Count me as one who's been corrected (by Revvy today) as to green beer freakouts. I wonder if the reason there are so many GBFO posts on here is that the main books don't cover this. I read How to Brew cover to cover and don't remember Palmer covering what to expect after bottling. In fact, he says:
"At last, you get to sample the fruit of your efforts. It's been about a month[since brew day], and you are ready to open your first bottle and see what kind of wonderful beer you have created. During the past two weeks, the yeast still swimming around in the beer have consumed the priming sugar, creating just enough carbon dioxide to carbonate your beer perfectly."
After reading Revvy's post and watching that video, it's obvious that what Palmer wrote is not very accurate, or at least not sufficiently contextualized to be useful. My first beer was actually really good at the two week mark. That gave me false expectations. This beer (my second) was completely different. I guess that's the difference between book knowledge and hands-on knowledge.
Thanks again for the info.