If I can't get a good beer, I'll have a good glass of scotch and a side of water and call it a night. If I can't get a good scotch, and I can't get a good beer, then I will just get piss drunk on martinis (with gin, you know-nothing hipster bartender, learn to pour a freakin drink! A martini is gin, a martini made with vodka is called a mixed drink, I don't care what style of glass you serve it in, but if I'm feeling cheritable that day, I may permit you to call it a "vodka martini" without a noticable scoff. And don't even think about offering me anything with artifically flavored vodka, no appletinis, cherrytinis, chocolatinis, or your will be getting a bitchslap-tini. Got that?) and after I have a few in my system and feel thoroughly soused, I will realize I've had to much and take a cab home.