SWMBO Woes

So, as this obsession of mine is growing, the SWMBO has started to put restrictions of my brewing . She told me last night that I couldn't buy anymore equipment and do no more than 2 batches per season. I was able to strike a deal saying that I would purchase a dorm fridge at a yard sale or open box sale and possible buy my bro's turkey fryer off of him (for the burner not the pot) and nothing else. So much for my dreams of setting up a kegging system or an all-grain set-up. Just when you feel you're going up with something, someone has to knock you back down. This sucks. I was planning on buying a couple of 1gal fermenters and a corny this month.

I have a friend or two who also homebrew. Wonder if they have extra storage that I can use......

Sorry to bore you with my woes. I'm just a little bummed.

aren't there 12 "seasons"???

mine won't let me brew when she's home....

I'm assuming you returned the favor and put restrictions on her too, right?

I told her that I would put projected brew dates on the calendar and she could plan to take my son to grandma's house on those days. She didn't bite. It took years to plant the seed that I wanted to brew before she let me start to set up shop, I guess I'm going to have to do the same with gradually expanding. Patience....patience. I guess I'm going to have to stick to extract brewing for now. Grrrrrrrrr!

jkarp said:

I'm assuming you returned the favor and put restrictions on her too, right?

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She (obviously) wears the pants in our house. But yeah, I put a $$ restriction on how much she could spend on the garden this summer. I think she's dumped $6-7k on it in the last 2 years. It looks really good, but that's a lot of friggin money.

You're neutered balls called. They are lonely without you!

At first, I felt a little restricted, too. No one who doesn't brew can understand the obsession with it. First of all, it's my hobby. Some people do woodworking, quilting, reading, etc. I brew. It relaxes me, makes me think, challenges me, and I enjoy it.

After a year or so, my hobby was just accepted. I try to brew when I'm home alone, because everybody has complained about "the smell" since I brew inside most of the time. I used to hear "Oh, another brew item? More grain?" Now it's, "Hey, honey, would you like a barley crusher for Christmas?" (and I got it last Christmas!)

I think it would be worse for your family if you took up a more expensive, time consuming hobby like golf!

LakeErieBrew said:

You're neutered balls called. They are lonely without you!

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How'd they get out of her purse?!

Yes, she has me trained. It was just easier than trying fight the inevitable. I figure a few more years into the marriage I'll have more ground to stand on.
Dammit! I was REALLY looking forward to setting up the kegs and AG equipment. Guess I'll have to live vicariously through all of you guys.

I think SWMBO normally refers to wives/gf's around here, not mothers...



(Overtly research a more expensive hobby - say skydiving, muscle car restoration, day trading...)

BobOscarBob said:

I think SWMBO normally refers to wives/gf's around here, not mothers...



(Overtly research a more expensive hobby - say skydiving, muscle car restoration, day trading...)

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Everyone's a comedian.

SmugMug said:

This sucks. I was planning on buying a couple of 1gal fermenters and a corny this month.

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Just go buy some wine or juice that just so happens to come in a one gallon glass jug. Drink the thing at a normal pace then you have your one gallon fermenter without actually buying brew equipment.

Slap her, I slap mine every day just to keep things lined out. . . . . Just kidding, I'd be dead by now, anyway, you need a man cave bad.

2 per season, that's ridiculous. Do the math with her, ask her if you weren't brewing , how much beer could you buy. A six pack a week, or 2. That can easily buy you 1 or 2 brew recipes a month. I find it hard to believe you cant save $10 a week. What you do with it is your business, or is this more about the time your spend brewing?

COLObrewer said:

Slap her, I slap mine every day just to keep things lined out. . . . . Just kidding, I'd be dead by now, anyway, you need a man cave bad.

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Yeah I do. She's already agreed to let me have my own space when we move to a bigger house (probably about 2-3yrs away). As it stands, our house is just too small and the garage is full of "stuff", not to mention hot as all get-out. I just have to have patience.

ARGH!

Good idea on the gallon bottle of wine. Too bad no one likes to drink it.

JesseRC said:

2 per season, that's ridiculous. Do the math with her, ask her if you weren't brewing , how much beer could you buy. A six pack a week, or 2. That can easily buy you 1 or 2 brew recipes a month. I find it hard to believe you cant save $10 a week. What you do with it is your business, or is this more about the time your spend brewing?

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We have an 8 wk old son. So time is a bit of an issue. The money on the extra equipment and the storage space for all of it is another big issue. It's a losing battle right now. I have to travel next month for work...I'm hoping to get my next batch for the summer in the fermenter before I leave. I just need to get my current batch out to the masses so I can get the bottles back and reset.

Who wants some honey weizen?

You got put the pimp hand down, And do it strong. Have the men in the black suits been by the house to pick up your man card?If not run and get it out of the wifes purse. No on a better note, just one piece at a time.Thats how you will have to do it.

If that were the case nearly every married man I know would have to do the same on some level. You're in denial if your wife doesn't have your nuts in a vice over something you like doing.

My mancard is securely stowed away in my wallet protected in a titanium locked business card holder. TYVM

It's threads like this that make me realize how lucky I am to have a wife that totally supports my obsession with this hobby.

Best of luck to ya, man. Just keep working on her. When she sees how important it is to you she should eventually come around. If not, then there may be some kind of problem (especially given what you said about her and the garden).

I'm passionate as hell about this hobby. Always thinking up recipes, doing something beer related *at least* once a week. My wife has grown accustomed to it. If I go a week without racking, kegging or brewing something my wife thinks that something is wrong.

My wife supports me fully in this crazy hobby... I mean I get emails and phone calls from HBTers all the time with questions and the like. Heck, some of them are mid-mash and NEED help.

I get an "allowance" each month, this is MY money that I can do ANYTHING with. If I want to light it on fire, I can.. it is mine. That funds the hobby and then some.

As for time, I brew ONCE a month when I am brewing regularly. Which takes what... 5 hours a month? Considering that I am the sole earner in the home and that I can spend up to 20 days and nights on the road, 5 hours of ME time in the garage per month is not asking a lot.

I mean, SWMBO volunteered to help me split and organize our 50 pound hop order the other day! That took at least 5 hours!

I seriously suggest setting out a budget that you both follow. It works wonderfully for my wife and I. Both of us get some "fun money" each month that we can spend on whatever we want, everything else is set in the budget. My money is almost all spent on brewing, hers is on craft stuff. I pretty much have the run of the finished basement, she has her office upstairs and the rest of the house has to stay pretty neat we've decided.

The allowance bit is always a good idea.

Our arrangement is anything SWMBO makes over X amount in her check (bonus, overtime, etc.) is hers to spend however she wants. I get to spend my 2x a year bonus however I want. Beyond that every $1 I spend on brewing she gets $1 for her hobby.

My missus is actually very good about it all, but even so, it is a constant excercise to minimise the effect of my hobby on her life. This year I have started brewing when she is not home and making every effort to clean up before she gets home. It's not that she would mind, I think it's more that she sees brewing as the "other woman" if she catches me doing her....It! I mean doing it!

So yeah, you need to be subversive, and brew when your wife can't see you.

Brewing is a lot like masturbation in many ways.

When you are married, the allowance thing is almost a necessity.

#1 it provides a guideline so that no one overspends and your finances dont suffer.

#2 it eliminates the "you spent what? on what?" it doesnt matter, it is your money.

#3 there is no "guilt" for the party that is spending thier soely on themselves... that is what it is for!

Myh wife and I have a budgeted ammount that is not affected by income, to spend as our allownace. Now, if I accrue a sizeable ammount of OT, we will then take some of that and split it between the two of us to play with.

Trust me fellas, I would have NEVER built this brewing rig if I had to ask for money every couple weeks.

</comedian=off> 1st - congrats on the new boy! Makes sense now - mom with new baby and all.
Maybe BIAB (brew in a bag) might help - less equipment by far - store a lot in the kettle between brews. No chill too - those fermenters Rol is using store tighter and more efficiently than the buckets I use (least it seems that way to me). Home Depot has those flip top storage boxes for $6 - not bad.

Any bars/pubs nearby that serve Corona or similar 'non-twist-off-capped' beer? I used to ask them to set the bottles aside and pick them up during the week. Usually dumped any that had butts in them, thoroughly clean and sanitize the rest and voila - free bottles. (I kept filled clear bottles out of the light of course...heck I kept all of them out of the light...)

I've seen 40qt aluminum pots for $40 - (got mine for $28 at Royal Palm royalpalmeventsupply.com - but they only have up to 24qt for $17.34 right now...).

But heck - that stuff might take care of the 'less space' issue but goes against the 'no new equipment' prob... </comedian=on>

Then again there's always your foot, her ass, some assembly required...

I'm in the same boat as Ohiobrewtus. My SWMBO actually likes me brewing my own beer, and given that I snagged a Braumeister's daughter, she evens enjoys brew day, walking by the brew kettle ever so often mumbling that it "smells like home". So I consider myself lucky in that regards.

However, as far as buying equipment or various brewing gadgets I have a slush fund. Comes right out of my paycheck and goes to a separate bank account.

I'm not going to tell you how to run your marriage, but personally I'd be placing some boundaries before it gets out of hand. So if you can only brew twice "per season" she can only garden twice, can't buy more plants unless you can buy some equipment etc. That's just me though.

Good luck!


EDIT: Yeah I posted really slow, so this pretty much repeats what other have said, heh.

+1 to the above...

BIAB could be a savior and NO CHILL... youd have SHORT brew days.

Youd need:

15 gal Kettle
Burner
Bag
HDPE fermentor

That is it, to brew AG.

One thing we decided to do many moons ago was to have separate bank accounts so the "my money" argument would never come up. Generally speaking, it has worked out pretty well, but with the new addition to the family all bets have been off. And understandably so. I just never expected $30-50 every now and then to be such a big deal. Live and learn I suppose. I'll just try to be happy with what I get and have right now. Thankfully, the only debt we have at the moment is the mortgage.

SmugMug said:

We have an 8 wk old son. So time is a bit of an issue. The money on the extra equipment and the storage space for all of it is another big issue. It's a losing battle right now. I have to travel next month for work...I'm hoping to get my next batch for the summer in the fermenter before I leave. I just need to get my current batch out to the masses so I can get the bottles back and reset.

Who wants some honey weizen?

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SmugMug - I have a 5 month baby right now. She will need to feel she is in a comfortable routine with the baby then she will ease up. When we had our baby I didn't do much for the first two months. Brewing intervals is a bit more spread out but so is my drinking.

I will say that 2 brews per year is an outright veto on your hobby. The best thing to do is plan your brew dates and do things that you need to get done around the house so she has no heartburn about you brewing. If you get your $hit done around the house she should have no issue with the hobby. As long as you aren't ripped around the baby or after you are done brewing.

When I was working, my wife had me on a $80/month (ingredients budget) which was ok with me since it would keep me stocked with beer. I used gift money that I get for equipment. I could at least show relatives what their gift went towards.

If you like brewing insist on doing it but within reason and establish a budget. There are things she likes to do as well, point those out to her and then ask if it fair to revoke those activities. If my wife told me I couldn't brew, over a certain period, I would have to dismiss that demand if it had NO good reason why.

I have a new son being born in July... you can bet he will be in the pack and play hanging with dad while I brew in July :rockin:

It is a family affair.

SmugMug said:

One thing we decided to do many moons ago was to have separate bank accounts so the "my money" argument would never come up. Generally speaking, it has worked out pretty well, but with the new addition to the family all bets have been off. And understandably so. I just never expected $30-50 every now and then to be such a big deal. Live and learn I suppose. I'll just try to be happy with what I get and have right now. Thankfully, the only debt we have at the moment is the mortgage.

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My wife freaked a little when we had our wee bairn. She got all paranoid about our spending, expenses, and such. It is expensive for sure but, it's not like you have to come up with a down payment to take the pooper home.

Try buying a built rig and see how quickly your beer money gets restricted.

I doubt I'll ever see the day she lets me get the glycol chilled 7 gal conical.

Thanks for the BIAB idea. I'll definitely have to look into that. Now....to find a solution for rigging up a temp controlled fermenting container on a budget. Anyone know how big of a "dorm fridge" I would need to store a 6.5gal bucket off the top of their head?

Son of fermentation chiller can be built for about $35-$70 depending on what you have lying around.

If you went the NO CHILL route, the container size is

11" wide
17.5" tall

then add the airlock height.

These are 6 gallon containers (Winpak) from USplastics.com for $15

Whiskey said:

Son of fermentation chiller can be built for about $35-$70 depending on what you have lying around.

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Depends. I don't have a plastic tub big enough to fill with water/ice. I was thinking one a mini fridge would be a good out of the way solution and the wifey OKd it. I just need to research how big of one I need.

Keep in mind I live in AL and need to keep my gear in a non-temp controlled garage. It gets pretty hot in there during the summer. I could possibly do a Saison without too much of an issue, but I'm not a huge fan of them and no one wants to brew a beer they don't like to drink.

SmugMug said:

Keep in mind I live in AL and need to keep my gear in a non-temp controlled garage. It gets pretty hot in there during the summer. I could possibly do a Saison without too much of an issue, but I'm not a huge fan of them and no one wants to brew a beer they don't like to drink.

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If your wife okay'd a mini fridge then go for it. I can keep my fermenting beer @ 63f in a 90+f garage with 2 1/2 gallon jugs rotated out twice a day, using the SOFC. You can do the same with a swamp cooler if you have someplace inside you can store it. Just throwing out an idea that could save you some cash.

I have a hard time believing that you get more than $3500 out of a garden per year, so it isn't survival garden, it's a hobby.

You said that in 2 or 3 years you would have more say in the relationship, however I suspect you will have less.

She thinks to limit you to two brews a 'season'; I have 4 seasons and I would say BS. Is she that controlling in your drinking expenses, and every other facet of your loving marriage? If a guy is controlling, a chick's friends will diss the he!! out of him; getting this yet?

There is no advice we can give that will help you, if you won't stand up for yourself.

Time to go shopping...

Just kidding! Had to be done!

I am unmarried, although been 100% loyal to the same girl for over 7 years, and don't have any kids.

Congratulations on the boy and good luck on the brewing!

Phill

There are lots of seasonings...

salt
pepper
paprika
coriander
cinnomon
clove
garlic...


Oh...seasons, sorry.



/comedian

Anywho...The allowance thing is key-- it's saved my marriage more than once. You want it that bad? Take it out of your starbucks/eat lunch out money. (This works for her purses/shoes/etc and my tinkering hobbies).

I'm financing this hobby with bologna sandwiches

I'd start with the things you CAN control, like cleaning out the garage or other areas of the house. If you can free up some space, make a little $$ in a yard sale, etc., it will give you both a sense of accomplishment, will benefit both your hobby and your household in the long run, and might enable you to get back on track... I'd try to think of things that work to BOTH of your benefit before trying to find loopholes... Just my $0.02.