Why?!

[cluckk]

I've thought long and hard about the physics of the human fart. Gas bubbles usually rise and exit upward. So why is it that we humans (who walk upright) fart instead of only burp? You'd think that would be the proper direction for all gases to escape. With cattle I understand since much of their life is spent with their head lower than their buttocks, but why is it this way with us?

 

[Golddiggie]

I've thought long and hard about the physics of the human fart. Gas bubbles usually rise and exit upward. So why is it that we humans (who walk upright) fart instead of only burp? You'd think that would be the proper direction for all gases to escape. With cattle I understand since much of their life is spent with their head lower than their buttocks, but why is it this way with us?

It has more to do with the one way valve in out stomachs preventing things from going back up (no matter what South Park shows). Burps are from stomach activity, not intestinal (as I understand it). So, farts have no choice but to head towards the sphincter in order to escape.

"Speak, oh toothless wonder, impart upon us your wisdom."

 

[cluckk]

Yes, I knew all that. Actually when I was in the Army I got so constipated that nothing could exit down there--not even gas. I could feel the gas bubbles build up and painfully move down, then back up and finally exit as a burp. Talk about breath that smelled like crap!

 

[Golddiggie]

Yes, I knew all that. Actually when I was in the Army I got so constipated that nothing could exit down there--not even gas. I could feel the gas bubbles build up and painfully move down, then back up and finally exit as a burp. Talk about breath that smelled like crap!

That must have been some extreme blockage... You know you're not supposed to eat glue, right??

 

[Billy-Klubb]

"Speak, oh toothless wonder, impart upon us your wisdom."

what would you like to know? bwahahaha!!

 

[Stauffbier]

what would you like to know? bwahahaha!!

I think you just referred to yourself as a flatulent ass!

 

[Billy-Klubb]

I think you just referred to yourself as a flatulent ass!

I am an ass & quite flatulent.

 

[cluckk]

That must have been some extreme blockage... You know you're not supposed to eat glue, right??

The doctor asked what I had been eating and I told him "Just the mess hall food." He said, "That's your problem. That stuff will kill you."

 

[nmfree]

 

[Dan]

Lmao!

 

[Golddiggie]

Surprised no one has posted this yet...

 

[cluckk]

That scene was classic. I kept waiting to see the campfire blaze up.

 

[Golddiggie]

That scene was classic. I kept waiting to see the campfire blaze up.

Mongo like...

 

[Billy-Klubb]

my favorite part in that movie is when Bart & Waco Kid are hiding behind the rock, "Hey boys! Look what I got over here!" and "Somebody's gotta go back and get a s*** load of dimes."

 

[unionrdr]

I like the part where he tells Harvey Corman's character,"dang,you use your tongue purtier than a $20 whore!". or"I paid you guys to get a little work done,lay some track,not jump around like a bunch of Kansas City ******s!".

 

[Haputanlas]

Yep. As long as you're not lifting a leg and leaning (or rattling the windows), you should be able to crack a few off on a date no problem. I used to be able to tell you at a glance if a certain piece of furniture (say, for instance, a couch) was going to 'hold' one for you*, or if you'd soon be basking in your own glory.

It helps if you can time 'em with an excuse - say the waiter taking the order at the table next to you, passing a farm while driving, etc. You can sometimes blame the dog - but only if she hasn't experienced your dog's farts yet. (My lab has a very distinct "brand". Will water your freaking eyes.)

*I had an armchair in my dorm in college...thing was great. You could drop the nastiest, foulest, most unholy bomb known to man in that thing, and not smell it a bit. But god help the next poor sap to flop down in that chair - it'd release the last two weeks worth it had been holding. You always GENTLY sat down in that thing. Every time we had women coming over, that thing got a full BOTTLE of Febreeze.

I've become lactose intolerant. If I get a hold of a few glasses of milk, I don't care what you try to do, the entire block is going to know about it.

Oh, and my wife is all too familiar with this smell. There is no blaming it on anything else but me.

 

[Haputanlas]

I like the part where he tells Harvey Corman's character,"dang,you use your tongue purtier than a $20 whore!". or"I paid you guys to get a little work done,lay some track,not jump around like a bunch of Kansas City ******s!".

WATCH ME FAGG0TS!

Throw up your hands/Stick out your tush/Hands on your hips/Give 'em a push/You'll be surprised, you're doing the French Mistake/Voila!

 

[Billy-Klubb]

"I'm parked by the commissary.."

 

[Subsailor]

Haven't met my wife, have you.

Or my sister in law after some dried fruit!

I like to tell the perpetrator that "their voice has changed but the breath's the same" when their expulsions are loud.

Me, I crop dust the shopping aisles when the wife makes me go to the store with her.

 

[mgortel]

You take after the yeast...always farting.....

 

[b-boy]

Why do I always end up having to fart when I'm racking or bottling beer? The same thing happens when I'm on a date! :smack:

As long as your not doing that when you're boiling wort. Too close to the flame and BOOM. You could take out the whole neighbourhood.

 

[Stauffbier]

As long as your not doing that when you're boiling wort. Too close to the flame and BOOM. You could take out the whole neighbourhood.

Don't tempt me!

 

[cluckk]

Maybe this explains some of the esters I'm getting in my beer. "Is it oxidized? No. Skunked by light? No. ... oh, wait ... it's two week old burrito ... bean and cheese, I believe."