Worst Dumb Mistake You've Made While Drunk?

[dougf]

Well lets see... One time I pissed all over the floor of a bakery bathroom all over all the toilet paper and floors...

Another time I stood up on a girls bed and pissed all over it at a random party...

Was pretty toasted and put two firework 'mortar' rounds in one tube, when the first exploded it tipped over the tube, and shot the other flame ball which hit my brother in the chest and exploded...

And lots of other stuff too graphic to mention here

 

[DeathBrewer]

^^^ well I hope you at least got the gender correct....

"It's been years since I buggered a boy, your grace, and...upon my own defense...I thought it a woman upon entry."

"You hear that, Guthrie, he cannot tell arse from quim!"

"I hear many englishmen have that problem."

Anyway, no...just...we'll say that they weren't "relationship material"

 

[snowveil]

We were drinking at a friend's house while hanging around a fire pit. Well, we run out of firewood so we decide "let's tear some branches off of that dead tree over there!"

The next morning I was itchy all over. ALL OVER. *ahem*

Burning Poison Ivy is a bad idea....

 

[Jughead]

Oh hell, too many great stories to quote here, this is the best laugh I've had in a long time! Mine: Don't try and have "an adult, couples cocktail party" and then Put on an Elvis suit (fat belly, rhinestone cape & all) and try and ride a shopping cart down the gnarly hill near your house. About 2 years ago. It was one of those carts w/ the lil kid plastic racecar on the front, (my buddy was down from AK w/ his new girlfriend) & he crammed his ass (his 240lb ass) in the racecar. I proceded to tell my buddy pushing this missle to "give a good' one, make this interesting". Well push he did, and stood-up I did and ate sh!t...hard. I slide on my face bout 10 ft or so and proceeded to gush a river of blood down this hill. SWMBO is an ICU nurse...stone cold when it comes to blood. My friends are freaking, she's like "he's fine, he's tough" Well five more minutes of blood gurgling and not waking up convinced her to call the medics. I woke up wheeling out of the hospital in day light w/ a shredded face and my 1st broken bone of my life. Oh and also a 4,000$ medical bill, the 1st time you don't have med insurance, is the 1st time you need it! Every time i see someone that was there, I (and everyone else) hears the story. I have a gang of this ish.

 

[Jughead]

Also.... this past super bowl sunday, SWMBO and I went to southern OR to visit her mother. Had a mellow hang out for super bowl, after, some of my wife's highschool buddies where in town, and wanted to meet up. Went to the local sports bar... chill, a few people... lo key. Had a few beverages and was asked to play pool by some some local (non-crackhead looking dudes) they bought a few rounds, had small talk, seemed cool. I said I was going out for a smoke, they asked to join, no prob. I lite my stooge.... WHAMMY, dude1 blindsides me, dude2 starts laughing. A few more pummels to the face and I finally get the point that these guys are trying to roll me. They think I'm done for, start yucking it up, telling me to give them my wallet, or else.....Well my Mr. Myagi training comes back to me, I through a couple of roundhouse kicks... laughing stops...lay the busters down. 2nd broken bone ever, and a nice chip in my front tooth. I think of myself as a peaceful guy, and a good judge of character, but it goes to show you can never underestimate screw-heads, this-day-in-age.:fro:

 

[BBKing]

Perhaps my favorite is being in downtown Rochester, MN on St. Pattys day 2 years ago.
I was there for work with 2 other guys resetting a Napa store, and our boss gave us the afternoon off saying "I'm going out drinking so I know you three are! Just be here on time tomorrow morning"

First bar we hit up that evening was a "local divorcee looking for a second chance at love" type joint but we stayed long enough to catch a buzz. I went out for a smoke and asked a guy who looked like he was in the know where the nearest bar was where people (specifically females) my age hang out. As he was telling me a drunken bum (bum pack and all thought he would tell me what he thought of me coming to Rochester to take "all the women". I laughed for a minute and went inside and got my buds and we headed out.

Sure enough the bum was still outside getting belligerent on some other folks, then focused his attention on us. We laughed for a few minutes then decided we didnt want any trouble and crossed the street to proceed on our merry way. The bum paralled us on the opposite side just doing all sorts of stupid **** which we were laughing at. I laughed a little too hard at one point and got the bums attention, again.

He then pulled a pine branch out of one of the planters on the side of the curb out and without looking rushed across 6 lanes of traffic to come hit me with it. I blocked the weak ass branch blow and got in my stance, lol. He threw a punch which wildly missed so I gave him the ol' 1-2, with the first blow (badly placed) cutting him above the eyebrow and the second knocking his dentures out. After he got up and stumbled away we quickly left the scene of the crime.

Made it to the bar we were looking for. I realized I was waaay drunk and left to go back to the hotel. Was found a few hours later in the hallway laying down sleeping without a shirt and I apparently attempted to take off my pants. I never found my shirt.

One of my co-workers thought I had taken the wrong way back to the hotel and went looking for me. He was mugged, losing $200, his cell phone, and watch. The other co-worker lost the car keys and we were NOT on time to work in the morning.

We about got fired over that fiasco

 

[friarjohn]

went to a kegger. I got fubared, took lots of drunk pics.I proceeded to send pics to my buddy and his wife. The problem is they were fighting and about to get a devorce. He smashed his phone and was not happy with me for about a week....

 

[fredthecat]

woke up with bruises

 

[DeathBrewer]

Walked out on a tab last night

 

[dougf]

Walked out on a tab last night

Ouch. We've all done stuff similar. You can always go back and make it right.

 

[DeathBrewer]

My buddy covered the tab for me. Just made me feel like a complete *******.

 

[MeatyPortion]

There's not enough room for me to document the idiotic things I've done while drunk.

 

[Mischief_Brewing]

My last words will surely be "hold my beer and watch this!"

I've broken a rib on two different occasions - stage diving and falling off a rope hanging from a tree while only 3 inches off the ground.

I've broken fingers on two different occasions - stage diving and have absolutely no recollection of how the second occurred, just that it took 2 months to heal

I've peed in a strangers shoe in the back/employees only section of an NYC grocery store - to be honest, I didn't know the shoe was even there until I heard the sound of something filling up

I've burned body/facial/head hair off on so many occasions and in so many different ways that I couldn't begin to list them

Basically, I'm the life of the party but people know to keep a safe distance when I say "hold my beer and watch this"...

 

[DeathBrewer]

I've burnt holes in enough shirts with cigarettes. I call them "brewery towels"

 

[ChshreCat]

After a few beers I said to SWMBO "You're only getting mad about this because you're on your period! If you weren't on your period, you wouldn't get upset about something as simple as this!".

biggest mistake of my life (even if I WAS right)

 

[HoppyDaze]

what is it with people peeing on othe people and their property?

 

[DeathBrewer]

Apparently, everything looks like a urinal through beer goggles.

 

[Mike M]

On advice of counsel, I can neither confirm nor deny any activities that allegedly took place while under the influence of alcohol.

 

[springer]

Saying to my buddy "will you look at the **** on that one" while my wife is standing right next to me .



didnt want to offend but there are birds with same name

 

[Jughead]

HAHa, this is a great thread! I can at least say I've never whizzed on somebody/or their stuff. That's about all I can claim to have not done. But I'm sure it'll probably happen someday. Life is short, whiz hard!:rockin:

 

[hoppymonkey]

here is a few anyway.

1. Walked thru the best part of ATL ghetto at 3am b/c i was too drunk to call cab.

2. Pulled out wrong way on one way street in front of 15 cops standing on street corner. ( No DUI, How? I don't know, but it was the last time I did anything like that)

3. Who are you? Where am I? Oh, its the start of your shift at the strip club. Um sure I can give you a ride if my car is here.

4. I plead the 5th on everything else as I don't realy want the police or the SWMBO to know.

 

[Swordsman]

I got drunk before, during, and after a show with liquor I'd snuck in; puked on the shoes of the lead singer of Agent Orange while he was trying to hit on a chick; got dragged out of the bar while my ride laughed at me; got in a fight with a bum that tried to take my wallet and got away unharmed; then peed in the gas tank of a hybrid I apparently found pretentious. Then, I woke my then-fiancee (now wife) up and she had to come get me since I was picking more fights with hipsters (who hadn't done anything to me), and the whole ride back I kept telling her about this chick rock magazine journalist with giant ****s I'd met.

Good times.

 

[hoppymonkey]

and the whole ride back I kept telling her about this chick rock magazine journalist with giant ****s I'd met.

Good times.[/QUOTE]

OUch, That's dangerous conversation there. I said dumb crap like with wife too while drinking. WARNING! Talking with SWMBO while intoxicated may lead to lack of sex and sleeping on the couch.

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Alright... I can't even begin to put a dent in my list of stories:

-Called 911 cause a skunk had me trapped OUTSIDE my apartment, ended up wandering over to a friends house later (3AM) cause the damn thing wouldnt leave

-Naked snow angels

-I was on foreign exchange after high school in Belgium. Once a month or so, a ton of exchange students from all the different exchange programs (AFS, Rotary, EF, etc) would descend on this tiny bar in Liege... Made a bet with a buddy to see who could hook up with the most girls from different countries in the afternoon... crazy afternoon story short, we tied at 9 countries

-Same year: drank a 1/5 cheap vodka in about an hour on a grocery store rooftop in Brussels, Belgium, went back downstairs and got more beer (drinking in public is legal.) Two hours later I remember cruising down this restaurant alleyway on the way to the Delirium to take a leak and we were blatantly.... erm... borrowing cutlery, wine glasses, ash trays, you name it, off the tables. Ended up taking turns doing our best to break whatever we could in the center of tourism, the Grand Place, for about 20 minutes while cops stood and watched us. Passed out in the middle of the Grand Place for about 2 hours, woke up with a buddy covering my puddle with a napkin.

Relocated, was given a bottle of water by an Australian woman, and moved onto a bottle Port. The rest of the night dissolved into a mess, ended up taking the last metro and crashing at a friends place.

-Several brawls with Brazillians, those guys don't seem to like me.

-Told well dressed drug dealers in Lisbon, Portugal (in english)"get the **** away from me! if you ****ing offer me your [shouted] COKE! HASH! POT! EX! one more time I'm going to go ape **** on you" Right in front of my Belgian high school art teacher... [back story: long hair, sunglasses, shorts and a backpack = they knew I was a tourist and had been approaching me and me alone out of my school group for the entire week] My teacher, in turn went ape **** on me in French because he thought they were cops (these guys were in pretty nice suits), while my entire (sober) class argued back with him that I had been legitimately harassed, while I wandered off to buy a drink.

-Been chased out of a parking garage by security with a rottweiler....

hmmm.... thats a start. Alot of my stories are so long I don't know where to jump into them... Lets just say that being an exchange student was the BEST year of my life.

 

[Jughead]

Above post is shear hilarity! I will shut up now, I will never be able to top "Exchange Students in Belgium Gone Wild"

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Not trying to one up, Jughead, just trying to share I had a good chuckle out of your shopping cart story.

hmmmm.... so there were events that I was encouraged by my hosts to go to. Now, I was with Rotary International (All Rotary members please stop reading here) and the fundamentals of their exchange program is called the 4-D's, No Drinking, No Driving, No Dating, No Drugs. I don't know a single exchange student who didn't break at least 2 of them.

Everytime we had a Rotary sponsored event, they would remind us of these rules- Then would pour us wine or ask us what kinds of beer we were partial too. Anyway, one weekend near the end of my year there was a large conference and we were invited to stay for food afterwords. After the conference got out everyone poured out to the lobby for an apperatif (before meal drink) which, to exchange students everywhere meant one thing: OPEN BAR!!!

Some of the Rotarians decided that they were going to enforce the rules for once, and asked us to leave if we werent going to be staying for the meal. I had a group of friends who had plans for the rest of the weekend together, so we all stayed, went down to the dining area and had some food and proceeded to get jolly with the more relaxed Rotarians. We had engagements to make it to, so we moved back towards the area where the conference presentations had been and where we had originally been served refreshments and discovered.... an abandoned, previously open, bar.

A group of 6 of us promptly..... liberated.... a case of wine and hit the road. The way travel worked for us is someone would look up the last bus/train that we needed to take to arrive to our destination at the desired time, and we would loosely schedule backwards from there. From the rotary event, we hit a birthday party, then took a train south to Mons for their annual weekend city party called "Doudou".... Each time we had to wait for another bus or train, we cracked open a new bottle...

While trying to cheat our way out of having to pay train tickets (with the GoPass in Belgium, its complicated) we were opening bottles on the train with...well... whatever we could use to push the cork in. Since the generously donated bottles of wine were worth more than 3 Euros, we were stylin'!

This place where we were ending up was insane. The Belgians really know how to pull out all the stops, between the beer, the history, and the flammand/walloon rivalry? They know how to put on a hell of a festival.

See all those gray hairs? The go at it hard!

That night there were fights (not us, others) and other shenanigans. Eventually we got some of the debatablely second best Frites in Belgium

And after hours when everyone with common sense has gone to bed, we were still cruising around.

Quick nap in the train station come morning

And, I kid you not, everyone was back at it the next morning for the actual "doudou" spectacle (Sir George defeating the dragon, Doudou)

No huge mistakes were made this night (other than me telling two girls I was there to be with them, and my buddy (pictured napping above) attempting to throw down with locals, one of whom one of my lady friends knew....that helped fuel the decision process ) and no sleep was obtained. But it was a hell of a time. :rockin:

 

[Jughead]

No worries Dude, this is great, I love hearing everyones hilarious stories. Most have gotten a good laugh outta the shopping cart tale. There is a food cart in Portland that serves Frites, Damn good! Someday I'll make it to Belgium, sounds like a life changing experience. Keep the great debauchery coming!

 

[SowegaBrews]

Couple years back I had a birthday party (honestly, which one I can't recall) at a bar before I turned 21. I was in pretty good with the owner and bartenders, so I proceeded to get smashed with a ton of (mostly underage) friends. Small, currupt towns are good like that. When the bar closed, we headed to a buddy of mine's house to continue.

When I got there, a friend gave me my birthday present from her, a half gallon of Jack Daniels. We started a fire in the pit and were mostly chill for maybe an hour or so, until someone suggested we take the ATVs out for some neighborhood fun, which was amazing by the way... to me. It upset a few people at the party. They claimed we were being reckless and asking the police to show up. Blaspheme I say.

Hours pass and the bottle nears empty. I look down to see a buddy's cell phone (who had left). He lived pretty close so a "delivery party" gathered, and we headed towards his house. To get there we had to cross an open field at a park (where we had just done donuts earlier on the ATVs). As we neared... I could see headlights pointing out into the middle of the field from the side. Cops, two of them. Sitting in their cars talking. I knew they were there, they didn't know I was.

So I did the only logical thing. I snuck up to them, and threw a pine cone, hitting their fender with a nice, loud, THWACK.

I immediately turn and run the other way full speed. 15 steps later I managed to clothesline myself on a rather stout tree branch, went head over heels and somehow landed on my stomach. I don't really remember getting up, but I do know it didn't take me long. About half a block full sprint, we all come running into the party out of breath, laughing our asses off, and tell the rest of the horrified party what we'd just done. How I managed to not wake up in jail that night still amazes me.

Funniest part was me having to explain the mark on my neck (which looked exactly like a huge hickey) to my family at my birthday lunch the next day. My older brother and sister had been at the party, and spent most of the night shaking fingers and saying no... So this explanation to my parents was the only suitable payback. My mother's look of horror was pretty hilarious, but it was bested by the pat on my back as my dad said he probably woulda done the same thing. Figures...

 

[Beernik]

Dumbest mistake I've ever made while drinking: kept drinking. I woke up in the ER suffering from alcohol poisoning. I guess I blew a 0.38 when they brought me in.

 

[weirdboy]

Twice, I've been guilty of playing poker with a huge wad of 100's in my pocket while being very drunk. Last time, I was so drunk that I still have no idea how much money I lost before I stumbled to my room and passed out. I only have vague recollections of what happened that night after I left the bar.

I have since instituted a rule that if I'm going to be drinking, my poker money stays the hell away from my drunken fingers.