CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
Now that I am a parent myself, I have to return to a time-honored trope of mine... the fact that parents do and say weird stuff. I know people for the most part mean very well, but something seems to just... happen... to a person after they have parented a child for, say, 2 years. See below two sample interactions I have had, whilst walking in my neighborhood with SessionableGoodness (grocery shopping and the like) in his baby papoose, one with obviously childless people and the second with fellow parents. These are only very slightly exaggerated for effect... I have had both of these interactions at least 5 times each. Note that I have put my thoughts at the time in brackets [], the things I am too polite to say aloud.
Childless:
Her: "Oh, what a beautiful baby! What's his name!" [Innocent start, plus I feel a certain amount of pride in my minuscule contribution to my son's genetic makeup]
Me: "Thank you very much, I think so too! This is David!"
Her: "He looks so new!"
Me: Yes, he just got here in early July.
Her: "Aww! I'm Spatula and this is my boyfriend Rasputin, we live just down the block on 32nd" [I like this Spatula. Introduction, local credentials, indicators that Im not talking to a random lunatic but rather some neighbors. Also, Spatula is pretty hot. Hard not to notice"
Me: "Hi guys, I'm James, Im on <redacted>.
Her: Nice to meet you! We'll probably see you around again soon!
And thats that. Lovely interaction really. If I see them when I'm out with my wife, I'll be sure to introduce Spatula and Rasputin to her.
Now for the Parents.
Her: "Aww, he's beautiful! What's his name? About 2 months right?
Me: "Yeah exactly. Thanks I'm pretty fond of the guy"
Her: "I can see why! Are you a first time parent? [is it that obvious, lady?]
Me: "Yeah, never thought I'd be a dad"
Her: "Are you going to have another one." [Grrrr.... it begins]
Me: "No, I dont think so" [feel the energy of my curt reply]
Her, forging ahead much like Louis and Clark might have when confronted with a pack of marauding coyotes: "Is your wife breastfeeding? [...... right out of the gate you're bringing my wife's breasts into the conversation??]
Me: "Erm... well no... I... uh... Similac... I... uh...."
Her: "Yeah I know, breast milk is really best so you dont have to worry so much about disease [WHAT THE MERCIFUL RAT ****, LADY?!].
Me: "Well, we can't." *My eyes narrow here*
Her, oblivious: "Oh yeah thats a shame, my daughter has cystic fibroids on her milk glands and she has to get surgery [I cant believe this is happening], but I told her, when I was pregnant with you I was told by my doctor that all you need was formula, but that cant be true, you were in and out of the hospital as a kid [shoot me. just shoot me], and I had to have a lump removed from getting, yknow, backed up with milk [I have never before hated talking about the female breast. This is a terrible new awakening]...
Me: "It was sooo nice talking to you, but I really need to get home and make dinner [I'm lying, my wife is cooking tonight... you are a crazy lady]
Her: "Oh, ok then, have a great night! Tell your wife I said hello [I dont know your name and how do you know my wife. I need to go warn her she is in danger]. Bye Bye Baby David!"
Me: "Bye!... wait... I never told you my son's name...."
*sigh* it will pass.
Childless:
Her: "Oh, what a beautiful baby! What's his name!" [Innocent start, plus I feel a certain amount of pride in my minuscule contribution to my son's genetic makeup]
Me: "Thank you very much, I think so too! This is David!"
Her: "He looks so new!"
Me: Yes, he just got here in early July.
Her: "Aww! I'm Spatula and this is my boyfriend Rasputin, we live just down the block on 32nd" [I like this Spatula. Introduction, local credentials, indicators that Im not talking to a random lunatic but rather some neighbors. Also, Spatula is pretty hot. Hard not to notice"
Me: "Hi guys, I'm James, Im on <redacted>.
Her: Nice to meet you! We'll probably see you around again soon!
And thats that. Lovely interaction really. If I see them when I'm out with my wife, I'll be sure to introduce Spatula and Rasputin to her.
Now for the Parents.
Her: "Aww, he's beautiful! What's his name? About 2 months right?
Me: "Yeah exactly. Thanks I'm pretty fond of the guy"
Her: "I can see why! Are you a first time parent? [is it that obvious, lady?]
Me: "Yeah, never thought I'd be a dad"
Her: "Are you going to have another one." [Grrrr.... it begins]
Me: "No, I dont think so" [feel the energy of my curt reply]
Her, forging ahead much like Louis and Clark might have when confronted with a pack of marauding coyotes: "Is your wife breastfeeding? [...... right out of the gate you're bringing my wife's breasts into the conversation??]
Me: "Erm... well no... I... uh... Similac... I... uh...."
Her: "Yeah I know, breast milk is really best so you dont have to worry so much about disease [WHAT THE MERCIFUL RAT ****, LADY?!].
Me: "Well, we can't." *My eyes narrow here*
Her, oblivious: "Oh yeah thats a shame, my daughter has cystic fibroids on her milk glands and she has to get surgery [I cant believe this is happening], but I told her, when I was pregnant with you I was told by my doctor that all you need was formula, but that cant be true, you were in and out of the hospital as a kid [shoot me. just shoot me], and I had to have a lump removed from getting, yknow, backed up with milk [I have never before hated talking about the female breast. This is a terrible new awakening]...
Me: "It was sooo nice talking to you, but I really need to get home and make dinner [I'm lying, my wife is cooking tonight... you are a crazy lady]
Her: "Oh, ok then, have a great night! Tell your wife I said hello [I dont know your name and how do you know my wife. I need to go warn her she is in danger]. Bye Bye Baby David!"
Me: "Bye!... wait... I never told you my son's name...."
*sigh* it will pass.