The God#%!$ Cops Thread

[JohnBarleycorn]

Sorry
Federal Bureau of Investigation - Detroit Field Division - Department of Justice - Press Release

 

[uglygoat]

Man, I should still be in jail or straight up prison for the stuff I've had in my vehicles. The only time I ever got stopped riding dirty (guns with weed and stuff I won't even tell the internet about) .

We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get into locked a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

 

[EdWort]

Fix that broken tail light and anything else that can give a LEO a reason to pull you over.

 

[Flyin' Lion]

My favorite cop story happened when I was 19.... I had this minivan with farm truck plates since we used it to pull livestock. Now I was on my way to the feed store one day and not paying attention was going a little fast when I hit the railroad tracks and BAM!!! I was airborne! Thinking this was pretty sweet, I of course pulled a 180 and tried it again and again. Soon it became a ritual with my friends and I to go flying over the train tracks whenever we went to town.

Fast forward about a year I was coming home from my first year at school, and giving a ride to a couple of friends who wanted to come up for a week to camp and fish. It was late at night and on the drive I told them the story about jumping the tracks, and they thought it would be fun to try. When we get there, we go over it once, I pull a 180, speed up and do it again, pull another 180, hit it again at even higher speed, and was skidding through another 180 when the engine died. I was in the process of trying to start the engine when I see a flashlight running up to me and hear screaming of "hold it right there! Boy are you in trouble now son!!!" Apparently there had been a domestic dispute in a nearby house and half the police force was across the street and witnessed everything that had just happened. Within minutes we were surrounded by several squad cars and a ton of cops.

Of course we were all pulled out of the vehicle, gave up our licenses (which was a story all in itself, because one of my friends was from Alaska and we spent a good while pleading that her ID was real....), cuffed, were put through sobriety tests, searched for drugs, hassled and questioned, then they finally said they were going to search the vehicle. Well I had all my stuff from my dorm room in the back (including a couple road signs I had procured...), so I am sweating my balls off at this point convinced that I am going to jail.

Long story short, the cops ended up letting us go laughing their asses off that we were stupid enough to be doing something like that when there were squad cars parked right there (In my defense I had not seen them). Before they let us go though we were regaled with each of their stories of what they saw and were thinking as we are flying through the air in a minivan that is at least 6 different colors (every door came from a different colored vehicle) with them laughing the whole time and me still standing there in cuffs.

I will swear to this day, the most carefully driving I have ever done in my entire life was when I was pulling away from all those cops, watching the flashing lights in my rear view while they were still hunched over laughing in the middle of the road.

That's a good story Deathweed.

 

[bottleopener]

hmm, driving through upstate new york I was pulled over doing 75 in a 65. The ticket said 90. 150 bucks.

I find out months later that I have to pay an additional fee (read: extortion) of 300 for the mighty privilege of driving in the state of new york.

 

[menschmaschine]

OK, another cop story. This is a good one for all the cops who pull people over and unjustifyingly treat them like dirt.

I was driving back to college from home... a 4 hour drive across Pennsylvania. This trip I made in record time and when I pulled into town, I was still in the mind-set of highway speeds. It was late at night, about 11:00, and I ran a stop sign... there were no other cars on the road and I didn't see it for some reason. Flashing lights pull me over, cop walks up and with a very cocky, stereotypically small-town cop attitude says, "stop signs don't work for you at night!?"

Now at this point I was like, my bad... I ran a stop sign, give me a ticket, it's my own stupidity. I bite my tongue from answering his sarcasm with more sarcasm and I treat him with respect (albeit forced)... he continues to treat me like I'm a 3-year old. I give him my license, etc. He spends like 15 minutes in his car behind me.

He finally walks up to the car and hands me my license, etc. and smart-assedly explains the ticket to me. As I'm signing the ticket, he starts scanning the back seat area of my car with his flashlight. I totally forgot about the handgun lying on the floor in the back. I had brought it home to do some target shooting with friends and just threw it in the back seat floor when I started the trip back.

He sees the gun, jumps back and puts his hand on his gun and nervously asks, "do you have a permit to carry that gun?" "Yes sir," I say. "May I see it?" "Sure." I hand it to him, he studies it. It's legit. He hands it back.

All of a sudden his demeanor did a 180. He takes his signed carbon-copy of the ticket... "You have a nice night now sir," he says. I drive off, realizing I just scared the sh!t out of him and feeling pretty good about it for the way he treated me.

 

[ChshreCat]

I was in the middle of moving and had left a bunch of stuff loaded in the back of my car that I hadn't bothered to take in, so it rode around with me for a couple weeks.

Well, all that time I was getting pulled over left and right for the most piddlyass things. But none of them gave me a ticket! They'd pull me over, tell me that I touched the white line on that last turn or that I should have activated my turn signal a little bit earlier than I did or some crap like that.

Finally, a friend of my mother's who's a state trooper happened to peek in the back of my car and asked if I was getting pulled over much. I had all my winemaking gear in the back and it looked like a rolling meth lab. Soon as I cleared that out, I stopped getting pulled over. All the cops were pulling me over to get a closer look.


The only really bad cop experienced I had was when I was living in a college town and made the mistake of being a college aged person and getting pulled over by a city cop on the edge of the college campus. The cops there HATE the students. My tabs on my car were 2 days past expiration. I'd bought my new tabs and had them in the car with me. The tabs say right on the back not to apply them if the temperature is below 40 degrees, and it hadn't been above freezing in that town in a month. Even after showing the cop that, he still cited me for expired tabs. Even though I had them there with me and showed him that I'd paid and all that.

 

[GregR]

so this was back in highschool and my friends and I went out that night to see a movie or something. well it was pretty late and we were driving through a two lane mountain highway when we got to a passing lane and a car from way behind us decided he wanted to pass. my friend decided to gun it and race the other car. that other car was a cop and we were all underage and all smoking cigarettes and just tried to race a cop. needless to say he pulled us over. we all put our cigarettes out and when he got to the door he just looked at as and said, "what the hell do you think you were doing?" my friend who was driving said, "I'm sorry sir. the passing lane was ending and I didn't know you were a cop." the cop proceeded to say, "do you know how fast you were going?" and my fried said he didn't know. so the cop said "so I can say you were going 100 miles per hour and you wouldn't be able to refute that?" my friend said "oh there is no way in hell this car can even go 100 miles an hour." that mad the cop laugh and he just told us to drive the speed limit and to let cops pass. we were all very excited and when we drove off my friend who was driving took a drink of his soda not realizing I used it to put on my cigarette.

 

[superfluent]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgJKRvgWTwA]YouTube - Im not intoxicated[/ame]

H

 

[mr_goodwrench]

hmm, driving through upstate new york I was pulled over doing 75 in a 65. The ticket said 90. 150 bucks.

I find out months later that I have to pay an additional fee (read: extortion) of 300 for the mighty privilege of driving in the state of new york.

Heh... try living here...

Anyway, I've been pulled over a *few* times for speeding and nearly always drive off with a ticket(guess I always run into the crabby cops.) I also have a spotless driving record thanks to a really good lawyer!

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

YouTube - Im not intoxicated

H

Great clip... I love that show!!!

 

[danorocks17]

about 6 years ago me and two of my buddies went to Cleveland for spring break (yeah, i know weird destination) but we had a great time. anyways, coming back to indiana the traffic was crazy. Now my buddy at the time had an '87 Honda accord hatchback and all of our **** was piled in the back. we really couldn't see out the back window but we did ok. So we are on the interstate, going along with traffic and we see the red and blue lights in the side mirror. At the time, I had green hair and my other friend had red hair. The cops come up two on each side of the car. I'm riding shotgun and the cop on my side has his hand on his gun like he's going to have a shootout with me.

This piece of crap car burned oil faster than gas, so it did smoke and smell bad and the cop said he smelled weed. None of us smoked weed so we weren't worried about them finding anything. They take my friend (the driver) back to the squad car and interrogate him, saying the know we have weed and they will search our ****. He goes "FINE, IT TOOK US A ******* HOUR TO CRAM ALL THAT STUFF IN THE HATCHBACK. BE MY GUEST!" The cop just looks at him and says "alright, head on home and don't tail people too closely" The reason they gave him for pulling him over was weaving in and out of traffic and following too closely, both of which weren't true.


Looking back on it, the third guy with us was apparently a big weed head back then and we didn't know it. Had they searched the car I think they would have found some grass and we'd be off to the Pen. that would have sucked.

 

[DonkeyShoes]

I was flying back from Vegas into Baltimore a couple of years ago, and got into my car about 12am and noticed one headlight was out. Not much I could do at this point but drive home and hope I didn't get noticed (I had a 2 hr drive). About 20 min later I got pulled over and the cop gave me a warning ticket. I can understand that.

20 mins after that, another cop pulled me over for the headlight. I explained that I had just been pulled over and showed him the ticket. He took my license and registration and the ticket back to his car. He came back and says, "I gonna go ahead and write you a ticket for this". WTF, he saw I had just been pulled over, gotten a warning, and there was 0% chance I could have fixed my headlight between the two stops. Didn't cost me anything but it was still a pain.

 

[GearBeer]

Amusing:
I had an internship my Sophmore year in Ann Arbor, MI. I was moving my stuff back to my dorm room in East Lansing when I got pulled over. I was doing 35 on a road just outside of Pinckney. A cop going the other direction did a U-turn and pulled me over. He asked me about my speed and I informed him that I was doing 35.

He replied, "Well you know this is a 25 MPH school zone, right?"

I chose my words carefully and informed him that around 200 feet back, about where he had seen me, I had passed a 35 MPH speed limit sign. There was another sign, for 55 MPH, about 300 feet in front of me.

He took my license, registration and proof of insurance back to his car for about ten minutes. Then came back and told me he was letting me off with a warning.

Amazing:
Soon after I got my first Mustang, a 1999 V6 5-speed, it developed a case porosity issue. I had to take it back to the local Ford dealership THREE times to get it fixed. (First, they didn't do anything. Second, they didn't fix the problem. Third, they finally got it fixed.)

I took the car for a blast just outside of town with a friend of mine and got pulled over doing 110 in a 55. When the cop came to the window I handed him all of my documentation and explained that I was listening to the transmission and had to run it all the way through all the gears. I explained my problem with the local Ford dealership (a dealership with a well known poor reputation) and handed him the 3/4 inch thick stack of papers.

He let me go and told me to do it on the freeway.

 

[Brewer_Steve]

I'm Canadian and haven't had any run ins with our cops.

I have had a couple while driving through the U.S.A. however....

Once on a trip to Florida, I became a kidnapping suspect in West Virginia and was held at gunpoint by the cops for over an hour. It was a case of mistaken identity, as I happened to be driving the same make of car involved in a kidnapping at a rest station that I had just stopped at.

More recently, I got pulled over by an absolute ******** cop in Virginia because my license plate light was burnt out. I kid you not. He gave me a "Notice of Correction" which meant that I had 24 hours to get the light repaired. It was a big pain for me, since I was in the middle of driving all the way to Florida.

 

[jgln]

so there i am, at work, having ONE beer (sierra nevada PA) while i swept and mopped.

hop in my car to drive home, pass a parked cop on the way home. i know i have a burnt out tail light, and it IS 4:15am, but I had the pizza place I work for's sign on my car signaling i'm a delivery driver. we never get pulled over as long as we put that sign on our car, cops SHOULD have something better to do.

BAM, 2 cops on my tail immediately.

i had had that ONE beer about a half hour ago, and he still smelled it on my breath. all right, fine. but i was completely coherent, very polite, and completely compliant. no field sobriety test or breathalyzer necessary.

but alas, the cops didn't agree, so i had to waste 20 minutes of good drinking-at-home time pleasing the boys in blue.

but looking back, it was a bit funny:
Cop: So how many drinks have you had tonight?
Me: Just one.
Cop: Just one? What did you have?
Me: A Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.
Cop: Sierra Nevada huh? Is that like an IPA or something?
Me: Well actually, an IPA is an india pale ale, while this is just a pale ale. see the difference is in the hop content and usually the alcohol level. while an IPA might average around ~8% alcohol, a pale ale is usually a bit lower. they named it an india pale ale because in the 1800's.... oh wait. this isn't relevant, is it?
Cop: Can I have you step out of the car please?

long story short after an extensive field sobriety test and breathalyzer he let me go with a verbal warning. he was kind of being unnecessarily dickheadish, and left me with a slight case of the shakes after the ordeal. but no harm no foul.

so what experiences have you guys had with the cops? any close calls? should-have-gotten-arresteds? gotten completely screwed over?

I don't understand why pizza delivery vehicles are exempt from having proper saftey lights.

 

[GearBeer]

Pizza is very important. It is imperitive that the pizza arive hot, fresh and on time. All Americans, including the Police, understand this.

 

[cubbies]

I don't understand why pizza delivery vehicles are exempt from having proper saftey lights.

Cops get free pizza. At least they did when I worked at a pizza place many moons ago. There was even a separate code in the system when the pizza was for an officer. I would assume it is one of those unwritten I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine kind of a thing.

 

[shecky]

Many years ago, I was returning to Maine (where I was working) from Mass. (where I lived) at about 2 a.m. I had been playing in a baseball game and then stopped to see my parents for a bit.

I rolled through a stop sign in second gear, right on a road alongside the beach. There wasn't a soul in sight. Rent-a-summer-cop younger than me followed me 500 yards then pulled me over.

Him: You know you ran the stop sign?
Me: I rolled through it, yes. I didn't run through it.
Him: What if there was a child crossing the street on his tricycle?
Me: At 2 am, I'd arrest the parents and leave me the hell alone.

I was more than happy to pay that ticket. It was worth the price.

 

[JKelleyLBI]

I work on Long Beach Island NJ, every year the traffic lights are turned off and the speed limit is raised from October until the week before Memorial Day. Last Monday, the first day they back on, as I was driving to work in the morning there was a cop driving down the main boulevard in a 30 mph zone. He was driving about 35mph and I was trying to be careful to mimic his speed and not pass him, he suddenly slammed on his brakes and stopped as I coasted by him....he immediately flips on his lights and pulls me over.

Cop: Liscense and registration please

me: surely

Cop: you know why I stopped you Mr. Kelley?

Me: actually, no

Cop: (laughs and says) I was stopped at a red light when you passed me back there...

Me: Awww ****....

Fortunately I have a squeaky clean driving record and he wasn't looking to be a dick about it, let me go with a warning...we even had a bit of a laugh over it.

 

[Hoodweisen]

The first week i had my drivers license i was cruising my small home town and rolled through a stop sign. Cop sees me i know it so i try and run. I get just out of sight and turn hard into a steakhouse parking lot and head into a alleyway and hit a backroad. Theres the cop IN FRONT OF ME with his lights on. I know im caught so i stop he never Even gets out of the car he pulls up and says who are you? I tell him. He says i know you were trying to run. Why? I say cause i didnt want to get a ticket. He laughs for a long time and says do it again and your in big trouble.

 

[Airborneguy]

About 4 years ago, middle of the night in Brooklyn, truck gets pulled over for a plate that doesn't match and tinted windows. As the two cops approach, one on each side, the front passenger aims a .45 at the cop approaching his side of the car, who of course can't see him because of the tints. Guy opens fire, hits cop in the face twice. Rear passenger hits the partner in the arm and vest as the car pulls away. After a manhunt, all three perps are caught in PA and brought to justice, alive. The first cop dies a day later. Second cop recovers. First cop was 23 and only had a year on the job.

http://russeltimoshenko.com/

Next time a cop pulls you over and he's a dick, that's a little real life example of why. I'd rather you drive away thinking I was an a-hole if that gives me a little extra time to assess you, or better yet, scares you out of doing something you might have done, than be laying on the street as you pull away.

A few years back on a car stop, the passenger reached under the dash and wouldn't show me his hands. He was trying to stuff weed under the dash; I thought he was reaching for a gun. I grabbed his arm, bent it a little further than god intended, and broke it. Guy took a broken arm because he was trying to hide $10 worth of weed. Oh well, I went home safe. I thought that was kinda funny, just like some of the stories in the previous pages you guys laughed at.

Thought you might want to hear the other side and get a little perspective

 

[SwampassJ]

There is a major difference in the cop being uptight and ready for action vs "Do stop signs just not work for you at night ****." Go back and stir the pot in the debate forum.

 

[Airborneguy]

lol... There was some good advice in this one btw, like the one about poking sharks or whatever.

PS... considering some of the posts went much further than what you mentioned (guy with gun on back seat thinking he scared a cop inspired me to tell me story btw), just figured he might want to hear what could have happened to him.

I got another good one that would answer something else that was brought up, but I don't want to be accused of stirring the pot.

 

[menschmaschine]

(guy with gun on back seat thinking he scared a cop inspired me to tell me story btw)

First of all (and not that it really matters), the gun was on the floor in the back, not on the seat within easy reach. Secondly, this was a very small rural college town 15 years ago with the worst crime being loud frat parties and underage drinking. The guy unjustifiably treated me with disrespect, period.

I couldn't read his mind, so I don't know that he was scared. But he sure acted like it.

I've been pulled over a few more times in my life for traffic violations, all by state troopers. And none of them ever treated me with such disrespect. So, in limited my experience, there is a reason for the stereotype of small town cops.

My whole point with that story was that if I violate traffic laws, fine... pull me over and serve justice. But don't treat me like a child in process just because you're a big fish in a small pond (that's not meant to be directed at you).

Maybe I'm just big on the whole respect thing. I treat people with respect and I expect to be treated likewise. Call me old fashioned.

 

[stevedasleeve]

Wow, so you were drinking at work, and then broke the law by drinking and driving. Gotta say I'm on the cops side on this and most other issues. If you're gonna take the chance to risk another persons life, no matter how good of a driver you are, you'd better just buck up if you happen to get pulled over and quit your whining. I have nothing but respect for police, even the ********* and the crooked ones. They're out there every day doing a job to make this country a better place to live. Anyone who has a problem with cops has a problem with America and yadda yadda blah blah blah explicative you know where I'm going with this.

Oh get a life you puritan hypocritical ********.

 

[bob1852]

Oh get a life you puritan hypocritical ********.

Relax. The guy's last log-in was two months before you even joined.

 

[Airborneguy]

Maybe I'm just big on the whole respect thing. I treat people with respect and I expect to be treated likewise. Call me old fashioned.

I didn't say you were wrong, your story just made me want to tell the other side. I also come from a less-gun friendly area, so my reaction would obviously be affected by that.

I also meant to comment on the guy who said he respects dirty cops. That's a retarded comment. I can guarantee you that any real cop despises crooked, dirty criminals who disrespect the badge. Any civilian who respects them is downright stupid.

 

[jkarp]

My ONE f-ing wish for this board - that threads auto-locked at 180 days.

 

[MeatyPortion]

My great grandfather was a cop in NY around prohibition. He used to brew his own beer.