The God#%!$ Cops Thread

[pernox]

Zombie thread...

Cops are like every other group in some ways; there are good eggs, and bad ones.

The difference is that when the cops make a mistake, overreact, allow a superiority complex to influence their decisions, or do something rash like break the wrong door and shoot your dog, they have the full and complete backing of their city and state to defend them.

 

[lumpher]

one time a cop pulled over a drunk driver and took them to jail, the driver was going to crash head on into me and my family while we were coming home from visiting with family.... Could have happened.

wah wah waaaahhhhhhhh... and then he woke up and wiped his tears off his nose... the situation was about 1 beer...

 

[Stratotankard]

When I was 16 I got pulled over for 31 in a 30 on an Air Force base. The cop was a total a$$ about it. Came to my window yelling about F***ing teenagers. He asked if I knew how fast I was going and I told him 22, (I just happened to be looking at my speedo when he turned on his lights) and could he please call his first sergeant. He asked why and I told him calmly that it would have been impossible for my 1981 Renault 18i station wagon to have made it to have made it to 31mph in the 100 feet or so from the front gate where I had stopped for an ID check to where he claimed to have clocked me.

At that point his supervisor pulled up and he quickly gave me back all my documents and walked back to his car yelling at me to watch my ass on HIS base. Gotta love a 19 year old airman with a gun and a badge.

All that said, about a year later I got pulled over on a county road a few miles from base doing 85 in a 45 at about 2am coming home from a lifeguarding job (school lock-in). The cop this time was very polite when he had me call my parents to come get me at the side of the road rather than taking me to the county lockup (reckless driving and reckless endangerment in Indiana for 40mph over). Ended up in a first offenders program and after six months of no problems the ticket disappeared.

 

[Hoodweisen]

i like the last post and the first one.. I say everybody keep telling funny and dumb stories

 

[Airborneguy]

My great grandfather was a cop in NY around prohibition. He used to brew his own beer.

In the City? If you send me his name I have ways to look for pictures of him if you want.

 

[MeatyPortion]

In the City? If you send me his name I have ways to look for pictures of him if you want.

No, he was in Jamestown, NY. His name was Jim MacCusker, though he may have spelled it "Mecusker" (thank you, Ellis Island immigration authorities). Thanks for the offer though.

 

[Airborneguy]

No problem. There's a database of every old picture the Dept could get their hands on. We put in a request, and a few months later they return it with whatever they find. I did it for a friend once and thought it was pretty cool so I figured it was worth a shot.

 

[MeatyPortion]

No problem. There's a database of every old picture the Dept could get their hands on. We put in a request, and a few months later they return it with whatever they find. I did it for a friend once and thought it was pretty cool so I figured it was worth a shot.

Hey, if you think it might be in there then go for it. We don't have hardly any pictures of my ggf.

 

[Airborneguy]

No he wouldn't, it's only NYPD.

 

[MeatyPortion]

Well thanks anyway.

 

[loadtoad00]

Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a Highway Traffic Cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop's heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow, but he won't know what to make of your blinker signal that says you're about to turn right. This is to let him know you're looking for a proper place to pull off and talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he is about to make 180 degree turn at speed... but you will be ready for it, braced for the G's and the fast heel toe work.

Nicely said Hunter

 

[lgoolsby]

I went to Stetson University in DeLand, FL, which is about 30 minutes from Daytona. Needless to say, the local cops absolutely hated anyone who wasn't in town for the 500. Since the only job I could find was in Daytona, I was stuck having to deal with them more than once...

It is worth saying that I am always respectful to police and (and try really hard to) never hand attitude back. I have several friends who are cops, and my wife was previously married to a cop. I have dealt with my fair share of a$$hole cops and usually came out ahead, but not always.

Overcast day, been raining for days. It has finally stopped raining and I am heading to work. Just pulled into Daytona (literally, sign is still in the rearview) and suddenly blues and reds in the rear view. I pull into the Steak and Shake parking lot and the cop comes up to the door with the sterotypical 'Super Trooper' swagger.

Him: 'You know why I pulled you over?'
Me: 'No.' (not being a dick, I really didn't know. )
Him: 'Your tags are expired'
Me: 'Really? I'm sorry, I thought I had to the end of the month (it was Oct. 23rd and the car was registered in my father's name, whose birthday was early in October). With school and work the only time I have had this month to go back to Tampa was last weekend. I got my emission inspection done and have the report here (gesturing at the glove box), but the tag office was closed on Saturday. I was going to head down this week and finish it up...'
[Note: the last sentence wasn't heard by Deputy Dog]
Him: '"Emission check?" What the hell are you talking about boy?' (yes, he called me 'boy')
Me: 'In Hillsborough Country we have to have our emissions checked before we can renew our tags.'
Him: 'Oh that's a bunch of bullsh**. You're a lying little a$$hole. Ain't no county in Florida that has such a rule.'
Me (any resembalance of decorum close to gone): 'Lying little a$$hole? Really? Why would I drive to Tampa and have my 6 month old car's emissions checked?'
Him: 'I don't know. Maybe you're a weirdo.'
Me: 'A "wierdo"? Is that really....[decorum lost, insert tirade here]'

I was going to school at a law school and spent my off time getting drunk with a bunch of pre-law frat guys. I wish I had the tirade on tape.... I am not proud, but there were some really good moments in there... Luckily for me I pulled over in the Steak n Shake and there was a crowd of people around him and I so he couldn't make anything up or I would have been in deep stuff. I filed a complaint with his superior and ended up finding out that he had a number of similar complaints against him. He ended up getting fired for doing basically the same thing to a very well connected local council member's daughter.

 

[UncleChuck]

A few years ago there was a pretty bad snow/ice storm here and I took advantage by going to a nearby school (which was closed, kiddies were out for winter break) with a friend and do some crazy snowy driving. I had an 88 Crown Vic with a straight piped 5.0, so I drew even more attention to myself than doing donuts in a parking lot would have.

After about half an hour of drifting around corners and other silly things I'm in the middle of spinning around and see a cop pull into the parking lot. I finish spinning around and turn the car off. It was definitely a "hindsight is 20/20" kind of moment were I suddenly realized it probably wasn't the best idea to be disturbing the peace in the middle of the day.

He comes walking up with a little smile on his face and asks:

"hows it going today"

me: "oh I guess I'm about to find out"

He laughs a little "so your out here practicing cold weather driving huh?" with a little wink

I got the feeling he wasn't going to bust my chops about it so I start joking around about how driving in the snow is very dangerous as it's best to practice in the safety of a parking lot.

"yeah I just had to come down here because a few of the neighbors are complaining... you could just go somewhere else or wait until it's dark and then come back"

I thank him and he leaves "drive safe" still smiling. Didn't even check my papers or anything.

More recently, on my birthday, I was late to go pick up my girlfriend, and was quite eager to get my birthday "gift" so I'm doing 45 down Sandy blvd (35 zone) right before it crosses 82nd (to anyone who's local, as I know there are more than a few) weaving in and out of traffic. Same loud beat up crown vic. I notice in my mirror that there is, what was probably a late 90s tahoe or other SUV. He was basically chasing me matching my speed weaving in and out of traffic. I briefly thought it was a cop, but the fact it was a beat up old SUV when all the cops around here drive much newer cars made me sure it wasn't.

After probably a half mile of driving on go the red and blue lights behind the windshield, and I'm thinking I'm totally screwed. The cop, who I'm assuming was no regular cop as he had some kind of web gear/vest with street clothes underneath comes up and asks if I knew why he pulled me over

"I was driving like an idiot"

"yeah you were doing at least 45, and I was having a hard time catching up to you with you weaving through traffic like that"

"I'm sorry officer, it's my birthday and I'm on my way to see my girlfriend so I'm just in a big hurry, I know I shouldn't have been driving like that"

"Oh it's your birthday huh, can I see your license and proof of insurance?

After I hand him my papers: "well look at that, I'm going to let you off with a warning but you really need to slow down"

Both of these times I had very obviously illegal exhaust, no front plate, and expired tags. I still can't believe either turned out so well.

Whenever I have bad experiences with not so friendly cops I think back to these times to remind my self there are some really nice cops out there.

 

[jfr1111]

I used to race for my college ski team. There was a big award night once a year that was a black tie affair. Some people even showed up in tuxedos. I never once went in my car, because, free cocktails, duh. So I take a taxi to go there, party and proceed to lose my wallet. F?&%.

The night is winding down and I have about 5$ in change. Not enoguh for a taxi, but enough for the bus. The bus only took me so far, so I had about 40 minutes of walking to do afterward...

So I'm walking home after drinking about 8 gin tonics, in a dark grey suit with dress shoes when a police car drives past, stops and reverses. This is a rough translation of the dialogue.

"What are you doing out at night ?"
"Hi officer, I'm going back to my appartment to sleep."
"I asked what you are doing out, not where you are going"
"Well, I'm walking"
"Are you on drugs?"
"What, no officer, I've been drinking but..."
"Papers"
"I don't have any ID on me, I lost my wallet"
"How convenient. We have had a few house robberies in the evening, you don't know anything about that do you or will we have to take you to the police station to verify your identity ?"
"No"
"We are keeping an eye on you"

The whole thing lasted about 45 seconds. My first and last encounter with a cop that I would clearly call an a--hole.

 

[SwampassJ]

I used to race for my college ski team eh. There was a big award night once a year that was a black tie affair eh. Some people even showed up in tuxedos eh. I never once went in my car, because, free cocktails, duh eh. So I take a taxi to go there, party and proceed to lose my wallet eh. F?&% eh.

The night is winding down and I have about 5$ in change eh. Not enoguh for a taxi, but enough for the bus eh. The bus only took me so far, so I had about 40 minutes of walking to do afterward eh...

So I'm walking home after drinking about 8 gin tonics, in a dark grey suit with dress shoes when a police car drives past, stops and reverses eh. This is a rough translation of the dialogue eh.

"What are you doing out at night eh?"
"Hi officer, I'm going back to my appartment to sleep eh."
"I asked what you are doing out, not where you are going eh"
"Well, I'm walking eh"
"Are you on drugs eh?"
"What, no officer, I've been drinking but eh..."
"Papers eh"
"I don't have any ID on me, I lost my wallet eh"
"How convenient eh. We have had a few house robberies in the evening, you don't know anything about that do you or will we have to take you to the police station to verify your identity eh?"
"No eh"
"We are keeping an eye on you eh"

The whole thing lasted about 45 seconds. My first and last encounter with a cop that I would clearly call an a--hole eh.

A likely story eh

 

[SpanishCastleAle]

As I'm approaching a traffic light to make a right turn, on green, I had to hit my brakes because two cars made left turns (from the oncoming lane). Both of those cars ran a red 'left turn' light. Soon as I make the turn I see a cop car at the exit of the corner gas station. Cop pulls out behind me and pulls me over.

He asks if I know why and I say no. He says; "You weren't wearing your seatbelt." So I ask him why he let two cars run a redlight into two lanes of oncoming traffic, during rush hour, in a school zone, in order to pull someone over who wasn't wearing their seatbelt. He had no answer but obv I got the $114 ticket.

In Florida, it's a $114 fine for not wearing your seatbelt...but it's perfectly legal to ride your motorcycle without a helmet. Makes sense.

 

[jfr1111]

A likely story eh

What is exactly the point of your post ?

 

[cfonnes]

Cops on the graveyard shift are usually the neanderthals of the cop station, as it should be. That time of day is usually filled with drunks, tweaks, and other addicts who think clearer after being beat down a little.

 

[SwampassJ]

What is exactly the point of your post ?

Someones sense of humor got caught in customs.

 

[Airborneguy]

Cops on the graveyard shift are usually the neanderthals of the cop station, as it should be. That time of day is usually filled with drunks, tweaks, and other addicts who think clearer after being beat down a little.

7 years of midnights in Broolyn. Best 7 years of my life.

 

[buffalobrewer]

I swear most of the police blotter items start with "officer so and so noticed an air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror and pulled the suspect over." Haven't used one of them in years.

 

[jkreuze]

When you get pulled over you just ease it over, turn off the car, put your hands on the wheel and wait. Fidgety people make police nervous, with good reason. I've been cut slack on multiple occasions. I imagine being a police officer is like working the phones--you deal with a lot of people all the time, and the cool, nice people get extra-special treatment, and the ********* get the other end of the mash paddle.

I would relate one of my more humorous (in retrospect) encounters with Johnny Law from deep in my youth but I'd rather not have it recounted in hardcopy during my lifetime. You'll have to wait for the memoirs.

 

[ronaldo_fanbelt]

I have had good and bad experiences with the police. I have been stopped for speeding, racing, and illegal car modifications. I have dealt with a wide variety of police officers and some of them can be pretty cool about everything. Everytime I get a big fat ticket, I think about the times they reduced my ticket or let me go with a warning.

 

[JeepDiver]

Minor finder bender with young punk (stopped on a yellow and I bumped him from behind). There was only a minor dent in his bumper and no damage to the jeep. He was all no problem man so I go home and have a few Very stiff drinks to calm the nervers. 2 hours later knock at the door asking me to step outside (whiskey and coke in hand when I open the door). Cop says guy says I hit him and took off and he got my tag. He says he smells alcohol on my breath, and ask if I will do a field sobriety test. I say (stupidly) sure, but I won't pass, been drinking for two hours.

Cop handcuffs me and ask to see my jeep. Show it to him in the garage, and he sees dead bugs next to the bumber stop and says looks like Paint transfer. I beg him to take a picture.

Several thousand dollars and months later, plus suspended licence for refusal of breath test, Judge tells cop in court he is very lucky if I don't sue him for 4th admendment violations.

I will admit before that I drove after drinking way more times than I should, but still have a bad taste for cops with napolean complexes.

 

[izatt82]

While it was an inconvenience for you, it was 4am, only a small fraction of people who are out at this time are not committing a crime. ticket.

you are kidding right? I used to work nights and i got freaking pulled over all the time going home. After about 5 of those you start getting pissed off that they are wasting your time.

 

[izatt82]

Minor finder bender with young punk (stopped on a yellow and I bumped him from behind). There was only a minor dent in his bumper and no damage to the jeep. He was all no problem man so I go home and have a few Very stiff drinks to calm the nervers. 2 hours later knock at the door asking me to step outside (whiskey and coke in hand when I open the door). Cop says guy says I hit him and took off and he got my tag. He says he smells alcohol on my breath, and ask if I will do a field sobriety test. I say (stupidly) sure, but I won't pass, been drinking for two hours.

Cop handcuffs me and ask to see my jeep. Show it to him in the garage, and he sees dead bugs next to the bumber stop and says looks like Paint transfer. I beg him to take a picture.

Several thousand dollars and months later, plus suspended licence for refusal of breath test, Judge tells cop in court he is very lucky if I don't sue him for 4th admendment violations.

I will admit before that I drove after drinking way more times than I should, but still have a bad taste for cops with napolean complexes.

if they came to my house i would have told them to go pound sand and come back with a warrant for my arrest. pisses me off just thinking about it.

 

[Airborneguy]

I imagine being a police officer is like working the phones--you deal with a lot of people all the time, and the cool, nice people get extra-special treatment, and the ********* get the other end of the mash paddle.

Why can't more people realize this?

 

[Inodoro_Pereyra]

I imagine being a police officer is like working the phones--you deal with a lot of people all the time, and the cool, nice people get extra-special treatment, and the ********* get the other end of the mash paddle.

Why can't more people realize this?

It doesn't always work like that.
I do, however, have one of those stories, from the times when you could still find cool people in South Florida.

One day, after a couple of months unemployed (and getting to a point where money was getting way too tight), I got a job at a DirecTV contractor, as a technician. After they did all the paperwork, and made me watch the most boring 2 hours of video in my whole life, the boss comes up with the news that, to be hired, I needed to own a van, a 6ft ladder, and a 14ft ladder, both fiberglass. So I talked to my soon to be supervisor (by far, the coolest guy I have ever met since I got to the US), and explained that I only had a Mazda Protege, and a 6ft wooden ladder. After chatting for a few minutes, he agreed to let me work anyway, under the promise that I'd never reschedule a job because of the lack of a ladder.
A couple of days later, driving my car with only the driver's seat, and full to the brim of tools and materials (and with no insurance, and the tag expired), I got pulled over. When the cop asked me for my license, registration and insurance, I gave him the license, and told him the truth about the rest. He went to his car, checked my license, came back, looked into my car, and said "I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. Make sure you solve this problem ASAP. Drive carefully." And he let me go.
About 2 weeks later, exactly 2 days before I got my first check, I got pulled over again, in the same corner. When the cop came up to me, and I started telling him my story, I realized it was the same cop! So I told him, and he remembered me. I told him I was waiting to get my first paycheck that Friday, and "that was the reason I had doctored my tag, to avoid getting pulled over until I could take care of it". Of course, when I saw his face, I realized that was probably the dumbest thing to say in a situation like that.
So he said: "you doctored your tag? Where?"
We went to the back of he car, and I showed him: "here, you see? I was born in March, so I changed the "3" into an "8" in the sticker".
So he went: "You did that? How?'
And I answered: "with a sharpie".
Then he gave me my license back, and said: "Good job! This is the last time I let you go. Please take care of that problem. Drive carefully". And he let me go again.
Without a doubt, the coolest cop ever.

 

[kjung]

I imagine being a police officer is like working the phones--you deal with a lot of people all the time, and the cool, nice people get extra-special treatment, and the ********* get the other end of the mash paddle.

I learned that early on. When I was a teen, we used to hang out on the corner, drinking and getting high. When the cops would show up, most of my friends would start giving them lip, and I simply responded to every statement and question with a "Yes, sir" and "No, sir." (Catholic school in the 60's and early 70's DEFINITELY taught me to respect authority! Or at least, how to fake it.)
EVERY time, I was asked where I lived. I told them, and I was told to go home. The next time I saw them, my friends would all be giving me crap about "kissing the pigs ass." My simple response was, "Who got to walk home, and who had to call their parents to come pick them up?"
I taught my kids that, and the couple of times my son has been stopped, he also has been polite to the LEO, and has never had to have me go get him.

 

[BBKing]

I had a horrible experience with a county mounty almost 4 years ago. Been smoking weed (couple hitters) and had 3 beers in about 2-2.5 hours. So of course he arrests me blah blah blah blah and I do the breathalyzer at the station, it was .06-something. Under 7 I do know that. When I get to court with my lawyer sometime later, the paper he filled out says I was right at .081. Really? Really?

I'm still ****ed cause of that Cop. Almost 4 years later and I'm still battling the state for my license back. Granted, a better lawyer would have helped, but I wouldnt be in the position I'm in if that cop was halfway honest.

But there have been some cool cops that let me off on some stuff, I will say that.