The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

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paulthenurse said:
No, he's playing at the Wang Center April 19.

And of course you weren't born in 71. I didn't even meet your mutha till 76.

Hey that makes you a Bicentennial Butthead!!!
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Paul, Paul, Paul.... just like with your U3 starter... your calculations are WAY off. I was actually born in '72 so while mildly amusing, you're off the mark by quite a bit.

Besides the numbers being way off, the simple fact that you haven't been able to FIND your d!ck since the mid-50's makes your little "daddy claim" even more ludicrous. The effin' pure logistics of you fathering a child are pretty comical. Never mind fathering a child, I'm not even sure how you go to the bathroom. All I can figure is that you have some sort of rubber device that straps around each leg and then you just let it go... eventually the urine makes it way down your legs and into some sort of collection device.

I don't know HOW you do it... but that's all I can think of.

Still going with the toilet brush duct taped to a piece of wood and then wrapped in toilet paper as a "wiper"??

Be careful drinking all of those Bud products... you'll have to piss soon and we just went through what an ordeal that can be.
 
Massport and the Boston Red Sox issued a joint announcement today. There are no spots to jump off the Tobin Bridge left for the rest of today. If you have a confirmed reservation for today it will be honored. Otherwise they request you wait till later on this week to see what happens against the Tribe.
 
They just called me and stated that if I was to swear my allegiance to the evil empire they would let me to the front of the line...
 
paulthenurse said:
Massport and the Boston Red Sox issued a joint announcement today. There are no spots to jump off the Tobin Bridge left for the rest of today. If you have a confirmed reservation for today it will be honored. Otherwise they request you wait till later on this week to see what happens against the Tribe.
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The Tribe? The Tribe? Come on, PTN. The Tribe gets beat more than a dog named "F*uck" Any team that can't beat the Tribe this year should be immediately disbanded. In case you guys out there haven't heard, Cleveland has made professional sports illegal. It's true, the Onion says so.

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/video/suffering-cleveland-bans-all-professional-sports,19701/
 
Ya to bad Beckett's gonna get rocked. Saltimacchia = sucks at baseball gonna be a great season. Jk Beckett's curveball looked great in his last ST start so well see how he does tomorrow. Thank god VTEk is playing though.

Now we just need to wait for a CBA and wait until september to watch some football.
 
Just a quick question and don't worry, I will probably post in a non-nonsense thread to get some real feedback but...

Let's say I know this guy... We'll call him, "Saul".

Well, Saul wanted to enter a beer into a competition but, damn it!!! The beer is only in 750 corked bottles and the comp requires 12 oz bottles.

WHAT.... CAN.... SAUL..... DO??

Hmmmm. How about open the 750, pour it into a 12 oz and them recap it? Whatta ya think?? Think that'll work??
 
Too bad for Saul that any beer that's being bottled in a 750 is likely one that he's going to want to be pretty heavily carbonated, and that's going to get mostly knocked out. I have a hard time seeing how he's going to be able to get the bottles poured from one to the other without knocking up a ****ton of foam. Probably get a lot of O2 in there, too.
 
Hmmmm. Yeah. I agree. I would even go a step further and say that Saul would have to be damn near retahded to even try that. Not only try it but then send said beer into a competition.

Just my opinion though.
 
What if Saul were to have a 3-gallon keg that he purged of O2? And he were to gently pour a couple or five of those 750MLs into that keg? Purge it a few more times to force out any O2 that might have gotten introduced from the pour? Placed said keg in his kegerator, re-carbed up to appropriate volumes, and bottled from the keg? Assuming Saul had a beergun or counterpressute bottle filler or otherwise could bottle from the keg effectively, seems like the intermediate stage would help him minimize oxidation and maintain proper carbonation.

Or, **** 'em, sent the big bottles.

Oh, and let Saul know that they moved the competition. I'll shoot you the new address, it's out here in Adams.
 
Yeah.... My "hypothetical" friend "Saul" mayyyyyyy have already pulled this stunt for a competition that has already taken place. Hypothetically of course.

Now.... Also Bird, since I value your opinion... Would you advise Saul to enter a beer that had an OG over 1.100 and an FG of about 1.024 into a category who's highest style guidelines show an OG of 1.052 and a FG of 1.012???

You know... Hypothetically of course.
 
Cape Brewing said:
Yeah.... My "hypothetical" friend "Saul" mayyyyyyy have already pulled this stunt for a competition that has already taken place. Hypothetically of course.

Now.... Also Bird, since I value your opinion... Would you advise Saul to enter a beer that had an OG over 1.100 and an FG of about 1.024 into a category who's highest style guidelines show an OG of 1.052 and a FG of 1.012???

You know... Hypothetically of course.
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Depends. Are the judges at this competition retahded? 'Cause with a FG twice that of the highest "acceptable" level as per the style guidelines, Saul ought to be scoring really, what... maybe an eighteen on this beer? Particularly since it was likely flatter than my high school girlfriend's chest (seriously, I think she was a "lowercase-a" cup), that must have made it felt even thicker.

What was, uh... "Saul's" beer, an uber-Saison? Did Saul dryhop the **** out of it while he was at it?

So, uh... did Saul crack open one of the 12 ounce bottles, to see if there was ANY fizz left?

EDIT: Why didn't Saul just do 16E ("Belgian Specialty Ale"?) Actually, wait, WAS this a Belgian, or am I just imagining that because of the corks?
 
Cape Brewing said:
Yeah.... My "hypothetical" friend " Saul ...
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We know you are making this entire story up. You don't have any friends, hypothetical or otherwise.

But if you did I would think you would thank 'Saul' for going through the bother of rebottling that beer and entering it in the competition.

But that's just what I would do. I'm a nice guy. You're not, you're a ******-bag, so you probably will find something to whine about.

Oh look at that! Whining! Go figure!
 
Ohhhh. Look at that!! A suggestion that it should have gone in the Specialty Cat. Hmmmm. There's an idea!!! Arrrrrrrg.... Why didnt I think I of that!?!

Bird... I'll give you a hint... Paul did the above with the Consecration.

(shaking my head). Paul, Paul, Paul.... What we gonna do with you? Ya crazy bastid.


Oh and Paul... We can just split Dakata's share of the Consecration on the 16th right. Since my ego is too big for him I wouldn't want to torture him with my presence so he can just not come.

Bird... Whatta you doing on the 16th? Feel like driving several hours? We could use another brewer.
 
Cape Brewing said:
Ohhhh. Look at that!! A suggestion that it should have gone in the Specialty Cat. Hmmmm. There's an idea!!! Arrrrrrrg.... Why didnt I think I of that!?!

Bird... I'll give you a hint... Paul did the above with the Consecration.

(shaking my head). Paul, Paul, Paul.... What we gonna do with you? Ya crazy bastid.


Oh and Paul... We can just split Dakata's share of the Consecration on the 16th right. Since my ego is too big for him I wouldn't want to torture him with my presence so he can just not come.

Bird... Whatta you doing on the 16th? Feel like driving several hours? We could use another brewer.
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Think I've done enough driving for a little while, still recovering from Kai's! Although I will be out in downtown Boston on the 27th, gotta meet some folks from Wellington. Might get my buddy to do that drive.
 
Ouch, a little banter at Cape's ego and he starts throwing the "lets invite someone who'll lick my butt" card.

What, What?!?!? Did someone say bring Crystal 60?!?!? Really, I have a ton, should I bring it, should I??!?! Really, Ill bring it!! I really will!!!!
 
They can't give up on him already. It's game 4, and they can't rely on 'Tek all year. Tito's usually uber-protective of his guys, he knows that they're going to need Salty this season so I wouldn't read any more into this than 'Tek being a guy who's going to play once or twice a week.

'Tek always seems to do well early in the season, anyway, maybe he's hoping it'll happen again.
 
the_bird said:
They can't give up on him already. It's game 4, and they can't rely on 'Tek all year. Tito's usually uber-protective of his guys, he knows that they're going to need Salty this season so I wouldn't read any more into this than 'Tek being a guy who's going to play once or twice a week.

'Tek always seems to do well early in the season, anyway, maybe he's hoping it'll happen again.
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Like sitting Crawford because he's trying too hard.....
 
Salty's catching tonight. Makes a lot more sense than sitting him, if you need the kid to contribute this year it's not going to help his confidence to sit him down after three tough games.

Crawford's in the 2-spot tonight, too.

Makes sense, if anything Tito's always been way overprotective of his players even as they struggle. Sitting Salty didn't really make any sense. Let's just hope he at least makes contact tonight.
 
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