"Saying it in your outside voice" Tips for new members/venting and/or entertainment for regular HBTers

[homebeerbrewer]

I googled shinola: Neutral Shoe Cream

So now you know.

 

[skunkape]

I grew up with the phrase, "doesn't know *** from shinola" and never knew what the heck {a|the|some|how much|how many} shinola was.

Ever seen the the movie "The Jerk"?

 

[GilSwillBasementBrews]

Ever seen the the movie "The Jerk"?

These cans are defective

 

[skunkape]

These cans are defective

“I have a special purpose!”

 

[dmtaylor]

Newly signed up OP: I’m making my first batch of beer after watching a youtube video and using [what they say] ALL professional brewers use. My [word I read but don’t understand] isn’t doing [other word I don’t understand, but also learned online and don’t want to sound like I don’t know what I’m talking about]. Please help!
Regular HBT’er: Can you post a picture so we can help you?
OP: It’s a whosit and I did a thingy into the whatsit. [no picture]
Another regular HBT’er: [clear, rational explanation of part of the brewing process] ..Can you post a picture?
OP: Warts? I’m trying to make Beer! I don’t have any warts are you saying I have an infection? Please help me understand why the thingy isn’t doing a thing!
Another regular HBT’er: It would be really helpful if you could give more details about the gear you’re using and what part is giving you difficulty. Can you post a picture?
OP: I made Beer according to the instructions in the video with professional brewing equipment I bought from amazon. I don’t think it’s working because it doesn’t look like it did on youtube. [Includes fuzzy picture that may possibly be a close-up of an ordinary ferment in a bucket with the lid off and has nothing to do with the question]
Patient regular HBT’er: The picture doesn’t tell us much but; [carefully explains some of the normal brewing process in everyday language] Can you post a picture of your specific problem?
OP: You said that but the instructions said this and it’s what I did. Please help! [no picture]
etc
etc
etc
etc

A user you've never seen before: Your sulfite to chloride ratio is key. You need to add a bunch of gypsum and epsom and a microgram of calcium chloride and titanium chloride.
OP: Gee thanks!

And then neither the responder or the OP reappears ever again. Meanwhile, dozen of others continue the discussion without the OP.

 

[dmtaylor]

Sometimes it devolves like this:

Newly signed up OP: "Hi all, I just brewed a ____, and ____ happened. I tried doing ____, but nothing worked. Can anyone help?"

20 or so HBT members jump in, and some ask: "Tell us more about your process, gear, ingredients," etc.

Newly signed up OP disappears.

A few more HBTers take a WAG at the problem.

Still, not a peep from newly signed up OP.

Nothing gets resolved, so the jokes fly. Hilarity ensues.

Then comes the snark and the memes.

Then members start waxing nostalgic about other fun threads like "Please Delete," interesting people from our past like @ismellweird, or start discussions of drywall beers.

Then Google indexes the thread. Now people from outside HBT can stumble in and be baffled.

I posted my response before reading yours. Nice....

 

[dmtaylor]

Click on the Avatar (left side of the post). You'll get a dialog that includes an "ignore/unignore" button. For example:

View attachment 839368

Oh no you dih'int!

 

[dmtaylor]

I grew up with the phrase, "doesn't know *** from shinola" and never knew what the heck {a|the|some|how much|how many} shinola was.

I've heard it said the real source is Polish (from Poland) vs. polish. But that could get me in trouble for being so clear. If it makes anyone feel better, I am like 5% Polish or something like that.

 

[Beekeeper]

"Yeah, I tried that, it didn't work.
"I didn't really follow directions, did this instead, but I was not impressed with the results."

 

[MaxStout]

OP (joined yesterday, has 3 posts): "I'm thinking about doing A for my upcoming X. What do you think?"

Reply #1: "I think B would work much better for X, too much risk with A."
Reply #2: "I tried A once in an X like yours, it caused serious problems and it was a mess to clean up--never again!"
Reply #3: "I agree with Reply #1 in doing B. If you don't have the ability to do B, doing C usually gives results almost as good."
Reply #4: "Here's a link to a paper that discusses the disadvantages of doing A and why nobody does that anymore. Doing B or C are more reliable processes for your type of X."
Reply #5: "I do X a lot, at least 20 times in the last several years. Doing it using A is a recipe for failure. Trust me, been there."
Reply #6: "It's your beer, do what you want."

OP: "I'm going to do my X this weekend using A, and I don't think any of those problems will affect it. I'll let you know how it goes!"

(OP never heard from again.)

 

[Hoochin'Fool]

insert meme about "I'm in this photo and don't like it"...

 

[BrewnWKopperKat]

 

[BrewnWKopperKat]

Up 23 likes over the last month.