SWMBO says....

Yakima 728
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Jason_Merritt said:
You can't stop the thread now. We're WAY too deep into your issues now. Your life has become my soap opera of choice :D
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haha ok... then, this:

I am terrible at arguing (discussing?) and remembering past arguments (she's not, go figure)... but I do recall that she insists that this is not a "control" issue. What I mean is that she says this is not about controlling me, but about something else, specific. (i just can't remember what, doh!)

So, figure from that what you can.
 
Jason_Merritt said:
I think the place to start then is to ask her what that specific thing was?!?!?!?! hahaha
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that's a matter of perspective: Would I rather wonder what it was, or bring up a months old argument, and hate myself for the rest of the weekend?
 




Obviously there are bigger things at play now, but has anyone suggesting finding another alcohol since only beer is banned? Say for example, start drinking wine and hard alcohol until she fusses, then negotiate better terms of your beer consumption.
 
gicts said:




Obviously there are bigger things at play now, but has anyone suggesting finding another alcohol since only beer is banned? Say for example, start drinking wine and hard alcohol until she fusses, then negotiate better terms of your beer consumption.
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haha - Was thinking the same thing. Start drinking hard liquor on a daily basis. then when she gets on your case about that. Suggest "I'll just stick with beer from now on.

It's all relative.
 
JayD said:
haha ok... then, this:

I am terrible at arguing (discussing?) and remembering past arguments (she's not, go figure)... but I do recall that she insists that this is not a "control" issue. What I mean is that she says this is not about controlling me, but about something else, specific. (i just can't remember what, doh!)

So, figure from that what you can.
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You are gonna have to start taking notes. I'm like you in respect of not remembering stuff that does not seem important at the time. That can come back and bite you in the ass later.

Oh screw it, just leave her. It's all too much like hard work rather than a marriage.
 
JayD said:
Sure I'll tell her the guys in my beer-drinking forum suggested that I leave her so I can drink more beer. :mug::mug::mug::tank::drunk::drunk:
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OK, I know you were joking, but see what you did there? Hey, honey, it's not my suggestion, but someone else suggested I do this, so I'm leaving you......

It's foot down time. "hey honey, you know I bend over backwards to try and please you and keep you happy.....But on this issue, this is what I want, and this is what I'm gonna do. Please feel free to tell me if I am causing an actual problem and not an imagined one. In the meantime, this is my life too, let's just see how this works out without any pre-emptive instructions, OK?"
 
Bopper said:
Everything works in theory. I'd like to move there!
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There's more arguing than you'd think.

JayD said:
Tried that TxBrew. Response being "you are going to say you'll do what I want [phrased as "what we agreed on"] and then still do what you want to aren't you" followed by meaning but not saying "if you loved me you'd..."
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Ouch... well I'm out. You can't win. Give up. It's like losing, without all the effort.
 
She doesn't have a control issue with you. She's got you under control.

It more like you don't have a control of her. Try putting limits on something she likes, she how she responds and how cooperative she it is with the idea. You have to show her how ridiculous she is being on the matter.

I would make her validate or substantiate reasons for such a restrictive limit. Argue with each them you find to be wrong.

If it was me I would blow off that demand as its not gonna happen. I think moderation is key. Define what is moderate.
 
YOU are NOT putting forth the effort necessary to create a long lasting marriage by "going with the flow/avoiding the issue." Next it will be, you don't spend enough time with me/too much time on the internet...you name it. Women need attention and lots of it. Sounds like you may not be that "connected" right now. I have already suggested this but substitute the word "beer" for one of your other/her favorite activities. Does this type of statement still make sense?? A quality marriage TAKES YEARS OF EFFORT. Your either in it for the long haul by pushing through the good and bad (its not always easy to face the hard **** head on) or you might as well get out now, cause its over if you choose to admit it or not. We are only posting this because some have been there, or others can tell you it does not have to be like this...OH and you started a topic on it.

Now go call your ins. carrier so you can find someone to talk to. Because we are just a bunch of beer drinkers and could never give good advice. Talk to a professional. Even if it's by YOURSELF. I'll be sippin a cold one and hoping the best for ya!
 
Tell her you moved out of your mothers house for a reason and that reason wasn't to move in with someone else trying to be your mother.

Marriage should be between friends as a cooperation not a competition, mutually respected not boss and pee-on.

Look her in the eye and say if you want to dominate me you better be wearing leather and holding a riding crop or it just isn't any fun.
 
Joker said:
Tell her you moved out of your mothers house for a reason and that reason wasn't to move in with someone else trying to be your mother.
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hah, that reminds me of a time me, my ex, and our friends were out at a bar. she thought I was going to get too drunk and told the bartender to cut me off. but didn't tell me she told the bartender that. so I look like a tard in front of everyone when I try to order a drink and the bartender tells me no (at this point I'm barely buzzed). finally she tells me she told them to cut me off while she was still drinking. I yelled at her good for that one, and told her she is not my mother and it isn't her place to decide when I've had enough, especially behind my back. so I start walking home and she's crying and telling me to stay (at a bar with no food, barely any games, no TV... the only thing to do there is drink and she took that away from me). I tell her to **** off and keep walking. she goes back and gets everyone to leave (we had a DD) so they drive up to me and she asked me to get in the car. I tell her no and keep walking. I stop by the store on the walk home, pick up two forties, and proceed to get smashed on the rest of the walk home. finally I get home, she's crying in bed. I walk in, don't say a word to her, grab a pillow and blanket and pass out on the couch.

if she'd have just asked me to take it easy, hell even if she asked me to stop, I would have. but man I'd never been so pissed at her as when she decided she was going to mother me. she learned her lesson.
 
I want to provide an update but if you have picked up anything about me it's that I tend toward wordiness... So I'll try to keep it on point.

The other night I saw an opportunity (based on SWMBO's mood) to discuss gently the issue of beer. I brought it up and kind of poked for a reason, etc. While I didn't get a ton of answers, she DID say that she "didn't mean 1 beer/1.5 weeks as a rule (but I can promise it was when she laid it down). Herein is the benefit of knowing my wife that all of the advisers here don't have -- as I said in this thread I kind of think she was just laying down a test on me, if I can only drink that much and prove I'm not an AA, then she will back down (contrary to the suggested "push harder" provided here). And that's kind of what happened.

She ended up saying she just didn't want me "drinking every night." And to be sure, I don't really want to either - I'll get fat, it's a depressant, etc.

One of my big issues with all this stupidity was that she knew that I was "emptying bottles" so I would have enough come [homebrew] bottling time. I was drinking 2/night and saving all the bottles. So it's quite frustrating that knowing that she was still so anxious and willing to make me so mad for so long and just not care.

Anyway, we didn't specifically say how many was "ok" but I am sure I could drink a couple or 4 beers per week and not have much issue. I guess we'll see about all that. More likely it's just a matter of me picking my opportunities and not drinking beer when it would be stupid to do so (like if I have already just pissed her off :drunk: )

So, a heavy drinker might not call this a "happy ending" (hehe, not a true happy ending in any sense of the phrase) but it works out for me. I guess the proof will be in the drinking....
 
That's great, JayD. At least you were able to sit down with her and have a rational conversation. To me, that was the bigger issue anyway. Drink what you feel like you want and see what happens. If you have 3 one night and she doesn't say anything, maybe you're good. If you drink 6 one night and she goes off, you'll know that's too many! Hang in there.
 
JayD said:
... if I can only drink that much and prove I'm not an AA, then she will back down
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and therein lies the benefits of being in the relationship, over us "observers." In some eyes, this is still unreasonable, but I understand it and I'm glad it works for you.

I have a neighbor who's wife employs this strategy when he hits about 230 (he's 5'8") with the beer gut - "can you NOT drink?" Then he has to prove he's not an alcoholic - which in his case, is difficult for him -
 
Had a similar thing with my wife, who used the "is it healthy for you to drink a beer every night?" tactic. I had a previous liver condition which had me stop drinking for four months (Didn't have to, just wanted to see if it would abate. It didn't and I went back to moderate drinking)

So I had a doctor's appointment and asked about it. My doc told me not only was it okay to have a beer every night, but TWO beers a day (for an adult male) was actually reccomended for heart health.

So now I make it a point to have two beers a night and specifically point out to her that it's for my own good. ;)
 
bummer....I was gonna say to include her in your homebrewing adventures, but that won't work...unless you can get her involved with making some artsy fartsy labels or something.
 
Have you looked for counselors yet? If you don't, you must be enjoying something about my former life. I sure didn't and changed it as fast as I could. Thank god I got out of your situation.

(Sorry to be harsh, just trying to save someone else from what I experienced...)
 
GregR said:
if she'd have just asked me to take it easy, hell even if she asked me to stop, I would have. but man I'd never been so pissed at her as when she decided she was going to mother me. she learned her lesson.
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I've tried walking home 2 times. Neither ended well. I once made it 14 miles trying to walk home from a party... 27 miles from home... in Chicago... in December.
 
Yes, thinks are decidedly better. I seriously curtailed the beer for a while completely respecting the 1/1.5, and then (as discussed above) talked to her about it. At that time she said it wasn't a "hard fast" rule, and she just didn't want me drinking SO MUCH.

FF to now, I drink 3 or 4 beers a week no big deal (or, let me say, no talking from her about it [could be "yet"]).

I will say this too. One night last week I drank two Sierra nevada bigfoots... and the day I had the day after that has made me be in no special hurry to drink a bunch of beer anyway. :D

Sidenote, I drank the first bottle off my first batch of my first homebrew the other night. :D It was beer. :D
 
Awesome! Glad to hear it.

Too much to drink last night will defintely make me NOT want to drink tonight! And I had a pretty good bit o' beer last night! ugh
 
JayD said:
Only to much disagreement and me feeling like what I put my foot down about is stupid, and making me feel like an *******. She usually just replies that she "has changed so much for me" and stuff. And flips it on me -- kind of "what have you ever done for me."

I don't want to just sell her up the river...
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This is what sets alarm bells off for me, that points scoring bull in a relationship is what will drive it against a wall. If she's keeping a list, you're fooked in the long run.

If she feels she needs to keep score....there's an issue that will drive a big wedge at some point.
 
JayD said:
Only to much disagreement and me feeling like what I put my foot down about is stupid, and making me feel like an *******. She usually just replies that she "has changed so much for me" and stuff. And flips it on me -- kind of "what have you ever done for me."

I don't want to just sell her up the river...
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This is when you know she's got the hooks in you and you are in real trouble.
 
Show her the Time story which indicates that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers (but not as long as moderate drinkers). And moderate drinkers live longest of all. They define moderate drinking as 1-3 drinks per day!
 

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