MikeFlynn74
Well-Known Member
As God is my witness
.
I thought I was going to die. So I dragged my ass out of bed 525 this morning and headed for the gym. So much in a daze I didnt see the bull moose across the street until I about backed into him. He didnt seem to mind and just snorted at me while chewing on a twig.
So there I was at the gym getting my "bike" into position thinking, I must hate myself. On the bike the pain instantly came back. If youve ever done a spin class your "taint" area suffers a lot. Well mine was still sore from Fridays torture session. Side note- I think my instructor on Fri was like 6 months pregnant yet still kicking my ass.
So I sit uneasily and begin to warm up at 0605. 0610 we begin. Not too bad I think Im getting used to this, although I might need some local anesthetic for the "area" connected to my seat next class. As we ramp it up I begin to feel the pain. At 8 min I want to stop this crazy train and lay on the floor and wait for medics or a priest. Which ever one shows up first. I figure pain is weakness leaving the body or cancer either way Im screwed so I keep pedaling. I really dont know whats worse my instructor who I think hates us (me specifically) or the super cheesy techno from the "Now That What I call Music 19,343" cd. So not only are my legs on fire but my ears are now bleeding. Hell I figure somewhere between the pain is a zen like place I can go to. All I can come up with is death or purgatory, but Im not Catholic so I lean for death.
As we descend into the 3rd circle of hell we reach the 30 min mark. I am quite dizzy but I think thats blood reaching parts of my body that hasnt seen oxygen in years. I am now a human saltwater sprinkler and the pain in my "area" is no longer an issue. I figure I got this! I figured wrong. Im thinking sweats might have been a bad choice. But then again so was exercising but one thing keeps me going. Stupidity. I ponder for a moment, this must be Lance Armstrongs warm-up routine. I will probably have a dream tonight that he is my instructor. At 48 min we are "done", 3 min of cool down and I think I am home free. Nope, we need to do some yoga to stretch afterwards. Ever done yoga when you have 0 energy left? That is tough! Try to get out of a stretch, its like trying to run a mile after squatting 400lbs. I dont want to be that guy who needed a rescue team when he couldnt get out of his hamstring stretch so I sucked up what little energy I had left and pulled it together. What I didnt realize is I now have to walk down a flight of stairs to get to the lockers. WHY do we not have an escalator? I put a death grip on that rail as I walked down the stairs with 2 cheese sticks for legs. I made it! I have a little thank God I didnt make a scene party in my head and head to the locker room to see if I left my dignity in my backpack.
I can see why they only do it Mon/Wed/Fri. There are only 2 people ever who could do it 5 days a week, one is Lance Armstrong and the other is Jesus.
I thought I was going to die. So I dragged my ass out of bed 525 this morning and headed for the gym. So much in a daze I didnt see the bull moose across the street until I about backed into him. He didnt seem to mind and just snorted at me while chewing on a twig.
So there I was at the gym getting my "bike" into position thinking, I must hate myself. On the bike the pain instantly came back. If youve ever done a spin class your "taint" area suffers a lot. Well mine was still sore from Fridays torture session. Side note- I think my instructor on Fri was like 6 months pregnant yet still kicking my ass.
So I sit uneasily and begin to warm up at 0605. 0610 we begin. Not too bad I think Im getting used to this, although I might need some local anesthetic for the "area" connected to my seat next class. As we ramp it up I begin to feel the pain. At 8 min I want to stop this crazy train and lay on the floor and wait for medics or a priest. Which ever one shows up first. I figure pain is weakness leaving the body or cancer either way Im screwed so I keep pedaling. I really dont know whats worse my instructor who I think hates us (me specifically) or the super cheesy techno from the "Now That What I call Music 19,343" cd. So not only are my legs on fire but my ears are now bleeding. Hell I figure somewhere between the pain is a zen like place I can go to. All I can come up with is death or purgatory, but Im not Catholic so I lean for death.
As we descend into the 3rd circle of hell we reach the 30 min mark. I am quite dizzy but I think thats blood reaching parts of my body that hasnt seen oxygen in years. I am now a human saltwater sprinkler and the pain in my "area" is no longer an issue. I figure I got this! I figured wrong. Im thinking sweats might have been a bad choice. But then again so was exercising but one thing keeps me going. Stupidity. I ponder for a moment, this must be Lance Armstrongs warm-up routine. I will probably have a dream tonight that he is my instructor. At 48 min we are "done", 3 min of cool down and I think I am home free. Nope, we need to do some yoga to stretch afterwards. Ever done yoga when you have 0 energy left? That is tough! Try to get out of a stretch, its like trying to run a mile after squatting 400lbs. I dont want to be that guy who needed a rescue team when he couldnt get out of his hamstring stretch so I sucked up what little energy I had left and pulled it together. What I didnt realize is I now have to walk down a flight of stairs to get to the lockers. WHY do we not have an escalator? I put a death grip on that rail as I walked down the stairs with 2 cheese sticks for legs. I made it! I have a little thank God I didnt make a scene party in my head and head to the locker room to see if I left my dignity in my backpack.
I can see why they only do it Mon/Wed/Fri. There are only 2 people ever who could do it 5 days a week, one is Lance Armstrong and the other is Jesus.
