, so it wasn't me.




/hopes that I have no TN visitors

 

[dontman]

Was this anyone on here?

Anyone here would've finished the beer first before passing out.

 

[Uncle Timmy]

(602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

.
I really wish I hadn't read this one BEFORE I had dinner.
.

 

[Ceedubya]

(909): how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?


I say give it a sniff, you should be able to figure it out

 

[MBasile]

(909): how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?


I say give it a sniff, you should be able to figure it out

You should know almost instantaneously :cross:

 

[MBasile]

(307): Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.

She must be a sponsored workin' girl!

 

[Uncle Timmy]

(626): i love how people use prayer to talk **** about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

.
Amen! :rockin:
.

 

[david_42]

(858): I'll start drinking again when I know where I am

Obviously, not someone from HBT. All we need to know is where the tap is.

 

[dataz722]

Obviously, not someone from HBT. All we need to know is where the tap is.

Hell I don't even need to know where the tap is. Just the nearest beer, shot, bottle, glass etc....

 

[MBasile]

Hell I don't even need to know where the tap is. Just the nearest beer, shot, bottle, glass etc....

I like your thinking and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

 

[johnnyc]

I like your thinking and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

TotalFarker?

 

[bashe]

(905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
(1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

 

[enderwig]

..........

(651): Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made forking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.

 

[enderwig]

(613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

 

[bashe]

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.


(321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
(1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
(321): no his phone, idiot.


(514): just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.


(530): You screamed, "I am going to **** this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.


(847): I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

 

[DeathBrewer]

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

Bbwahahahahahaaahaaa!!!! That's my new favorite...so ****ed up...

 

[Lost Pirate]

(202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

 

[GregR]

(443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

 

[dataz722]

(443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

hahahaha, thats my area code

 

[IrregularPulse]

hahahaha, thats my area code

Sure it's not your phone? I know I agree with everything he's saying!