The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[the_bird]

Alright, I need some marital advice.

Is it better to sit through an Ani Difranco concert, or to get in a HUGE fight with my wife?

Actually, that should be phrased, "which would be worse"?

 

[Cape Brewing]

My marital advice:

1) accept you're going to a painful concert.
2) tell said SWMBO that IF you go (knowing full well you're not getting out of it anyway) she owes you huge and you can call inthat chip as you see fit
3) get super hammered before the show
4) go to the show, channel your inner-Yeager and have a little too-much fun by totally rocking out and dancing in the aisle.

You're earned a huge chip, avoided a fight, and hopefully made enough of an ass if yourself that she wont make that mistake again


Here... This is a vid of Yeager I found in case you need some dance moves.

 

[the_bird]

Maybe at the very least, I'll see if we can go to the Northampton show, rather than Pittsfield. NoHo should be loaded to the gills with LUG chicks.

 

[bluemoose]

Ani Difranco. Thats why they make podcasts. Download something and listen to it at the concert. I would hope she just wants to spend time with you, not make you an Ani fan.

Now, that's cause I've never met you. Maybe she doesn't want to spend time with you so much as torture you for something you have done recently.

Good luck, that would make my ears bleed!

 

[the_bird]

I'm a good guy! I'm buying her a nice, bigger house!

I suppose I'll bite my tongue and take her. Odds are pretty good that she'll be... uh... appreciative. The "heavy intoxication" is a good idea, though.

 

[bluemoose]

I'm a good guy! I'm buying her a nice, bigger house!

Bigger house = more cleaning.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

What? No stipulation on the ride home for being a nice guy? Come on they invented this back on the second day of the introduction of the Model T. Just keep both hands on the wheel.

 

[the_bird]

I asked a couple of guys in the office, they independently came up with the "heavy drinking and an iPod" suggestion. I'm a little worried that I might start dancing on my own, independent of the Difranco music, but then ago... most Ani fans I know aren't terribly rhythmic themselves.

 

[DakotaRules]

My marital advice:

1) accept you're going to a painful concert.
2) tell said SWMBO that IF you go (knowing full well you're not getting out of it anyway) she owes you huge and you can call inthat chip as you see fit
3) get super hammered before the show
4) go to the show, channel your inner-Yeager and have a little too-much fun by totally rocking out and dancing in the aisle.

You're earned a huge chip, avoided a fight, and hopefully made enough of an ass if yourself that she wont make that mistake again

Here... This is a vid of Yeager I found in case you need some dance moves.

I have to agree here. Regrettably agreeing with Cape. Make sure to bring your iPod shuffle so can listen to Pink Floyd while watching the show. May be interesting.

 

[the_bird]

I have to agree here. Regrettably agreeing with Cape. Make sure to bring your iPod shuffle so can listen to Pink Floyd while watching the show. May be interesting.

I've heard of "The Dark Side of Oz," but "The Dark Side of DiFranco" could be interesting as well.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Substitute mind altering drugs from the Floyd show for the DiFranco show. Don't forget to post a picture of yourself in a concert jersey.

 

[bluemoose]

I asked a couple of guys in the office, they independently came up with the "heavy drinking and an iPod" suggestion. I'm a little worried that I might start dancing on my own, independent of the Difranco music, but then ago... most Ani fans I know aren't terribly rhythmic themselves.

You would probably have better rhythm than Ani fans grooving to a Peter King podcast.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Going nugget/centennial IPA. Running off now

 

[the_bird]

Anything I should do to prevent an accidental estrogen overdose? I don't really want to grow a pair of ******* like Paul's.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

I'm guessing handing out free bic razors would be a hit.

 

[paulthenurse]

Is everyone going to just sit there and be all sympathetic to Bird and miss the real point here?

Yes that's right, Cape's collection of the 2011 North American Man Boy Love Associations Dance competition video highlights? That was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen and I've worked in an inner city ER for a decade.

Jay, you're taking one for the team. Sorry but that's how it is. No profit to be had by trying to skip out. And the earphones, while one the surface seem to be a good idea, are just a way to avoid being there while you are there. She'll notice and be pissed. Suck it up and put a smile on your face and go. For her.


And don't get drunk. Same thing.

If you are smart you'll get HER drunk. Your night will get exponentially better.

 

[Cape Brewing]

yeah... what Paul's not telling you though is he called me last night and said, "Oh man, that video is hilarious! I've watched it AT LEAST 30 times from beginning to end! I can't get enough of it!! I laugh out loud but... still... find it strangely mesmerizing. Luckily I can watch it on my Iphone when I get some alone time... soo... I... don't bother people with my laughing! yeah! That's it!"

 

[the_bird]

There's no way Paulie would watch that video thirty times. Two or three times, then he'd clean himself up and go to bed, ashamed.

 

[DakotaRules]

There's no way Paulie would watch that video thirty times. Two or three times, then he'd clean himself up and go to bed, ashamed.

+1
To funny, laughed out loud at work!

 

[paulthenurse]

I'm taking one of the single stupidest college courses of all time right now. It's called Contemporary Healing Interventions and it looks at the spirituality side of healing. What that means ,in a practical sense, is that I have to sit there in a room with a bunch of women in comfortable shoes, discussing how poetry and dance promote well being and healing. I might as well go to that concert with Jay.

AND it gets better... I have to come up with some sort of bull **** project to demonstrate how this course has profoundly affected my life, how I look at health and spirituality, and how "The Arts" bring us all together as humans.


I'm thinking of submitting that dance video with a running commentary.

I don't expect to get an A, which is going to kind of suck. Like loosing your virginity, once you lose that 4.0 you cant get it back. But I can't take much more of this course. I don't WANT to 'get in touch with my inner artist.' There aren't even any hotties in the class, in comfortable shoes or otherwise.

 

[Cape Brewing]

You might actually be on to something here Paul....

Show them that vid and then basically say something like, "Ok... I have this bff that I call 'Yeager' and he's kind of... well... that's not important. The important thing is that this video reminds me a little of him and is therefore extremely funny to me personally. When I watch it I giggle uncontrollably like the Pillsbury Dough Boy being poked in the tummy for six hours straight. Many medical studies... AS THIS CLASS HAS ILLUSTRATED... show that laughter is good for you. THEREFORE... I propose that you all meet Yeager and then watch this video as well... and then YOU can be super healthy like me!!"

 

[paulthenurse]

Oddly enough, that might get me my A.

 

[the_bird]

I'm taking one of the single stupidest college courses of all time right now. It's called Contemporary Healing Interventions and it looks at the spirituality side of healing. What that means ,in a practical sense, is that I have to sit there in a room with a bunch of women in comfortable shoes, discussing how poetry and dance promote well being and healing. I might as well go to that concert with Jay.

AND it gets better... I have to come up with some sort of bull **** project to demonstrate how this course has profoundly affected my life, how I look at health and spirituality, and how "The Arts" bring us all together as humans.


I'm thinking of submitting that dance video with a running commentary.

I don't expect to get an A, which is going to kind of suck. Like loosing your virginity, once you lose that 4.0 you cant get it back. But I can't take much more of this course. I don't WANT to 'get in touch with my inner artist.' There aren't even any hotties in the class, in comfortable shoes or otherwise.

You seem awfully preoccupied with footwear. You sure you aren't a JETS fan?

 

[paulthenurse]

Uhhhhh Jay, it's a euphemism for Lesbians. I'm stuck in a classroom with 15 dykes. They all hate me cause I've got a Love Hammer that looks just like theirs, only mine doesn't require 4 D cells to run all night.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Pfft... yeah... it would require an effin defib.

I can hear Al now... "WOW! 90 seconds!! A new record! Good for you! ok, let's power this thing up.... CLEAR!!!"

 

[the_bird]

"Comfortable footwear" is not necessarily a euphemism for "lesbians." That just means boring middle-aged women.

"Ani DiFranco fans".... now that, there's no doubt about!

 

[Cape Brewing]

"Ani DiFranco fans".... now that, there's no doubt about!

(knodding in sympathetic agreement)

 

[paulthenurse]

Go take a walk around Northampton and look down. I work with those shoes every day. It means what it means.

 

[Cape Brewing]

"Big Wit" on tap right now (the 7.5% peach wit... which.. once again... EFF you PTN, that's a tasty beer... not really season-appropriate but still, feel free to screw if you wanna make fun of it).

In the fermenters... Irish Red, Dunkel, Belgian IPA, American IPA and a Brack Rager.

The way I'm figurin' it... if I do one more ale next week, I should have ten gallons of beer getting kegged every friday for a month and a half straight starting next Friday.

I'm gonna get sooooooo many chics.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Whooo Hooo!!! A foot of snow for da Bird tomorrow!!! Yeeeeaaaaaaaay!!!