The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Melana]

Dear all women,

How do you NOT sit around and play with your ****s all day? If I had ****s, I'd never leave the house!

Sincerely,

The Wayyy Too Lonely Guy

Dear Lonely Guy,

If you had them you'd understand why playing with them all the time is boring.

Sincerely,
Someone in the know.

 

[soccerdad]

Dear Transgender guys (or are you T-gals?)

You really do have the best of both worlds, don'tcha?

Sincerely
Wang n ****

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear with you,
You mean you don't?
Sincerely,
I shouldn't have admitted that.

Dear internet,
It's called a joke. Get over it.
Sincerely,
Voice of reason.

Dear Shouldn't Have Admitted That,

It's not every day I get to use the phrase "significant chafing".

Sincerely,
Jergens

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear Shouldn't Have Admitted That,

It's not every day I get to use the phrase "significant chafing".

Sincerely,
Jergens

Dear Jergens,
Dont you mean Jerk-ens?
Sincerely,
Cant pass up a pun

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Jergens,
Dont you mean Jerk-ens?
Sincerely,
Cant pass up a pun

Dear Pun,

Thank you Ted, that was the joke.

Sincerely,
Michael Eisner.

 

[SupervisingChildren]

Dear Lonely Guy,

If you had them you'd understand why playing with them all the time is boring.

Sincerely,
Someone in the know.

Dear Someone in the know,
I'm sure if you get tired of playing with them, someone else would be more than willing to lend a hand.
Sincerely,
Almost any guy

 

[Beernik]

Dear woman in the hotel lobby,

Is that a frilly lace bow in your hair or are you wearing a shower cap?

Sincerely,
That look ain't working

 

[Beernik]

Dear hotel,

Why did you put the tall guy in the handicap accessible room? The shower points at my kneecaps.

Sincerely,
It's actually a very nice room, even the shower

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Spring:
Make up your mind will ya!?!
Sincerely, Tired of covering & uncovering plants.

 

[cjokrap]

Dear workouts,

I would like you so much better if I wasn't sore for days afterwards

Sincerely,
Totally out of shape

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear workouts,

I would like you so much better if I wasn't sore for days afterwards

Sincerely,
Totally out of shape

Dear Totally Out Of Shape,

I feel you. I went to the gym for the first time in more than a year.

Sincerely,
Legs like putty.

 

[BrewerBrad82]

Dear co-worker,

Please refrain from microwaving fish in the break room for lunch.

Sincerely,
Gagging at my desk

 

[JBOGAN]

Dear Brew Club,


Please do not get all bent out of shape when I ask for a water report on water I am using at a event that we run.

Sincerely,

Did you know beer is 90-95% water? Do you need my first born child for minimal information?

 

[cjokrap]

Dear Totally Out Of Shape,

I feel you. I went to the gym for the first time in more than a year.

Sincerely,
Legs like putty.

Dear Legs like putty,

You've earned this...


Sincerely,

Here, have a beer

 

[Renegades_Brew]

Dear Projectors in Classrooms...

Please hold on for a while longer... I know you've been running long hours for the last 8-9 years... And your estimated life span was 5 years... I promise I am working towards retiring you from your long and overused life... But could you all stop failing at the same time? My budget doesn't have enough to handle all of you going out at the same time... Not even 1/10 of you going out all within the same year... Please hold on a few more years...

Sincerely,
Shouldn't even be my problem... but somehow the projector maintenance fell under the theatre manager's job description...

 

[Pyg]

Dear Friday,

I am over you, the workday and this report. I know I have a Tuesday deadline but I have spent way tooo much time with Mum in the hospital. I want to take my kids out for ice cream and then have a Imperial Stout!

Sincerely,
Coasting through the rest of the day!

 

[Newsman]

Dear co-worker,

Please refrain from microwaving fish in the break room for lunch.

Sincerely,
Gagging at my desk

Dear Gagging,

You think THAT'S bad, my former co-worker, who sat in the cubicle right next to me, used to eat canned sardines for a snack all the time and put the empty tins in the trash.

Sincerely,
BTDT!

 

[Zepth]

Dear Office Fish Haters,

Do you like garlic? I mean do you love garlic?

Sincerely,
Two can play that game.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear Gagging,

You think THAT'S bad, my former co-worker, who sat in the cubicle right next to me, used to eat canned sardines for a snack all the time and put the empty tins in the trash.

Sincerely,
BTDT!

Dear Office Fish Haters,

Do you like garlic? I mean do you love garlic?

Sincerely,
Two can play that game.

Dear office Biological warfare soldiers,
Try beans every meal for a couple months with unfiltered beers.
Sincerely,
Game, Set, Match.

 

[Melana]

Dear Life,
Really? REALLY? The teeth again?
Sincerely,
Wanting to disappear for the weekend.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Game Set Match,

Might I suggest you join the Flatulent Airborne Reaction Team?



Sincerely,
Saint Carlin

 

[Zepth]

Dear Game Set Match,
Problem with that method is that one could argue that your proposed method of returning fire could be accused of being voluntary and that you have the option of leaving your station to a more suitable location. The key to winning is to use the exact same approach: Aroma from food (before digestion). As such any complaints made will be against both parties.
Sincerely,
Advanced troublemaker.

 

[drainbamage]

Dear lunchroom warriors,

Two words: Indian food.

Sincerely,
Your brother-in-arms

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear lunchroom warriors,

Durian fruit.

Sincerely,
Time to bring in the MOABs.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear BJCP judges,

Next time you're going to be judging Scottish ales, please learn what kettle caramelization tastes like before you judge the category, or at least don't knock a bunch of points if you don't understand it. Yes, it's supposed to be like that.

Sincerely,
No wonder I've been flying up the ranks...

 

[Beernik]

Dear HBT,

Land O' Lakes is sponsoring my daughter's soccer league. Watching all the kids running around, I kept thinking of Chico's Bail Bonds.

Sincerely,
Bad News Bears Fan

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Gagging,

You think THAT'S bad, my former co-worker, who sat in the cubicle right next to me, used to eat canned sardines for a snack all the time and put the empty tins in the trash.

Sincerely,
BTDT!

Dear BTDT:
I am that guy. I've left (mostly) empty herring & sardine tins in other people's trashcans at work; but only if they deserved it.
Sincerely, the office fish phantom.

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Mark Wahlberg,

Can you please change your name to Mark Narwahlberg? Thanks.

Sincerely,
Dry Humor

 

[cjokrap]

Dear Mark Wahlberg,

Can you please change your name to Mark Narwahlberg? Thanks.

Sincerely,
Dry Humor

Deear Dry Humor,

Done.

Sincerely,

Mark Narwahlberg

 

[Pyg]

Dear Monday,

Did we just do this last week?

Sincerely,
Need a day off!

 

[Newsman]

Dear 5PM
Can you get here any faster, please? I need a drink! Today is a HORRIBLE example of a Monday!

Sincerely,
Aggravated at work!

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear AHA/NHC/Janis,

HURRY UP AND POST PHILLY ALREADY.

Sincerely
Impatient and anxious

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear Guy in Georgia,
http://www.walb.com/story/28786983/man-shoots-at-armadillo-bullet-hits-mother-in-law 'Accidentally' shot your mother in law? Sure, you were aiming at an Armadillo. How many shots did it take?
Sincerely,
A Likely Story

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Dear dog with the squirts,

I wanted a day off, but o kinda sorta wanted it on my own terms.

Sincerely,
SupervisingDogWithSquirts

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Dear tax season,

Sincerely,
Tax preparers everywhere

 

[Colorowdy]

Dear work,
I feel you have made me mentally unstable the last few weeks. This is why I'm skipping out tomorrow. The other reasons are unimportant. Really I would rather be there then playing with my new stainless steel brew bucket. Oh and that road trip to Red Rocks tomorrow that I may go on is surely not as fun as you.
Sincerely Needs some fun.

 

[Beernik]

Dear God,

Why am I running my snow blower on Wednesday and mowing my lawn on Sunday?

Please make up your mind.

Sincerely,
Utah

 

[Pyg]

Dear Mother Nature,

I only play golf 18 times in my weekly league. Why must you piss on me 14 of those weeks?
It is Wednesday and raining again!
it doesnt rain any other day!!!!!
Do I need to sacrifice a goat or something?

Sincerely,
tired of being cold & wet

 

[LAHammer]

Dear tired
Please sacrifice a goat. There's way too many of 'em around here lately. Might not help the rain situation but we need to thin out the herd.
Sincerely,
Goat hater

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear Mother Nature,

I only play golf 18 times in my weekly league. Why must you piss on me 14 of those weeks?
It is Wednesday and raining again!
it doesnt rain any other day!!!!!
Do I need to sacrifice a goat or something?

Sincerely,
tired of being cold & wet

Dear cold and wet,
Clearly you are a rain god. Please move to California, they need you.
Sincerely,
When you get lemons, make lemonade.