SWMBO says....

Yakima 728
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JayD said:
I wish I was trolling, quite frankly. But I'm not. This argument has raged for the last 2 days in my house, really. Honestly I just pretty much gave up (and in). Whatever. it's not worth it.

And I can't say what "it" is that's not worth it, or what it's not worth... but it's bigger than beer....
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You are spot on that it is bigger than beer. But its going to to get a hell of a lot bigger if you don't nip this in the bud. You got to nip it.
 
I'll say a few things here. Currently I am taking a nutrition class and it says that for the average male that 2 drinks per night is at an acceptable moderate level. Talk about why she feels that her numbers make more sense.

My wife was also extremely uncomfortable with be brewing too. Once she realized that I didn't get drunk every night by having a beer or two it stopped becoming and issue. I didn't adjust my drinking but showed her that it really wasn't the issue she was associating it with.
 
Here's a very good article about Beer and Health. In this article, it discusses moderate drinking (one beer per day) and the health benefits. It also discusses drinking too much.

http://nutrition.about.com/od/hydrationwater/a/beer_Nutrition.htm

I know that giving you this information isn't really going to make her instantly change her mind, but you should have whatever ammo you can get.

Sorry for the drama.
 
My wife was/is the exact same. She would tell me I drink too much and I need to cut back or stop. She also did the same with brewing. I never fought about it, we never had some big conversation, I just kept on drinking my 1 or 2 a night and kept brewing. I just try to not rub it in her face. She no longer bugs me about either ... she may roll her eyes at me when I run a recipe by her, but I think she has come to realize it's just part of who I am now.
 
on_a_leash.jpg

That's what it seems like to me.

Seriously, the lady needs counseling. There's absolutely no reason whatsoever that you, a full-grown man, can't enjoy as much beer as you want... ya know, considering it's an amount that doesn't interfere with work/relationships/life. The "I don't want you to become an alcoholic" argument is complete bulls**t! She's putting it up on a pedestal and, if you were actually an alcoholic, that could drive you to drink even more.

My dad was (and still is, I guess? I don't know how that stuff works) an alcoholic and almost ruined his marriage before I was even close to being born. His 30th AA birthday was last year and I congratulate him for sticking to it for that long for the well-being of the family, but there's always been something that bothers me about AA and all their tenants; the idea that 'you have absolutely no control over your actions involving alcohol.' It's some crap: if you force yourself to never ever ever have any alcohol then the alcohol is still controlling you. You become in control when you can have two beers a night (maybe even zero some nights, gasp) and be able to stop before you become a belligerent a**hole. Then there's the whole 'submitting to a higher power' God thing in AA that bothers me too but that's a whole other rant.

But, to return from my tangent... either you need to grow some man-balls or really try to compromise with her. If that still won't work then you need to suggest she goes to counseling alone. And I hate to sound mean but if that fails you as well you may need to become single... I know I would.
 
Special Hops said:
Kicking back a bottle of JD every night. That's a drinking problem.

2 beers no way.

I used to drink liquor a good bit. I was probably borderline alcoholic and wife sat me down and we talked and since then I have pretty much given up liquor (At a mexican restaurant I might have 1 margarita with dinner but that's about the extent of it.)

We agreed that everyone would be better off if I just stick to beer. That was about 6 years ago and I now typically have 1-2 or 3 homebrews a night (a few more on the weekends) and everyone is happy.
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Let me add that the only times she get's on my case now about drinking too much is if / when I am driving. I have no problem with this though. Mostly I am at home and have a few beers. I think she much prefers that then having me go out to drink all the time.

You seriously need to find some sort of compromise. Many have been suggested here.
 
I tried limiting my wife to one beer a night. She laughed and went and tapped another ale. At least she gets me one while she's at it.
 
Maybe she is afraid you will turn into an alcoholic? I come from a long line of them and it ain't a pretty sight. There is a fine line between those who can't stop and those who don't want to stop. You should really talk to her and find out what is bothering her.
 
My wife says I drink a little too much from time to time. When I met her yeah I was drinking too much. I was drinking for money at that time every friday night to pay for my weekend fun.

My drinking has declined over the years but I never was a bad drunk just a happy one with a flirtting problem.

Now I brew and I drink daily. She got a little upset at first when I started brewing because of she didn't want me to go back to drinking way to much, but over time she realized drinking a few beers a night isn't bad and way better than a 5th a night.

Okay I'm not helping but seriously. I been married for 10 years and I come to realize that you are who you are. She either needs to accept you or not. Same goes for you either you need to accept her or not.

Bottom line is either you love her how with all her flaws? You have to draw your line in the sand and let her draw hers. If they are too far apart then your marriage is doomed if they are close then hey you both can bend and it'll be gravy.

Anytime my wife doesn't like something I do I point to all her friends who are divorced and have husbands who left them or cheated etc, and say it could be worse. I don't drink to get drunk (well that often), I don't go out every night to a bar, I don't cheat, I'm a great dad, I support my family(I got way to many jobs), and I come home to you every night. Followed by I really love and I'm the happiest guy alive because you fully support and understand me.............Works every time.
 
brewagentjay said:
My wife says I drink a little too much from time to time. When I met her yeah I was drinking too much. I was drinking for money at that time every friday night to pay for my weekend fun.

My drinking has declined over the years but I never was a bad drunk just a happy one with a flirtting problem.

Now I brew and I drink daily. She got a little upset at first when I started brewing because of she didn't want me to go back to drinking way to much, but over time she realized drinking a few beers a night isn't bad and way better than a 5th a night.

Okay I'm not helping but seriously. I been married for 10 years and I come to realize that you are who you are. She either needs to accept you or not. Same goes for you either you need to accept her or not.

Bottom line is either you love her how with all her flaws? You have to draw your line in the sand and let her draw hers. If they are too far apart then your marriage is doomed if they are close then hey you both can bend and it'll be gravy.

Anytime my wife doesn't like something I do I point to all her friends who are divorced and have husbands who left them or cheated etc, and say it could be worse. I don't drink to get drunk (well that often), I don't go out every night to a bar, I don't cheat, I'm a great dad, I support my family(I got way to many jobs), and I come home to you every night. Followed by I really love and I'm the happiest guy alive because you fully support and understand me.............Works every time.
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So true.. The wife looked at her friends who's husbands are spending all weekend golfing plus two or three nights a week at the driving range or working on their cars non-stop and suddenly my brewing every other weekend at home around the family didn't seem so bad.
 
Anytime my wife doesn't like something I do I point to all her friends who are divorced and have husbands who left them or cheated etc, and say it could be worse. I don't drink to get drunk (well that often), I don't go out every night to a bar, I don't cheat, I'm a great dad, I support my family(I got way to many jobs), and I come home to you every night. Followed by I really love and I'm the happiest guy alive because you fully support and understand me.............Works every time.


True that. Although wifey complains about stuff more often than I would like, when it comes to the crunch, she knows this. It always becomes more evident how totally wonderful I am (Despite my obvious faults) when she is talking about me to others.

Of course, it's not too difficult, I am her 3rd husband, and Ohians tend to set the bar pretty fooking low. ;)
 
Just drink one in front of her, and several more in the garage.


Is anything worth the bitching?
 
In my 4 years of marriage I've learned to pick my battles. Sometimes I give in, sometimes compromise, and sometimes I put my foot down. The first one is the easiest. The second requires a little mutual understanding, and the last requires an honest explanation of your thought/feelings as wells as hers. Ultimately you'll need to make a descision, not one that solves the immediate situation, but one that will be an acceptable solution 6 months, a year, 10 years from now.
 
I had a similar situation to the OP and put up with it for a few years, but ultimately it ended up being that she wanted to control every aspect of my life. I was married for 19 years, but we were legally separated for 3 of those years. It took forever to finalize the divorce, and I haven't been this happy since before I met her. It was a very messy situation with 4 kids, real estate, etc. In the end, she got a ton of cash, I have the kids and the assets.

I will take that to get away from the incessant bitching and control.
 
This homebrew friends. Is a quality thread.

Dude, there is more going on. Get a counsler, friend, pastor, somebody ELSE to discuss whats going on here. We can make suggestion, and jokes, but you need some boots on the seen, and if you cant figure this out. Get some help.

With that said....You could ignore the problem and just find out what she will drink, and make that untill she is saying to you everynight, "I bet I can drink more than you"
 
this is a major problem. her expectations are laughable. they will continue to be that, and she will extend her authority if you let her. she obviously doesn't fear losing you. this is a problem. good luck my friend. tell her her expectations are laughable. do not fear losing her. this is all you can do.
 
Seriously, how old are you all?

EDIT: directed to the OP, not the comments ;)
 
Young enough and happily married (together 12yrs+) But I'm familiar with when to compromise and when to call bull****. The OP is uncomfortable with confrontation, therapy is expensive (so I've heard, I own a motorcycle so I'll never find out first hand) so maybe this approach could give a few more valid opinions. Maybe it would just open the lines of communication.
 
Okay.. some additional info to the OP:

1. When a woman starts to dictate to a man how much he can drink per day - one or both of you have a "problem" - which may only be partially related to alcohol consumption.

2. What kind of drinker are you? Are you a jolly drunk? A philosophical drunk? An unpredictable drunk?

Do you sit in front of the tv and watch old reruns of Sanford and Son and laugh your fool head off?

Do you burn her ear off about some crap that someone did to you x number of years ago and for some reason tonight you're going to process it?

Do you decide at midnight (drunk) that it would be a good time to mess up the kitchen because you've got a taste for pot roast, only to fall asleep in front of the tv until smoke starts to pour from the kitchen?

I remember you mentioning that she had an alcoholic in her family.

She might benefit from an Alanon or Codependents Anonymous 12-step meeting - if only for a chance to talk through some of the crap that she had to deal with growing up even if she doesn't deal with the whole 12-step thing.

When a person grows up with chaos in their family, they are extra sensitive to "not sober" people, stoners, mentally "off" people, and their parents ;)

SHE should figure out why it bothers HER so much when you drink more than x beers. Then address THAT problem and not just arbitrarily decide for you how much you should drink.

My boyfriend and I have come to somewhat of an understanding. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we've worked out the whole "drinking" thing. He lets me know when he's planning on drinking "a few beers" as he says (which means 6+ BMC plus something a little harder). I hunker down with my knitting, my World of Warcraft, or some other task and leave him be. Earplugs are great to drown out the sound of him muttering to himself at 2am.

Really. She's got to deal with her own junk around this issue too, it's not really fair to just set a limit. Control freaks usually feel that their life is "out of control" and that's why they try to do what they can to limit change/chaos/unpredictability.

... just some insight from someone whose "been there"
 
Update is, more of the same. I can still consume 1 beer every 1.5 weeks. She threw in something new the other day, in that "one beer" is ONE twelve ounce serving... but that one will not stand, I just haven't had to cross that bridge yet.

It's not bad for me to have some outside control, as I was beginning to pack on the pounds. So it works out. It is honestly not worth me fighting. Interesting sidenote, and you'll know this if you see my other thread, and that is she doesn't mind me buying and having it, just consuming too much (in her mind). So I bought about 20 beers (that I don't have access to here), and at that rate they'll last me 20*1.5 weeks. Plus I already had another 10 (good) beers at home, so that's another 15 weeks worth... PLUS I just bottled about 45, my first homebrew batch. So yeah I really conceivably will not according to her schedule have (need) to buy beer for the next year or so. At least I'll necessarily have some well aged beer....

Interesting sidenote #2, @Homercidal and @IrregularPulse -- I have no internet time limit but if she wanted to limit something smartly, it'd be that, not beer. I spend way too much time doing stuff on the internet, and that time is not constructive at all, .... iykwim.

Anyway. so the update is -- there is no update. There is a side story here which I will include at some point (has to do more with mood, but not any surrounding "why" to the whole thing). It's just a battle I have chosen not to fight. I would rather be happily married and look forward (desperately?) to one beer every week and a half than fight. It just boils down to that.
 
JayD said:
Update is, more of the same. I can still consume 1 beer every 1.5 weeks. She threw in something new the other day, in that "one beer" is ONE twelve ounce serving... but that one will not stand, I just haven't had to cross that bridge yet.

It's not bad for me to have some outside control, as I was beginning to pack on the pounds. So it works out. It is honestly not worth me fighting. Interesting sidenote, and you'll know this if you see my other thread, and that is she doesn't mind me buying and having it, just consuming too much (in her mind). So I bought about 20 beers (that I don't have access to here), and at that rate they'll last me 20*1.5 weeks. Plus I already had another 10 (good) beers at home, so that's another 15 weeks worth... PLUS I just bottled about 45, my first homebrew batch. So yeah I really conceivably will not according to her schedule have (need) to buy beer for the next year or so. At least I'll necessarily have some well aged beer....

Interesting sidenote #2, @Homercidal and @IrregularPulse -- I have no internet time limit but if she wanted to limit something smartly, it'd be that, not beer. I spend way too much time doing stuff on the internet, and that time is not constructive at all, .... iykwim.

Anyway. so the update is -- there is no update. There is a side story here which I will include at some point (has to do more with mood, but not any surrounding "why" to the whole thing). It's just a battle I have chosen not to fight. I would rather be happily married and look forward (desperately?) to one beer every week and a half than fight. It just boils down to that.
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None of my business but if that is how you feel it will lead to bitter resentment towards her which is worse then a fight. I see a lot of marriages end because of that.

Now that the ground rules have been established and you can set standards for each other activities tell her that there will be no less then 4 blowjobs a week and she is not allowed to turn you down for sex. If she follows your rules then you'll follow her's.
 
Yes, it's a very good point. And I don't disagree. I don't know if counseling is the answer or what. (I mean for me, or her, or both of us separate, or together).
 
I just kind of skimmed through these pages. Let me get this straight. You are a homebrewer. Your wife originally asked you to only have 2 beers a night but over the weeks it has gotten to 1 beer every 1.5 weeks? That is some really fvcking crazy $hit!
 

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