Things I can't Wait to Do with my Son

[Cheesefood]

1. Many kids love going out to eat on their birthday. They love to pick the restaurant. We will sit down one day to have a big celebratory meal. Immediately after ordering the food, my wife will take him out to the car and I will stay behind to pay and ask that everything be wrapped up. This will be a great renactment of my birthday when he was one.
2. Around the age of 6 or 7, emotional attachment to objects is at a higher level. He'll show love for his teddy bear and true attachment to a blanky or other object. On some random day, I will take that object and break it for no apparent reason.
3. One day we may share a couch as we watch the Cubs game together. There might be a quiet moment of intensity as the Cubs and their opponents get into a moment of truth as to who will win the game. As we both sit on the edge of our seats in anticipation, I will take the remote and smack him on the nose with it, thus changing the station right when the game is about to be won or lost and loosening the batteries from the remote to detur a quick reurn to the game.
4. When he's a teenager taking out his girlfriend, he might think that his old man is intrusive and disruptive. He might think that it's not fair that he's monitored when he goes down into the basement with his girlfriend. It's not because I want to be a prudish father, but because I can count at least a dozen times when he became a pest right when I was about to get laid.
5. I can't wait until he's about 16 years old. At that age, he be capable of intelligent, interactive conversations and lively debates. He'll also be able to feel pain as I give him payback for all those times he's kicked or punched me in the nuts.
6. I know that one day when he's grown up and moved out, I may end up staying at his place from time to time. Perhaps I will occupy a room in the house he and his wife have settled in. I shall take a cup of grape juice and throw it at the wall when I'm done eating dinner.
7. When I'm old and in my final days, I will wait until just the right moment to soil myself. This might be right when we're getting ready to go out or when he's ready to eat dinner. As he tries to help get me cleaned up, I will kick and flail my arms and legs. He'll think I'm old and helpless, I'm just reminscing back to the good old days.

 

[Pumbaa]

rough day with the boy?

 

[rdwj]

Lol - that's good

 

[ayrton]

Need a vacation, Cheese?

 

[Cheesefood]

rough day with the boy?

He's been fun this week. Broke my laptop, lost one of my gloves, hit me in the face, nutted me and gave up the juiciest stinky diaper ever when I was alone with him.

 

[Bobby_M]

My daughter is two and I still haven't had one of those days where I question the sanity of reproduction. I guess I'm lucky so far. I think it starts at about age 11 with girls. New baby boy on the way though.

 

[the_bird]

There are nights when I swear Cassie is trying to make sure she remains an only child....

 

[Copperhed]

I swear to the Good Lord I laughed until I cried at you, Cheesefood.

Am still laughing as a matter of fact. I was watching a movie with a friend the other night and the picture of your son yanking the computer cord came to mind and I burst out laughing as if deranged.

I don't have children, but I do have many neices and nephews. I'm sure you could use these measures as tools of revenge on your son later as I did my brothers and sister.

1) When Christmas shopping for the wee ones, research the loudest most aggravating toys on the market and buy three per child (if needed, warehouse extra batteries to send them home with every week or so). After the first toy "mysteriously" dissappears give them the second for their birthday. The third, well its just for the helluvit Day. Just don't break out the thrid until the family is leaving, more fun to try and drive with that startling noise in Dad's ears.

2) Have the wee ones come for a sleepover. They don't have to bathe, brush their teeth or eat anything nutricious. Also, allow them to do whatever they please. Extend this visit as long as you can realistically pull it off. Their parents lives will be a guaranteed hell for at least a week.

3) Take the wee ones fishing in their school shoes.

4) Take turns drawing pretend tattoos on their chubby little bodies, and pretend later you didn't know it was permanect ink.

5)In early spring break out the clippers and give them a Mohawk. Its best to do this when they are getting their T-Ball picture taken. All my nephews have a buzz-cut at T-ball time, wonder why.

6) Teach the small fries to cook. Its pretty messy but they will love you forever and bug the Pi$$ out of their parents by "wanting to help" from now on.

If ya need anymore, lemme know. I have lots of payback to return. I have 6 Sadistic older brothers and a Super-pesky Little sister. Revenge is MINE...........

Copper

 

[cweston]

My daughter is two and I still haven't had one of those days where I question the sanity of reproduction. I guess I'm lucky so far. I think it starts at about age 11 with girls. New baby boy on the way though.

Yes, absolutely. There is nothing that can prepare you for the tests of parenting a teenage daughter. We have 2 boys and a girl: my experience (and those I've discussed it with) is that boys are 1,000 times easier.

I honestly think that this has something to do with it: no matter how far we've evolved away from it, and even if you've never laid a hand on them, boys are still influenced at least a little by the idea that Dad might kick their a$s if they step too far out of line.

 

[Cheesefood]

I dread the thought of having a daughter. SWMBO wants a little girl, until we see 14 year old hoochy girls in mini skirts walking by, then she remembers the crap she pulled off at their age.

Boys are easy. If they're mad at you, they'll vent and maybe break something.
Girls are harder. If they're mad at you, they'll become a ****.

 

[Ó Flannagáin]

If they're mad at you, they'll become a ****.

.... dying laughing... just spewed beer all over my computer screen.

 

[zoebisch01]

1. Many kids love going out to eat on their birthday. They love to pick the restaurant. We will sit down one day to have a big celebratory meal. Immediately after ordering the food, my wife will take him out to the car and I will stay behind to pay and ask that everything be wrapped up. This will be a great renactment of my birthday when he was one.
2. Around the age of 6 or 7, emotional attachment to objects is at a higher level. He'll show love for his teddy bear and true attachment to a blanky or other object. On some random day, I will take that object and break it for no apparent reason.
3. One day we may share a couch as we watch the Cubs game together. There might be a quiet moment of intensity as the Cubs and their opponents get into a moment of truth as to who will win the game. As we both sit on the edge of our seats in anticipation, I will take the remote and smack him on the nose with it, thus changing the station right when the game is about to be won or lost and loosening the batteries from the remote to detur a quick reurn to the game.
4. When he's a teenager taking out his girlfriend, he might think that his old man is intrusive and disruptive. He might think that it's not fair that he's monitored when he goes down into the basement with his girlfriend. It's not because I want to be a prudish father, but because I can count at least a dozen times when he became a pest right when I was about to get laid.
5. I can't wait until he's about 16 years old. At that age, he be capable of intelligent, interactive conversations and lively debates. He'll also be able to feel pain as I give him payback for all those times he's kicked or punched me in the nuts.
6. I know that one day when he's grown up and moved out, I may end up staying at his place from time to time. Perhaps I will occupy a room in the house he and his wife have settled in. I shall take a cup of grape juice and throw it at the wall when I'm done eating dinner.
7. When I'm old and in my final days, I will wait until just the right moment to soil myself. This might be right when we're getting ready to go out or when he's ready to eat dinner. As he tries to help get me cleaned up, I will kick and flail my arms and legs. He'll think I'm old and helpless, I'm just reminscing back to the good old days.

You don't need to, patience will reward you with your desires when he has kids

 

[olllllo]

"So my number one job is to keep her off the pole." "We don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper you ****ed up."

"Daddy, can I get a hug?" "NO, NO get out of here, I'm watching the game." "Huh," says the daughter crying, pouting, "ok, I"ll show yoooooooooooooou, daddy, when I get older I'm going to dance naked to Motley Crue records and wear clear heals."

- Chris Rock

 

[Copperhed]

.... dying laughing... just spewed beer all over my computer screen.

Me too, seefresh, (choke, gargle)
Me too.

Copper

 

[Ize]

Cheese, I feel your pain. My youngest (and last) spawn will be 3 next month, IF he or I make it. The bad part is, he's loud and obnoxious. The only ONLY good part is, he's MOSTLY only that way when SWMBO is home. He knows exactly what buttons to push on her, and I usually end up having to clean up the mess. If it's just me and him, he's a little, LITTLE more mellow. I think he still doesn't quite know what to expect from the old man, and that's just fine with me. :rockin:

Keeps him guessin'.

Ize

 

[ill.literate]

Lightweights.

I've got 20-month old twins. Sam is absolutely fearless, will climb anything and usually jump off of it when he gets to the top. Sophia has daddy WRAPPED, and knows it.

The worst thing lately, was this past weekend. They BOTH came down with a 24-hour stomach bug of some sort, and spent most of Sunday throwing up on us, on towels, luckily never on each other.

We dubbed our home, "the Serendipity House and Vomitorium."

 

[Reverend JC]

If they're mad at you, they'll become a ****.

Let me know if you will need a baby sitter when she is 18. Not a big deal, just thought i would toss that out there. Trying to help and all, you know.

 

[desiderata]

My 7-month old is near perfect. Not at all close to as bad as i've heard and imagined. As long as he is kept fed, dry, and napped, he's content or happy. Even teething hasn't caused many fusses. Maybe we just got lucky.

I hope he stays this way, but something tells me it's too good to be true. Probably will make up for this when he gets older. A girl at work mentioned something about the "terrible twos"???

He'll be two before i know it!

 

[cweston]

I know this will sound terribly patronizing, but you guys with toddlers...

I guarentee that at some point about 10 years from now, you will look back fondly at these days (even the worst ones--the puking, the diaper blowouts, the sleepless nights) as "back when parenting used to be easy."

 

[eriktlupus]

I guarentee that at some point about 10 years from now, you will look back fondly at these days (even the worst ones--the puking, the diaper blowouts, the sleepless nights) as "back when parenting used to be easy."

amen i've got:19 boy, 17 girl, 15 boy / boys are easy

 

[loopmd]

I know this will sound terribly patronizing, but you guys with toddlers...

I guarentee that at some point about 10 years from now, you will look back fondly at these days (even the worst ones--the puking, the diaper blowouts, the sleepless nights) as "back when parenting used to be easy."

I couldn't have said it better!!

2 daughters ages 15 and 13

now please excuse me while I go throw out all of my motley crue cd's


loop

 

[Desert_Sky]

2 daughters ages 15 and 13

oh you poor man..... I couldn't even begin to imagine.


and Cheese that was great

 

[Bernie Brewer]

1. One day we may share a couch as we watch the Cubs game together. There might be a quiet moment of intensity as the Cubs and their opponents get into a moment of truth as to who will win the game. As we both sit on the edge of our seats in anticipation, I will take the remote and smack him on the nose with it, thus changing the station right when the game is about to be won or lost and loosening the batteries from the remote to detur a quick reurn to the game.
   .

Come on. Do you really expect us to believe that there is any doubt who will win the Cubs game?????? Not the Chubs, of course!


BTW I think I smell a little wager between us on the season series between the Crew and the Chubs. Interested?????

 

[loopmd]

oh you poor man..... I couldn't even begin to imagine.


and Cheese that was great

Yup, 3 women, that time of the month. It can't get any worse, right?? Hell, even both the dogs are neutered. SWMBO really is nice about me having my "man space" downstairs and out in my garage/woodshop.

Where's Dad?
Don't worry, girls, there's just no testosterone in the house.

loop

 

[EvilTOJ]

I have a 12 year old girl, 9 year old boy. I'm already planning on being Scary Dad for her prospective suitors. I'll start by sharpening my Spanish shortsword slowly and carefully while they wait nervously in the living room for her to finally get ready. I'm already practicing my wide eyed excited stare.

For the boy's dates: Embarrassing Dad!
"Would you like to see this picture of him bare-arsed wielding a 2 liter pepsi bottle when he was 2?" Daaaaad!!

 

[sause]

BTW I think I smell a little wager between us on the season series between the Crew and the Chubs. Interested?????

I think a HBT get together with homebrew starting at 7 am in the mourning in the parking lot of Miller Park should be in order, Brewer vs. Cubs of course. Maybe a Apr 7th?

 

[Whelk]

Lightweights.

I've got 20-month old twins. Sam is absolutely fearless, will climb anything and usually jump off of it when he gets to the top. Sophia has daddy WRAPPED, and knows it.

The worst thing lately, was this past weekend. They BOTH came down with a 24-hour stomach bug of some sort, and spent most of Sunday throwing up on us, on towels, luckily never on each other.

We dubbed our home, "the Serendipity House and Vomitorium."

Haha, I'm an identical twin--I have fond memories of throwing up off my bunk-bed, while my brother was throwing up in the bottom bunk. Man, my parents were ready to smother us by the end of the night.:rockin:

 

[Bernie Brewer]

I think a HBT get together with homebrew starting at 7 am in the mourning in the parking lot of Miller Park should be in order, Brewer vs. Cubs of course. Maybe a Apr 7th?

Damn, that was almost my annual game with my allegiance-challenged Cub fan friend, but I already had plans for that day. We're going in June..........

 

[sause]

I just pick a game at miller park cuz we can drink, any series during the year would be good for me, if I have advance knowledge.

 

[Vermicous]

I have a week to go before becoming a father to a girl.

I pray that she is a lesbian, it would make my life so much easier.