Funny things you've overheard about beer

MaxStout said:

I always seem to get the knuckleheads in the $500 rust heaps, driving like arseholes. I give them a wide berth, as they act like they have nothing to lose, and they probably don't have insurance. Besides, I don't want to get pelted with parts falling off.

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Oh man,then there's the ones with "farm vehicle" scrawled on the side with a couple teens behind the wheel. I took my wife through the part of WV where my grandma,uncles,etc lived when I was young. They kept blocking & slowing down in front of me. I hate that part. Damn kids,can't live with'em...can't shoot'em...

DLR1987 said:

I feel like when people say things like that they're just saying something for the sake of saying something. Just filler, like my post right now haha. Someone asked me the other day at work why we didn't carry fortified beer and that they can find it in California. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like IF that existed, there would be very few out there.



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Well, I dunno.... if by fortified he just meant 'cheap with a high alcohol content' like fortified wines, Steel Reserve 211 probably qualifies. It's 8.1% ABV, and a six pack of 16 oz cans goes for $4.69 plus tax.

Surprisingly, it's drinkable. Not claiming it tastes good, but it doesn't gag me on the way down like some of the malt liquors I've tried.

freshhoarse said:

Whoa, whoa! Leave Jersey out of your pseudo-causative fuzzy science ramblings. (Besides, West Virginia causes STDs... everybody knows THAT)

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I know I am contributing to another derailment here, but that's basically what this thread is - one giant derail after another, with a funny thing here and there.

Anyway... I used to sell about $30,000/year on eBay back in the 90's and I always cringed when I saw the buyer was from Jersey. I can't speak for the whole State, but New Jersey eBay'ers in the 90's were the biggest bunch of whining, con artists on the internet. Nearly every sale claimed that something was broken or scratched, demanding a full refund, without returning the item, holding your feedback rating hostage.

And with that folks,we return you now to your regularly scheduled ramblings & misadventures in beer drinking...

bleme said:

I know I am contributing to another derailment here, but that's basically what this thread is - one giant derail after another, with a funny thing here and there.

Anyway... I used to sell about $30,000/year on eBay back in the 90's and I always cringed when I saw the buyer was from Jersey. I can't speak for the whole State, but New Jersey eBay'ers in the 90's were the biggest bunch of whining, con artists on the internet. Nearly every sale claimed that something was broken or scratched, demanding a full refund, without returning the item, holding your feedback rating hostage.

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You couldn't make them return the item first?

jhoneycutt said:

You couldn't make them return the item first?

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They always expected me to pay shipping and a lot of the stuff I sold cost less than shipping. There were a few expensive items, like a 1920's cast iron toy car, that sold for $400 that I required to be returned. After a bunch of complaining they finally agreed to send it back and I am pretty sure they took a hammer to it when I wouldn't allow them to keep it and a refund.

Ship to the contiguous 47 states.


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troy2000 said:

Well, I dunno.... if by fortified he just meant 'cheap with a high alcohol content' like fortified wines, Steel Reserve 211 probably qualifies. It's 8.1% ABV, and a six pack of 16 oz cans goes for $4.69 plus tax.



Surprisingly, it's drinkable. Not claiming it tastes good, but it doesn't gag me on the way down like some of the malt liquors I've tried.

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Not all fortified wines are cheap though. Take Ports for example. However, I'm sure you already knew that.

Anywho....back to the funnies!



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Zombie derailment!

A few ideas for unionrdr's book...
The Thirsty Games
1984Loko
Lucifer's Hammered



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DLR1987 said:

Not all fortified wines are cheap though. Take Ports for example. However, I'm sure you already knew that.

Anywho....back to the funnies!



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Are you trying to derail this derailment?!?

I remodeled a retired WWII Army pilot's mountain cabin years ago, and his English wife always invited me to sit with her for a small glass of sherry at the end of the day.

It was a revelation. I had always thought sherry and other fortified wines were strictly wino fare....

troy2000 said:

Are you trying to derail this derailment?!?

I remodeled a retired WWII Army pilot's mountain cabin years ago, and his English wife always invited me to sit with her for a small glass of sherry at the end of the day.

It was a revelation. I had always thought sherry and other fortified wines were strictly wino fare....

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Are you sure her name wasnt actually Sherry? She may have been propositioning you.

DrunkleJon said:

Are you sure her name wasnt actually Sherry? She may have been propositioning you.

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At her age, any thoughts of propositioning me would've been mostly fantasy.

I did have a homeowner's wife kiss me on the back of my neck one day, while I was kneeling down taping drywall in her bedroom.

Her rich and much older husband was a fanatic big game hunter, with pictures all over the walls of himself holding the heads of dead animals by their ears or horns, and guns displayed all through the house. Weird thing is that normally he was stone-faced; never saw him smile once. But he was grinning ear-to-ear in all those photo's.

I asked the contractor I was working for to either send someone with me after that, or have someone else finish the job. Chicken? You bet. And tempted enough to worry myself....

Don't blame you.

"No no no....you add the bittering hops at the end and the aroma hops at the beginning." Luckily I was able to correct them


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DLR1987 said:

"No no no....you add the bittering hops at the end and the aroma hops at the beginning." Luckily I was able to correct them


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That's crazy talk. It's called a 60 minute addition because you put it in after 60 minutes.

Really, for a new learner, the way we indicate x minutes for hop additions seems kind've backwards, and I could see someone getting mixed up by that pretty easily.

FatDragon said:

That's crazy talk. It's called a 60 minute addition because you put it in after 60 minutes.



Really, for a new learner, the way we indicate x minutes for hop additions seems kind've backwards, and I could see someone getting mixed up by that pretty easily.

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I completely agree with you. If someone is just confused, I don't really find it funny. All I want in that case is to help them learn. However, this particular individual was so sure about it, it took some convincing via google. At least he knows now!



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i asked a girl at a beer tasting event what type of beers she liked. Her reply was "ales...mostly ales and lagers". If I had thought she had a clue as to what she just said it would have been pretty funny. I like mostly ales and lagers too!:rockin:

My Mom told me that a Portuguese Floor Corker sounded like some crazy sex position. I worry about her sometimes...

I wish my mom had a sense of humor like that. She probably would have thought it was a fatal disease.

I went to Barnes & Noble to pick up both a wine making magazine and a beer magazine. I drink a lot of caffeine so I was carrying around my standard large can of energy drink. I approached the counter and set it on top, then paid for my magazines. As I started walking away, the cashier said:

"I don't know if I should trust you with wine when you have that." He motions to my energy drink, then further comments: "Maybe beer, but not wine."

Was perusing the net and saw this picture.

Are you suppose to make wine while sleepy?


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Pack it in, guys. We made Buzzfeed.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/justinlehmann/23-things-homebrewers-are-tired-of-hearing-ghjm

Saw a funny sign in Canada.

...technically speaking beer is a solution.

Chemistry jokes anyone?

My photo... lol

Teromous said:

I went to Barnes & Noble to pick up both a wine making magazine and a beer magazine. I drink a lot of caffeine so I was carrying around my standard large can of energy drink. I approached the counter and set it on top, then paid for my magazines. As I started walking away, the cashier said:

"I don't know if I should trust you with wine when you have that." He motions to my energy drink, then further comments: "Maybe beer, but not wine."

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What?!!!


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Vellum said:

Saw a funny sign in Canada.

...technically speaking beer is a solution.

Chemistry jokes anyone?

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I saw a funny sign in Canada, but it is totally OT so I can't say.

zmanzorro said:

www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/13/hipsters-beer_n_4590592.html

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I laughed.

bleme said:

I saw a funny sign in Canada, but it is totally OT so I can't say.

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This is a pretty funny thing. Where have you been for the rest of this thread?

Saw that a while back. Awesome.

"It's a Amber ale served in a bird feeder"

Vellum said:

Saw a funny sign in Canada.

...technically speaking beer is a solution.

Chemistry jokes anyone?

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This gave me a good chuckle.

A comment on an article about session IPA's:

There are some excellent non-alcoholic beers out there that taste great, and you will have a lot less explaining to do.

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Had one the other day in the grocery store as I was looking at the pretty decent selection they have

Random guy: Hey man, you know anything about beer?
Me: I know a bit, what's up?
Random guy: How can you tell if a beer has a lot of alcohol? (he said as he grabbed a Red Stripe)
Me: ...well it's hard to say but it really depends on the style.
Random guy: The what?
Me: ...yknow what, here's an IPA, this is probably what you're looking for.
:eyeroll:

Cheesy_Goodness said:

Had one the other day in the grocery store as I was looking at the pretty decent selection they have

Random guy: Hey man, you know anything about beer?
Me: I know a bit, what's up?
Random guy: How can you tell if a beer has a lot of alcohol? (he said as he grabbed a Red Stripe)
Me: ...well it's hard to say but it really depends on the style.
Random guy: The what?
Me: ...yknow what, here's an IPA, this is probably what you're looking for.
:eyeroll:

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Haha, he'll never drink beer again

You passed on a perfect opportunity to be the Beer Professor?!!?!

"Beer styles are like dog breeds. When someone says they have a chihuahua, you know they have a yappy ankle biter. When they say a beer is an IPA, you know that it is higher alcohol and more bitter than malty..."

Cheesy_Goodness said:

Had one the other day in the grocery store as I was looking at the pretty decent selection they have

Random guy: Hey man, you know anything about beer?
Me: I know a bit, what's up?
Random guy: How can you tell if a beer has a lot of alcohol? (he said as he grabbed a Red Stripe)
Me: ...well it's hard to say but it really depends on the style.
Random guy: The what?
Me: ...yknow what, here's an IPA, this is probably what you're looking for.
:eyeroll:

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If I were to make a meme (or image macro, whatever you want to call it) it would say, "Am I the ONLY ONE who doesn't care about ABV?"

Because if your mission is to get drunk, why waste time on beer? Shouldn't you be in the spirits aisle?

Exactly!

I should point out that he was way overweight, and told me that he needed high ABV because his doctor told him he needs to cut down on the amount of beer he drinks.
So naturally, super high alcohol beer is the healthy way to go

NickTheGreat said:

If I were to make a meme (or image macro, whatever you want to call it) it would say, "Am I the ONLY ONE who doesn't care about ABV?"

Because if your mission is to get drunk, why waste time on beer? Shouldn't you be in the spirits aisle?

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No, you are not the only one who doesn't care about ABV. I try to make my brews as accurate to a style as possible - if that's the intention. If I'm making it up as I go along with no guideline in mind, anything goes. Coworker asked why bother making a 4% beer, only thing I could think of was "to drink beer all day long and not be wrecked."

A coworker told me that a college roommate made mead in the bathtub once. I couldn't think of a single reason why this would be somebody's best option, other than volume. Sheer volume.