The best advice from an old person

I was an 18 year old high-school drop out running books and running a business cleaning pool halls, bars, and a strip club. I also made money playing cards (it's not gambling when you are truly better than the people you are playing). and I was considering investing some money in a "legitimate business venture" so I was trying to "figure out the angle" ... ...

Enter Carl Burgess of Plymouth, MA. (his name will be in my biography when I am famous so it's cool)

So the man I called Grampy Carl (he shares the same sir name as me but is of no relationship) said:

IF YOU GO AROUND LOOKING TO BE SCREWED YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR
this advice has made me more money and has made me successful in life (not rich yet, but successful, but doing well).

What is the best advice you have ever received???

Along the same lines literally, but figuratively not...by my friend's Dad...

"If you marry a piece of ass, that's usually all you get".

"YOU CAN TAKE THE GIRL OUT OF THE GHETTO ... ... BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE THE GHETTO OUT OF THE GIRL"

AND ... ...

"sometimes you gotta let a hoe be a hoe"

Well, I like to think the best advice I every gave was "Don't stick hot peppers up your nose".

My personal favorite...

Old age and treachery beat youth and enthusiasm every time

Said to me as I was picking my young, cocky self off the ground while playing one-on-one versus my considerably older cousin.

"If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."

"Anything worth doing, is worth doing right the 1st time."

"Give a fair day's work for a fair day's pay."

"Don't piss me off, boy."

All from my step-dad.

my grandfather told me, don't get old timmy!

"Never play cards with a man who's first name is a city"

"Don't smell the liquor before you drink it"

"If it looks like **** and smells like ****, it's probally ****"

-Good old grandpaw

Partying is a contact sport and sometimes you get hurt
-aunt Amy

it's easier to clean up a dirty condom than a sh!tty diaper
-aunt Julie

be nice to ugly girls cause they might be pretty one day or have hot friends.

"Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."

"We don't grow up because we get old, we get old because we grow up."

"Live you life so that when you're done with it, there's nothing left on the table."

"Hesitation may hurt you, but regret will kill you."

It's always later than you think.

never keep the toothpaste on the same shelf as the ass cream.

Don't throw toothpicks into urinals. Crabs can pole vault.

From my old man:

"Don't ever marry a nurse." Sorry dad, had to learn that one the hard way. And boy, did I.

"Don't ever have daughters." There is a story behind that and of course he didn't really mean it, but at least I listened to that one. Like I really had a choice.

Look before you leap.

Don't **** where you eat. (my personal favorite)

Youth is wasted on the young.

Today's innovation becomes tomorrow's neccessity

Don't ever think you've got all the answers, because the questions change.

This thread was done not long ago but I will post again. An old boss told me once "Pick one thing and be the best at it and you will always have work".

Bernie Brewer said:

From my old man:

"Don't ever marry a nurse." Sorry dad, had to learn that one the hard way. And boy, did I.

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Oh Ya???? Well my Mom told me to never marry anyone from Michigan, so there!


PTN

Never rub another man's rhubarb!

Oh, wait, that was the Joker.

When I was 15-ish Grandpa told me to move out while i still knew everything ( this was after an argument that I won)

and a few others

Stupidity rules over those who allow it.

Intelligence in a virtue not a birth right

and

Marriage is Prostitution in Bulk

-Jason

Here's a few gems from my old grand-dad:

1. Two horse's asses don't make a whole horse.
2. IF you can't think of something good to say, then shut the hell up.
3. "How many legs does a horse have, if you call the tail a leg?" "Five!" "No. Four. Calling the tail a leg doesn't make it a leg."

Lefty Loosey. Righty Tighty.

Never try to teach a pig to sing, it just wastes your time and annoys the pig.

If someone says they are old, fat and slow, they might be the first 2, but prolly not the last.

Keep your head out of of your ass, cuz it's hard to see and smells bad

If it fly, floats, or f***s, it's cheaper to rent.
On the positive side, gramps told me "Any day you can fog a mirror is a good day"

Don't take yourself too seriously, no one else does.

If you don't have a plan, you're planning to fail

You can wish in one hand and Shiite in the other, and see which one fills up first!

From the movie- Little miss Sunshine.

"**** a lot of women"

"Grampawisms", he had a million of them and usually found a way to make his point with one.

Boy, get one that can cook, 'cause all of them can fook!

Going to the same job everyday is like wiping your arse on a bicycle tire, same ole shiite, over and over

I feel like a one legged man at an arse kicking party

kinison_fan said:

Along the same lines literally, but figuratively not...by my friend's Dad...

"If you marry a piece of ass, that's usually all you get".

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Hell... sorry to break anyone's bubble but i did marry a very nice piece of ass, but fact is, she turned out to be much more than this in the long run and still counting the good sides even after 20 years (hey im 42 so yes... thats possible...)

My point?
-- You don't have to commit and marry a God awful looking woman to also get a wonderful soul as well... some have both looks and great human qualities!

Stef1966 said:

Hell... sorry to break anyone's bubble but i did marry a very nice piece of ass, but fact is, she turned out to be much more than this in the long run and still counting the good sides even after 20 years (hey im 42 so yes... thats possible...)

My point?
-- You don't have to commit and marry a God awful looking woman to also get a wonderful soul as well... some have both looks and great human qualities!

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Pictures or it didn't happen . . . .

:cross:

Pictures or it didn't happen . . . .

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*LOL* I wish i could but she doesnt want to be posted on the internet... i know... lame excuse but thats how it goes.
I once put a pic in the "Show us your SWMBO" thread but when she saw it she said you take it off or else...

hidden camera time. :cross: j/k

Stef1966 said:

*LOL* I wish i could but she doesnt want to be posted on the internet...

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I think she's already there. I did a Google Image search for "piece of ass" and a whole bunch of pics came up. I assume they're of her. Pretty sweet.

......... :fro:

If you tried it once and enjoyed it..... Make sure you do it in private the next time, or it will probably get you arrested.

That's my own. I feel that I'm old enough to make up my own now.

My dad's friend would tell me this: "Women are like buses, one comes along every fifteen minutes.

My favorite sticker: "I don't care how good looking she is, somebody somewhere is tired of her ****".