Punchlines....

[Spyk'd]

*poof!!!* His legs were gone.

 

[Hardball]

Rectum?...damn near killed em!

 

[Torchiest]

"Oops, I forgot; your brother has the car."

 

[Rotgutt]

Spanish Armada!

 

[Wolf]

"I don't know," said the Invisible Man as he rolled off, "but my ass is killing me."

 

[Rhoobarb]

Rectum?...damn near killed em!

I was waiting for somebody to chime in with that one!

Shine a flashlight in her ear.

If the Cubs ever win the World Series, we'll find out!

"Arrghh! And it's drivin' me nuts."

"Good. Do you have any duck food?"

 

[TCHDNSD]

Want some chocolate?

No deer. Ass too high, run to fast.

Where's that eskimo you wanted me to wrestle?

Hey Peter, I can see your house from up here!

Gettin' the blood outta the clown suit.

 

[teu1003]

Pardon me, boy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?

Would you hold my cock and pullet while i scratch my ass?

I wonder who Kissinger's now?

 

[TCHDNSD]

Tuesday is your turn in the barrel.

Does this taste funny?

 

[homebrewer_99]

...is that nun in here again...

...dress her up like an altar boy...


(Sorry, but I just had to tell the whole joke)...these are for Cheese...

Why was Michael Jackson at K-Mart...because he heard boys pants were half off...

How do homosexuals fake orgasm? They spit on your back.

#1 pick-up line at a gay bar? May I push your stool in?

 

[Hopfan]

Ya' know, Superman, you can be a real jerk when you're drunk.

 

[EvilTOJ]

It was the worlds first Macon lead hearse and tornado sand ridge.

The moral of the story is, Choosers can't be beggars.

He who has a Tate's is lost.

 

[Hardball]

If these were already done, sorry:

Urinate, but if you had bigger boobs you'd be a 10.

When Jenny was done, I asked her, "How my dictate?".

 

[sudsmonkey]

*****, if this frog learns to cook, your ass is outa here!
Have you played this game before?
I once screwed a peacock when I was younger and I thought you might be my son.

 

[Torchiest]

"Don't worry, the frog's a ventriloquist."

 

[sudsmonkey]

Aunt Sue's sweater has ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.
Where's that squaw you wanted me to kill?
I hope I never get as senile as you two ( knocks on wood). As soon as I see who's at the door, I'll be up to help you both!
He spent the night in a warehouse!
That's how I got a twelve inch pianist.

 

[TCHDNSD]

That sheep's a damn liar.

Put it back in the mud.

You want me to stop or do you want me to slow down.

 

[cha ngo]

"Pardon me m'am, but I don't think I can take 67 more of those."

 

[Ivan Lendl]

"...I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."

"...that was the ham giving me problems."

"...thier beliefs are in God and carpeting."

 

[Cap'n Jewbeard]

"The second time, I proved it."

"If I guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheepdog back?"

"Which is funny because you'd think the other two would have ducked."

"What is this, some kind of joke?"

(And thanks a lot for stealing the Superman joke, dude!)

 

[skifast1]

...I thought so, you're cockeyed!

...Tell her to widen her stance

...Really? You have a drink named Murray?

...I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw

 

[EvilTOJ]

I can't believe no one did this one yet....




.....The Aristocrats!!!!

 

[Dude]

"A porcupine has 68,000 pricks on the outside!"

 

[wild]

"Sure, move the cat!"

"Would you have a blue Mexican in there?"

 

[Ó Flannagáin]

You think I wished for a 13 inch pianist?

 

[Short Drive]

The blond said, Your porch is really a Mercedes.
Boy is there tension around our house.
Johnny spit that piece of a** out of your moth.
Because sheep don't do dishes.
He didn't want to leave his little brothers behind.
I've been putting on my shoes.

 

[Cap'n Jewbeard]

"One is a cunning runt..."

 

[boo boo]

" I think I'm a lesbian too"

" my mother had both her legs in the air and was yelling Je**s I'm cumming"

My wife ran away with a cop and I thought you were bringing her back

 

[cha ngo]

"R is for rat, a big f*cking rat with a tail this long"

 

[z987k]

I can't believe no one did this one yet....




.....The Aristocrats!!!!

Damn, I was going to put that one.

 

[Ó Flannagáin]

Elephino ...

 

[Cloggy]

It's called "I love you so much I can't f*@#$%g ****!".

 

[the_Roqk]

I'm not joking and stop calling me Shirley!

 

[mmmforbiddendonut]

And then he shot the dog.
Little Johnny said "That's my uncle bending over in the shower to pick up the soap."
I f*cked your dog, i sh*t in your purse, I'm outta here.
I'd like to show ya, but I don't think I could fit another potato up my ass.
Bubbles is the girl next door.
Seamus, you're sh*ttin the bed!
I squeal the tires when I pull in the driveway, slam the door, run upstairs and tell my wife "I'm horny as hell" and she always pretends to be asleep.
Tonight, you're drinking from the bottle.
And one said "who farted?"
Well think about me, I've got to walk home alone.