Post your favorite funny or snarky sayings here

[Hamaki]

My grandfather every time he saw a new baby, "Huh, kinda looks like Sam Taylor". Sam was the town drunk.

 

[arturo7]

We'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

 

[slym2none]

"I leave more personality in the crapper than you have!"

 

[cattmoble]

"Busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs"

"He couldn't sell ***** on a troop train"

"I'd like to check her for ticks"

"He's one beer short of a six pack"

" The bitterness of poor quality long remains after the sweetness of low prices are forgotten"

 

[Hophunter]

I'm sweating more than a virgin in a pecker patch.

 

[JonM]

"Some people believe with great fervor preposterous things that just happen to coincide with their self-interest."

 

[gratus fermentatio]

"I'd like to check her for ticks"

I'm so going to use that!

That guy couldn't find his own ass in the dark with 3 hands & a flashlight.

Regards, GF.

 

[VApatriot]

The best ones I learned in Tennessee go like this:

He so lost he couldn't find his a$$ with a map, a compass, and two Indian guides!

I hate that guy, I wouldn't pi$$ up his a$$ if his guts was on fahr!

 

[Inkleg]

"If someone told her to haul a$$, she'd have to make two trips"

 

[harleybug88]

"Honey, I promise, I won't be home late. I'm only gonna have one or two beers."

 

[MaxStout]

"honey, i promise, i won't be home late. I'm only gonna have one or six beers."

ftfy

 

[BentBrewer]

When I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails.

 

[Vandulus]

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's a sport.

 

[VApatriot]

Some I learned in Tennessee:

- He's so lost he couldn't find his a$$hole with a map, a compass, and two Indian guides!

- I hate that guy, I wouldn't pi$$ up his a$$ if his guts was on fahr!

- Man that's sexier than socks on a rooster!

- She's so ugly , she looks like she done fell out outta the ugly tree an hit near every branch on the way down.

- You don't have the common sense God gave a cabbage.

 

[slym2none]

"XXX is so ugly they'd make a train take a dirt road."

-or-

"They/You look like a dried up turd on a bad piece of road."

 

[jafo28]

Some I learned in Tennessee:

- He's so lost he couldn't find his a$$hole with a map, a compass, and two Indian guides!

- I hate that guy, I wouldn't pi$$ up his a$$ if his guts was on fahr!

- Man that's sexier than socks on a rooster!

- She's so ugly , she looks like she done fell out outta the ugly tree an hit near every branch on the way down.

- You don't have the common sense God gave a cabbage.

One from my time in Tennessee.


I'd ride her like a Harley on a bad piece of road.

 

[Alpotun]

To a friend with a beer gut I'll rub it gently (for clarity, the belly) and ask "what's the gestation period on that?"

 

[gratus fermentatio]

It's slicker than greased goose **** on glass!

 

[Hamaki]

To anyone overly proud of their oratory skills, "You use your mouth purtier 'n a twenty dollar whore!"

Thank you Mel Brooks!

 

[Natdavis777]

Whenever life gets you down, just remember, YOU were the strongest sperm...

 

[beergolf]

Does being an a**hole come naturally to you or do you have to practice, because you are very good at it.

 

[autobaun70]

Slower than a herd of turtles swimming through a peanut butter pond.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

He couldn't find his own ass in the dark with 3 hands & a flashlight.

 

[autobaun70]

"Chin music." Defined as the persistent flapping of the female sex's mouth (while emitting noise) when they are irritated about some that a male did do, didn't do, or did incorrectly.

 

[CGVT]

Chin music is a high and tight fastball thrown to a batter who is crowding the plate.

 

[soccerdad]

Credit 'Field of Dreams'

You're seeing a whole team of psychiatrists, aren't you?'

 

[Hamaki]

Chin music is a high and tight fastball thrown to a batter who is crowding the plate.

Or a wrastlin' move...

 

[HBngNOK]

When it gets right down to the nut-cuttin',,,,,,,,

 

[MFWINZLOW]

"...hump it like it's prom night..."
Slym?

 

[slym2none]

I want no part of your humping, thanks.

 

[shetc]

Man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with dirty finger.

 

[shetc]

Girl who horse around get ridden a lot.

 

[wallybangbang]

"Good enough for the girls I go with"

Stolen from my fire academy instructor whenever we performed an evolution correctly.

 

[cthulu1975]

Describing a dirty whore. "I wouldn't f@@k her with your d!ck".

 

[smokinop]

Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

Educated beyond his intelligence.

And from a very nice but the most educated man I ever met, who always had a plug of snuff in his lower lip....it's a cryin & a shame. RIP Willie!

 

[JonM]

You despise me don't you?

If I gave you any thought I probably would.

 

[slym2none]

You despise me don't you?

If I gave you any thought I probably would.

My response is always "Who are you, again?"

 

[benco]

Here's one I like. " No sense in being pessimistic... wouldn't work anyway".

 

[Hophunter]

When the work is good but not perfect, either, "good enough for gov't work" or "can't see it from my house".

 

[gratus fermentatio]

"Madder than a one legged waitress at IHOP."