Messing with SWMBO

[CreamyGoodness]

You better get your math straight before July 1st!

The first 5 years were freebies

 

[Tnoodle]

when your together in the tub, holding her close. let one rip and tell her you love her.

 

[beaksnbeer]

You better get your math straight before July 1st!

Didn't hear of the "How does it feel to want joke" til AFTER we had been together for 5 years.

We got married on July 1st 2000 so I can never forget which anniversary it is.

 

[HoppyDaze]

I mix chloroform with her make-up... and when she wakes up on the floor of the bathroom I dump a bucket of water on her face and call her stupid....


HA! We love to kid...

 

[dkwolf]

I've followed the entire thread so far, but what I can't figure out after reading the last 5 or so pages is.....how is it I'M the single one?

 

[HoppyDaze]

.how is it I'M the single one?

It's probably your face....do you have a stupid face?

 

[forstmeister]

It's probably your face....do you have a stupid face?

I bet he has a stupid face

 

[beaksnbeer]

I've followed the entire thread so far, but what I can't figure out after reading the last 5 or so pages is.....how is it I'M the single one?

Apparently YOU don't know how to treat a lady.

 

[russrob81]

I've followed the entire thread so far, but what I can't figure out after reading the last 5 or so pages is.....how is it I'M the single one?

Next time you're around an attractive woman fart in your hand then stick it her face. The lady's love it. Then when you're in bed together for the first time just ask "do you wanna do it?" Works like a charm

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

Well my now ex-"SWMBO" destroyed all of my bottled homebrew, including competition winners and a barley wine that had been again for around a year and a half (and it was soooo good at this point, sigh).

Granted, I broke up with her and she did that afterward. But still: "Hell hath no fury...."

Just be good natured about your jokes, guys. There've been enough fallen bottles of homebrew this month.

This has been a Homebrewtalk.com Public Service Announcement

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Well my now ex-"SWMBO" destroyed all of my bottled homebrew, including competition winners and a barley wine that had been again for around a year and a half (and it was soooo good at this point, sigh).

Granted, I broke up with her and she did that afterward. But still: "Hell hath no fury...."

Just be good natured about your jokes, guys. There've been enough fallen bottles of homebrew this month.

This has been a Homebrewtalk.com Public Service Announcement

Damn bro, thats cold. Of course, I have heard worse, but its still cold.

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

Damn bro, thats cold. Of course, I have heard worse, but its still cold.

Yeah. I can honestly and truthfully say that nothing I ever did warranted that response. The relationship just wasn't working anymore and I didn't think it was going to work again since the problems were long standing, so I ended it.

So yeah, that was cold. But colder yet was the fact that she made sure I couldn't say a goodbye to "our" two dogs (they were hers, but after two years they were mine too). Kind of a long story, and I've found some other destroyed possessions since then, but it's not worth the retelling.

Jokes is jokes, but don't cross that line, fellas.

 

[the_bird]

... ^^ now I need to go back and read through 200+ posts and figure out what the **** you did....

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Good advice.

I'd like to reiterate that joking around with one's wife or girlfriend is best done when both parties are in a good mood and in a stable relationship (and at a stable time in the relationship). Doing the "cobra" during an argument about whether or not your m-i-l should babysit your kids, for example, would be ill-advised.

 

[Whsoj]

Well my now ex-"SWMBO" destroyed all of my bottled homebrew, including competition winners and a barley wine that had been again for around a year and a half (and it was soooo good at this point, sigh).

This has been a Homebrewtalk.com Public Service Announcement

I learned @ an early age to stay away from women that are from South Carolina, Debutante's & especially College of Charleston. Never forget the Charleston cadets!

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

... ^^ now I need to go back and read through 200+ posts and figure out what the **** you did....

I broke up with her and moved out (she did that before I moved). I promise that was it. And I tried everything I could over the last six months to avoid it, but I got nowhere except with involuntarily losing weight. The stress level was not sustainable any longer. All conversations went nowhere except to ugly arguments. More and more it became apparent to me that what I needed and wanted from the relationship was a secondary or tertiary priority to what she wanted. And that of course was not okay with me.

And for getting out of that situation, I was rewarded with having all of my homebrew destroyed because she knew that would cut deep. Nice girl, yeah? Two years and that was my reward.

She is generally a nice girl with many good qualities. It's just that she has a serious Jekyll and Hyde thing going on sometimes.

I learned @ an early age to stay away from women.

Fixed that for ya.

No offense, ladies.

(And she's not even from here anyway.)



This kind of applies here:

 

[CreamyGoodness]

HA! Worst thing I have ever said to an ex "this relationship makes homosexuality look like a plausible alternative".

Thing is she thought so too... she's married to a woman. Womp Whaaaa

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

HA! Worst thing I have ever said to an ex "this relationship makes homosexuality look like a plausible alternative".

Thing is she thought so too... she's married to a woman. Womp Whaaaa

What exactly do you put in your homebrew?

 

[DrunkleJon]

Poor Creamy. Such fun to date that he drives women to deviant behavior.

 

[jhoneycutt]

Wow creamy, that sounds like a thread you should start right there. Who has an ex that now plays for the other team? Or something like that.

 

[the_bird]

HA! Worst thing I have ever said to an ex "this relationship makes homosexuality look like a plausible alternative".

If you think about it, it's all buttsex and blowjobs. Just make sure you're pitching.

 

[jhoneycutt]

Doesn't matter if you're pitching or catching, you're still playing ball.

 

[Whsoj]

Originally Posted by Whsoj
I learned @ an early age to stay away from women.

Fixed that for ya.

No offense, ladies.

(And she's not even from here anyway.)

Hey that's not funny! You cant do that! Ok maybe you can do that, and it is funny but still man. not cool ...not cool....

 

[SupervisingChildren]

Man is this thread hilarious!
Favorite prank is the cling wrap on the toilet seat.
Another is setting the clock an hour ahead...haven't done it in a while as she already gets up at the crack of dawn, and I'm still sleeping and will likely not wake up ever again if she realizes what I did haha
Last but not least- going for walks together and pushing her into shrubs hehe. 13 yrs later, it still doesn't get old!

 

[SupervisingChildren]

I learned @ an early age to stay away from women that are from South Carolina, Debutante's & especially College of Charleston. Never forget the Charleston cadets!

Go with a transplanted MUSC grad instead! Can you say "sugar momma"? Haha

 

[m3n00b]

You guys all have balls of steel. I've learned not to mess with swmbo.

 

[paulster2626]

And for getting out of that situation, I was rewarded with having all of my homebrew destroyed because she knew that would cut deep. Nice girl, yeah? Two years and that was my reward.

Did she at least rinse the bottles and dry them out for you?

 

[paulster2626]

Man is this thread hilarious!
Favorite prank is the cling wrap on the toilet seat.

THat is just evil. I believe you're only allowed to do this once per lifetime.

Last but not least- going for walks together and pushing her into shrubs hehe. 13 yrs later, it still doesn't get old!

I do this too. Also aim for dog ****. Classy!

 

[bottlebomber]

HA! Worst thing I have ever said to an ex "this relationship makes homosexuality look like a plausible alternative".

Eh, we all know you've been swinging in that direction anyway.

If you think about it, it's all buttsex and blowjobs. Just make sure you're pitching.

Sick dude, just sick.

Did she at least rinse the bottles and dry them out for you?

Hahaha!

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Hey bomber if you werent frigging huge and far away Id... Id... probably still laugh.

 

[bottlebomber]

Hey bomber if you werent frigging huge and far away Id... Id... probably still laugh.

That's what my wife does, might as well heap it on

 

[Whsoj]

Go with a transplanted MUSC grad instead! Can you say "sugar momma"? Haha

Married to a doctor ehe? Put her pager/cellphone out in the hallway when you go to bed, tape saran-wrap to the doorway and coat it in maple syrup then call the phone/pager.

 

[bottlebomber]

Married to a doctor ehe? Put her pager/cellphone out in the hallway when you go to bed, tape saran-wrap to the doorway and coat it in maple syrup then call the phone/pager.

And since he's married to a doctor he can afford to spread a pint of maple syrup out for a prank

 

[Whsoj]

And since he's married to a doctor he can afford to spread a pint of maple syrup out for a prank

Yea I use Aunt Jemima

 

[beaksnbeer]

Yeah. I can honestly and truthfully say that nothing I ever did warranted that response. The relationship just wasn't working anymore and I didn't think it was going to work again since the problems were long standing, so I ended it.

So yeah, that was cold. But colder yet was the fact that she made sure I couldn't say a goodbye to "our" two dogs (they were hers, but after two years they were mine too). Kind of a long story, and I've found some other destroyed possessions since then, but it's not worth the retelling.

Jokes is jokes, but don't cross that line, fellas.

Had a friend jerk off and put it in his ex's toothpaste tube. She let her friends and the movers drink all his brew while he was on the road. (we did Rubber Extruded Press installs)

 

[bottlebomber]

I don't prank my wife too much because I figure her having to put up with me on a daily basis is enough of a shenanigan. However I will occasionally come up to the shower curtain and look over the top, usually while she's washing her hair, and just stand their silently. Once she's gotten the soap washed off her face she will eventually notice the eyes peeking out from over the curtain, and let out a shriek. I may do this once every 6 months or so.

 

[HoppyDaze]

^ creepy in real life too

 

[SupervisingChildren]

Married to a doctor ehe? Put her pager/cellphone out in the hallway when you go to bed, tape saran-wrap to the doorway and coat it in maple syrup then call the phone/pager.

That's not a bad idea haha. Syrup dripping on the hardwood floors would not be good though!
Nah, she's a nurse, but my dad works there and I get to visit down south once a year or so.... however, I can say that the medical profession pays. I can also say from personal experience that my job in the mental health field doesn't pay very much at all, hence me not having top of the line equipment haha

 

[bottlebomber]

^ creepy in real life too

I hope those dogs feckin bite you in the face. Hahaha!

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

Had a friend jerk off and put it in his ex's toothpaste tube. She let her friends and the movers drink all his brew while he was on the road. (we did Rubber Extruded Press installs)

I just won't speak to her for a long while rather than get some sort of revenge. I just won't sink to her level, which is most likely the reason why she did it in the first place: a sick way to keep me in her life by making me angry at her.